ylangylangsmell Posted September 18, 2002 Share Posted September 18, 2002 Ok, guys i need advice... Does anyone have a boyfriend that has other 'girl'friends? Mine has a platonic friend, he went out with her the other night and I did not care at first, then over the course of the evening I became more and more jealous that he was out with another woman! I do not know his friend, but he has talked about her since the beginning of the relationship, I know for sure she is JUST A FRIEND. He insists that he should be able to have other friends and go out with whom he wishes to.... no apologies . He also thinks that it is ok to NOT introduce me to her, that it is not necessary to OUR relationship! I have no problem with him having other friends, meeting for lunch, or for dinner, after work,, but i have a problem with him, going out with her, getting dressed upon a Saturday night, going to clubs and staying out til 3AM. Am I a crazed jealous woman???? OR do i have a right to feel insulted by this action? Please let me know! - - - Female or Male responses ARE APPRECIATED! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 18, 2002 Share Posted September 18, 2002 You are NOT a crazed woman. You are very generous in allowing him to go out with female friends BUT... 1. It is NOT right for him NOT to introduce his female friends to you. He may have not told them he has a girlfriend because he has designs on them. He may be keeping them in reserve. It's very sick, indeed. If they are ONLY platonic friends, there is NO possible reason he should have for not introducing them to you. This is disrepect beyond imagination. It could very well be that they are sluts that he's having sex with on the side and he doesn't want you to know what trailer park they're from. (No offense to those who live in mobile homes...some of them are very nice.) 2. It is NOT right or considerate or thoughtful or respectful for him to go get dressed up and go out with female friends on Saturday nights on a consistent basis. Once or twice a year, maybe...but anymore than that is just plain bxllshxt. Not only should you be angry and insulted but you should dump this guy today. Lady, you are in for the hurt of your life if you stick with a fraud like this. Lord only knows what he's telling these female friends...or doing with them. That he thinks its OK NOT to introduce you to his female friends is a very clear indication he has absolutely no manners, class, or sense of decency. Is this somebody you want to be in your life??? I don't think so. If you are very insecure, a DOG would be a better companion than this butthole. Don't even think about staying with this guy. If you have to force a guy into introducing you to female friends that he goes out with partying on Saturday nights, you don't need him in your life. There are many guys who will make you feel special and number one. Again, I think you are great to allow him to have female friends and this is only right and proper. But putting up with the way he's doing it is wrong. He is using you and abusing you. Don't even get mad at him. Don't even make a big deal. Just tell him you aren't going to be a doormat and that you aren't going to put up with his inconsideration and disrepect...and walk out the door. SATURDAY NIGHTS SHOULD BE FOR YOU, NOT HIS LADY FRIENDS UNTIL 3 A.M. Where did you find this jerk??? Link to post Share on other sites
beaker Posted September 18, 2002 Share Posted September 18, 2002 I don't think you're a crazed woman either. Certainly your boyfriend is entitled to have female friends, and going out with them on rare occasions -- even if you weren't there -- wouldn't necessarily be cause for alarm if that was all there was to it. However, refusing to permit the two of you to interact is highly suspicious, so I don't blame you for being concerned. In my experience, when people are deliberately kept from interacting the way you and this friend of his have been, it's because the person in the middle (him) wants to keep some truth hidden. As Tony mentioned, that could be because he's seeing her on the side and doesn't want her to know about you and/or vice versa, or he could be keeping her in reserve. It could also be because he has told her (or you) some other major lie not directly related to your relationship that would nevertheless come out if the two of you innocently compared notes. In some circumstances, it might also be possible that she was going through some private personal crisis that she asked him not to tell anyone about (I once helped out a friend that way, and I suppose it looked weird from the outside)... but I can't see how that would require him to get dressed up and take her to a club on Saturday until 3AM. No, it's tough to see a legitimate reason why he would expend effort to keep the two of you apart under these circumstances. His reasons might not be sexual, but I doubt they're noble. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted September 18, 2002 Share Posted September 18, 2002 okay, they're right about this being rude and nasty of him but - whatcha gonna do? i think i wouldn't go mad and yell at him or anything. simply stop seeing him - just say u'r busy, and if he asks about your plans, tell him you're going out with some friends, yada yada. Give him some of his own medicine. See what he does. Because if you put up a fight, he'll just tell you u'r jealous, possessive, etc, and u'll never win. When u see him, act as if everything is normal. But be RARELY available to him, until he improves his behaviour. just some thoughts, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted September 21, 2002 Share Posted September 21, 2002 you are only insecure because of his behavior - which is not acceptable. another dating policy i have (besides never going back) is that to have a platonic friendship is a virtual reality...but not socializing alone without the significant other. too much room for error (bad day with ex, cry on friend's shoulder, next thing you know...in the sack) harry was right when he told sally...the sex gets in the way. Link to post Share on other sites
just_a_girl Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 This relationship sounds soooo similar to my problem. Everything thats happened to you is pretty much what happened to me, but my story continues further, such as him ending up with a new g/f after me. Feel free to read my post and responses i have recieved, it may help you for future choices also. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=18025 Link to post Share on other sites
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