Do women know how to talk about anything other than their kids?

[Ersatzteile]

Why are women on the marriage/Mommy track so oblivious of any other subject? Is this really their entire mental existence? I'm probably not the only single woman who's had to go through the mental torture of being stuck at a luncheon with a group of women who don't know how to talk about anything but their kids, their wedding videos, and their wedding plans.

 

Naturally, I just politely sit there and not say anything much of substance, since I neither am married, engaged or have children. But it's really disheartening when you're just trying to stay out of the way of The Mommies and someone says "Gee, you're so quiet! It's like you're not even here!"

 

Just what am I supposed to say to something like that? (Why DO people even say that? What is the point?)

 

If I had the courage to be brutally honest, I would say, "I wasn't going to say anything, but since you're forcing me to speak because you apparently can't handle quiet people without your brain cells frying in consternation -- it's because I've been dragged along to this office luncheon I really didn't feel like going to, it's late, I want to get back to the office and finish my work, and I could care less about the 1,000th story about how darling little Taylor won't go down for her nap."

 

I dunno? Too rude? Musn't be rude to one's co-workers.

[norajane]

Oh, wow, I hear you!!!

 

I had a similar experience a few years ago. We were all at an out of town meeting, hanging out after hours. The guys were playing pool, and the ladies had gathered at one end to chat. Ohmygod - all the kiddie talk drove me insane! Some talk for a while is totally fine, but endlessly??

 

I drifted off at some point and went and hung with the guys, where there was NO kiddie talk even though many of them had kids. I don't know if the ladies thought I was antisocial, but what could I do when I had little to contribute and was sick of hearing about what some kid did to the dog and how cute it was? I worked with these women, so it's not like there weren't other topics of conversation.

[sb129]

Ah sigh. Yes its that stage of life huh. Me too. Am not pregnant, married, or even engaged. All my friends are all combinations of the above. And I like to drink too much wine still.

 

I had an A (not proud of) with a MM and could join in the kids conversations for while as he had a baby.... I wouldn't recommend this as a way of joining the "club"....much too much hassleand grief.

 

these mommies will probably be jealous of how much time you have to yourself.. so maybe emphasise that...??

 

If you don't want to sound bitchy, just talk about all the great sex you have. (lie if neccessary) They will be either a) too tired b) too busy or C) too soon post baby to be getting any...

[sb129]

Oh bollocks just saw this was about co workers...

 

Maybe keep steering it back to work???

 

or food. Food is always good common ground among women. Or the tabloid headlines..

[polywog]

As a childless woman, I agree and just listen, but ain't it even worse when they go on about their cats and dogs?

[amaysngrace]

Thank you for this thread. I was wondering if I do this amongst my co-workers and then it dawned on my child-ridden brain that Hey, I don't have a job.

 

The only thing I can possibly attribute it to is that these women miss their kids because they work.

 

I kind of feel sorry for them.

[norajane]

Oh bollocks just saw this was about co workers...

 

Maybe keep steering it back to work???

 

or food. Food is always good common ground among women. Or the tabloid headlines..

 

That's just it - there are always a million things to talk about. Yet, somehow, it never veers away from the kids.

[Ersatzteile]

But it's not just about their children... it's the whole engagement-->wedding planning-->pregnancy-->kids continuum they're fixated on. Not just their own, but other people's -- THEIR kids; their nieces and nephews; their neighbors etc.

 

I feel like a freak when I'm around this talk. Not only am I not engaged or married with kids, but no one in my immediate family is either, nor are they likely to be. I have no such experiences to share. What am I supposed to say? And then they seem suspicious of you if you stay quiet and don't join in the conversation.

 

I wouldn't be complaining if I wasn't forced to attend these functions. If you try to beg off with some excuse or other, they won't take no for an answer.

[amaysngrace]

I wouldn't be complaining if I wasn't forced to attend these functions. If you try to beg off with some excuse or other, they won't take no for an answer.

 

What kind of functions are they? Showers and stuff?

 

I think most likely it sounds as if you have very self-absorbed colleagues.

[JCD]

Next time just eat alone as there is no point eating with them if you don't want to listen to them. Also, get courage to actually eat alone. I mean, who cares what others think of you. You are your own independent woman that makes her own road so to speak. Are you not?

[pink smartie]

Arg I know.

 

I worked in a the neuro-surgery wing of a hospital while I was going through my most important break up and I thought I would go insane. All my coworkers talked about were wedding, getting home to cook for hubby and the cutsy things jr did. I thought it might be a way for these women to sheild themselves from some of the loneliness a lot of the patients seemed to suffer through.

 

Anyways, I even felt like they thought I was weird for even going through a break up. Kind of like I might have some kind of contagious disease.

 

But now I work for a community agency and the topics of conversations are a lot more varied. Thankfully.

[Ersatzteile]

No it's "So-and-So just announced she's expecting! Let's take her out for lunch to celebrate!" That sort of office lunch where it's expected to be a "group thing."

 

really, I have tried to get out of them ("I'm sorry, I'm busy this afternoon") but it's like they can't stand the idea that someone doesn't want to spend 2 hours at a restaurant with them, and they nag and nag and say "Oh come on, you don't have that much work!"

 

I don't mind going to showers. I don't resent baby talk at THAT sort of event! but the talk just never stops!

[amaysngrace]

No it's "So-and-So just announced she's expecting! Let's take her out for lunch to celebrate!" That sort of office lunch where it's expected to be a "group thing."

 

 

Can't you just be honest and say you'd rather not go because you find the conversation to always be the same and you find it boring?

 

But tell them to have a good time?

 

I bet the conversation will swiftly shift from their children if you do that.

[JCD]

Before you blow up at one of their luncheons I suggest you to be honest with them and politely tell them that you don't fit in into their group and are out of place. They should acknowledge it without getting mad at you and offer you to join them later if you choose to. Hoping that they will stop asking you out might not work and you would feel miserable at the luncheon anyways.

[sb129]

But it's not just about their children... it's the whole engagement-->wedding planning-->pregnancy-->kids continuum they're fixated on. Not just their own, but other people's -- THEIR kids; their nieces and nephews; their neighbors etc.

 

I feel like a freak when I'm around this talk. Not only am I not engaged or married with kids, but no one in my immediate family is either, nor are they likely to be. I have no such experiences to share. What am I supposed to say? And then they seem suspicious of you if you stay quiet and don't join in the conversation.

 

I wouldn't be complaining if I wasn't forced to attend these functions. If you try to beg off with some excuse or other, they won't take no for an answer.

 

Start quoting divorce statistics.... 1 in 4- so chances are one of them will be talking about that soon enough...

[polywog]

No it's "So-and-So just announced she's expecting! Let's take her out for lunch to celebrate!" That sort of office lunch where it's expected to be a "group thing."

 

really, I have tried to get out of them ("I'm sorry, I'm busy this afternoon") but it's like they can't stand the idea that someone doesn't want to spend 2 hours at a restaurant with them, and they nag and nag and say "Oh come on, you don't have that much work!"

 

I don't mind going to showers. I don't resent baby talk at THAT sort of event! but the talk just never stops!

 

Ersatz, I have been reading this thread, because I feel the same way, tho I am not in the same position as you in my job (I have been in the past, tho). What I am wondering is if there is someone else in that group that feels the way you do and just plays along? Maybe if you somehow broke from the group you would find another who has the same feelings. Are these baby/engagement/etc obsessed women even aware that you feel this way? What's funny is now I know a lot more other women like you that the other type, so there are loads of us out there. Did you watch "Six Feet Under"? This reminds me of when Claire had the office job, if you did....

 

PS- women who are obsessed with engagement and Marriage prep remind me of the ancient Egyptians' obsession with preparing for death... like the road there is more important than the actual thing.

[Blue Phoenix]

[FONT=Courier New]28. Um, sorry, I cant; I have to tickle my llama in order to keep it alive.[/FONT]

Well it kinda beets I hate you all shut up with the kiddie talk or im going to go postal lol..

[Blue Phoenix]

...oopps sorry bout that um just ingore the font part lol..

[axisdenied]

To answer your original question, is it something in the brain? yes and no. Something does indeed happen in the brains of pregnant women to put them in child-rearing mode. My friend who was recently pregnant herself described it as feeling stupid about everything not baby. I've noticed the same phenomenon you described and wonder if it takes awhile for brain to flip the switch back to normal mode? With my friend (and others, alone, never in a group like that), she just had to be more mindful than usual of what she was discussing with me. I enjoy the kids myself, but I'd rather see the kid being a kid around me and not hear every mundane detail of its existence. Then again I'm that way about adults, too.

 

Whether or not the brain thing is the case, it seems that you just got stuck being the odd woman out in the middle of a crowd who all had the same family crap in common. I had to chuck the weekly evening out with the coed softball team because I didn't want to hear a play-by-play description of the most recent game.

[Art_Critic]

Guys talk about sports constantly.. they talk about what they are interested in..

 

I know a guy that is really into race cars.. he owns them.. carries pics of them around.. After he races them on the weekends he emails vids of his runs to his friends..

 

That is no different than when a pregnant woman talks about kids.. weddings etc etc...

 

It is what excites you.. males or females.. that we talk about

[brokenhart2007]

I'm 30 and I don't even have a date, much less a boyfriend, husband, or kids. But of course, all my girl friends are married up. I HATE it when I'm the only single girl there. They immediately start in on their conversations about their kids and they could talk about it for hours if they had the time. They know very well that I can't relate to them at all what so ever. And they still do it. It's like, why the f**** am I even here? My boy stories are just too unimportant and inmature to them. As if I CHOSE to still be living like I'm a freakin' college student.

[Salicious Crumb]

Why are women on the marriage/Mommy track so oblivious of any other subject? Is this really their entire mental existence? I'm probably not the only single woman who's had to go through the mental torture of being stuck at a luncheon with a group of women who don't know how to talk about anything but their kids, their wedding videos, and their wedding plans.

 

Until you have kids of your own...you won't understand.

[Porn_Guy]

Why are women on the marriage/Mommy track so oblivious of any other subject? Is this really their entire mental existence? I'm probably not the only single woman who's had to go through the mental torture of being stuck at a luncheon with a group of women who don't know how to talk about anything but their kids, their wedding videos, and their wedding plans.

and the other thing these same women say is "my kids are good kids". Every woman says this. Statistically all kids can't be good. Just once i'd love to hear a mother say "my kids are terrible, they were borne of the devil"...

[silentcharon]

I totally agree with you, it's actually one of my pet peeves. People who talk non stop about their kids. For the first ten minutes, it's all fine, but all night? I think not.

 

A lot of my friends have gotten pregnant and already have kids- they know how I feel so they keep it short and we move onto new subjects. They'll inform me how their kids are doing, and so on, then start talking about something else. I realize that they are part of their lives, that's why I don't mind talking about them with them, just not the whole time I'm with them. They also realize that I don't have kids and can't possibly relate, but that I do care and that I would do anything for them and their kids if anything ever happened. So it works out both ways, although it took some discussing to get it to work!

[clatan]

This is such a great post. I'm an "old single" and feel the same way. For some reason, my replies, never get posted though. I wrote you a several-paragraph reply and it never got posted. I don't know what the problem is with the moderators or whoever approves these posts beforehand is, but I've contacted support and they never replied. I get so tired of writing paragraph after paragraph and never having it posted, so I'll keep it short. But, if I'm ever lucky enough to have one of my replies posted here, I'd like to talk to you.