Not2bright Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hi, I'm new here. It seems I've gotten myself into a situation that I never in a million years thought I would. Okay, here goes. DON'T JUDGE! I am a married woman and have been married for several years. I am not in an unhappy relationship, in fact, I think our marriage is pretty good. My husband is a wonderful guy. I can't say anything bad about him. We are in the process of relocating to another state and I am in the new state by myself. Hubby is still in our former state and won't be here for another few months. I've been here about 4 months alone already. Okay, here's the part that sucks ... I met someone since I've been here. It was all very casual - he's here alone too. We've had a lot of great conversations over dinner and drinks. We have enjoyed each other's company. There was a definite physical attraction for both of us from the minute we first laid eyes on each other. Okay, so yesterday things got a little out of hand. It got physical and I ended up doing something a married lady shouldn't be doing. Afterward, he said "I'll call you". At that moment it just felt weird, like all this time we've spent together was all supposed to lead up to a romp in the sack. It felt like he got what he wanted out of it and I am no longer needed. I haven't contacted him, nor has he contaced me yet. To be honest, maybe he's never going to contact me again, which is probably for the best, so I can get back to the business of being a wife to my husband. I feel sad because I really like this person. I wouldn't leave my husband for him, but I really like spending time with him. I am so confused!!! So, here's what I'm asking: I want some men to answer this because I want to get a male perspective on what just happened. Was I just used and now this guy's just going to move on? Should I ever contact him again, or wait for him to contact me? Should I just pretend like this never happened and go on about my usual business? I know it's my own fault, but my feelings are sort of hurt and this is all I've been thinking about since I left him yesterday. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I am not a guy, but if you value your marriage, let this one go. Chalk it up to experience or whatever but forget about it. You move apart for FOUR months and already you stray? How would you feel if your husband was in your shoes? I am in a LDR, and don't see my BF all the time. If he went on a date with another woman it would be over, and he would say the same for me. The fact you slept with the guy isn't great... but I think the main problem is you aren't even feeling GUILT at cheating on your husband, your feelings are more concerned about the other guy not contacting you!!! You are looking for more from him! You need to re-evaluate what you want from your husband. If you don't want him tell him before he moves to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not2bright Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 Actually, I do feel guilty. I feel like a total slut. Like I said, I am confused. I'm not really sure how I should feel! Believe me, what's been going through my mind over this time period are thoughts like "how can I ever be trusted", and what you said about the 4 month thing. I absolutely would never tell him what happened, and I am not in love with this other guy, but I do like him. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 If you are not in love with the other guy, and you DO love your husband you have to let the other guy go. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Many people do, but if you read most of the threads on here about affairs, the predominant feelings are those of guilt, low self esteem, self doubt, uncertainty, and stress. Alot of people say that if they had know how bad an A could be they would never had started it, but alot onLS are in so deep they can't get out easily. YOU CAN. Its early days.. You married your husband. You have an obligation to him, NOT to the other guy. And he owes you nothing. And if you aren't going to tell your husband... let this be a one off. Out of respect to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not2bright Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 You are absolutely right and I will get through this. I am trying to get my ***** together. It will probably take a few days. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Good luck. Its not easy. But I think what you are feeling for the other guy ismorelikely tobe lust and infatuation.. rather that the love you have with your husband. i hope it works out. Don't contact the other guy... Link to post Share on other sites
scrybe74 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Here's my 2 cents. It's likely that he does like you or at least did. Sometimes the situation...the chase is so intoxicating that your brain that usually handles logic shuts down. You're in fantasy land. He probably assumed all was well because you were married and you two wouldn't actually sleep together....so he pushes the boundaries a little here and there...flirting....touching...kissing....and then it happens. Once it happens reality sets in. All the things that he's been ignoring suddenly jump out in front of him. He panics a little because he's wondering if you're falling in love with him and want to leave your husband, etc. The Flight or...Flight reflexes kick in and he's out of there. So.....If you don't want to see him again and you want to move on....then call him. You can profess your love for him and it'll freak him out or you can simply tell him that you loved what you two had but it's over and you're going back to your husband. If you want to see him again....don't call him....he'll call you. Link to post Share on other sites
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