should I be worried

[cshort4]

Let me give a little background. Married 7 years with a SAHM. She is a super mom. We have 3 kids ages 1,4,and 6. I have become very concerned about our sex life. I have a very strong sex drive and she doesn't have one. We have talked about it in and she explains that it isnt anything to do with me. She loves me very much and her sex drive will return. She always will have a quickie with me but will never starts sex. Makes me feel very guilty that I want sex and that she would rather watch TV.

 

I'm very parinoid that its me. Maybe I'm not good in the sack. I've also talked to her about this and have asked her what would make sex more exciting for her. "Its not you honey" "I'm tired". She told me she would try harder.

 

I have really tried to step it up around the house helping with chores: cooking, cleaning the kitchen, giving the kids a bath, picking up the house, etc. My thought process was if she is less tired she might feel more like having sex. I have been going strong for a couple months and I must say it has made me happier helping so much around the house. However, it has not changed anything in the bedroom.

 

Should I be parinoid? I just don't know what to do.

[IpAncA]

I'm bumping this.

[whichwayisup]

We have 3 kids ages 1,4,and 6.

 

Here's your reason why she isn't into having sex. It's not about YOU, its about her. She's tired and possibly her hormones haven't let her FEEL sexual.

 

It's great that you are doing things around the house for her, to help out... But here is a suggestion from me. Let a family member come stay at the house for a weekend, and you two have a romantic get away. Spend some alone time together! She needs you to be romantic, and intimate first, without sex. Make her feel special! Run a hot bath for her, give her flowers!

 

This isn't about you, she loves you and wants you, but her frame of mind isnt' letting her FEEL sexual.

[Ladyjane14]

Sorry to cut and paste ... but my response for this thread is the exact same as on another.

Female libido is not static. Women routinely will have ebbs and tides in their desire for sex over the course of their lifetime. This lop-sided libido between husband and wife is VERY common, affecting nearly all marriages eventually.

 

Women don't always prioritize sex at the same level men do. While many women enjoy a high sex drive, generally speaking... we aren't marinating in testosterone all day. It's not exactly the same biological urge that drives men.

 

Oftentimes when a woman has alot of demands on her time and energy, sex is one of the first things going over the side like so much ballast weighing her down. It's not really a conscious choice... it's just that she loses interest.

 

What many women fail to realize is that just as her man doesn't seem to understand her sexuality... she doesn't understand his. It does no good to say you love a guy, if he doesn't FEEL loved. He feels his wife's love through sexual intimacy, and not just that... but rather passionate sexual intimacy.

 

This is an important EN (emotional need) for most men. And it's not just about getting laid. It's about supporting his self-esteem, and maintaining emotional intimacy too.

 

Women on the other hand, often need to be feeling emotionally close to their mate before they can feel sexually connected with him. Like I said, we're not swimming in testosterone. We get a little boost about twice a month and that's it. A good portion of our chemical interest in sex comes from the adrenal system rather than the reproductive system. That's why sometimes it helps to take her out on a date and make a fuss over her.

 

Anyway... this problem does routinely RUIN marriages. It's imperative that the two of you educate yourselves. You might read through a copy of The Sex Starved Marriage by Glass, and also a copy of His Needs/Her Needs by Harley. I think your wife needs to get onboard and read them as well. You might also encourage her to get a check up. In some cases, there are medical reasons for a loss in sex drive.

 

It's not true that sex isn't important in marriage. When both partners are healthy enough for sexual intimacy, it improves emotional intimacy. This aspect of your relationship is what separates your wife from your buddies. It's something unique and special that you only share with each other.