My Fair Katie Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 They did nothing. Anyone know the rules of a hospital? I wish I did. His momther would have a fit if she knew that girl was there she did thousands of dollars of CC fraud on his dead fathers name. The one going under the knife (your BF) gets to decide who must be kept out of his room. He's 44, mom and sister no longer get to demand that people NOT be allowed to see him. What kind of person would stick around in a situattion like this knowing they were not welcome there by the family? I would be so uncomfortable. Not her she just sticks around and acts likeshes gonna get somewhere. I agree with Art. Your bf isn't welcoming to you, and yet you stick around. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
PussInHeels Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Walked in and seen the creature sitting in the corner mouth hung wide open snoring loudly and showing her one black tooth. Mmmm that's hot. This guy is a piece of work, you should really reconsider your attachment to him. I think it may end up being troubling and unhealthy (who am I kidding, it is already). As for the rules of the hospital, the ward can most certainly keep people out of the room. They can keep people out of the ward itself. But the patient has to request this person be barred, not just the family. Since M wants her there, she can be there. Since M is of sound mind, the hospital staff is required to respect his wishes, not the family's. If the person poses a violent threat, police or a lawyer can make the request as well. And if the patient is unable to speak for himself, I think then the next of kin has the say in who can and cannot visit. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 You BF sounds like a manipulative jerk. no offense. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 The one going under the knife (your BF) gets to decide who must be kept out of his room. He's 44, mom and sister no longer get to demand that people NOT be allowed to see him. I agree with Art. Your bf isn't welcoming to you, and yet you stick around. Why? I agree with this statement , it sounds as though you are the one not welcome in this situation . Your bf told his son that he did not want you there and it sounds as though he just does not have the nerve to tell you . When your bf had a heart attack , he called this girl to come be there with him,not you . It is clear who is of importance to him . You should step out of the situation , and let the family handle it . Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 And said My dad wants her here not you. I said should I leave? His son said no. She was SO MAD! I thought at me but she said not even. Unfortunately, no matter how much his family wants you with him, it's ultimately his decision. As much as I wanted you to be there for him in the beginning, he's not treating you the way you should be treated. And as hard as it is to walk away, especially at this time, it's not fair to you. You need to take care of you! Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 The fact that he is allowing her to lay down in bed with him, in front of his family and most importantly YOU suggests two things. One that he is manipulating you because he knows he can get away with it because of the heart attack. Two is that the familiarity between them seems like two people who have not completely broken up at all. You have to prepare yourself for the fact that perhaps he has been sleeping around with her behind your back, or at least having an emotional affair. That would be the only explanantion for why she feels she is entitled to be there and why he is allowing it despite you and his family. Either way, you need to leave this a$$ behind. You are not a nurse maid whom he can call out to when his little hoe is no longer there. Tell him to choose between the two of you, make sure he knows that you are for real. If he refuses to send her away then inform him to pick up his things at a later date. You do NOT need this from anyone. Think about yourself and if you really want to be worrying about her if he does come home with you. Nip this in the bud NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahsumgurl909 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 He didnt call her I did. He had mentioned that he was worried if he didnt make it there were a few people he wanted to tallk to before he went under the knife and I called them all for him because I wanted to honor his wishes. He told me minutes before she arrived that he didnt know what he would do without me. And he also wanted her and I both there at the same time. He was being a complete jerk. He wasnt the one who told her to come I was. Had I known this was going to transpire I never would have done it. I am completely beside myself with heart ache right now. I feel like he did die Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 You really need to take a step back and let him go for a while...He is using his health to make sure you don't leave - That's emotional blackmail! I know you're hurting, and this whole situation, including what he feels for her is out of your control. Though, you CAN control what you put yourself through. Maybe it's best not to hang out at the hospital anymore. Especially since he can't treat you with any kind of respect. Try to get some sleep tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahsumgurl909 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 WhichWay I cant sleep for **** I am crying so hard my shirt is wet I freakin hurt so bad right now and Im tired as hell but so much keeps running through my mind. I have never exsperienced so much pain ever. His sister is beside herself she is his older sister and had no clue he was like this. And they are close. She said it breaks her heart that he isnt who he protrays to be to his family like hes been living a double life. She said a couple of girls said things in the past and she didnt believe them he convinced her that they were lying. She is in the medical field and very healthy and wholesome, the whole family is like that. She is shocked by his behavior and treatment of me because she has never seen it in 44 years. She broke it down like this. My brother has been selling his body mind and soul for his drugs to me , L, & D for the past 10 years. Just like the crack heads on holt street.He has lied to all three of you about each girl and none of it is the truth. But it is a reality all his own. He probably has feelings for all three of you. And each one of them are different from the other. He gets Mother love from the 55 year old, drama love from D, and real love from you. He can't let go of any of you because each one fills a need of his and not one can fill all of them. I was like ah yeah that basically is what I think..... How does a person live with themselves when they do something like this.?? Link to post Share on other sites
coco_milkshake Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Your bf sounds like a total ass. I say dump his ass cos he is treating you so badly and making you feel guilty by using his condition as justification which is wrong. I personally would stay away from the hospital and let him realise what he is missing and maybe he just might realise his mistake. His ex is a biotch. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I am sorry that you're in so much pain, but now that you know what's going on, what are your plans when it comes to him? I was like ah yeah that basically is what I think..... How does a person live with themselves when they do something like this.?? He's a selfish person, that's it. He feels that he can do what he wants, involve himself with as many women as he wants and get away with it. That man has a HUGE ego to feed!! As painful as it is for you, LEAVE HIM. He doesn't deserve your love at all. If he can't commit to ONLY you, then he's not worth settling for, especially since he wants his ex in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 He doesn't get along with his family because they do not support his addiction. This girl that continues to be present does that for him because it also supports her addiction. She took his wallet when she left. Wonder what she used the money for? His family seems to know that her involvement is not good for him, yet he supports her presence. I believe you stated in your other thread that she is homeless, so her taking care of him after his release from the hospital is unlikely. If you take him back to your house are you prepared to open your home to her as well? He says he loves you but he is incapable of real love because he is an addict and meth is his one true love right now. You are placing a far second at best. You will continue to suffer if you remain in this situation. Save yourself while you still can. I am unclear if you yourself are an addict or a user. If you are a user and continue this relationship you will become an addict. If you stop using and he continues, you will likely be drawn back into using again. If you are an addict, you both feed off of each other and dig further and further into the despair of drug addiction. Is that the life you want? A heart attack could be the event that provokes his reflection and causes him to seek addiction recovery. The presence of this other girl tells me that he is choosing to continue his addictive behavior and will likely use the day he is released. His hearts weakened condition may cause his death if he uses at that point. If you use with him or in any way participate in his scoring the drugs and he suffers an attack causing his death you could face criminal charges for contributing to his death. His family's perception of you could change drastically overnight considering they have been upfront with you about his addiction. Even if they did not harbor any animosity towards you concerning his downfall, the legal community could still prosecute. This is only a possibility, but one you must look at carefully. Prison is one ugly place. You have a lot to think about and a big decision to make. They release people pretty quickly these days. Make the right decision and protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Great Post DDL !!! Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Prison is one ugly place. You have a lot to think about and a big decision to make. They release people pretty quickly these days. In rereading my post that last sentence should read: they release people from the hospital pretty quickly these days. I don't mean to imply release from prison. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 In rereading my post that last sentence should read: they release people from the hospital pretty quickly these days. I don't mean to imply release from prison. I think the statement applies equally to both depending on your patience level for "quickly". Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahsumgurl909 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Coco thank you. Maybe I havent told the story right but we were having sex when his attack occurred. I was home alone and he showed up with some dope. He smoked some I took a hit the rest is history. I am clean now for 9 days. And I have no desire to return to that again. And that is why I would like him to come with me I know this other girl is going to allow him to smoke cigs and dope. That would kill him I was honest with the family about what happened (NOT THE SEX) but the drugs yes. And they know how much I love him and what kind of person I am. They want him with me. He told me before he went in that he wanted to spend some time with her. What I believe was a way of telling her he is staying with me. He wants me to come there now. So Im going to see what he says. But Im so hurt and angry from crying all night and all day Im not sure if I am willing to take care oif him now. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Being clean only 9 days yourself you don't need to be taking care of a drug addict going thru the DT's.. You need to think of yourself right now and really re-think about taking him in.. He very well might break you and get you to using again.. I know you say it won't happen.. but it will.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahsumgurl909 Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 You may very well be right. But I have to do it. I just left the hospital and he let me in to see him. He had died and they brought him back. He wants me to care for him and I will. As his friend. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 You may very well be right. But I have to do it. I just left the hospital and he let me in to see him. He had died and they brought him back. He wants me to care for him and I will. As his friend. I understand that you have to do what you have to do. Please be careful and get out and cut the ties if you see it going badly. Do not let those other women around. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahsumgurl909 Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 I cant take this anymore. I am not ever going back to that hospital unless he calls and asks me to. I just called to see if he was stable and he told the nurse I wasnt allowed to visit him. I didnt even ask to visit him just wanted to see if he was okay. But I am so sick of the wishy washy stuff. My friends say its the medications that are making him go hot and cold towards me. But I know he said it because when I was there eariler that the Dr said family only!! My boss told me to do this: wait until he asks for me to come, dress to the nines in a casual dress and pumps and hair nail etc. Walk in there and make sure he gets the full effect of how great I look and just say " Look I just wanted to check on you to see how your doing but I have to run. Kiss him on the cheek. Wish him well and walk out calm and slowly. Look back over my shoulder and wink at him. And see what happens after that Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Talk to his family then to get information about him. Stop putting yourself through this. Yes, it hurts, but you know what? He's not alone, he's got his kids, his exwife, his sister and unfortunately the open ugly mouth snorer!! It hurts, but it's not about you right now...Let him go. Let the others take care of him. Please, consider that, k? Don't play games, don't dress up and try to get his attention...He's messed up for so many reasons, and I think you doing that is just setting yourself up for a big fall later......Sorry.. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 LEAVE HIM. You will only continue to suffer. Why should you? This is your out. Take it and learn. Somehow I bet open mouth snorer with the black tooth is on his "family" list. Keep whatever self respect you have and kick him to the curb. IMO medications like pain killers act like a truth serum unless you are speaking complete gibberish and utter nonsense. Take care of YOU! Only you can do that ultimately. This man is beyond help unless he initiates it himself. You will only cause yourself more pain to remain in his life. Love yourself enough, please. He has a support system that may not last forever, but they will get him through this episode, trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
coco_milkshake Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 He is using you, letting you in whenever he pleases and its not fair on you. I agree with DDL and WWIU, please leave him. You need to take care of you now and the way he is treating you right now shows that he is not worth your time and effort. Let that black toothed witch look after him and see how long that lasts - he will learn the hard way what you are worth to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Wow I was right you too def did have issues you needed to work out!! I just never imagened how deep they were!! Well theres no point in me repeting what the other posters are saying even tho I def agree. It sounds like hes got your self esteem in the gutter already.What with haveing you wraped and twisted around his little finger like that. Your just going to do what you want to do any ways. I just hope that you can make it thru mentily intact afterwards. Honestly best of luck to you sounds like your going to need it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahsumgurl909 Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 This morning his siter calls me and says to me. Lori I hear your working again. Im so glad to hear that, so you must be listening to others when we say take care of yourself. I was like No I need to keep myself from staying at the hospital so I went back to work to keep my mind off of the fact that I just wasted 8 months of my time and I mean every minute of every day on him. Because I am not capable of controling my feelings for your brother. She said I know that M turned on you the minute the ex got there. You were the best thing ever to happen to him, you treated him so good and have been so generous. The minute she got there you were the scum of the earth you were the reason he was in the hospital yes I know I seen the whole thing. Now his sister says what are you going to do? My family and I will never except that girl into our family. None of his girlfriends ever came close to being a part of this family. You on the other hand would of been with open arms. And M dosent know what he wants. He says he loves her but I just dont see it. They are very secretive always hiding behind the curtain. I wouldnt be surprised if she is still giving him drugs. Dont think for a minute that girl will ever step foot into my mom's or my home in life. She wont. M wants her he can be with her on the street is what my mom said. And my mom said if you take him in after he gets out of here your a fool. And she really thinks the world of you. But she wont if you take him in and care for him. That is my brother and I will love him no matter what but I will not be put out for him I will never let him bring someone I dislike around me and he knows it. But L your the greatest for being there for my family and M we want to thank you for all you have done for him. Your a stong person for that alone. I will never judge you by what anyone says about you because we have come close in the past 10 days. I know what your about. His boys like you too. Nobody is mad at you for getting high with him. They will hate you if you ever do it again. (Which I KNOW you wont) so no worries there. Hopefully with you staying away and just doing your thing he may miss you or wonder about you. or hopefully realize what a great girl you are. If not his lose k. Thanks for everything L I will keep in touch. Bye bye Link to post Share on other sites
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