Friend from the UK

[CLala]

I have a friend from the UK (I'll just call him Rob) and he's here in NY on a work visa for about 1 1/2. We've become very good friends over the past 6 mo. and I think I've fallen totally in love with him. I wasn't going to tell him how I felt, because I didn't want to ruin the friendship, but the other day at a party, he kissed me unexpectedly. Not just once, but 3 times. I was shocked and didn't know what to say. Then he pours out his heart to me and tells me all he was feeling for me. I was overwhelmed. Then when I thought everything was just perfect, he breaks it to me that he's being transferred to Chicago. Why did this have to happen, just when I had finally found him? I can't move to Chicago. There's nothing there for me and it's flat. My career, friend and family are all here in NY. And what would be the point of moving to Chicago anyway, when once his work visa was up, he'd have to move back to the UK.. I've never felt this way for someone and I don't know what to do. I can't even look at another man, because none of them are Rob. How will I ever be able to get past this and move on? My heart is breaking and I feel sick to my stomach? I can't ask him to not move to Chicago, because it's a great opportunity for him. What should I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[MMMM Love Doc]

Can't you just get over him. He is obviously just some hollow chancer, playing on your affections. I have seen his type before. It's all about him first, HIS job, HIS future and he just expects you to go along with it. I know it's hard when you think you have met someone, who's obviously scuuessful and seems charming and friendly, but these people can be really selfish and blackhearted (and obviously a bit stupid if he expects you to give up NY for Chicago). I would say, just let him go. The memory will fade in time and you will be able to get on with your life, safe in the knowledge that he will probably not be sparing a second thought for you.

 

Hope you find true and unconditional love in the future

 

The Love Doc

[CLala]

Thank you for your input Love doctor. But don't you think it's hard to just let go of someone, especially when you are both in love. I mean, would it be so wrong of me to try to convince him to stay in NY for the sake of love? Would that be selfish of me? True love doesn't come along everyday and I know that's what it is. It feels so strong and it's hard to find someone who feels the same way back.

[MMMM Love Doc]

Sometimes you have to let your head rule your heart. But you have to ask yourself these questions. Why did he move to NY in the first place? It sounds as though it was to advance his career, and to move abroad in the first place he must have left friends, family and loved ones behind. He is obviously all about his career and the next move upwards at the expense of all pesonal relationships. You just have to accept this fact. And what if you did manage to pressurise him into staying. How long do you think it would be before he started to resent you for it? It's not as though you are ready to compromise either, is it? You don't want to go to chicago, You've got not friends there, everything you HAVE is in NY. Are you really sure you love this man? Are you really sure that he loves you. It almost sounds that, when it comes right down to it, you are more interested in yourselves first, and your own personal situation, before you even get to thinking about the person you are supposedly so "IN LOVE" with!

 

You really have to decide what you REALLY want, because somewhere down the line one of you is going to have to make a sacrifice. You have got 4 basic choices.(1) You persuade him that you are too good a thing to leave, and persuade him to stay in NY,(2) you decide that you cannot bear to loose him and be separated from him and go to Chicago (despite it's flatness) and make a new start for the both of you, (3) you try your hand at a long distance relationship and hope that it eventually all works out, or (4) you just do what i first suggested and try and move on with your life, and put this obviously wonderful love behind you. Sometimes we all have to give up something or someone we really love to stop ourselves from going mad.

 

I hope the two of you can really sort you troubles out as it sounds a truely tragic situation.

 

With the greatest kindness

 

The Love Doc

Thank you for your input Love doctor. But don't you think it's hard to just let go of someone, especially when you are both in love. I mean, would it be so wrong of me to try to convince him to stay in NY for the sake of love? Would that be selfish of me? True love doesn't come along everyday and I know that's what it is. It feels so strong and it's hard to find someone who feels the same way back.

[CLala]

Thank you Love Doc. Now I know what I have to do. You are right and very wise. If I love him, I'll have to let him go. I'll have to except it, no matter how much it hurts. He probably would end up resenting me in the end and I don't think I could bear that. I couldn't expect him to give up his loved ones, anymore than he would expect me to give up mine. It is a very tragic love story, but at least we know we love each other and will never forget each other. We've shared something very special, but I will have no other choice but to move on with my life. I consider myself a very strong person and this situation will show me just how strong I can really be. Thank you again, for your advice.

[Lianne]

The Love Doctor was a little harsh,he's not this career minded monster who hurts anyone for advancement, please. We all have on life and one future that we make for ourselves, be supportive of him trying to better himself, rather than sit aorund on his ass, besides it looks like he has a financially stable future ahead of him.

 

You two can work on your relationship and find a way to include each other in each other's future, don't be so ready to give up, that's hypocritical to the feelings you expressed before. I'm not saying put aside your life for a man, if your in school here, or have a lease stay in New York (I don't know why you'd want to with rat infested subways and no parking but whatever floats your boat.) Anyway, if you're not seriously commited like that and have a little extra money, take a 1 1/2 month adventure, live a little.