Mistake letting the one get away?

[myhotrod123456789]

I got out of a 5 year relationship with a girl that was perfect for me. We are both mid 20s. The first 4 years were amazing. We traveled around the world together and got along as well as two people could. Bestest of friends. The last year became difficult because of various reasons including her starting graduate school about an hour away. We both fell into ruts and were so used to the relationship that things deteriorated from there. I recognize now that I was insecure and jealous with her new life and I became really clingy and needy and was ultimately not happy with myself.

 

Things ended well about 4 months ago. I rarely call to give her space, but she still calls me at least once a week and we've hung out maybe 6 times. I've made it clear I want to get back with her, but she wants to 'take things slow' with me to get over our issues (the whole story can be seen on the first post on this site). I know she really does love me as a person and really doesn't want to lose me from her life, but I'm not sure how or if this can translate back into a relationship. I really would like a second try at it given the improvements on myself that I've made.

 

Anyways, she was my first really serious relationship and I know there is something to be said about seeing what else is out there. However, I have this big fear that I will check out what is out there for the next however many years and realize that she was the best one and have it be too late for whatever reason. Should I give it everything I have and try to take things very slow with her now with no guarantees? I am open to casually dating, but isn't it unfair to these girls if I am dedicated to getting back with an ex? Ultimately, I want to get feedback from people with more experience in this arena than I? Ever feel like you let 'the one' get away?

 

Thanks!

[norajane]

It doesn't sound to me like you let her get away. It sounds like you were desperately trying to hold on to her and she didn't want to be held.

 

It may not seem right to you, but the more you detach from your ex and the less desperate you are to have her, the more likely you are to show her that you have changed.

 

So no, don't date if you can't handle it. However, if you can actually step back from your desire to have your ex back and can actually notice some other wonderful girls and go out with them, don't you think your ex will see that you aren't clinging anymore?

 

There is something worse than letting someone get away - it's holding on to a relationship for so long that you waste years of your life on her and miss out on meeting someone who really can be "the one" for you.