My BF just had a heartattack!!

[ahsumgurl909]

I want you to know that I am very happy you pulled through your operation. I really am grateful for the time I did have with you there. I only wish you had truly wanted me there. As I look back on everything, I see now that you never cared for me at all. And I will suffer the repercussions from the fact that I was just someone to fill the void that you felt from not being with her.

 

All the lies I have found out you told me. Such bull**** stories you made up about your life to make me feel sorry for you. All the precious moments that I thought were so precious have no meaning because they were all a lie, the whole time I didn’t even know you because you were living a lie. Or in your own little world that you sucked me into. The one where I destroyed myself believing you cared for me. That you were grateful to have a friend like me, and that you appreciated the things I sacrificed for you. Being my diamonds and gold and lots of other items. You stole my camera I know because you admitted it to me.

 

 

I seen the real you while I was there with you in the hospital. And I was shocked to find you even crueler then you were before. So mean and cruel that my heart is slowly breaking as I sit and toss things around in my head about everything. How you manipulated me into getting drugs everyday in order to see you. How no matter what when it was gone you verbally abused me and broke down my self-esteem and worth. How you charmed me into doing things I would never do in my life. I became a liar, and a scandalous bitch, I took things that were not mine to make you happy. I quit going to work because every single day there was drama with Diana or Lori. And I would be so upset I couldn’t work.

 

You know how much I love you M and you used it against me and have me at this point and time feeling like the lowest form of life. How do you think I feel right now? Knowing I broke my neck everyday to get some d so that I could have you with me. Only to be disappointed because you were never happy. Once it was gone so were you. Now that this has happened to you I feel so ****ed up for ever doing what I did. How sad am I to be so desperate for love that I would sell my sole to have it. And I did. I feel like I almost killed you trying to win your heart. I want you to know I’m sorry for that. I never in a million years would hurt you intentionally. I will never forgive myself for having contributed to hurting you like this.

 

And all the things I suffered from being with you is my fault as well because I allowed you to walk all over me. It’s true. But you are to blame as well because you knew I would walk on water for you. And ran with it to the limits. And this is where it ends for you. You had your fun with me and won her over and even though you’re in the hospital cut in half and sewn back up your happy. And you know what I am glad you’re happy. That is all I ever wanted for you. Although I can’t help but feel I paid a very high price for that happiness I’m truly glad you have what you truly want. You of all people are the one who deserves to be happy after all you been through right?

 

Knowing what I know about you now would have changed the way I feel for you. I was lame enough to love you enough to believe every word you said. This fabricated life you conjured up for sympathy. My heart went out to you for that very reason. You seemed like such a great person to have had such awful luck in love and life. I just wanted to show you what true love really is. And I truly do love you and that sucks for me. The wounds I received from this whole ordeal will never heal. The guilt and shame for the lengths I went to for your love are embarrassing. The way I allowed you to degrade me daily. How I tripped over myself to run and get the things you demanded of me. And when I would be gone accommodating your wishes you would be calling Diana or Lori setting up your next rendezvous. How you would say I did this or that to start a fight to get out the door. And how if they didn’t respond you changed into this loving caring man whom wanted nothing more then to be with me.

 

You have the two most handsome sons I have ever seen. Such good kids, with some major issues. If I were you I would be more worried about them then I would any woman in the world. These two boys will be carrying on your name sake. They are so hungry for your undivided attention. They would do anything for it as well. But deep inside know they will be hungry forever. I am no better either with my girls. We are so focused on finding someone to love we sacrifice our children for it. How sad is that? That’s pretty sad. I hope someday you realize just how much I thought I was doing to make you mine. Had I did it in a more positive way where it was less damaging to me and you it may have happened. But that is just how the devil does his work. He takes our most vulnerable situation and destroys us by dangling it before us and watches us kill each other trying to get it.

 

The thing about all this crazy ass **** is I still love you. And I would give anything to stop it because it’s killing me inside. I mean so badly that I am afraid for myself right now. The reason I think I feel this way is because I put everything I have into you M. My heart and sole, time and money, dignity, self-respect, pride, and spirit. You gave me nothing now that’s all I’ve got. But I will not take the full blame for your heart condition. I know I didn’t help at all. But I also tried to get you to change. To no avail. You have no clue how awful I feel about this. I feel I don’t deserve to live. Oh by the way L isn’t on Prop36 that’s a lie. She has no record. I’m sure you will find another lie to tell to cover that one up. She is obviously a very heavy user she has the rotten teeth to prove it

 

You loving her over me is the biggest slap in the face ever. I treated you like a king M. You told me she treated you like her slave. And you love her? What is wrong with you. You must be the most foolish man to ever walk the earth. Well I am going to start having respect for myself no man including you will ever treat me the way you have. EVER!! One sign of you’re "A" personality comes out its over. I now realize I don’t need to be so good to people all the time taking them on like projects trying to fix them.

 

You see that’s what I do M I find someone broken and try to fix them. Which hasnt been very successful. But I did make a difference in their lives I could see it and so could they. But anyway. Please don’t get all healed up and **** and start calling me. I am going to try to completely forget you. I need to get my life together. And good luck with the old sea hag from Popeye. I can’t believe you kiss that mouth. Kind of like kissing a toilet yeah? I’m sorry that wasn’t nice. Well take care and get well soon. Stay away from the drugs!! NO MORE M GOT IT

[Art_Critic]

I think that silence speaks the loudest..

 

Please sit on the letter and don't send it for a few days then revisit it after your emotions have toned down.. it won't change the outcome and you may want to reword it...

[ahsumgurl909]

I never send letters I write, unless of course they are meant to be sent. I write whenI am hurting and in pain. I keep everything I write and reflect on it later on in life. I write my best poetry when Im hurting. but they are all sad. I can also write great when Im in love and the relationship is good I write the best then. Your right though thanks for taking the time to read it. But it basically explains in a better way what I went through with him yeah?

[dropdeadlegs]

I'm a big believer in writing letters that are never sent for my own sense of closure. Putting pen to paper somehow takes it all out of my heart and puts it somewhere else. Usually in a few days, I am ready to shred the letter and be done.

 

Be strong. It might bot always be easy, but it has to be easier than going through all you have been through again.

[ahsumgurl909]

Are you kidding me I am in so much pain right now. I just want to get loaded. So Badly. I hate feeling like this its the worst feeling ever a broken heart SUCKS and I am so sick of mine being in this state all the time. Feeling like the walls are closing in and impending doom is looming right behind it. check out my video I made to release some of my anger.

http://server.inalbum.com/show/jamespittman/

[ahsumgurl909]

If you like the video and would like one made I will make you one just ask VD is coming really soon. And they make great gifts.

[justagirliegirl]

What he did was beyond terrible. You can do sooo much better than that womanizing, unattractive drug user. The toothless trash suits him. He was using her to bring drugs in to the hospital.

 

I wonder why his dear family isn't taking him into their homes to care for him?

[Curmudgeon]

You try turning 40. Scary.

 

I survived 40, glided through 50 and now am a robust 60.

 

I ain't died in the saddle yet.

[Curmudgeon]

You try turning 40. Scary.

 

I survived 40, glided through 50 and now am a robust 60.

 

I ain't died in the saddle yet.

[ahsumgurl909]

Hey you? Curmudgeon! I get the messege okay?

[whichwayisup]

Don't think he meant to post that twice, sometimes the system hangs, then you hit submit again, and poof! The reply is there twice.

 

How are you doing today?

[ahsumgurl909]

I know that I was referring to something else he knows what I meant. But yeah you see that on here sometimes double posts. But hey thanks for looking out. I am F'ed up for sure. posted the lastest under health and well being I think Someone Slap Me title. That will answer your question.

Thank you for asking