just another guy in love with a friend

[mattkb429]

Actually, the situation is much more complicated than the title would make you think. I have known this girl, Tania, from work for about 2 or 3 years now. I always had a crush on her, but I used to think that there would never be a chance between us for a number of reasons: shes a bit older than me (im 21 shes 26), i worked with both of her brothers, and a number of other 'reasons', but now i realize they were just excuses for not doing somthing i was afraid to do (im very shy with girls, talking with them is hard for me). but during the past month we have really opened up to each other (like myself, the idea of me leaving seemed to make her sad, and gave us an excuse to really try to get to know each other), now i feel like its easier to talk with her than anyone else i know. so now we have been talking more and hanging out more often. heres where things get complicated. just yesterday i went to a new college (about 2 1/2 hours away from home, and most important, from her). worst decision i have ever made: not only because of her, being away from my friends and family is so much more difficult than i have ever imagined: its so unbearible ill be going to a college much closer to home next semester, regardless of what happens between Tania and i. about a week ago, i wrote a letter to her, a long letter (over 3 pages) telling her how i feel: how she can make me smile easier than anyone else, how she is the most incredible, kind, honest, beautiful person i have ever known in my whole life. I also apologized for not taking advantage of my time in syracuse to be with her more often:we used to not really hang out that much, i was kind of intimidated by a number of stupid things concerning her, but never by her. i guess the one thing that showed me how much she means to me was honestly thinking about what it would be like living a million ****ing miles away from her. since she got the letter, we havnt verbally spoken about it, she text messeged me telling me that the letter 'was wonderful' and that shes so grateful for our friendship, but she 'dosnt want to risk our friendship'. she didnt totally shoot me down: we havnt really talked about it since because shes working on a letter to me and she wants me to read it before we talk about the situation (but i think i know what shes going to say already, and i think you do too). since then, we really havnt talked about things: havnt gotten her letter yet, maybe i should wait for the letter before looking for advice, but im sitting here crying for the first time since i had someone die on me, and i feel like im about to ****ing die im so goddamn lonely i dont know what to do with myself. i would drag buffalo state college all the way to syracuse if thats what i would have to do to be with her. i dont know what shes really thinking (im sure yall will hear from me soon, after i get the letter) but it seems like shes interested by the way she talks to me, but because of what she said about how our friendship means so much to her she dosnt want to risk it, i feel like theres somthing else that makes her not want to be involved with me (ive heard that line before, and i know thats an easy way out for girls when they arnt interested for other reasons.) but somthing makes me unsure about this situation. shes really, really honest unlike most girls (sorry girls, thats just my past experiences talking), and i strongly doubt that shes lying, but i dont know what to do, what to say, how to say it..... im in a ****ing mess right now. i really feel like ive gone ****ing crazy im in such a train reck. the past day or so, ive been surrounded by literally thousands of really good looking girls, but they could all be rocks as far as i care because Tania means so much to me that no other girl even matters. what do yall think i should do? do u think i lost my mind? everyone says i should try to find a girl at college that has the same interests and goals as i do, but the only girl that matters is in my past, working at a ****ty pizza shop ive been stuck at for 4 years, but everyone else seems so fake and she seems so real. i had everything, even if i couldnt be with her, i could at least be there. its not like i had to move a million miles away, i could have gone to a college closer to home, but i didnt. im trying to imagine how life will be with us so far apart, i wonder if shes thinking the same. she says shes gonna miss me, I dont doubt it but i dont know if its the same way i feel. i guess my question is this: if a girl expresses a fear in 'risking a friendship' is it a lost cause? if it isnt, how could i possibly convince her to give it a chance? i hate to be pushy, thats really not the kind of guy i am, but im afraid that we will miss out on somthing that could be more beautiful than anything i could ever imagine, just because she wanted to play it safe. id also like to ask the girls out there: what do you really mean when you say that? please be honest, it could mean anything, couldnt it? Tania and i havnt had this conversation yet, but i was just wondering, if you had a concern about 'risking a friendship', what could possibly change your mind? ill tell you right now, i would never lie to her. The following is the god-honest truth: i will ALWAYS love her, i will do everything i possibly can to preserve our friendship, regardless of what level our relationship is, i will always treat her like absolute gold. ill make her soup when shes sick and try to make her take all the wierd herbal crap my parents give me when im ill, flowers on valentines day, birthday, random days just because, love letters, romantic text messages, ill do everything i can to make every day for the rest of her life feel like a honeymoon. by giving me advice, you arnt going to teach somone how to be a 'player', the best possible outcome i could hope for from this situation is being married and faithful to the grave. any advice would mean the world to me, who knows: maybe it will be just the thing that makes life worth living, because life seems pretty worthless without her.

thanks for listning to my problems, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[pink smartie]

You nearly made me cry! Like I said in another post, it is beautiful what you feel for her but it's just so unfortunate that it's making you feel so sad.

 

There are two things going on. You are feeling lonely because you just moved away. I moved to Belgium one summer and at first I thought I was going to loose it. Moving is really hard at first. Try to give the city where you are now a bit of a chance. Go out, get involved in group activities, visit whatever tourist attractions are in that city.

 

The second thing are the feelings you have for Tania. I can't speak for her but I know that everytime I have uttered anything about not risking a friendship, I meant it. But wait until you get the letter. The very fact that she is taking the time to write you a letter shows that she cares for you, if not in the way you would like. I am sure no matter the answer it will make you feel better.

 

congratulations, by the way, on being brave enough to tell her how you felt about her. I am sure this will turn out to be a positive experience in your life.

[pleasure&pain]

i think you are in love.... oh its so innocent and sweet lol Reading what you have wrote, i am gussing she may return your feelings. But dont get your hopes up too high... All you can do is wait for her letter, for now enjoy yourself and the city. Good luck and keep us updated

[mattkb429]

sorry, this is going to be another long one.

pink smartie, i want to thank you for trying to help. i noticed that out of the 79 people who have read my thread, you were the only one who took it upon yourself to try to help somone in need (and its obvious how much i need help!) the world would be a much better place if there were more people like you, i thank you from the bottem of my heart. i whish i could give you a hug, because you deserve it and i need it! i have not recieved the letter yet (she just recieved my mailing address, so i have to wait for snail mail, who knows how long that will take). im sorry that im so needy right now, but as of right now, it seems that you are the only person who really cares, which is amazing consitering you dont even know me. i know i should take your advice and just wait for the letter before trying to figure the situation out, but i dont think i can live without getting answers soon (who knows, maybe when i get the answers i wont be able to live with them either) i cant sleep, eat, think straight: i dont think ive even smiled since the last time i was with her (that was tuesday, this is sunday). i used to be sain but i think ive lost that, and im sorry you have to deal with me, because i can tell you are too good of a person to give me a cold sholder, no matter how bad you would want to stay the **** away from this messed up situation. i just have a few questions that have been echoing in my head for weeks, perhaps you could help. it seems like at the point tania and i are at, she seems uncomfortable talking verbally about this situation, i think thats why shes been relying on text messaging the whole time. should i avoid talking to her in a romantic way all togeather? theres some things im practically dying to tell her: i want to apologize for giving her that letter when i did (looking back, now i think i realize that telling a girl you love her before moving away is like giving a kid a puppy, then shooting it). i want to tell her that i never wanted to make her uncomfortable, and that maybe it would be a good idea to wait until i get back and take things day by day (as painful as that would be, consitering we may have conflicting interests: me wanting to be her lover, her wanting to be my friend). but ive always tried to be a good guy, shes told me that i am as well as 99% of all the people ive ever known: and i just dont understand why she always complains about how every guy shes ever been with has turned out to be a scumbag, and now she knows that i am interested in persuing a relationship with her, she seems so afraid to make that change. is she always going to be into guys who treat her like ****? will i always be stuck in the 'friend zone'? im at the point where i dont even see the point of even being friends with anybody, because all its ever done to me is hurt, and scare girls into never wanting to be anything else to me. i hate to say it because it seems so selfish, but i really dont have any interest in being her friend (I guess i dont seem like such a nice guy anymore). being around her without being 'with her' is so painful i cant explain it. of course im going to try, because i know i make her somewhat happy by being her friend, but its tearing me apart. i'd wrather be dead then be where i am right now. the only reason im not going to kill myself is because i know she would blame herself, and hurting her is the worst thing i could ever do, its the one thing that i could never forgive myself for. i hate to take the subject to a shallow point (but it might be somwhat relevant) but its not like im unatractive, supposidly im a really good looking italian guy (shes italian too) alot of girls have even told me i look exactly like antonio banderez, also shes the only person who ive ever been comfortable enough to flirt with, we always have a blast when we chill. i dont know why she dosnt want to be with me: she hasnt told me that she dosnt, but if she did im pretty sure that if she did she would have told me by now. maybe im cursed. maybe its somthing i did, but she has told me that i have never, ever made her angry. shes always telling me 'your so funny!', 'you're a trip, kb' and i can tell i can make her laugh easier than just about anybody else. and then she tells me she just wants a guy to treat her right and make her laugh, i dont know why she couldnt see me as that person. where did i go wrong?? was my only ****up trying to be her friend first? does anybody know what i did wrong, and what i could possibly do to undo that? why do girls so easily get togeather with whatever new mother****er they meet, but avoid their friends like the plauge?? i always thought i was honest, but now i realize im a ****ing lier. i told her that our friendship means alot to me, but i lied. our 'friendship' is hurting more than anything ever has in my whole life. she dosnt want to risk it, but i dont see what the risk would be! we get along so well: im the kind of guy who everyone gets along with and never starts problems, and shes the exact same. i come from parents who have never had a fight, and i know that tania and i could have the same kind of relationship if we had a chance. (i know yall can tell that im a wreck, but she dosnt know that she dosnt visit this site). she seems to like me, she always seems like shes flirting with me. shes always re-assuring me about how im practically an angel. i remember this one time i was hanging out with her and another guy, she said somthing like 'you piss me off!' i asked her if she was talking to me or him, she smiled at me, gave me that look that makes me melt and said 'come on kb, you know better then that.' she always treats me like gold, and i always do the same for her, i dont know why she would ever think that would change if our relationship elevated to another level. maybe you will get this, maybe you wont, but we get along so well, we can even say the meanest things to each other, but its ok because we know we love each other and we're just trying to get a laugh out of each other. im sure if you were to see us hang out togeather, you would sware we were an old married couple we get along so well we can practically finish each others sentences. i dont know what the **** to do now. waking up tomorrow seems pointless because i know im not going to see her. shes at the casino right now, so tomorrow im going to text her and ask how that went, and reading her reply will be the high point of my day, even though i know shes just going to be complaining about how she got robbed. since texting seems to be her safe zone, should i try to keep talking to her in a romantic way through text messeging? i was thinking about texting her telling her that im gonna call, and asking her not to awnser just so i can leave a voice message and tell her about how im sorry for the letter, and how i just want to take things day by day. im not ready to give up hope, but should i tell her that? or should i just lie to her by telling her that our friendship means the world to me and if thats all she wants ill take it? i dont want to make her uncomfortable, but i dont want to lie to her. unfortunatly, i have to choose between one or the other.

 

what should i say, and how should i say it?

[Curmudgeon]

Honesty is usually the best policy even if it doesn't yield the results you hope for. There's nothing worse than a friendship or relationship based upon anything less.

 

As pink smartie said, wait for her letter but in the meantime, don't agonize or set yourself up. Once you've received it you'll know how to proceed.

 

As for falling in love with best friends, read my post under the Friendship heading in response to "Can guys and girls be best friends..." Stranger things have happened.

 

By the way, it would make your posts a lot easier to read and you'd likely get more responses if you broke them up into paragraphs. Many people, myself included usually, will simply pass on a lengthy, solid block of writing. It's hard on the eyes.

 

Best of luck to you.

[magichands]

i have not recieved the letter yet (she just recieved my mailing address, so i have to wait for snail mail, who knows how long that will take).

Wow. You're really hanging on this letter. Maybe you could tell her you're coming to get it? (Probably not a good idea?!)

 

I hope things get better soon.

[pink smartie]

Hi Mattkb,

 

I don't know what to say except I'm sorry for how painful this wait for a letter is. I'm hoping that posting here is helping you clear your thoughts and I am glad to see that others have answered.

 

First thing you could do is perhaps do an activity to keep your mind off things. Go see a movie perhaps? Excercise?

 

Secondly, I don't think you should apoligize for sending her the letter. In fact, I will boldly say: Don't apologize for sending the letter. Like Curmudegeon said, by sending her the letter you were being honest. Not only were you honest but you were also courageous. Sending her that letter was in fact a beautiful gesture, nothing you should apologize for. Again, all you can do is wait for her letter. Try to stay busy in the meantime.

 

And get yourself ready to be open to recieve and hear her answer, no matter what it is. I recently wrote a guy I was interested in a 'thinking of you, miss you' letter and it took him weeks to reply. It drove me nuts. But then a friend of mine pointed out that if I had had the guts to send the e-mail, it meant I had the strenght to bear the answer. That in fact I needed to know where I stood with this guy. I believe this might also be true for you too. You did the right thing by sending this letter.

 

As for the friendship thing, do what feels right for you. If you need some time away from the friendship to sort your thoughts through, allow yourself to do it. I have been in your shoes before. I was completely in love with a friend of mine and ended up telling him once he had started seeing someone else. Obvioulsy, all he could say was, sorry, wrong timing. It took me a few months to get over the sadness and the feeling of rejection and after awhile we were able to be friends again.

 

And good luck with the snail mail!

[ShoeGirl]

Hi Matt-

 

I agree with everyone else that has posted so far. Wait for her letter to come, even if it isn't there as soon as you would like it to be. You don't know what her response is going to be or what her reasoning behind that response is until you get that letter. The fact that she is taking the time to write you a letter back does show that she cares about you.

 

i will ALWAYS love her, i will do everything i possibly can to preserve our friendship, regardless of what level our relationship is, i will always treat her like absolute gold. ill make her soup when shes sick and try to make her take all the wierd herbal crap my parents give me when im ill, flowers on valentines day, birthday, random days just because, love letters, romantic text messages, ill do everything i can to make every day for the rest of her life feel like a honeymoon.

 

From what you wrote right here you sound like the perfect guy!! The guy that many women dream that they would meet. If she thinks that a relationship is not right right now that's ok, focus on school and remember that everything happens for a reason!

 

Good luck, let us know what happens!

 

~SG

[mattkb429]

first id like to thank you all for your advice, and also for just letting me vent. no, the letter hasn't arrived yet, so you all will have to wait with me to figure out what she has to say. slowly but shurly, i think im almost re-gaining my sanity (i'm not completly there yet but im working on it!) the rest of my suitemates have moved in and i start classes tomorrow, so hopfully that will help get my troubles off of my mind. sorry guys, i couldnt write a short post if i tried! ill take curmudgeon's advice and break it all up so it wont be as painful to read. and if you all want to tell me to shut the **** up and wait for the letter, please do, the one thing i like about this site is the honesty!

 

i just was wondering what yall think about somthing my friend told me. he's really the only person who i know i can talk about this with (which is why this site has been great, because even though my friend has been a good help, he cant provide the womans prespective) what he has told me is that by writing the letter, in her eyes, it is almost like dating: in the way that shes very aware that somthing like that could change a friendship, like dating, which is obviously a fear of hers. what he was saying is that this is my chance to prove to her that even though certian aspects of our friendship has changed, and may change even more, our relationship is so strong that by bringing it to another level it could only get stronger. My friend told me that right now, tania is trying to see if anything has changed. of course alot has changed, but he says she wants to make sure that nothing about our relationship that she likes has changed. but im worried, because ive always been nervious around girls. it took me three years to get to the point that tania and i are at, and now that i sent her that letter im a nervious wreck when we talk because im so unsure about so much. now i almost know what all you girls are talking about when you say you're afraid to risk a friendship by dating, but i still want to be with her! whats the point of living if you wont take risks?? i still love her like crazy and i think things will be better when i have the understanding about her that she has of me. i think he might have a good point, and i would like to see what you all have to say about this. but how i should go about doing that is where things get complicated:

 

its complicated because both tania and i know that our relationship has changed alot in the past week. it was a week ago today she recieved the letter. and a week ago today i was looking foward to my last 7 hour shift with just me and her. (my old tuesday shift with only me and her was as close to a dream job as i could ever hope for!) but anyways, when shes going to look back at our relationship, the week she recived the letter will stand out in a number of ways: as the week she found out how i felt, the week that i moved away, and also in the way we started communicating differently. since i cant see her almost every day the way i used to, we've been text messaging alot (she works alot, so texting is our primary way of communicating.) i want to keep in close contact with her because, first its one of the few things in this world that makes me happy, and also, we are always joking around, and i feel that any day that i make tania laugh is a day worth living. so ive been giving her updates on how things have been going. and ive been telling her the things that have happened that i know will make her laugh (my suitemate from russia waking me up with his horrible singing, my roomate ripping ass after going to taco bell, all that fun stuff)

 

one of the reasons i felt i needed to write her that letter when i did is because i feel that she needs to know that i love her in order for her to really understand what i mean when i talk to her. now i dont know what to say! im afraid im going to say somthing to make her feel uncomfortable, and i wont know what would until i get the letter. (i guess this is when u tell me to SHUT THE **** UP AND WAIT FOR THE LETTER) but im definatly going to be talking with her befor that, and i dont know what i should say. theres so many things i want to say, but i dont want to set myself up for failure. my friend whos been helping me through this situation said that this is my oppertunity to have her notice me in a different way, the way i want her to notice me. but how shoud i do that?

 

so i asked my friend if it would be a good idea to text her and ask her how the letter is comming, because if she would say she was still working on it, i wanted to reply and re-assure her that she dosnt have to stress about making it perfect i just want her to be honest (because she told me that she tried to write it a while ago but she didnt think it was good enough). my friend gave me a firm NO, and said that i should just stop acting like i want her all togeather. he pretty much told me to play 'hard to get'. (which would be hard consitering that i already told her that im hers if she wants me). he told me that i should act like shes the one who wants me, and im the one who only wants her for a friend. he even went as far as saying i should act like shes a gay guy who wants me! that seems strange to me because i personally dont like playing mind games.

do you agree with what he says?

 

i guess what i really want to know is in what way should i talk to her while waiting for the letter? is it ok to kind of flirt with her? i just want to call her late somtime and just talk for hours, shower her with praise and tell her i love her, but i dont know if thats what she wants, that would definatly be a change in the way we talk, but god, its what ive wanted to do for years.

 

im sorry this post is really all over the place, but welcome to my life! i went over this a million times trying to make it make the most sence possible, but i dont think i even make any sence anymore (i think ive lost my mind somwhere between syracuse and buffalo). as i said before, thank you all so much for everything. this has been the hardest week ive ever been through and you all have been a great help. i look foward to reading your replys.

[ShoeGirl]

first id like to thank you all for your advice, and also for just letting me vent. no, the letter hasn't arrived yet, so you all will have to wait with me to figure out what she has to say. slowly but shurly, i think im almost re-gaining my sanity (i'm not completly there yet but im working on it!) the rest of my suitemates have moved in and i start classes tomorrow, so hopfully that will help get my troubles off of my mind. sorry guys, i couldnt write a short post if i tried! ill take curmudgeon's advice and break it all up so it wont be as painful to read. and if you all want to tell me to shut the **** up and wait for the letter, please do, the one thing i like about this site is the honesty!

 

Focus on school for now, hang out with people when you can and try and not think about the letter... she will send it when she is ready to.

 

i just was wondering what yall think about somthing my friend told me. he's really the only person who i know i can talk about this with (which is why this site has been great, because even though my friend has been a good help, he cant provide the womans prespective) what he has told me is that by writing the letter, in her eyes, it is almost like dating: in the way that shes very aware that somthing like that could change a friendship, like dating, which is obviously a fear of hers. what he was saying is that this is my chance to prove to her that even though certian aspects of our friendship has changed, and may change even more, our relationship is so strong that by bringing it to another level it could only get stronger. My friend told me that right now, tania is trying to see if anything has changed. of course alot has changed, but he says she wants to make sure that nothing about our relationship that she likes has changed. but im worried, because ive always been nervious around girls. it took me three years to get to the point that tania and i are at, and now that i sent her that letter im a nervious wreck when we talk because im so unsure about so much. now i almost know what all you girls are talking about when you say you're afraid to risk a friendship by dating, but i still want to be with her! whats the point of living if you wont take risks?? i still love her like crazy and i think things will be better when i have the understanding about her that she has of me. i think he might have a good point, and i would like to see what you all have to say about this. but how i should go about doing that is where things get complicated:

 

its complicated because both tania and i know that our relationship has changed alot in the past week. it was a week ago today she recieved the letter. and a week ago today i was looking foward to my last 7 hour shift with just me and her. (my old tuesday shift with only me and her was as close to a dream job as i could ever hope for!) but anyways, when shes going to look back at our relationship, the week she recived the letter will stand out in a number of ways: as the week she found out how i felt, the week that i moved away, and also in the way we started communicating differently. since i cant see her almost every day the way i used to, we've been text messaging alot (she works alot, so texting is our primary way of communicating.) i want to keep in close contact with her because, first its one of the few things in this world that makes me happy, and also, we are always joking around, and i feel that any day that i make tania laugh is a day worth living. so ive been giving her updates on how things have been going. and ive been telling her the things that have happened that i know will make her laugh (my suitemate from russia waking me up with his horrible singing, my roomate ripping ass after going to taco bell, all that fun stuff).

 

Have her texts been flirty to you at all? Has she been texting you as much as she did before you gave her your letter?

 

one of the reasons i felt i needed to write her that letter when i did is because i feel that she needs to know that i love her in order for her to really understand what i mean when i talk to her. now i dont know what to say! im afraid im going to say somthing to make her feel uncomfortable, and i wont know what would until i get the letter. (i guess this is when u tell me to SHUT THE **** UP AND WAIT FOR THE LETTER) but im definatly going to be talking with her befor that, and i dont know what i should say. theres so many things i want to say, but i dont want to set myself up for failure. my friend whos been helping me through this situation said that this is my oppertunity to have her notice me in a different way, the way i want her to notice me. but how shoud i do that?

The fact that you sent the letter is very admirable, there aren't many people (guys especially) who would share all of their feelings like that. I would definently be impressed if someone did that to me and you would definently be noticed. If I were in Tania's position I would have written a letter back and hung on to it for a little while to make sure that I wrote everything I wanted to and said what I wanted to say. When you talk to her do not mention the letter or what you said in your letter, wait for her letter before you do anything about that. I don't think you need to do anything to make her notice you, I'm betting that your letter accomplished that!

 

so i asked my friend if it would be a good idea to text her and ask her how the letter is comming, because if she would say she was still working on it, i wanted to reply and re-assure her that she dosnt have to stress about making it perfect i just want her to be honest (because she told me that she tried to write it a while ago but she didnt think it was good enough). my friend gave me a firm NO, and said that i should just stop acting like i want her all togeather. he pretty much told me to play 'hard to get'. (which would be hard consitering that i already told her that im hers if she wants me). he told me that i should act like shes the one who wants me, and im the one who only wants her for a friend. he even went as far as saying i should act like shes a gay guy who wants me! that seems strange to me because i personally dont like playing mind games.

do you agree with what he says?

DO NOT ask her about the letter! I am confused, have you been talking to her all along here or have you not talked to/texted her since she got your letter?

 

i guess what i really want to know is in what way should i talk to her while waiting for the letter? is it ok to kind of flirt with her? i just want to call her late somtime and just talk for hours, shower her with praise and tell her i love her, but i dont know if thats what she wants, that would definatly be a change in the way we talk, but god, its what ive wanted to do for years.

Don't tell her you love her until you get her letter... you don't want to make her uncomfortable! I am guessing that you haven't talked to her?? If you want to you could text her and ask how work is going, or ask about something that you would have normally talked about before the letter, something totally unrelated to the letter and your feelings for her.

 

im sorry this post is really all over the place, but welcome to my life! i went over this a million times trying to make it make the most sence possible, but i dont think i even make any sence anymore (i think ive lost my mind somwhere between syracuse and buffalo). as i said before, thank you all so much for everything. this has been the hardest week ive ever been through and you all have been a great help. i look foward to reading your replys.

Like I said earlier, focus on school and the people there for a while. You will get a letter soon from her, just wait for it. Until then, we will be here... at least I will

[love4ever]

i guess my question is this: if a girl expresses a fear in 'risking a friendship' is it a lost cause? if it isnt, how could i possibly convince her to give it a chance?

 

Well I could answer at least one question among the many. It isn't always a lost cause surprisingly.

I was good friends with a guy in high school. He always liked me then but I pretty ignored all his advances. And after high school even when I was sort of interested I gave him the same fear of "risking a friendship" response. But here we are seven years later together as a couple.

So I wouldn't give up, just be there for her and she might finally realize that everything she's been looking for has been right there all along.

[mattkb429]

well i just wanted to let yall know that at least half of my nightmare is about to be over. i was just informed, i can leave this school by friday and get a full refund!! dont worry, my plan isnt to give up on school ill be going to a college closer to home next summer or next semester (i have good grades so getting accepted is not a concern) now im happy for the first time in a long long time. knowing im not going to be away from my friends and family has taken a huge amount of grief off of me. even though i probly wont be able to be with tania in the way i want to, at least we can chill and do our weekly pool night. also, now im leaving strangers for friends ( a week ago i was leaving friends for strangers) things are looking alot better now.

Like Dorathy said: theres no place like home, theres no place like home...

[ShoeGirl]

well i just wanted to let yall know that at least half of my nightmare is about to be over. i was just informed, i can leave this school by friday and get a full refund!! dont worry, my plan isnt to give up on school ill be going to a college closer to home next summer or next semester (i have good grades so getting accepted is not a concern) now im happy for the first time in a long long time. knowing im not going to be away from my friends and family has taken a huge amount of grief off of me. even though i probly wont be able to be with tania in the way i want to, at least we can chill and do our weekly pool night. also, now im leaving strangers for friends ( a week ago i was leaving friends for strangers) things are looking alot better now.

Like Dorathy said: theres no place like home, theres no place like home...

 

You sound happy now:bunny: ! When are you moving back home? Keep us posted on Tania... good luck!

[mental_traveller]

To be perfectly honest, and I don't mean to sound rude, but you sound rather obsessive about her. So far she is 99% likely to just assume you are good friends. If so, it's unlikely that she has had any romantic/sexual thoughts about you at all, and may well be shocked/put off by the idea. It's rare for a man and woman to be friends for so long if they are both romantically interested in each other - usually one or other will have made a move by then. IMO you made a bad mistake not revealing your feelings much earlier. I think by now you will be in the dreaded "friends zone", which is almost impossible to leave. I hope otherwise, but you should expect that she'll just not be interested in you that way at all.

 

Really you have built up all these hopes and feelings based on nothing from her side. It's a fantasy generated inside your head, with no reality to back it up just yet. Of course if she feels similar then you are in there. But so far, it's just hoping. In future, test the waters early on, don't torment yourself by hoping for months & years without even a glimmer of interest from the girl.

 

As for college, if you hated it then it was right to move out. Just make sure to focus on education, even if you decide to stay in the place you know and grew up. Don't neglect your career & future prospects for some girl.

 

Well, good luck, but don't take it as the end of the world if it doesn't work out. If she's not interested, respect that fact and bury your feelings, then find another girl or girls, or just enjoy being single for a while.

[mattkb429]

mind traveler, you didnt seem rude at all, a day or two ago i couldn't argue with you about maybe being a little obsessed about the situation. but now that i know im going home, im not being tortured by my thoughts anymore. maybe it was just a combination of having a crush 200 miles away and also being away from friends and family that made the situation so hard. now, she isnt dominating my thoughts in the way she was before.

 

it turns out actually, that moving home may very well be the right move towards my future. when my mom found out i was comming home, she was talking to a friend at work about it, and they may be able to hook me up with a job as a teachers assistant. (im going to school to be a teacher) before i thought that i was putting my future on hold in order to be with friends and family, but now i might have an oppertunity to get a semi-professional job, with good pay and benifits, which will also pay for me to finish in college! (if i get the job, they will pay for me to go to the private school in my home city that i wanted to go to, but couldnt afford) of course, i shouldnt count my chickens before they hatch, but from what my mom told me they are really hurting for teachers assistances, so it seems like i have a really good chance of getting the job.

 

of course, i still love her and i still want to be with her, but now it seems like if it dosnt happen, i wont be as torn up about it as i thought i would be. I'd be lying if i said that tania wasnt one of the reasons i want to go back home, but as shoe girl said, everything happens for a reason! if it wasnt for my extreme home sickness, i would never have this oppertunity.

 

first thing i do when i get home isnt going to be trying to get together with tania, instead ill be going out and having some drinks with the boys. ive been single for a long, long time so im usually good at dealing with it. i'll be taking love4ever's advice and just be there for her, and enjoy her company whenever i can. of course, if somthing happens ill be on cloud nine, but if it dosnt, dont worry guys ill be fine.

 

thanks for all your advice and support! ill be letting yall know how things go later on, wish me luck!

[blue16]

first thing i do when i get home isnt going to be trying to get together with tania, instead ill be going out and having some drinks with the boys.

 

First off you sound like a very decent, caring guy. However, I do have to agree and say that you're (we're) a little too obsessed with her...but it looks like you have a good attitude and are trying to keep a healthy balance in your life.

 

IMO, I don't think she is interested in anything more than friends. The reason is more than the fact that she has said "I don't want to risk the friendship," but because she hasn't given a signal of interest. I've had girls use the line about being uneasy about taking the risk...but it wasn't said without some indication of attraction ("i like you..." "I'm interested..." etc). Granted, it's possible the friendship does mean THAT much to her...and of course there are seeds of truth to that statement - but if she isn't interested in taking it to the next level then it is a moot point.

 

If you don't hear from her, or she gives you the 'let's just be friends' speech I would initiate 'No contact' with. IMO, I don't think think you can be just friends with her because it's obvious that you want much more than that.