OUCH! She moved out yesterday morning.

[Melovator]

She loves and cares about you - Meaning - Just that. Nothing more, nothing less. It is what it is.

 

whichwayisup is so right about this: I get "You are very special to me." and I know it doesn't mean he wants to be with me.

 

Love and care about yourself that's more important right now. Who cares what she thinks?

 

We love you & care for you as well, I hope that doesn't mean we are a couple.

 

PWSX3 is right there too, I like to think of LS as an electronic love-in/ emotional bootcamp.

 

 

I have this feeling once things are signed & the ink is dry we will hear a certain sumdude saying; wow I am so happy now, things are going so well for me, etc. etc.

 

You have done so much & you should get a thumbs up or two for all the hard work. Just look at what you have done in such a short time & it will just keep getting better!!!!!!

 

Here here! give yourself some cheers sumdude! You rock!

[azianpride143]

So things are pretty good ... Played another gig tonight. Had a good 4th of July with freinds. I've been reconnecting with a lot of people I've lost touch with. It's amazing how often I'm hearing things like ...

 

"Well we would have liked to have seen you more but it just that ... your X could be a bit much to take so .."

 

IOW they kinda stopped inviting us to a lot of things because she annoyed people.. wow... Not that they hated her or anything but that her constant drama, nonstop talking and incredible one upsmanship (she ALWAYS had to have a bigger story than anyone) was hard to handle.

 

 

I'm in the same boat. I'm finally re-connecting with old friends and family and this is the same quote that I hear. Also the fact that my life revolved around her and that she wanted total control of all aspects including my friends. It's good to catch up on old times and just have fun. It's good to be around people that enjoy your company.

 

It takes time to heal. It could be a long time before you get over this person in your life. After all you've been together for a while. It doesn't mean you can't feel loved and love again. We just need to allow ourselves the time to move on. So we can get on with our lives. We learn from our past in order to make a better future.

[sumdude]

Well, today was six months and one day. First opportunity to file. Had a long weekend. Spent Thursday and Friday getting the papers together. Did the divorce myself through one of those online divorce paper site. It was super stressful trying to be sure all the paperwork was good. Also had a rehearsal then a festival gig on Saturday. Sunday I was just emotionally and physically exhausted... took the day off to do nothing. Had a few hours of grief to deal with then invited a buddy over for dinner.

 

She came over early this morning. We had coffee and talked a bit. Then got the papers together went to the courthouse. The filing was painless at the courthouse pretty much. Filed the complaint, she went to the sherriffs office to sign the waiver of service then that was it. We were pretty damn freindly through it all. Took all of 20 minutes or so. Now we wait for the little hearing to be scheduled and then that's it.

 

We had lunch. We talked about the past, some good memories and some hard ones and what happened. Talked about our individual futures. Like two good friends ... how insane yet Ok I guess. In my way i let her know I was still open and was she sure but nothing there. I had to be honest with that, only way I can be. She left a few minutes ago.

 

She says I'm not the one and you're not the one.... whatever.....

 

I wish I felt some huge relief but honestly just maybe a little tiny bit if at all. Silly me still loves her. Doesn't mean i won't love someone else. Seeing her and looking into her eyes just made it harder I guess. I wonder if it would be easier if it was a little nastier or something. But then what would that do ... Guess I'm still hurting, wishing I could be angry. It'll all work out for me but right now ... ***k this just sucks! ... But I'm Ok.

 

 

Now it's just me .... dealing with me.....

[whichwayisup]

Hang in there Champ...And don't go beating up on yourself with the coulda's, shoulda's, woulda's....

 

She was a big part of your life, and yes, you love her. Probably will love/care for her forever...Grieve, and give yourself time to work through what you are feeling and just know that you will comeout fine and dandy. You have alot of good friends, family and support here too!

[sumdude]

Hang in there Champ...And don't go beating up on yourself with the coulda's, shoulda's, woulda's....

 

She was a big part of your life, and yes, you love her. Probably will love/care for her forever...Grieve, and give yourself time to work through what you are feeling and just know that you will comeout fine and dandy. You have alot of good friends, family and support here too!

 

Yeah... that's about how it is. Thanks.

 

I needed answers this last couple of days and I got them. I had been thinking about it for a while and planned one thing out. I had a couple drinks the other night. Just a couple, had to test my strength... seems crazy but I had to know. So I had a couple and that was it, haven't had any since have no plans to either. But I did find that I can control myself BUT that it's potentially dangerous for me knowing my past.

 

And the other answer ... well she gave me that. Papers are signed....

[notspiritual]

Papers are signed....

Bah, it is just a piece of paper, it does not mean anything, it does not change anything..

 

The interaction between you and your wife is not dictated by a piece of paper. She has not been a wife well before the papers were signed. Also, signed papers does not mean you lost her forever, only the future will tell.

 

As far as I am concerned, there is nothing worse than a wife who thinks that her husband cannot change positively after learning from his mistakes. Why would I care about someone who thinks so little of me and who does not believe in my capacity to become better.

 

I want a wife who adores me, who think I am the best thing in the world that happened to her. I want the young hot babes who will treat me like a God because she admires me. Forget the old hag. If you are a young hot babe, have nice legs and boobs, pm me :lmao:

[Ladyjane14]

I want a wife who adores me, who think I am the best thing in the world that happened to her. I want the young hot babes who will treat me like a God because she admires me.

 

Yeah... good luck with that! :lmao:

Try one of those Renaissance Fairs. You need a woman who can really appreciate a Medieval man.

 

 

Sumdude... be careful with the experimenting. I'm so proud of you for making it through this break-up without drinking. You really took control of your situation. Don't get complacent now. Keep your guard up for just a while longer, until you're really well-established in your new life.

[sumdude]

Bah, it is just a piece of paper, it does not mean anything, it does not change anything..

 

The interaction between you and your wife is not dictated by a piece of paper. She has not been a wife well before the papers were signed. Also, signed papers does not mean you lost her forever, only the future will tell.

 

This is absolutely true... however signing and filing divorce papers are a very significant milestone.

 

As far as I am concerned, there is nothing worse than a wife who thinks that her husband cannot change positively after learning from his mistakes. Why would I care about someone who thinks so little of me and who does not believe in my capacity to become better.

 

I can think of worse things. That fact that someone who pledged herself to me gave up on me pretty quickly in the scheme of life is a definite mark on her character. Still doesn't mean I don't and shouldn't care about her though. I choose not to see people simply as resources for my own puposes. You cannot recieve wihout giving.

 

I want a wife who adores me, who think I am the best thing in the world that happened to her. I want the young hot babes who will treat me like a God because she admires me. Forget the old hag. If you are a young hot babe, have nice legs and boobs, pm me :lmao:

 

LOL you crack me up up.... Adored yes, treated like a GOD? You will only set yourself up for dissapointment with that need. No one will treat anyone like a God once they live together a while. Everyone has the same body functions and is human. Having expectations like this is a recipie for failure in relationships. I guess then you can prove how they're all no good then? Good luck NS... I won't be arguing with you about any of this anymore.

[sumdude]

Yeah... good luck with that! :lmao:

Try one of those Renaissance Fairs. You need a woman who can really appreciate a Medieval man.

 

 

Sumdude... be careful with the experimenting. I'm so proud of you for making it through this break-up without drinking. You really took control of your situation. Don't get complacent now. Keep your guard up for just a while longer, until you're really well-established in your new life.

 

Thanks LJ, I've been getting a lot of voices of concern.. Which is a good thing that people care. Perhaps a slight bit tedious and frustrating since I am at a point where I want to take back total control of my life and I seem to be getting a lot of different opinions and advice as to "don't do this or do that." I have to be my own man and keep my own council and still appreciate and hear others concerns. I have to set and enforce my own rules and maintain my self control. I know it will be difficult at times especially around the folks who care the most. Know thyself is the mantra. I sure a H*LL do not want to end up back where I was.

[Ladyjane14]

...I've been getting a lot of voices of concern.. Which is a good thing that people care. Perhaps a slight bit tedious and frustrating since I am at a point where I want to take back total control of my life and I seem to be getting a lot of different opinions and advice as to "don't do this or do that." I have to be my own man and keep my own council and still appreciate and hear others concerns. I have to set and enforce my own rules and maintain my self control. I know it will be difficult at times especially around the folks who care the most. Know thyself is the mantra. I sure a H*LL do not want to end up back where I was.

 

It's good that you recognize all that. Although not at all unusual that you would.

 

"Care and concern" don't always manifest themselves in the way that's most comfortable for us. It's a blessing nonetheless though... to know you're not walking through the world without friends.

[notspiritual]

Try one of those Renaissance Fairs. You need a woman who can really appreciate a Medieval man.

Medieval Times. This must have been a great period to be a man. Nowadays in Europe and North America, wives have no more respect for their husbands. These western women are most often considered as whores by the rest of the world. Feminism is a widespread sickness and marital laws are pro-women.

 

Yeah... good luck with that!

ou will only set yourself up for dissapointment with that need

I refuse to settle for less than the best, I deserve the best in life. Every man should believe he deserves a wife who adores him, admires him and treat him like a God. She is not difficult to find, she simply does not live in the US where most women are only attracted by money and by how expensive their ring will be. These women treat their men like sh**. I say go abroad there are plenty of gems. Deep inside, you know you can do better than this future hag of a wife who wants her baby at 30 and an expensive marriage ceremony that you will need to pay.

[sumdude]

I'm frustrated with myself today... feeling pretty down at the moment I guess it'll pass soon enough.

 

Last night freinds of mine were playing at at club. There were a lot of nice looking ladies there. I could tell a few were really checking me out... For some reason I couldn't seem to make the move to even talk to them. I don't know if it's my self confidence or not wanting to get into anything or what. It just didn't make any sense... Dammit I need to get over it all.

 

My X did call me earlier that day .. something about having some pictures of mine and had I heard from the court about the final hearing yet. Wonder if that was stuck in my head.

[whichwayisup]

You're not ready yet to get involved with anyone...So, just enjoy the eye candy so to speak and let those ladies check you out. Good for your ego and that will help build yourself back up.

 

Don't beat up on yourself so much. Considering the time span involved from when all this happened to now, it hasn't been that long...So, give yourself time to heal - Except some down days...

[Missy27]

I agree with WWIU ~ It hasn't really been THAT long since she dropped her bombshell

 

Dont sweat it SD ~ ! Life is easy man ~ . Like Gunny says "Rub a lil' sunshine on your face" and enjoy what you got at the moment ~ There's a plenty of time for da ladieees ~ they dont just disappear over night you know ~~ !

 

You know what SD ~ ? In my humble opinion, the fact that you didn't walk right on over to them there girlies is in actuality ~~ quite encouraging ~ ? ~~ BBECAUSE ~~~ It means that your body and mind are all ticking along right. You're mind KNOWS that you're still working on some other stuff and it's tellin you that you're not quite ready to get too intense just yet ~~ Kind of like an automatic defense mechanism. Dont Laugh ~~ !! I'm being serious ~~ I've studied this sorta stuff and the human mind as you know SD is an incredibly powerful and mysterious tool and it sounds to me as though yours is working just the way it should do ~~ CLARITY ~ !

 

One day, as always in this ole' game, somehow, somewhere outta the blue, some chick will come along and just knock you right off of your feet. THEN your mind's gonna be screamin at you "Let me at at her, let me at her" ~ you'll know when it happens ~ ! :laugh:

 

You'll start connecting with the ladies again SD, you're just breezing through another stage of your life at this precise moment, ~ and ~ your lifes changing all the time. You're briefly stopping by a new town, and tomorrow you'll be hopping back on that journey and the next town you stop by will be different again and the one after that, different again. How you feel today wont be how you feel tomorrow or next week or next month. Remember ~ You're GROWING SD. You're on a journey and you dont know quite how it's all gonna pan out, but you DO know that whatever happens, you're gonna have done the work needed to make it all good for you cause you're happy with YOU.

[Ladyjane14]

Agreed with WWIU and Missy. You'll know when you're ready, hon.

And when you are... your feet will carry you forward like magic. Because when you're really ready, standing there like a wallflower will be unimaginable to you, as if the cost of having your feet glued to the floor was too high to pay.

[sumdude]

Thanks y'all ... maybe I'm just impatient ... want to get on with it all now.

One horse throws you find another one and ride kind of approach. But it doesn't always work that way? Must be in one of those All Day Hard moments.

 

Thought I was ready to run but the old love legs ain't healed up right yet.

[Art_Critic]

Thought I was ready to run but the old love legs ain't healed up right yet.

 

Walking is fine.. it does take time.. you have to also remember that you are a quite different person that you were 6 months ago.. that new person needs some time to readjust and figure out your new needs and desires...

 

.. you're doing great SD...

[Gunny376]

I agree with the others, your sub-conscious is still processing the events from that train wreck. That's how the human mind works ~ sort of like the Iraq's we captured during the First Gulf War that had survived a B-52 bombardment. All they wanted to talk about was about those hugh damned bombs that got dropped on them. You'd be asking them something, or trying to tell them something, and they would be like, "Bombs, did I tell you about those hugh ass bombs??!!!!"

 

Lost, dazed, confused, screaming and shouting running around in circles doesn't even begin to described their mass confussion.

 

It takes awhile to crawl out from something like that, and to get your act together mentally, emotionally. When I went through it I was like, "Did anyone get the number of that hugh ass truck that just ran me and that I just crawled out from under?"

 

The one that got me is the one where you're kicking it down the street, smiling, laughing, waving at everyone, high-fiving, the sun's shinning two three years down the road, and then something comes along to remind you of the X-Hex, and all of a sudden you find yourself in the "package" store telling the clerk, "Sh*t man, just give me two fifths of anything ~ I don't give a damn!"

 

Having gone the long hard road with it ~ alone, I can tell you this! You'll be over her the day you make your mind up to be and do so! For me? It took just two majic little words,.............................I'M DONE!

 

The day I told myself, "I'm done with this, with her, this whole affair!", and got busy living my life, is the day I turned the corner! Its a conscious decision that you have to make.

 

Along with it came the thought that I may very well be single and alone for the rest of my life ~ and that's alright too! I'm not going to settle for just anything nor anyone to keep from being alone. Just to be in a relationship, just to be married. Better quality than quanitity.

[sumdude]

A buddy put it in a really funny way...

 

"As soon as you open up that case of Don't Give a S**t Ale you won't know what to do with all the women."

 

I've been looking for some Don't Care a Rat's Azz Stout but can't seem to find any right yet. Maybe have a bottle of Bite Me Lite layin around though...

[notspiritual]

(#months to move on) = 5.46 * ((#years in relationship)^0.81)

 

This formula gives you the number of months you will need to completely move on according to the number of years you have been in the relationship.

 

I'll adjust it as I get more sample data.

[whichwayisup]

hugh damned bombs

 

Thought this read "huge damned boobs" Oops...

[sumdude]

There's a plenty of time for da ladieees ~ they dont just disappear over night you know ~~ !

 

Oh man LOL you did not just go there :lmao: Sometimes they disappear between 10 AM and dinner. At least I know of one that did

 

 

Funny how things turn ... The next night I was out and ended up in a different mindset. Had a good time with a lady and will likely go out on a date with her sometime.. Not looking for much but I think knowing that I hit a hidden block the night before, recognizing it for what it was let me see what was going on inside me. Starting to cross that bridge and it's hard not to look back and wonder ... to let go ... to be DONE. Getting there though ... bit by bit.

 

My next challenge is not to think too far ahead when it comes to a possible relationship.

 

LJ, Missy, Gunny, AC ... you all are a great help. Heck even NS in your way at times

[Ladyjane14]

...I think knowing that I hit a hidden block the night before, recognizing it for what it was let me see what was going on inside me. Starting to cross that bridge and it's hard not to look back and wonder ... to let go ... to be DONE. Getting there though ... bit by bit.

 

Good for you SD. :bunny:

Pat yourself on the back for me one good time. Self-awareness is a skill, man. And it's gonna take you far. Never doubt it.

[Gunny376]

Thought this read "huge damned boobs" Oops...

 

Basically, the same effect. A guy sees a gal with hugh damned boobs ~ that to is all they can think and talk about! :laugh:

[Darth Vader]

Now I know how strange topics get going in here, yeah, I know I'm reading and typing some of them too. Is it too late to say I only read this forum/s for the articales?