simplybrill Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 I really just dont get my mother. I shouldn't really call her that, because when I think about how my friends mom's treat them with love, and respect, and caring - that's definitely not my mother. All she cares about is money, and having things. She hasn't quite made the connection in her mind yet- that it doesn't matter how many things you have, if you're not happy in this life-you're just filling a sinkhole with material things that you can't take with you when you die. I really think it would take one of her kids dying before she realized that she actually *gasp* has to care about us. I wish I could quit wanting her to care, I wish I didn't want her to. I cant help but be painfully reminded what normal parents are like- when I visit my friends - who are really the only ones I can go to for support. I have two estranged siblings. My older sister is a workaholic who seems to have inherited the 'ol insensetive gene from mom, and my brother is just lost-finding his own way. Neither of them ever call. I've tried talking to my sister about things, but its almost like she can't feel or something. She's like robo-sis. I've actually been crying in front of her after a fight with my mom one day- and she was just typing on her computer- she acted like I was crazy for actually being upset or something! But oh hell if she's crying the whole world has to stop or something... Im writing to see if anyone else is goin through what I am- I really could use some support guys Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah12385 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I'm sorry you're on a rough road at the moment My suggestion is that you and your mother get away for a weekend or something. Just the two of you. Camping maybe? Ok camping may be a bit...overwhelming Honestly though, you and your mom need real bonding time, together, just the 2 of you. You need time together so that you can rub off on her a bit. Also, have you considered some type of counseling? That may do the trick - you never know. Maybe search on Yahoo or somewhere for a counseling place near your home. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Holy smokes - bonding time?! If Brill's mother is truly that focused on "things", as my mother is, then I don't see the value in bonding time. Brill you need to lose the need for her approval. I know that is far easier said than done, but it's the truth. I have fought this battle for years. Over that time I have written countless checks totalling literally tens of thousands of dollars in the hope that with the next check she will care. You need to realize how wonderful YOU are and know that you don't need her approval. Take whatever positive you can from her, but let go of the negative. I hope this helps and good luck with it. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 It's natural if you don't get your mom. I don't get mine too sometimes. and I am quite older than you. I guess every parents make mistakes. maybe they don't have that love feeling in themselves because they did not receive it; maybe they became numb feelingly to shut down all bad feelings, but same time shut down good feelings as well. But you can make a positive change for all your family by showing you care your mom, your sister little by little. then you will be surprised you will receive much more reward later. By the way, Jesus love you very much Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I don't think "jesus love you very much" helps the OP in any way, nor the English language... I don't think the standardized responses such as "bond with your mother" "show them you care" are helping either...obviously she has tried all that or she wouldn't be here There really isn't much you can do if your mother doesn't realize she has a problem and has to fix it...so it would probably be best to move on and have little or no contact with her so you wouldn't be constantly reminded of it Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I don't think "jesus love you very much" helps the OP in any way, nor the English language... I don't think the standardized responses such as "bond with your mother" "show them you care" are helping either...obviously she has tried all that or she wouldn't be here There really isn't much you can do if your mother doesn't realize she has a problem and has to fix it...so it would probably be best to move on and have little or no contact with her so you wouldn't be constantly reminded of it I bet your second language is better than me I see, she is not your mom. so you can walk away easily move on and no contact? so she became a ice heart too? Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I wish I know what group in church in your area. but maybe people in some of the groups of church would like to talk with you these issues. they have group for young people too Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 SB, You are experiencing a loss that you shouldn't have to experience (lack of approval and love from your mom). It is normal for you to want your mother's approval and love. But if she's not willing to give it to you, there is nothing you can do to force it. It is also NOT your fault that your mother behaves the way she does. Your sis is just living what she was taught - being self-centered. It sounds like you're going to have to rely on yourself to figure out how healthy relationships work (and you already have a lot of insight from comparing your situation to that of your friends). I'd recommend some therapy for you. If you attend school, it is probably available for free. Link to post Share on other sites
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