Interesting Story, but kind of long...

[Guest]

Ok, heres one… I’ll try to keep this short but I doubt that’s going to happen. I met this girl in my tennis class at college. (No neither one of us actually play tennis, its just for the credits.) She is 26 and I am 21. Right away I know people will say she is too old for me but hear me out. I have dated women older than me before. In fact I once went out with someone who was 23 and I was 18 (and yes she knew how old I was). I just happen to look older and act mature enough to actually be in their league, I guess, but who knows really.

 

Anyways (I told you this wasn’t going to be short) In our class we had several opportunities to be in small groups. I noticed this girl right away the first day of class, probably before she even knew I existed, and I tried get myself in the same groups as her every class. I soon found out she was extremely shy and a few other guys in the group tried to break her out of her shell. Some were more aggressive than others, but she seemed to respond more to my attempts. We both made each other laugh and we clicked right away. (Guys don’t you love it when a girl thinks you should be a comedian!?) So as the semester went along, the class evolved into more 2 on 2 and 1 on 1 groups. We always picked each other as partners and we always played against each other when it was 1 on 1. After a while we started hanging out after class. We would just talk for a few minutes or we would go have some food together at a place on campus. I not sure of the exact timeline of events but we exchanged phone #’s, we sent each other friendly texts and she told me about her boyfriend of about 3 years. Like I said I don’t remember the order in which all these things happened but I do remember her mentioning her bf in person. At the time I thought (and I guess I still feel this way) ‘well she has a ltr and seems happy so I'll just leave her be’. We can be friends and I was happy with that (and this is how I feel now as I’m typing).

 

After time, our breakfast became a weekly tradition after class. We enjoyed each other’s company and our conversation was colored with varying topics that good friends talk about. I was never shy about telling her I thought she was beautiful. She was never shy about calling me or texting every couple of days. The semester ended and I assumed that was the end of the friendship. She graduated that semester while still had 2 years left.

 

However, that summer we continued to email each other and text every once in a while (once a week maybe?). Most of this communication was initiated by her. In the back of my head I always I had a thing for her and I figured she liked me too. It was kind of understood, without actually saying it, that nothing would ever happen but we can still talk to each other. In fact, to this day, nothing has happened besides the emails, text, phone calls and casual flirting (mostly initiated by her & I return the favor with some humor and charm).

 

Fast foward to a holiday that was coming up. After a long day of work, I receive a call from her. She told me that her and the bf split up. I played the good friend and told her what friends are suppose to say at a time like this. Even while she was talking, I kept thinking that it was odd that she would call and tell me this. We were close enough to have good conversation and talk about the good things in our lives, but I didn’t think we were ever close enough to talk about bad things (ie break up with bf after 3 years). Anyways, I heard her out. Their reasons for splitting were typical (chemistry, cute things becoming irritating, constant bickering). Towards the end of the phone call, I inquired about her plans for the holiday. I was simply looking for someone to do something with (since I had no plans at the time) and who better to do something with other than the girl I have had a crush on for a semester + 1 month who just broke up with her bf!? She told me she wasn’t ready for something like that. And I playfully tried to convince her but I knew she wouldn’t change her mind. So I playfully told her “If you stay home, then I’ll stay home. We can call each other and watch something on TV.” She said yes to my secondary proposal. I assumed she just wasn’t ready to go out on anything close to a date, and I figured she would just do something with her other single girlfriends on that day.

 

I ended up making last minute plans with some close friends of mine and sure enough she called me on that day!! I was caught a little off guard because I didn’t expect it. I called her a few hours later and we talked for a while. She said she called me so she could practice for a job interview the next day. She said she ended up calling another friend (because I didn’t answer my phone) and didn’t need anymore practice. We joked around (like we always do) but she mentioned a few times in the short call “you missed your chance” (in a joking way) in regards to preparing for her interview. I couldn’t help but think I was supposed to read between the lines and discover that I actually missed my ‘chance’ to go out with her!! The call ended with me telling her good luck on her interview. I called her the next morning to wish her good luck and I told her to call me the second the interview was over. She called back pretty soon and she got the job. She seemed very appreciative that I wished good luck. She gave me all the details and the phone call ended in the typical “talk to you later”.

 

I called a few days later but I don’t remember the reason. She told me that she called her bf about the job and they talked things out. They got back together. I was a little disappointed, but I wasn’t too surprised either. Our relationship went back to weekly emails and occasional phone calls.

 

Every once in a while we talked about seeing each other for lunch or dinner. Eventually we ended up going for a 1 on 1 dinner on a night we were both available. At the time she was still with her bf. Nothing exciting happened (sorry drama seekers) but she seemed to enjoy herself and didn’t stop talking the whole time. This was a far cry from the shy girl I knew back in tennis class. I didn’t always listen to what she was saying, but the words didn’t seem to matter as much as the fact that we enjoyed each other’s company. The night ended with a hug that she initiated and we left in our own cars.

 

In the following weeks, our communication dwindled. She was busy with her new full time job and wasn’t allowed to send personal emails from work. Plus, she didn’t have the internet at home. I was pretty busy myself and it usually took us 2-3 days to get back to each other. This has been pretty much the routine up to now. She calls about once a month and our calls last 10-15 minutes. Her reasons for calling are typical (Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.)

 

In the meantime, I have been on loveshack pretty much everyday learning more about relationships and trying to guess what norajane will have to say about any particular situation a person posts about. I don’t really read these posts for any reason other than I just find them interesting.

 

Our phone calls are friendly, flirtatious and I always enjoy talking to her even though I am usually the one that has to end the call because of my busy schedule. She has gotten into the habit of asking if I have a gf yet. I say no, then she teases me, and then I joke about how the right person hasn’t “found me yet”. However, this conversation (as innocent as it may seem) always turns out to reveal something more about this girl that I didn’t know before. For example, a couple months ago she teased about me being single. Then she started saying “well I’m jealous that you are single. It seems like fun and I would be single if I hadn’t been with my boyfriend for such a long time”. Not an exact quote but, it sounded to me like if she didn’t have a bf, she would be going out with me. The conversation had one of those rare awkward silences because neither of us knew how to follow up that comment. The conversation moved on to other subjects, but I have not forgotten what she said.

 

Her latest phone call was yesterday. She called to see what I was doing for dinner. Her friends weren’t hungry, so she wanted to see what I was up to. Her reasons for calling have always been kind of weak. Like a junior HS crush that calls to get the answers for HW when she could have called her best friend instead or simply looked in the back of the book. I was busy already and I told her maybe some other time. Usually this means something will work out later in the week and we will have that dinner. In this latest phone call, I don’t know the current status of her relationship with her bf. And she doesn’t know if I am dating anyone, but she is probably assuming I’m not seeing anyone.

 

I’m not looking for any concrete answers here. I guess I just wanted to get my thought on paper. And all I’m really looking for from you loveshack readers is some possibilities that could come from this current relationship. Nothing has really happened so far, but it seems like there could be more to it if I pryed a little. Its also possible that I’m just a back up in case things go wrong with her bf. I am aware of how you loveshack readers feel about cheating and I know this girl is hovering in the arena of cheating on her bf. Or maybe, I am truly just a friend she met in school that she wants to keep in touch with. You readers certainly don’t have all the details of those phone calls and we don’t know her intentions, so I don’t expect (nor will I acknowledge) any concrete judgments. Perhaps you can provide some examples from experience that relate to my post.

 

And just so you know, I could honestly go either way on this. I am not infatuated with her. I am not in love with her. I do like her a lot, but somehow I have managed to not let her be focal point of my life. I have had dates in the meantime, but nothing too exciting. This just seems like an interesting topic that is worth posting on LS. It appears that she thinks more about me than I do about her. I am always surprised to get calls from her because I don’t really make an effort to initiate calls with her and it doesn’t even cross my mind to do so. I have shown I am capable of doing so in the past. To me, she is a beautiful, unavailable woman who is 5 years older than me. But when we start talking on the phone or we email each other, all those ‘minor’ details fade away we are left with a fun relationship that could become more if I just made a move. IMO, she keeps testing the waters with me but doesn't want to leave her bf unless she is sure that I like her, something I have never admitted clearly. And honestly, I am willing to try to be more than just friends if she is up for it.

 

Okay LS readers and thinkers… do your thing