TriLieu Posted September 25, 2002 Share Posted September 25, 2002 I have been dating my boyfriend since last Nov. In May he introduced me to a woman who he later said went on a few dates with. To be honest, I felt intimidated because she has large breasts, is tall and fairly attractive. A couple weeks ago, for some reason, we got on the subject of this woman. I admitted to him that when he introduced us, I felt inadequate / insecure. His reply was "Well you have nothing to worry about because up until May she was calling me every week and since she met you, she only calls once a month!!" I thought about it and asked later if he'd ever told her we were even dating in one of his weekly conversations prior to May? And he paused so long, it was obvious he had not. What does that mean? Although they went on a few dates over a year ago, he said the reason they weren't dating is because he sensed she needed a full-time boyfriend, which he could not be because he travels so much for his job. I don't feel like he's a part time boyfriend because he calls frequently and we're together most of the time when he is in town. I felt hurt because to me, he wasn't "proud" enough to even say that we were dating to her. Should I be worried? He doesn't plan on traveling forever - only for next couple of years...and they still talk. I told him that I had no problem with saying to any guy whether I'm attracted or not to them that I have a boyfriend - basically to not give a false impression that I have interests other than being a platonic friend. He does consider us "boyfriend/girlfriend"... Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted September 25, 2002 Share Posted September 25, 2002 If he didn't want her to know about you, he would have never introduced you. If he cared about her so much, he'd be with her ever as a "part time boyfriend." It appears that in his eyes, it just wasn't right...and you apparently are. So don't worry about it. And get some confidence girl!! Link to post Share on other sites
TriLieu Posted September 25, 2002 Share Posted September 25, 2002 Thank you for your assessment. However, we were out at a Jazz Fest and she happened to be there. She caught his eye so he couldn't just avoid her. If that hadn't happened, I would never have met her period. You're right, I believe in the motto "if you want to be with someone, you will be" But he basically said he FELT that SHE NEEDED a full time boyfriend...not that he didn't want to be with her. And I would think that the fact that she's calling once a week because there might still be some potential says she could handle him traveling so much. Oh well, I haven't brought it up since and don't plan on doing it in the future either. What is weird is that he's so open about talking about her, but NOT about his past ex-girlfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted September 25, 2002 Share Posted September 25, 2002 Well, what I meant was, maybe that was just an excuse he had, when it didn't feel right. Who cares if she's calling him...now if he was calling HER every week, and she was not doing the calling, then you'd have something to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted September 28, 2002 Share Posted September 28, 2002 maybe he enjoys the attention he was/is getting from her calls. the way i see it, when a relationship is done, it's done. if someone i dated a few times kept calling, i would ask them to stop because there would be no hope for reconcilation. the fact that she stopped calling once she met you, means that her interests were not platonic, but a continued interest in your b/f. i would be concerned that he did not mention you to her. i would think that if he really didn't want the attention, it would be the perfect opportunity for him to tell her, to get rid of her. i agree that you should pay attention to subtle cues in his description of past dates. when he said that it didn't work out because that she needed a full-time boyfriend tells me that he liked her, but didn't want the commitment. but since he's emotionally unavailable to her, she's up for the chase. just be careful to not get wound up about the women who he likes to encourage for his ego-stroking. I was in a similar situation as this with my exhusband. it's his insecurity not yours. if he knows that you are insecure about her or her type he will use it to stroke his own ego and control your emotions. i've been there a few times. i think everyone would like to be handsomer, prettier. it's normal to want to perfect your imperfections. so if you don't like certain features, change them to suit YOU, not what you think he wants. i have not felt threatened by the amazon women - i think they look freakish. from the men i've talked to over time, it's not the amazon women that they would cheat on their wives/girlfriends with --- it's the cute girls that have a personality and intelligence and who care. so...if that describes you....so much the better!! Link to post Share on other sites
just_a_girl Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 If he puts all his time and attention towards you then don't worry about the other girl. However if you feel otherwise talk about it with him and if it can't be sorted out by communication then there are obviously other problems. Goodluck. Link to post Share on other sites
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