Heroic measures?

[Storyrider]

My parents just made a new living will. They are in their 60s and in good health. They asked me to agree to forgo heroic measures in a case where they are massively incapacitated. This includes withholding food and water.

 

I'm not so sure on the food and water thing. We discussed this a lot last year during all the media hype with the Sciavo case, and I never felt at ease about it one way or the other.

 

I asked my dad, "What if your mind was perfectly OK but you were totally paralyzed?" And he said that would be even worse, and he would not want to continue living.

 

My husband has more formed opinions on the matter as a religious Catholic, but it is not his choice and he recognizes that.

 

I know this is what my parents want, and if I say no they will just ask my brother to do it and he will agree, so I said yes.

 

I figure even if I haven't worked out my own philosophy, I can justify it because it is keeping a promise to them.

 

Any thoughts?

[Porn_Guy]

My parents just made a new living will.

excellent...more people need to do this.

 

I asked my dad, "What if your mind was perfectly OK but you were totally paralyzed?" And he said that would be even worse, and he would not want to continue living.

well, Steven Hawking doesn't seem to mind it but it may not be other's cup of tea....so to speak.

 

Any thoughts?

yes....you should honor your parents wishes and if you can't then let them know so they can find someone who will (like your bro)

[Storyrider]

yes....you should honor your parents wishes and if you can't then let them know so they can find someone who will (like your bro)

 

Thanks, PG. I told him yes over the phone today. He seemed somewhat surprised, actually, but glad.

[CastingPearls]

It would be great if more people would be proactive in this area. We are all going to die someday and to have your wishes clearly known is such a relief to everyone involved. I'm an ICU nurse and can tell you that advance directives regarding heroic measures are a blessing. I can understand your concerns about withholding fluids and nutrition, some types of comfort measures can be life-prolonging, but if your parents have been clear on this point, you are just respecting their choices. If only everyone would be wise enough to plan ahead! I think most people realize that it goes against nature to employ technology for surviving without hope of returning to their previous level of health or independence. Hopefully, it will be many years before their living will need be acted upon.

[burning 4 revenge]

Thanks, PG. I told him yes over the phone today. He seemed somewhat surprised, actually, but glad.

it was a test to see if you'd kill them

[RecordProducer]

You have to respect THEIR desire about their lives. I wouldn't want to live paralyzed or blind or attached to machines. But some people hold onto life like monkies to trees. Religious or not, we have a right to choose how to die, just like we have a right to choose how to live.

 

I understand your love for your parents, but forcing them to live when they don't want to live is completely selfish. So relax. You did the right thing for signing that will. Now forget about it. Most likely, you will never have to sign something like that.

[Storyrider]

it was a test to see if you'd kill them

 

Only in a fair fight.

[Storyrider]

...if your parents have been clear on this point, you are just respecting their choices. Hopefully, it will be many years before their living will need be acted upon.

 

You have to respect THEIR desire about their lives.

 

Thanks CP and RP. This is how I framed the question for myself. It isn't really my job to make the choice for them.

 

Just as a postscript, when I was telling my husband what I decided, he was neutral and just remarked that I should get in writing whatever it is I agreed to do.

 

He did go on to say he would never agree to do it himself (as a religious Catholic, the food and water withholding just doesn't sit well with him).

 

I am wondering if he will be able to remain supportive or at the very least neutral if it actually happens. Hopefully it never will.

[Arabess]

I guess the "iffy" part is always what someone thinks or needs while they are dying may be different than what they think or need when they are still in good health. It's like as a young person you think if you need Viagra...you may as well die....when the truth is as an older person....it's a good thing. So...I kinda think where your life is when you make statements can be relevant. I'm not sure how to handle that.

 

Obviously, I wouldn't deny my dying parents water or bread. At the same time, I would want them to die peacefully, without intrusion, if this was their choice.

 

I think it would always be a hard call that only your own heart can answer when the time to make those sort of decisions arrive.

[Storyrider]

Obviously, I wouldn't deny my dying parents water or bread. At the same time, I would want them to die peacefully, without intrusion, if this was their choice.

 

I think it would always be a hard call that only your own heart can answer when the time to make those sort of decisions arrive.

 

Yes, I am much more comfortable with the idea of taking someone off a respirator than I am with removing a feeding tube and letting them starve to death.

 

However, now that I have agreed, I won't have much latitude if the time comes that I'm expected to do it. All I can fall back on is that it is what they thought they wanted.

[Arabess]

. All I can fall back on is that it is what they thought they wanted.

 

 

It's the 'what they THOUGHT they wanted' which will keep you in doubt. I think while they are alive...it might be a good idea to define exactly what they DO want if that situation should occur. "Just let me die" is kind of a blanket suggestion that needs a more definative explanation so those left making the final decisions don't spend the rest of their life in guilt.

[Storyrider]

It's the 'what they THOUGHT they wanted' which will keep you in doubt. I think while they are alive...it might be a good idea to define exactly what they DO want if that situation should occur. "Just let me die" is kind of a blanket suggestion that needs a more definative explanation so those left making the final decisions don't spend the rest of their life in guilt.

 

Well, they've put it in writing in a living will, as I said. They've been pretty specific. It is just none of us knows what it feels like to die that way until we're doing it.

[Arabess]

It is just none of us knows what it feels like to die that way until we're doing it.

 

Exactly.

 

It's like I've always told my family that if I was in an accident and ended up without the use of my limbs or whatever....that I would prefer just to die. But the truth is....when people are faced with this delimma....they often see it differently....and even end up having a full happy life in spite of their handicap.

 

So, it makes it hard to look at a death wish....and think it's cut and dried. Too many factors can change the focus.

 

I hope none of us ever have to play a part in that sort of decision making. It seems so hard regardless of the paperwork before us.