How do I................

[PixieBehave]

Ok. I have a question for anyone & everyone who has ever experienced any type of 'anxiety.'

 

I'm in the beginning stages of a r/s. Things have progressed faster than I had ever thought possible & we are both commited to one another & live together. I, being a woman scorned in the past, can't help but 'worry' about the future. I know, nothing comes with a gurantee, but I wish I could just relax & take things 1 step at a time. When I'm at work (or practically anytime I'm NOT with him) I'm worried he might be thinking something that will make him not want me, when I AM with him, I'm worried that he's thinking something OR that his action(s) mean something..... It's gotten to the point where I've 'bugged' him enough about his action(s) & thought(s) that he might not even be having, that he is telling me that I need to stop ASSuming things. I agree, I do. I just don't know how. I've felt this way before in 1 of my past r/s & I did have justification in that r/s, he WAS cheating on me. Anyways, I guess my point is, how do I stop feeling/thinking that way? Is there any way I can "PRESET" my mind to think to get over this? I know the saying..... "If he's gonna get accused of doing something, why not do it?" That's exactly what I DON'T want happeneing......

[Tony T]

You are the only human being in the entire world who can control your thoughts. Yes, if you keep thinking he will be unfaithful ultimately he will. Thoughts are very strong forms of energy and they create your reality.

 

Each time you find yourself mindscrewing yourself, just understand that by acting like you don't trust your guy you will drive him further and further away until he will not be in your life anymore. So if you don't want that to happen, you better get your act together real fast.

 

Everything in life is a risk. If you can't handle the possibility that tomorrow your guy may cheat, tell you he's bisexual, tell you he wants a sex change operation, get run over by a car, lose his job, lose his hair, lose his penis, etc., then you need to move to another planet.

 

Men want partners who are secure with themselves. It is impossible to love another person who thinks so little of him or herself that he or she is constantly worried about the other person leaving. That is not attractive at all to anybody.

 

Meanwhile, you better learn to be cool or you'll be in for one hell of a miserable life.

[butterflyz]

i've reconciled myself to knowing that i haven't made great choices.

 

and we all put new people through little "tests" to feel out our partners loyalty, honesty, etc. i don't care if you are the most secure person in the world...scenarios will come up that you will use to determine the validity of your relationship.

 

be that as it may....there are no guarantees with any relationship. the only thing you can do is learn from your mistakes. for example...if you are drawn to players...figure out the M.O. of a player and stop dating them.

 

i've learned that it doesn't pay to worry about them too much. i may come across as cold or unfeeling... but i've learned that men come and go.

 

the ones that are married (that i personally know through work or social) tend to stay married long after they feel anything because of a contractual arrangment, not because they feel love. i don't want to end up like that - the comfortable old shoe. i'd rather just date or live together (i've been married before).

 

but...you can stand on your head, jump up and down on one leg and bark like a dog...if a man is going to cheat...he's going to cheat...you can't prevent it. chris rock said it all..."a man is as faithful as his options."