crazycindy37 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I have been with a wonderful man for almost seven months...hes 6yrs younger than me but has proven to be a wonderful person. He's great with my children,family,and most of all me....But when it comes to us being inimate with each other its another story. Now dont take me wrong my bf is a great lover but im just tired being the first to iniciate anything when its time to be together. I have tried to talk to him from being direct to giving him hints and he just wont get it. When i try to talk to him to see what turns him on he stays quite like its really hard for him to talk about this stuff. I dont know if i should just settle for what is going on or try another approach.. Does anyone have a similar situation? or any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 What do you mean by "he just won't get it" -- does that mean he doesn't understand your request that he initiate sex more often? Or that he understands your request but refuses to do it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazycindy37 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 I dont know to tell you the truth i have been upfront with him about him and i have expressed my desire for him to initiate sex but i guess he is not doing it as often as i would like....like i said im usually the one to start first What do you mean by "he just won't get it" -- does that mean he doesn't understand your request that he initiate sex more often? Or that he understands your request but refuses to do it? Link to post Share on other sites
orangehose Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hmmm, it seems like you've tried asking him and he's shy or reticent for some reason or another. Perhaps you could open the conversation by saying that it makes you feel uncomfortable that you're doing all the initiating. If that doesn't work, then perhaps stronger language would be in order - maybe even saying that you know he likes you, but you would feel more desirable and loved if he did some initiating. I've sort of been in this position and believe me, it DOES hurt over time. So don't let it go on too long or you might end up feeling resentful towards him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazycindy37 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 i know what you mean but two days ago i asked just a general question in the dark when we were in bed doing nothing of course ,I asked him what turned him on and he just kept saying everything..but when i asked him for something specific he never responded and thus i went to bed feeling like the most undesirable thing in the world....i actually went to sleep mad at him for the fist time...i mean what what else could i say ...he couldnt even soup up a response i mean his silence is makes me feel like what is the point of this relationship? He loves me but i cant help but feel when it comes to the sexual part of our relationship i can see there is no desire in him at all...i feel frustrated sexually and worst not desirable as a women either any sugestions here? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 i feel frustrated sexually and worst not desirable as a women either THen tell him this. Tell him you love him, desire him and that you NEED to feel that from him! If you hold it in, your relationship will fall apart slowly... Never go to bed pissed off, it's not good!! And, don't be afraid to communicate ALL your needs. He's a big boy, he can handle mature adult conversations, especially revolving around sex, pleasing you and being more open... Link to post Share on other sites
precious99 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hi crazy! I can absolutely relate to your story. My boyfriend is also younger than am (he's 26 and I'm 30)and we have had the same issue in our relationship that you have. How long have you been together? How old are you both? Has he had long term relationships before - is he sexually experienced? My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year and he was very inexperiened when we got together and very shy and embarrassed when talking about sex. I felt that his lack of interest meant that he did not find me attractive. We had many arguments, fights and disagreements. In my case it did get better - much, much better! He needed to get comfortable with me and as he was very inexperienced that took a while. Our sex life now is amazing - almost every day with him doing much of the initiating. I agree with the other posters here - talk, talk, talk....because even though it has gotten better for me some of those feelings of insecurity still linger. Don't let it build to that point....good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
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