Author sumdude Posted August 5, 2007 Author Share Posted August 5, 2007 Basically, the same effect. A guy sees a gal with hugh damned boobs ~ that to is all they can think and talk about! :laugh: Sometimes they'll all he can talk TO also The one that got me is the one where you're kicking it down the street, smiling, laughing, waving at everyone, high-fiving, the sun's shinning two three years down the road, and then something comes along to remind you of the X-Hex, and all of a sudden you find yourself in the "package" store telling the clerk, "Sh*t man, just give me two fifths of anything ~ I don't give a damn!" I may not be three years down but damn this sure gets ya ... just cruisin along things looking up and WHAM the aftershocks hit you out of the blue. Last few days the roller coaster has been bangin' me around a bit. Today I had to resist the urge to call the X ... first time that's happened in quite a while. Guess it's because I'm looking into the real possibility of seeing someone. Suppose I still have my "married, can't go there" brain habit on subconciously and the "what if?" program still running in the background. And I'm pretty sure her calling me the other day, hearing her voice and talking to her had a bit to do with it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted August 7, 2007 Author Share Posted August 7, 2007 Hmmm... strage few days. I've been seeing a woman for a little while. Nothing serious and that we both agreed on. We did get ... intimate. It was really difficult to go there. Still in a way I guess I have to keep breaking the old bonds. Since then there have been a few waves of grief for the past and the X. For those who have been through it can I assume that's natural? I know for a fact I can't get into any deep or long term relationship just yet and have been perfectly honest about that. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 Even though you are being completely honest with the girl about not being ready for anything serious, maybe you need to remind yourself of that. If it was hard to get intimate, maybe you shouldn't be doing so. I remember it feeling weird the first time I get naked with someone new, but it's not about being over someone or being ready, it's about being naked, for me. I just think I look better with clothes on and am afraid to disappoint and lose that bit of mystery. Baby steps are always okay to take! (Just a reminder!) Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 Even though you are being completely honest with the girl about not being ready for anything serious, maybe you need to remind yourself of that. If it was hard to get intimate, maybe you shouldn't be doing so. I remember it feeling weird the first time I get naked with someone new, but it's not about being over someone or being ready, it's about being naked, for me. I just think I look better with clothes on and am afraid to disappoint and lose that bit of mystery. Baby steps are always okay to take! (Just a reminder!) Hello! Physical intimacy? I think not? Emotional intimacy? Emotional vulernability? Once bitten ~ twice shy!! The first bite is the deepest! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted August 8, 2007 Author Share Posted August 8, 2007 Hello! Physical intimacy? I think not? Emotional intimacy? Emotional vulernability? Once bitten ~ twice shy!! The first bite is the deepest! Hmm ... hey guns ... trying to get a handle on this post. What are ya sayin here? To be clearer it wasn't that difficult to go there but there definitly some barriers and hesitation. Just taking my time in all of this really. Starting to notice that I'm tripping over myself ... or should I say my past self. Seems like a lot of old relationships, freinds etc. might not quite fit anymore. I've inadvertantly stepped on a couple toes here and there Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 Sorry, Tha' Barclay's (Scotch) caused me to word it wrong! I was saying yea! Physical intimacy? ~ your ready for. The investment of emotional intimacy is another thing all together. Once bitten, twice shy. Its harder to put your heart out there once you've gone through what you've gone through. Per the "Hate" thread, its the reason I've got a problem with "bastards" ~ they make it hard on decent guys to find and get with decent women, becuase the "bastards" used and abused them ~ burned them. Hell if words were flames? I'd be ashes by now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted August 8, 2007 Author Share Posted August 8, 2007 Per the "Hate" thread, its the reason I've got a problem with "bastards" ~ they make it hard on decent guys to find and get with decent women, becuase the "bastards" used and abused them ~ burned them. I think the X had a couple or more of those in her past. So when things were less than stellar with me for a while she just jumped ship .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted August 11, 2007 Author Share Posted August 11, 2007 This has been the craziest couple of weeks. I'll try to get the details and timeline straight... I just had to share this stuff. "As the Divorce Turns" I met my STBX through an old friend of mine, call him Buddy. He was her friend before I met her. So Buddy calls a couple weeks ago to let me know he was going to give her a call and maybe hang out. I said sure I don't need to know, you all were freinds before all this, not my issue. So this weekend I end up going out with another friend of Buddy's and hitting it off. From what I saw they were just freinds and she was interested in me. A few days later he calls me to let me know he is 'into' this woman ... well i kinda let him know that she and I ... 'kinda hooked up'... So he get all bent out of shape, heck i didn't know he was into her .. Anyway he calls back apologizes and tells me isn't wasn't my fault .. inferring it was this ladies fault. So she backs away doesn't want to cause trouble between two freinds etc etc I say well okay but don't be too hard on yourself. I let it go.. Soo... today I call the STBX about some legal matters we start talking and she mentions that Buddy stopped by ... apparently his intentions were not completely platonic.. She shot him down ... So to sum it up Buddy goes after my ex last week... the following weekend i get hit on and 'hook up' with this other woman .. he has the nerve to say he has 'feelings' for her, get all high and mighty on me and the new girl.. All the while he had gone after my X??? WTF!!?? Yeesh I keep tripping over my past.. what the heck was he thinking? Hey my ex is free as far as I'm concerned but his actions show very little class or respect AFAIC. I mean a week after we file he's there ... a vulture .. must be desparate. like I need this stress ... had a minor bump in the legal road stressing me out. Oh well life goes on but I wonder if I've outgrown some of my freinds ... then again his actions didn't show much freindship. Link to post Share on other sites
Melovator Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 It's time to dump Buddy. About 7 years ago I had to dump quite a few 'Vampire Friends', I just said to them 'You are really f**ked up and need counselling'... you can imagine how that was received. But that's female- female friendship, I've noticed that male friendships can often be broken if the habit gets broken, ie one of them moves house, changes job, loses his licence. So if Buddy's a habit- you can change your habit, if Buddy swings on in from time to time you could try avoidance or you could just tell him "You're really f**ked up and need counselling, you clearly have some kind of obsession with me as you are not only trying to eat my vomit but you then want to cut my lunch. If you call or come near me ever again I will seek a restraining order on your 'Single White Femaling' a$$." Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted August 11, 2007 Author Share Posted August 11, 2007 It's time to dump Buddy. About 7 years ago I had to dump quite a few 'Vampire Friends', I just said to them 'You are really f**ked up and need counselling'... you can imagine how that was received. But that's female- female friendship, I've noticed that male friendships can often be broken if the habit gets broken, ie one of them moves house, changes job, loses his licence. So if Buddy's a habit- you can change your habit, if Buddy swings on in from time to time you could try avoidance or you could just tell him "You're really f**ked up and need counselling, you clearly have some kind of obsession with me as you are not only trying to eat my vomit but you then want to cut my lunch. If you call or come near me ever again I will seek a restraining order on your 'Single White Femaling' a$$." ROTFL ... yo Melo, you rock! Too bad there's a lot of ocean tween there and the states ... or maybe it's a good thing ... Rock on girl and keep care of yourself. Hope you know what you're doing with that man of yours.. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 you are not only trying to eat my vomit but you then want to cut my lunch. :lmao: I agree that maybe it's time to cut Buddy loose.. He was trying to take a swing at you by banging ( or trying to bang ) your STBXW.. What an assclown..Who needs friends like that ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted August 11, 2007 Author Share Posted August 11, 2007 :lmao: I agree that maybe it's time to cut Buddy loose.. He was trying to take a swing at you by banging ( or trying to bang ) your STBXW.. What an assclown..Who needs friends like that ? Yeah .. the real sad thing is he hit on my X BEFORE I ended up seeing this other woman .. then he has the gall to give me a hard time ... a$$clown is a good word... he certainly showed his a$$ with this maneuver... He's been pi**ing off a lot of people lately, burning a lot of bridges. Y'know it's effed up. When a D happens and the chips are down you start to find out who your real freinds are. That list gets smaller by the day ... the messed up thing is ... I can still trust and count on my STBX more than some of my supposed 'old freinds'.. Go figger Link to post Share on other sites
Melovator Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 Yeah .. the real sad thing is he hit on my X BEFORE I ended up seeing this other woman .. then he has the gall to give me a hard time ... a$$clown is a good word... he certainly showed his a$$ with this maneuver... He's been pi**ing off a lot of people lately, burning a lot of bridges. Y'know it's effed up. When a D happens and the chips are down you start to find out who your real freinds are. That list gets smaller by the day ... the messed up thing is ... I can still trust and count on my STBX more than some of my supposed 'old freinds'.. Go figger Amazing how these people piss EVERYONE off at once, don't be the person who stays his friend just because everyone else dumps him. Do I know what I'm doing with 'that man'- nope. I know what I'm doing with me and that's involved a few occassions of using his ass for own gratification. Strangely, he seems to get off on it and wants more... sometimes I really just can't get my head around the Y-side. Link to post Share on other sites
notspiritual Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 I don't care if your ex is free. If a friend tries to go after my ex, I would not only dump the friend. I would punch his face until his mother cannot recognize him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted August 12, 2007 Author Share Posted August 12, 2007 I don't care if your ex is free. If a friend tries to go after my ex, I would not only dump the friend. I would punch his face until his mother cannot recognize him. The thought had crossed my mind... but what purpose would it serve? It would change nothing that has happened and only cause more trouble. He will get what he deserves anyway by the way he is living his life. I get no satisfaction from violence. Only in self defense or defense of others would I resort to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted August 13, 2007 Author Share Posted August 13, 2007 After a bit more thought I also have to consider that we are talking about my X here .. a bit of remote drama insertion is not so far fetched with this whole Buddy thing. Either way I'll keep my distance from him and not let this get to me. Link to post Share on other sites
mammax3 Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 I get what you mean about your x being 'free', but a friend shouldn't do that. It's bad enough if he goes after an ex-girlfriend, but an ex-wife? For a hook up?? Low. I didn't think that friends would go all weird in the face of a friends D. Kinda makes sense though. Makes some people nervous, I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 Its called R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Learn what it means to me! Scratch that SOB off the Christmas Card list! She may be tha' "X" and be of her own free will to come and go as she damn well wishes and sees fit ~ but friends don't try and "scrogg" their friend's X's! Even if their "X's" want to scrogg them! You look at them and tell them, "As much as I'm tempted! Sumdude's my friend, my bud, and I just can't bring myself to do that to him!" If it was one of those "once in a lifetime" deals, ~ "soulmate" type deals? I'd still back off and discuss it with you first! Out of respect for you and our friendship. My last GF that I got with? She was seperated and heading for divorce. Her soon-to-be XH callled, and I asked to speak with him. I told him, "If there's any chance of the two of you and her getting back togeter? Just say the word ~ and I'm out of here, you and her have a son together!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted August 13, 2007 Author Share Posted August 13, 2007 Its called R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Learn what it means to me! Scratch that SOB off the Christmas Card list! She may be tha' "X" and be of her own free will to come and go as she damn well wishes and sees fit ~ but friends don't try and "scrogg" their friend's X's! Even if their "X's" want to scrogg them! You look at them and tell them, "As much as I'm tempted! Sumdude's my friend, my bud, and I just can't bring myself to do that to him!" If it was one of those "once in a lifetime" deals, ~ "soulmate" type deals? I'd still back off and discuss it with you first! Out of respect for you and our friendship. My last GF that I got with? She was seperated and heading for divorce. Her soon-to-be XH callled, and I asked to speak with him. I told him, "If there's any chance of the two of you and her getting back togeter? Just say the word ~ and I'm out of here, you and her have a son together!" Oh yeah I hear ya ... for all I know his visit was just as a freind and then the X started up the drama spin machine to make something out of it...who knows what her motivation could be. Maybe his call to let me know he was going to see her was trying to get my permission , heck I assumed it was just a freind thing (DOH!). At this point I don't know what to believe.. and realize that I lived that way at times for the last 8 years. Man I've had enough of all this crap.. what's wrong with people? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 All I can say SumDude is I've got a personal "Honor Code" and that includes not scroggin my friends ex's! Maybe that makes me strange and weird ~so be it! Just that plain! Just that simple! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted August 13, 2007 Author Share Posted August 13, 2007 All I can say SumDude is I've got a personal "Honor Code" and that includes not scroggin my friends ex's! Maybe that makes me strange and weird ~so be it! Just that plain! Just that simple! I know and agree ... Considering my X's propensity for occasional fabrication or exaggeration.. I have no idea whether that was his goal or not since all I have is her story. Either way I don't need either of them in my life anymore.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted August 15, 2007 Author Share Posted August 15, 2007 Met with the X at the courthouse to sign a couple documents for the D. HAd a little bump in the proceedings, shouldn't be much to fix up but it was stressful. She was in quite the sour mood, just overall bit**y. Complaining about how she now hates the town I live in (where she used to live). Grousing at people at the courthouse because she had to go back to the car and leave her cell phone (not allowed in courthouse). Makes me think about her attitude over the years and just how difficult she could be. After the papers were done we talked over a couple soda's for a bit. Tells me how her car is falling apart and some familial mess with her dad etc etc. Apparently she has switched her views on politics, basically switched sides. The new church she has joined etc etc. Too bizarre, how does someone just remake all of thier views in 6 months? Just trying to fit into her new life and people she's hanging around I suppose. For some reason she still brings up the relationship and where I made mistakes and maybe where she may have. Making sure that I'm in the wrong and she did the right thing I guess. I'm tired of talking about it with her myself. I look forward to this D being done and truly free of the tangled web of this whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 It is kind of a good feeling ... I remember spending some time with my ex after the divorce and thinking.." Damn.. I sure am glad I'm not married to you anymore " I would occasionally take her and her daughter out for dinner when she still lived in the same state as me.. Even still if while I'm talking to my step daughter I may have a 5-10 min conversation with my ex and I will hang the phone up and smile.. The best decision I have ever made was divorcing her and ridding my life of her drama.. hands down.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 I look forward to this D being done and truly free of the tangled web of this whole thing. I bet you didn't truly believe a statement like that would ever pop out your mouth a few months ago. And just look at you now. Attaboy, SD. You made it through to the other side. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 Ahhhhhh~! That moment! When you've got your freedom back! The really nice thing about being a man and going through all of this? Getting your b**** back! "Yea, yea, yea,...............you can have the living room suite, and the 32" Sony, I just want my "boys" back!" Link to post Share on other sites
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