rose45 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Hi, I have been together with my b/f for about 2 years. I know you are supposed to trust but i feel its hard depending on the environment your s/0 is in..wouldnt you feel a little something if they were going to mexico for a week without you for spring break or something? Here is my situation My b/f rides a motorcycle and he likes going on a bike trip every year to places like myrtle beach where they have a rally..Its with a bunch of guys and usually some of the wives fly down...He says i dont belong on the back of a bike going cross country which i understand..And he also says he isnt going to spend an extra $1000 for me to come just so i am there to know what is going on. He really just doesnt want me to come on this thing..he wants it to be his own or something(from the view i am getting) He was saying--well then you are gonna have to fly back home and get back from the airport etc etc etc. Anyway--i feel these places are for people to hook up and not just look at the bikes or to ride. I feel insecure about it. Of course i tell him these things and he says things to reassure me and says i know what i am going there for..For anyone reading this post--if you look online and type in pictures of bike rallys for sturgis or daytona or myrtle beach--you will eventually come across these very hot women who work there and also women who walk around in bikini tops etc etc and pretty much close to nothing..and i can't imagine what the bars are like at night..there are pics of women topless as well. I am sure--this is not ALL he sees but i am sure it will be a lot and i can't help but just feel uneasy about it. Is this the type of an environment he should be going in? I hope someone does look up these pictures and tell me what they think. Alot of older people do seem to go(my b/f is 29) and some of the women looked wahsed up and some look like they are there to hook up. He says he isnt going to not go and he will go one these every year until he sells it. Please help with your own words and thoughts on the matter. I hope some respond who have been to these things or know or who looked up the pictures. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
afather2myson Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Anyway--i feel these places are for people to hook up and not just look at the bikes or to ride. Not always true.. There is a bond with people that share the same interests. The bigger issue with me would be the fact that he doesn't want you to go along with him. Definately a red flag there. Personally I wouldn't want to be in a serious relationship with someone who wants to keep me out of certain parts of their life. But it depends on what you are wanting out of this. If this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, then it is not at all unreasonable for you to want to go with him and enjoy sharing that part of his life with you. Bottom line is if you are not comfortable with it then let him know. If he doesnt take your interests at heart then find someone who does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 I didnt know if i should see that as a red flag or not b/c sometimes a person just wants to be without their S/O..i dont really get like that though personally..if i was going away i would want my b/f there..the way he was talking was making it sound like it would be soo hard for me to come..he is saying you would have to pay airfare, the room, fly home, and from the airport get home b/c he would be driving his bike back. He was making it sound like it would be such a hassle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 I really dont know what to think. Please look up the pics everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 ..the way he was talking was making it sound like it would be soo hard for me to come..he is saying you would have to pay airfare, the room, fly home, and from the airport get home b/c he would be driving his bike back. He was making it sound like it would be such a hassle. After reading your post...I was prone to believe the best and suggest you join him on some of these trips. However, if he thinks you being there would create a hassle...I think I will take another opinion of the whole scenario. That's just not right. Why wouldn't he want you there? Why can't you ride to any particular destination with him...on the back of his bike? Maybe he just likes hanging out with his friends....but I would be pissed off about it for sure. I wouldn't like feeling left out of a part of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 well he said if u wanna pay that extra money to go then fine..but he wasnt saying it like he wanted me there..thats a red flag if he wants to go without me? Any thoughts on the other stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 he said its a long time to be on the back of a bike..which is true. But flying down is an option but he doesnt seem to want that. Link to post Share on other sites
CanadaGuy Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Sounds simple... You are not into bikes When guys go on trips like this, it is a guys things, some (very few) women truly enjoy it. And you don't have to worry about him cheating, its a 100:1 guy to girl ratio. I ride, and it's just a bunch of guys, having some fun, riding etc... When he goes, you go with some girl friends to great spa, and/or a of night dancing. That should not bug him. Have fun! P.S. If you like bikes, what are your top 3 favorite bikes?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 well i mean--i would go..obviously he likes it more than i do. I wouldnt even know about it if it wasnt from him. Toronto guy--have u been to these rallies? If u can--look up these pictures to get a better idea of what i am talking about. I posted on a motorcycle forum and they said yes a lot of stuff does go on. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
CanadaGuy Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Please email me a link of the photos. I've been to rallies, and the only thing I've ever seen, is a wet t-shirt contest, big deal. Even at a strip club, you can't touch, so nothing happens. You hear storys, but I have never seen ANYTHING happen in a strip joint. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 toronto guy: http://www.sturgis.com/2003pics/usersent/index8.html if you go through enough of the photos you will see the girls i am talking about and i hear the girls at the bars(not the ones working strip too) Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 you can even type in youtube.com and type in sturgis bike rally or bike week and eventually see videos of what types of girls and eye candy are there..If you are not offended by nudity or girls dressed in this manner..please go there and then post your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
CanadaGuy Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Took a peak, and I've seen stuff like that before, like I said 100:1 guy to girl ratio, eye candy that 99% of the men can't have. So, I wouldn't worry about him. He has a better chance of getting laid going to work! (as many affairs start at work) Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Its really not the right place a place for a lady. Yes it is a hard ride and yes it is a party scene. And for your information alot of the women there ~ are ~ the party. When my husband (then boyfriend) was drag racing professionaly, he would not want me attending the races and being around 1 percenters. Drugs. Etc. You dont want to get him in a situation with bikers to defend your honor. It's no place for you. And besides, I really doubt your sweetheart will ride off into the sunset with the next biker babe he sees. It's highly unlikely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 hey, i dont think he is gonna fall in love with one these girls...more worried about drunken mistakes as i am sure drinking is a large part of this. Wouldnt it bother any of you girls if your b/f was going to this environment and eyeing these half naked girls..to me its not the same as a regular work day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 For those who are not offended by nudity..here are some of the pics i found of girls at this event..i am so tempted to show him this and say can you see why i cant be so secure and why i would wanna come. Misc Events - Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 feeling stressed.... look at the pics please Link to post Share on other sites
Starman Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I think that you are over-reacting to this. I think some of the folks are right that if you were to get gropped by some drunk guy there then defending your honor could spiral out of control. Have you attended any local bike events with your b/f or is this the first time you want to attend? Perhaps he doesn't want to shell out the airfare for you to come down, even after offering to pay for the airfare yourself has he still completely refused for you to come? It sounds like you have no interest in bikes at all so going to event like this would be a miserable time for you and maybe he knows that. He wouldn't be able to enjoy himself because he would have to look after you cause you would be miserable. Maybe, I don't know. I have never attended a bike event but have been to a few Corvette events in the past and most everything is about the cars and comradarie. If your b/f was looking to cheat why would he have to do it halfway across the country with some drunk bimbo when there are plenty of drunk bimbos in your own town every Friday and Saturday night? To me this issue is all about trust and insecurities. You don't trust your b/f at all. All you have focused on is that there are some bikini-clad women that will be there. You feel that the moment he sees a half-naked chick that he is gonna stroll right up to her and attempt to hook-up. Do you think this is the first time in his life he might see a woman in a bikini?? You should really look at where these trust issues stem from. If you don't trust your b/f to have a good time and be faithful perhaps you should be with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 starman, did you look at the pics? Link to post Share on other sites
Starman Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 starman, did you look at the pics? Yes, I looked at the pics. But it still boils down to trust, you obviously don't trust your b/f to behave himself at an event like this, even after being together for 2 yrs. You have gotten yourself so worked up over this that all you can think about if you b/f seeing some chick and wanting to hook-up, while your b/f just wants to have a good time with his friends, some of which are married you have told us. If you can't learn to trust someone else you will never be able to have a loving, caring relationship cause all you will do is think about how the other person is doing something that will hurt you. If there is no trust in a relationship then there is no relationship. If you keep this distrust up your b/f may view you less as a g/f and more as a nanny, and no man wants a nanny hounding them everytime to want to do something. Trust is something that is earned. You have to give your b/f a chance to earn your trust. You've been together for 2 yrs so obviously he can't be all that bad. If you think that he'll break that trust at any minute to bang some chick then you to figure out why that is. Either trust your b/f to not do anything he'll regret or break-up with him and find someone else. But don't be surprised that the next guy you find will want to do something that will make you question your trust in him and you'll be right back where you are today. An endless cycle of distrust and self-inflicted misery. So I recommend two options. Break-up with your b/f now before you think you'll get hurt OR relax about it and when he comes back ask him how his trip was. If he did anything stupid then you can break-up with him after the fact, if he didn't then you worried yourself sick about nothing. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 24, 2007 Author Share Posted January 24, 2007 I feel it has more to do than just with trust. He is going to an event like this and i have been with him for 2 years i have a right to go..this isnt an all guys event if its surrounded by girls like this...and it just pisses me off how i was talking to one of the guys my b/f went with..and they were saying they pulled a joke on one of the married guys to make him think he had crabs..and the guy was changing everything in the room..basically he cheated on his wife and his wife was flying down the next day to meet him...so it really doesnt matter to me if these guys are married and going..i know this has nothing to do with my b/f but i just feel i have a right to go. i dont know what to do anymore/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 24, 2007 Author Share Posted January 24, 2007 Also, how would i know? I'M sorry but i think most people who made a drunken mistake miles and miles away or who went a little too far...why would he admit to it? I rarely know anyone who would unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Seriously you have to consider the element you are running into. It's just not worth the chance. There are 1 percenters who pack a lot of heat. I've seen a mechanic get a gun pulled on him just for talking out of line to one of them by mistake. Sometimes these bikers get ahold of a little "country" chick like you and run a train on her. I'm not judging you, or trying to be smartassed or condesending. I'm just telling you how it is. In terms of right or wrong, what does it really matter? In a perfect world he would bring you and/or you wouldnt mind if he went alone, but we dont live in a perfect world. People are flawed wether they are single or married, and sometimes even the most trusted person cannot and should not be trusted. If he cheats its because he is broken on the inside and you wouldnt want him anywhere near you, so the rally is irrelevant. Its just geography. He could just as easily screw a co-worker or some random OW any day of the week. If it happens, it's always where you least expected it to happen. What you can do is to support him. Dont look needy, desperate or controlling. Be open minded and set yourself free from this burden. It doesnt matter what he does it what you do that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted January 24, 2007 Author Share Posted January 24, 2007 Thanks for your reply. I see your point. I guess for me..if someone cheats..then i am gone..no question...BUT i am more worried about..i never found out..i know a guy or girl for that matter..can cheat at any given time and lie easily..i guess i feel its more tempting in this type of environment and you just kind of lose track of whats important in the heat of the moment and also on vacation for a week here. I dont want to sound controlling. But if he said it last week even in a not so thrilled way about me flying down..then i should say..look this is what you said last week and i am willing to spend my money to experience this. Romeo..looking at the pics frustrates me..girls naked on this rodeo thing, girls posing with guys and the guy is looking her upper body parts..i just feel if you are going to such an event..you bring your significant other.... Link to post Share on other sites
Starman Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I feel it has more to do than just with trust. He is going to an event like this and i have been with him for 2 years i have a right to go........i know this has nothing to do with my b/f but i just feel i have a right to go. i dont know what to do anymore/ And I agree with you, if you want to pay your way there to go. Has he come out and said without question he does not want you to go at all no matter what? If that is the case that is one thing, if he just doesn't want to pay for it that is another. But you wanting to go has nothing to do with going to the event and have a good time, it's to keep any eye on your b/f the whole time. Do you want this relationship you have with your b/f to be the kind where you start following him around everywhere just waiting to catch him with his pants down? I'm not trying to sound harsh or cold but either you trust him or not. If you don't then dump him cause you will ALWAYS wonder what he MIGHT have done, proof or not. Why would you want to live like that, always wondering, not trusting who you are with? I really wish you the best in what you decide to do, you know your b/f better then we do so you have to go with your gut and your heart on this. Link to post Share on other sites
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