Interesting words and there definitions

[pricillia]

These forums are supposed to be engaging so not to engage is not the answer..

 

We have all been here long enough to pratice respect, I get help from all sides

[NearlyThere]

So, I've been too busy to post here for a few days and I come back to another thread about how bad this forum has become. Please explain to me how threads like this help anyone.

 

At least on a thread where BW's and OW debate there is substance. What good does it do to continually tell people that they should not shared their opinions honestly. Am I supposed to change how I feel just so that I don't hurt your feelings? Do you want me to lie and tell you what you want to hear?

 

I have learned many things on this forum about the OW that has helped me understand my situation, but no matter how many people disagree with me or say that I don't belong, I come here on my own free will and I take what I need and leave the rest.

 

As far as Yonville goes, the OW here are the ones promoting it. I would never have found it if it wasn't for you. I'm not a member and have never posted there, but I did read there after it was mentioned here. Again, if you don't like what they have to say, then why do you talk about them so much? Just like anything else, you have control over your actions. No one forces you to read my posts or anyone else's. As a matter of fact, most of you will ignore this post and not even get this far.

 

Hi Herenow, I always read your posts, lol, right to the end, in fact, i try to with most people, I have no problem with what anyone says now, it took me a while, but i hope i am eventually learning and still trying to apply the philosophy to just either ignore it, or put i'm sorry I dont agree, which I think I have done with you once or twice, but dont think i've ever been downright rude to you , well I hope not anyway. Do i owe you an apology????

 

The only reason I wrote the other sites thread was because someone mentioned it again!! also it was more to show that the people who post on here are really quite moderate in their opinions and the way they are voiced even if people dont realise it at times and I find the other site that gets mentioned to much the other way, hence I stay here.

 

NT

[herenow]

These forums are supposed to be engaging so not to engage is not the answer..

 

We have all been here long enough to pratice respect, I get help from all sides

 

I agree 100% priciliia. I have gotten answers from people who agree and disagree with my POV. Every opinion is just that, an opinion and everyone is entitled to voice theirs.

[herenow]

Hi Herenow, I always read your posts, lol, right to the end, in fact, i try to with most people, I have no problem with what anyone says now, it took me a while, but i hope i am eventually learning and still trying to apply the philosophy to just either ignore it, or put i'm sorry I dont agree, which I think I have done with you once or twice, but dont think i've ever been downright rude to you , well I hope not anyway. Do i owe you an apology????

 

The only reason I wrote the other sites thread was because someone mentioned it again!! also it was more to show that the people who post on here are really quite moderate in their opinions and the way they are voiced even if people dont realise it at times and I find the other site that gets mentioned to much the other way, hence I stay here.

 

NT

 

No, you have never been rude to me and you do not owe me any apology. Thank you for reading my posts and I do agree with your philosophy and value your opinion.

[NoIDidn't]

As far as Yonville goes, the OW here are the ones promoting it. I would never have found it if it wasn't for you. I'm not a member and have never posted there, but I did read there after it was mentioned here. Again, if you don't like what they have to say, then why do you talk about them so much? Just like anything else, you have control over your actions. No one forces you to read my posts or anyone else's. As a matter of fact, most of you will ignore this post and not even get this far.

 

Thank you, herenow.

 

If it wasn't for the OW on other sites constantly complaining about the existence of another site where they and their actions were bashed, I wouldn't have found it. That site was a godsend to me in the beginning. It is so difficult to laugh when you hurt so bad the only solution you can think of is to crawl under a rock and die. It showed me that I hadn't done anything worthy of the pain that I was given by two people who didn't consider their actions.

 

And with the posters that usually post on other areas of LS, I too feel that the constant harping about how no one is helping you or that the threads are negative doesn't help. All it does is draw more attention to you and your many complaints.

 

If LS is no longer meeting your needs, there are other forums. Far be it from me to tell anyone to leave this forum or any others, but the offer is always on the table (even for me). There is no point is constantly starting these threads YSM if your only goal is to get people on YOUR side. You don't post about the state of your AR. You don't give any helpful advice (at least not on the board anyway) to the other OWs beyond the "ignore the BWs" slant. You complain. You incite. You cajole. Its what you do. Maybe its you with the MPD, and not the others that you are hoping to get rid of.

 

Everyone is free to come here and post what they like in a respectful manner (not passive-aggressive manner that has been resorted to in the opener). It is you that is free to leave. Report me if you must, but I am only stating my honest, and frustrated, opinion.

[pricillia]

I agree 100% priciliia. I have gotten answers from people who agree and disagree with my POV. Every opinion is just that, an opinion and everyone is entitled to voice theirs.

 

 

But I think that there is a sensitivity to the situation, on both sides...

[herenow]

HMMMMMM.. Lets see how does it help when I am asked how is your health going...And its used to talk about how I CANT HAVE KIDS. THAT I SHOULD KICK THE BUCKET ALREADY.

 

 

I want those who want to be sincere about their advices to continue giving it. IT HELPS EVEN WHEN PEOPLE DONT AGREE. ITS ADVICE THAT IS MEANT TO HELP.

 

To those who are using this as a toy. GO GET A REAL LIFE.

 

I must have missed that, I don't remember anything ever being said about you or anyone not having kids or kicking the bucket. I have no idea what you're talking about.

[herenow]

But I think that there is a sensitivity to the situation, on both sides...

 

I think it's the nature of the subject matter.

[yousaveme]

Its okay.. I dont want to talk about it. This whole thing got out of hand. AGAIN.

 

 

 

 

I must have missed that, I don't remember anything ever being said about you or anyone not having kids or kicking the bucket. I have no idea what you're talking about.

[herenow]

Thank you, herenow.

 

If it wasn't for the OW on other sites constantly complaining about the existence of another site where they and their actions were bashed, I wouldn't have found it. That site was a godsend to me in the beginning. It is so difficult to laugh when you hurt so bad the only solution you can think of is to crawl under a rock and die. It showed me that I hadn't done anything worthy of the pain that I was given by two people who didn't consider their actions.

 

And with the posters that usually post on other areas of LS, I too feel that the constant harping about how no one is helping you or that the threads are negative doesn't help. All it does is draw more attention to you and your many complaints.

 

If LS is no longer meeting your needs, there are other forums. Far be it from me to tell anyone to leave this forum or any others, but the offer is always on the table (even for me). There is no point is constantly starting these threads YSM if your only goal is to get people on YOUR side. You don't post about the state of your AR. You don't give any helpful advice (at least not on the board anyway) to the other OWs beyond the "ignore the BWs" slant. You complain. You incite. You cajole. Its what you do. Maybe its you with the MPD, and not the others that you are hoping to get rid of.

 

Everyone is free to come here and post what they like in a respectful manner (not passive-aggressive manner that has been resorted to in the opener). It is you that is free to leave. Report me if you must, but I am only stating my honest, and frustrated, opinion.

 

It would have been nice to have had the "other site" when I first found out about the OW. It would have helped me just like it helped you at that time of helplessness.

 

I have always thought that hearing the other side of the story was good for the healing process. That's why I came here. I'm well on my way to healing which is why I don't find the need to come here as much.

 

I would think that it would help the OW to get a perspective from the BW, but maybe I'm wrong.

[norajane]

Its okay.. I dont want to talk about it. This whole thing got out of hand. AGAIN.

 

You mean this thread? How is it out of hand? Everyone has been calm, polite, and trying to understand.

 

If you think this out of hand, then I can see why you are struggling so much with the forum.

[herenow]

Its okay.. I dont want to talk about it. This whole thing got out of hand. AGAIN.

 

With all due respect YSM, it gets out of hand every time you start a thread like this. And in the end, no one gets the help or answers they came here for.

[yousaveme]

No i meant something else...No complaints NJ...

 

 

You mean this thread? How is it out of hand? Everyone has been calm, polite, and trying to understand.

 

If you think this out of hand, then I can see why you are struggling so much with the forum.

[NearlyThere]

It would have been nice to have had the "other site" when I first found out about the OW. It would have helped me just like it helped you at that time of helplessness.

 

I have always thought that hearing the other side of the story was good for the healing process. That's why I came here. I'm well on my way to healing which is why I don't find the need to come here as much.

 

I would think that it would help the OW to get a perspective from the BW, but maybe I'm wrong.

 

To be honest, JIMO, I cant see how the other site would help an OW, just like the other other site, lol, would prob not help a BS. Bonehead wrote on another thread that when it resorts to name calling etc, you tend to not take much notice. I go onto the infidelity forum here if I want to know any other perspective or just read the other BS's threads and questions on here, it has given me an eye opener to be honest, hence my current dilemma.

[NoIDidn't]

It would have been nice to have had the "other site" when I first found out about the OW. It would have helped me just like it helped you at that time of helplessness.

 

I have always thought that hearing the other side of the story was good for the healing process. That's why I came here. I'm well on my way to healing which is why I don't find the need to come here as much.

 

I would think that it would help the OW to get a perspective from the BW, but maybe I'm wrong.

 

Herenow,

 

I am in the same boat. Well on the road to healing, but not just my M, myself. I didn't come here to change anyone or even to offer a differing opinion, outright. It just so happens that I have a differing opinion, and don't mind stating it.

 

But I am staying off this thread, as I am one of the dreaded *BWs* who acts with self-righteousness, contempt, and disdain. Feel free to PM me.

[herenow]

To be honest, JIMO, I cant see how the other site would help an OW, just like the other other site, lol, would prob not help a BS. Bonehead wrote on another thread that when it resorts to name calling etc, you tend to not take much notice. I go onto the infidelity forum here if I want to know any other perspective or just read the other BS's threads and questions on here, it has given me an eye opener to be honest, hence my current dilemma.

 

It's like they say "misery loves company". If I wanted to feel better about myself and give in to my self pity when I was so hurt, the "other site" would have been great. I really could have used that POV at that time and to tell the truth I think they make some very good points. I came here 8 months after my H's affair when I felt I was ready to listen to other opinions and stories.

 

I commend you for reading posts from BS's and have gotten something from them.

 

If some of the OW here just want the POV of OW, then I know there are places that they can go as well. It just so happens that BW have found Love Shack and even when I'm no longer here, there will be BW to take my place.

[Ladyjane14]

I would think that it would help the OW to get a perspective from the BW, but maybe I'm wrong.

 

For many, it's an unwanted perspective. It interferes with one's ability to take pleasure in a relationship which by nature is hurtful to the MM/MW's family.

 

Not every OM/OW is able to empathize though. Weirdly, some of the most aggressive OW's are chock full of empathy, often resulting in avoidance of the issues and even an occasional attack on a BS.

 

Others are only here to be contentious. These are the ones who are in actuality enjoying the role of the OW. Misery loves company... and some folks love misery.

[herenow]

For many, it's an unwanted perspective. It interferes with one's ability to take pleasure in a relationship which by nature is hurtful to the MM/MW's family.

 

Not every OM/OW is able to empathize though. Weirdly, some of the most aggressive OW's are chock full of empathy, often resulting in avoidance of the issues and even an occasional attack on a BS.

 

Others are only here to be contentious. These are the ones who are in actuality enjoying the role of the OW. Misery loves company... and some folks love misery.

 

Yes indeed, and some folks love drama too.

[Art_Critic]

For many, it's an unwanted perspective.

 

When you lay your wares out in a public forum you get ALL perspectives.. even unwanted ones..

 

But those perspectives may also be wanted by other readers of LS.. heck.. most of the readers of LS are guests and never post..

 

Who is to say that they don't want to hear ALL perspectives.

 

My background isn't in the MM or OM category .. I post as a child that grew up in a cheating household where my father cheated on both of my Moms ( real and step )

I understand the serial cheaters mind fairly well since I spent my whole life watching it..

 

So my voice is for the ones we never hear about in affairs or hear about on LS...The Children

[herenow]

When you lay your wares out in a public forum you get ALL perspectives.. even unwanted ones..

 

But those perspectives may also be wanted by other readers of LS.. heck.. most of the readers of LS are guests and never post..

 

Who is to say that they don't want to hear ALL perspectives.

 

My background isn't in the MM or OM category .. I post as a child that grew up in a cheating household where my father cheated on both of my Moms ( real and step )

I understand the serial cheaters mind fairly well since I spent my whole life watching it..

 

So my voice is for the ones we never hear about in affairs or hear about on LS... My voice is for the innocent children being hurt and their life altered by the affair

 

Thank you Art Critic.

 

No one can judge what is of value to another person. The info here from all sides can be of help to someone. If it's not helpful to you, YSM, or anyone else, then move on to find your own answers. With so many points of view, you're bound to find what you're looking for.

[herenow]

By the way, YSM, you started this thread by saying that you had a moment of clarity. What exactly are you clear about that you didn't know before?

 

I hate to say it, but I think you start threads like this to start controversy. I see no other reason to give those definitions it you didn't expect people to react.

[norajane]

There are over 70 posts in this thread. And some other threads have 5.

 

Do you see what I mean about making this forum what you want it to be? If you provide support to others, it will be a support forum. There are a lot of people here asking for help and viewpoints. Yet, this thread is getting the most responses today.

[herenow]

There are over 70 posts in this thread. And some other threads have 5.

 

Do you see what I mean about making this forum what you want it to be? If you provide support to others, it will be a support forum. There are a lot of people here asking for help and viewpoints. Yet, this thread is getting the most responses today.

 

Thank you NJ, I will take your advice and move on to see if I can be of any help elsewhere.

[pricillia]

Its okay.. I dont want to talk about it. This whole thing got out of hand. AGAIN.

 

Well you should try to talk about it... and it is not out of hand..

 

If you keep it inside... well that is what makes you sick

[pricillia]

I feel that what ysm is trying to relay is not to listen to all the people here & constantly apply what is said to your own relationship. Don't question your mate with things you read here. Good or bad.

That's one bad point of getting hooked on a forum. Of any kind.

Only the 2 involved in the relationship ie mm/ow, know what is real between them.

YSM, am I correct on this?

 

 

yes it is between the two people, but in order to keep it going there are too many lies too many secrets, bottom line are these relationships truly healthy?

 

They encourage self doubt and betrayal