what is he up to?

[Guest]

I have posted before but thought the A was over and done with it and actually maybe it is still is but I would appreciate any input.

I have been the OW for several years and when I suggested a serious talk to my MM just before Xmas he backed right away and never phoned me although prior to that point he was happy to meet up. I made the suggestion over the phone but did not want to enter into a discussion over the phone.

 

Well we live in the same area, and when I was in the library (which is on 2 levels) last Monday, he showed up and we were both shocked to see each other. He actually went bright red.

 

I decided to be civil and he came over to me and ran his finger across my lips.

Then he said that he was booked on the computer upstairs for 3 hours and he asked me to go up and talk to him.

Now he didn't have to do that--he could have just said Hello how are you etc and then gone up to his computer.

 

I finished on my computer and then went for a walk and after an hour and a half I went up to see him (what an idiot!). He really did look pleased to see me and then he said "Did I want him to call me"--this being in the library so definitely not the place to enter into an emotional discussion.

I said that "Yes he could call me" and was tempted to say "well you never managed it before Xmas so why now" but I held off the sarcasm.

He then said that it wouldn't be the next day because he had things on.

I never made any answer and just said "Good bye" with him saying he would phone. In earlier days, I would have said to him come on let's go back to my place and he would have been only too pleased.

 

Well on Wed. I went to the library after I had been to see a friend and was on the computer. Suddenly he rushed in and pretended he hadn't seen me but I knew he had.

So he logged onto the computer--guess where--right next to mine when there were 4 available upstairs.

Then he looked across and said "Hi there" and threw some sweets at me in a light hearted gesture.

I finished on my computer and I felt very strange and annoyed that he was getting me flustered.

Then he said as I got up to go "I will phone you soon" and asked what I was doing on Thurs. and Friday. He said that if I wasn't at home then would I be in the library and I said "well yes".

 

Well he didn't phone on the Thurs. or the Friday and I never went into the library because I am not sure if he is playing games and it looks as if I am dancing to his tune in a manner of speaking.

This is a very cautious man who doesn't rush anything and "soon" to him might mean next week or the week after that.

I can't believe that anyone other than a sadistic bast--d would almost set me up to fall by asking me whether I wanted him to phone and then humiliate me by not phoning. As I say, he may still phone but now I am annoyed with myself for giving him the power over me.

Surely most people would have just been polite and then made themselves scarce but by logging onto the computer next to me he really was almost rubbing my nose in it, unless he hoped I would say "Let's forget chatting just come back to my place".

I am not allowing myself to think that he is torn about wanting to be with me.

It may be that he is just toying with me and having an EA in the library if he could plus he knows where I am. That is why I did not go to the library on the Thurs. or Friday.

Can anyone please figure out his actions and why he didn't just leave me alone.

[Guest]

I am no expert but it sounds to me like he wants you back on HIS terms.

He has nothing new to offer you and he probably knows that you will not resume on the basis of it just being a never ending affair.

 

He enjoys the power over you and, although you are probably kicking yourself that you have given him back the control, just try and move on.

He seems to be playing with your emotions and that is not nice.

This is why I think he still wants you (on his terms) otherwise he would have been polite but curt when he bumped into you. He is probably annoyed with you for rocking the boat and wanting more, so he will not hesitate in hurting you, as this is his way of getting back at you. People like him do not consider your feelings for on moment. Everything is about him and his needs/wants. I bet he likes to make all the decisions and call all the shots.

He may yet call (the waiting is all part of his controlling, giving you hope, stopping you from moving on with your life), but I doubt that he will offer anything more than he has done so far.

 

Good luck anyway.