IslandGirl73 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 He initiated contact with me:eek: i was sittting in the breakroom minding my business, reading my book and he comes in from the cafe' and heads straight to my table and asks, "is anyone sitting here?" of course i tell him no so he sits with me and we converse small chat, asking me how my weekend was and relating to me his weekend in Miami....I'm so elated and in shock i can feel the heat rushing to my cheeks! i've been taking this period of NC with OM to try and focus on dear hubby since I know thats whats best for everyone involved, but it seems no matter how hard i try, when I'm with hubby, i'm thinking of OM:eek: I am not going to read too much into him sitting with me today...at this point, i just need to take it one step at a time and use this time to figure out what i really want. but it sure did feel good to see him come to me and want to sit with me...his presence has suddenly made me feel a calming ease again. maybe this means that he'sbeen thinking of me too during our period of NC... Link to post Share on other sites
Karma24 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Hi jacquesette, I would like to be able to give you advice/support, but I'm not quite sure what kind of support you are asking for. I've been following your situation since you first posted since I have been in your shoes before. I don't think anyone here is going to tell you that you are doing the right thing. The replies to you so far seem to be right-on. Of course this guy is coming back to you because you pulled away and gave him some room to breathe. Who knows what the significance of it is. I guess time will tell... For what this is worth...I was married for seven years and fell for a very charming, handsome (never married, no kids) guy that turned me on in a way that I hadn't felt for YEARS. As hard as I tried to resist, I ended up sleeping with him. The sex was pretty good, but not the most earth shattering. Anyway, I think after we got involved he realized that he didn't want to be responsible for breaking up my marriage and leave my child with a broken home. I pursued him; calling, emails, etc. and freaked when he ignored me. Finally, I had a realization for the first time IN MY LIFE as a 26 year old woman-if someone wants to be with you, THEY WILL BE. You can't chase someone and make them want you. You can't manipulate, threaten or cry. It's a waste of time. After this realization, I sent him an email on a warm spring night at 2:00 am as the rain fell. I said something to the effect of "I really like you and it saddens my heart that we may not be together. If you don't contact me again, I will understand," and for the first time IN MY LIFE I actually meant it. (Note: he did not pursue the relationship anymore). I don't know what it was. A moment of clarity, I suppose? Either way it totally changed my life and the way I treat ALL relationships. After this, I realized that I no longer wanted to be with my husband. It sure as hell was not fair to him for me to stay if I didn't want to. I divorced him and for the first time ever realized that I was better off alone than being with a person that I could not/did not love the way they deserved to be. My point? Commit yourself to your marriage completely or get divorced. None of this in-between BS. It is torture for you and completely unfair to your husband to keep him around until you find your sure-thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IslandGirl73 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 thanks Karma, for your story...it is so similar to my plight! I hear u when u say i have to focus on dear hubby to at least give it a chance and be sure of what I really want. but to be honest, the one important difference between your situation and mine is the sex intimatcy part-u see, I have not slept with OM, and will not because of my high Christian standards and respect for my marriage. Our time together was truly genuine and sincere-without the influence of sex clouding our judgement. that being said, unfortunately, there are some things in life and love that u can't control and that would include your heart being pulled toward that someone u've had an immediate connection with. pls know that I've NEVER strayed towards anyone outside my 10 yrs of marriage-it is SO not me to do so-so thats why I truly believe there's something behind this. and as much as I'd love to erase this emotional limbo that's settled deep within me, like i said, once your heart has been captured, there's no denying it or stopping it. I truly believe that I have possibly found my soulmate for the first time in my life with the OM because of our instant chemistry together...i mean in all my life, before and after marriage life, I've NEVER experienced such an intense instant connection with any man, including dear hubby, the way I've had with this one. as a matter of fact, I always thought it was a load of crap to hear people say things like "he's my soulmate, or it was destiny" things of that nature, only cuz I've never experienced it. But now I"ve had and against my will and desires, the timing of this experience for me has happened at the wrong time in my life since afterall, I AM married. from the brief special moments i've spent with OM and our conversations together, I truly believe had I not been married, he would've agreed to continued with me-I really believe in his sincerity. but hearing him voice that he wouldn't want to be the one to break up a family only proves to me more of how special he really is and the respect he has for my situation and my feelings. also, to save his own feelings from grief. otherwise, he could've just easily continued to play the charade with me and keep seeing me on the down low. but he didn't want to play it that way. but i really believe in his sincerity for me had i not been married. to deal with this, I've been sticking to strict NC, even though we work together, I do not send emails, call his desk phone, and go on dffrt break times to completely avoid him. and at home, i don't call or text mssg him-i've even deleted his ph# from my cell just in case i get tempted. and i'm doing all this because as much as my heart yearns for OM, i know i owe it to dear hubby to be 100% fair to him and focus on him to really try and find it in my heart to still want to be with him and find whatever ounce of love feelings I've had for him so i can dig them up and use that to rekindle our marriage. but its hard, really hard. but i feel the best way to handle this is have strict NC with OM so seeing or talking with him won't cloud my judgement or progression with dear hubby. Karma, is it possible that your OM only pursued you for the thrill of having sex with a married woman and once he got it, he "suddenly" had second thoughts? u see, since I did not sleep with my OM, I never have to wonder about that in my case because I never gave the OM a reason to just be in it to "use me" so with that out of the way, i'm convinced of his sincere interest in me, its just at the wrong time in both of our lives. so now, I just continue to do what I'm doing and focus on dear hubby and our marriage and without OM in my life, I can make a clear and informed decision based on whats there on the table between hubby and I only without any outside influences. and if the end results means divorce then at least I know I tried really really hard to give us a fair shot before just jumping to that conclusion. and even then, i'm not absolutely certain it would be conduscive for me to jump back into the arms of OM. thanks for listening:confused: p.s. since OM initiated contact w/me 2 days ago at lunch, I haven't heard from him since...hmmmm?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author IslandGirl73 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 bump bump bump bump bump...duplicate entry in error, sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts