My husband is addicted to dating sites

[lisa80085]

Hi there,

 

Looking for some advice. I have been married for just under a year (we were living together for 3 years previous). I have 1 child with my hubby and I am 7 months pregnant.

 

The reason I am looking for some help is that I think my husband is addicted to dating sites/text chats/TV Dating sites and I find that disturbing. Sometimes it gets very risky and I have seen what he texts to some people. It all started a couple of months after we married he was going into Yahoo chats and chatting to women (I work in IT so I was able to see what he was writing to them) although content wasn't too bad but he said he was single with no commitments. I was really upset and spoke to him about this to say that I consider this cheating and he promised he wouldn't do it again - he said he was bored (he is a chef and works long hours and usually by the time he gets home, I am in bed) not making excuses for him though.

 

He stopped for ages but I got him a contract mobile phone (which is currently under my name) and when the bill came through it was away up to £200 and looking through it, it was all chat text messages (sky dating channel) and then some mobile numbers which I did not recognise with picture messages to them. I phoned a few and found out it was women he was chatting to following registering with the dating site. I pulled him up about this and he said that he wasn't going to take it any further he was just bored! again - the same old excuse - he says he doesn't know why he does it and that he is truly sorry he is adamant that he loves me and would never cheat on me. It got to the stage where I was taking the mobile upstairs when I went to my bed but only last week I took it upstairs and had a look through it - yes I constantly check up on him I wish I didn;t have to but I do - and saw a text to a number he had previously been chatting to and it was really naughty saying that he would like to do particular things to that lady. I pulled him up again and he promised me that he was never going to meet up with the lady and that he would barr the number from the phone, etc, etc and he was really sorry.

 

I was just checking through e-mails today and have noticed that he has registered with a new dating site (on the internet) with his full profile saying he's "always up for it so if you are leave me your email address or number and i'll get back to u".

 

Am I being a fool staying with him - I think so but I do really love him and believe him when he says he loves me and he doesn't know why he does it - I think he is addicted. What should I do bearing in mind I have 1 kid and another one on the way with him?????

 

Just want to add that I don't mind him looking at porn (I do) and I am not holding back on the physical side of our relationship in anyway. Hope I am allowed to write that!

 

Advice please.

 

Cheers, Lisa80085

[norajane]

Maybe he needs some new hobbies!

 

Sorry, but this is totally unacceptable behavior for a married man, especially a married man with one child and another on the way. It's completely disrespectful and is one step away from cheating.

 

I suggest you take away that phone account, and lock his computer in the closet (or password protect) until he can agree to go to marriage counseling with you, as well as some individual counseling to figure out WTF his problem is.

 

In the meantime, keep all those records of his chats, dating profiles, phone/text logs. They may come in handy if it comes to divorcing his sorry, lying ass.

[Enema]

You sound like a pretty open minded lady and you don't sound like high maintenance.

 

But... make no mistake, if he gets the opportunity to discretely **** another moderately attractive woman, he will.

 

Time to show him that your tolerance has it's limits, at the moment he seems to be testing them.

[Tony T]

It has been my personal observation that the greater number of men cheat during the period when their wives are pregnant. For him to do this in front of your nose...and on a cell phone which YOU got him...should certainly not be acceptable to you.

 

I don't understand why you have written this post. You know how hurtful all this is and you know what you have to do. You knew this before you wrote the query so just what is it you are wanting from us? He is not addicted to cheating...he is simply addicted to being an asxhole!

 

Yes, you are an absolute fool for staying with a man who does this in your face and continues fully knowing you are aware.

[burning 4 revenge]

this guy is hilarious . it's hurtful though, no doubt. i've been openly cheated on right in front of my eyes and that was a gf, so a husband must be all that much worse.

[Arabess]

W-H-A-T???????????????? He's married to you and you are pregnant with his child and he's on dating sites?

That is beyond a 'personal addiction'. That is just RUDE and MEAN!!

I don't know what to say because obviously you are nicer than I am.

 

Go read around on the Other Woman posts and see what these guys say to someone else while trying to convince them to have sex. They tie up two women in an utterly selfish move. They hurt everyone they touch.

 

You tell him to straighten that crap right out or...or....or....you'll stick his cell phone in a place where it wasn't designed to go into. Don't you DARE put up with that!

 

 

This makes me really mad and I'm sorry you are having to go thru it while your emotions are running wild since you are pregnant.

[bleedinghrt]

I have a similar issue with my live in BF of 2.5 years. We have one child together and he works nights. He has several yahoo accounts a myspace a YUKU, adult friend finder and I am sure many others I do not know about. He spends time surfing porn and jerking off at work while watching other women on cam. I have spoke with him about it and told him how even if what he says to them is bull**** once you say something to someone it becomes the truth. I feel very disrespected and at a loss to what I should do myself.

 

Our daugher has downs syndrome and is only 2 months old.

 

I am working on ways to leave this relationship and suggest you do the same thing. He will always disrespect you. I am sure he trys to make you feel like your some kind of spy and you hate that you even have to look after your man and what he is up too. But he has put doubt in your mind and you will never trust him again. With out trust there is no point in a relationship because you will always drive yourself crazy tryign to figure out his next step.