Now What?

[Guest]

My guy and I broke up after 3 years. He immediately moved in w/ an old gf. No contact for 8 months. He left her and started contacting me. He didn't think he had a chance. He caught up w/ me in person a few months back and I told him how I really felt. He was shocked and a few weeks later we were back together. But I found myself being a complete insecure pest. That is not me. It really isn't. I am completely in love with the guy, but I find myself constantly second-guessing everything he does, and he's done nothing but go out of his way to be awesome. He suggested we just be friends. We tried, but neither of us could manage that. I got worse. I laid down the law and said we could only be friends. I found that I can't do that because my feelings are too deep, so I ended it completely. I also bitched at him for every possible thing he ever could have done wrong over the years-every doubt I ever had about him. His last words to me were "call me if you want."

We're not kids-both in our late 30s. I know I'll never love anyone like this again. We are both going through tough times. I don't want to be like this with him, I never was before. I've never been like this w/ anyone and I don't like it. I guess my problem is that everyone kept telling me that w/ our history there should have been no taking it slow, and he should have been able to deal w/ my inesecurities after all that had happened. He says he is not ready for a commitment or relationship w/ anyone. It probably is not a good time for me either, but I am stubborn and want what I want, when I want it. He has not rejected me, but when he so readily agrees to just be friends, it makes me wonder if that is all I am to him. In any of my past relationships, it has always started as just friends.

Any ideas? Should I try to be his friend and see where it goes? I think my pride gets in the way a lot.