OUCH! She moved out yesterday morning.

[butterfly37]

It really is ironic how true justice is ultimately served.....

 

My X is going through a similar situation right now. He's living with his sister right now. But her kids are moving back home and he has to leave with nowhere to go. He's unable to stay with family anymore(they're full or have moved away). He's turned his back on all his friends. His girlfriend lives clear across the country. He's broke. All the while I've just been taking what he's been offering. And giving what he's asked for. And I'm not hurting in the least. I'm doing awesome.

[whichwayisup]

Well, she wanted to start her life over again, start fresh...

[sumdude]

Well, she wanted to start her life over again, start fresh...

 

yep ... she started this job when she moved out in January.... 6 months is as far as she made it... about her average for a job.. I think her record was about 2 years at one place where she was 'laid off' just before our wedding

 

Didn't realize just how many companies regularly 'lay off' salaried employees within a year of hiring..

 

Wonder who she pi**ed of this time?

 

he he he

[Mitch R.]

I'm not even going to comment on the relationship directly, but here's my take regarding your drinking:

 

It's a huge step that she went to Alanon. Now, it's your decision about your recovery. You shouldn't go "on the wagon" for her, you should do it for yourself. Sobriety has to be the number one priority for one simple reason: If you don't put sobriety above everything else, you risk loosing that everything else anyhow. (Job, home, girlfriend, etc) You can see you've already lost, albeit possibly not permanently, your girlfriend. What's next is up to you.

 

I like to think of it as an elevator: You can get off at the top, bottom, or any floor in between. The choice is up to you. Get in AA, follow suggestions, talk to people at meetings. If your honest, open minded, and willing, you'll soon see your life taking a course that you never thought possible.

 

Best of luck with your situation!

[whichwayisup]

Mitch, have you read all 31 pages?

[justfine]

Holy ironic twists guys... My X left me a voice message apologizing for being so cold and running off yesterday..

 

So I called her back right after writing my last post.

 

Now I know why she was so stressed ... turns out that on the same day we got divorced ... she was "laid off" from work! ... round n' round she goes....

 

I couldn't help myself, I started dancing while on the phone... call it the Mr. Reality dance.. I hate to revel in her misfortune but she's not my problem anymore!

 

 

LOL...

 

Nothing wrong with getting a little satisfaction from her misfortune. After all, she has tortured you over the last few months. Whatever you do, remember that she's no longer your wife, your responsibility. I doubt she would help you now if you were having difficulties.

[sumdude]

I didn't expect it but since the actual D it's like going though the ride again though not the same way. I guess now it's truly final and I know it. Been a bit pi$$ed off when I look back and realize just what a pain she was to me. Sure we're all imperfect but flaky broad syndrome indeed!

 

Arrgh .. now I suddenly find myself acting like an awkward 20 year old around women again, yikes what's up with that? Imagine it will pass.... Just frustrated and venting.. need to learn to be single and OK with that all over again.

[justfine]

I didn't expect it but since the actual D it's like going though the ride again though not the same way. I guess now it's truly final and I know it. Been a bit pi$$ed off when I look back and realize just what a pain she was to me. Sure we're all imperfect but flaky broad syndrome indeed!

 

Arrgh .. now I suddenly find myself acting like an awkward 20 year old around women again, yikes what's up with that? Imagine it will pass.... Just frustrated and venting.. need to learn to be single and OK with that all over again.

 

 

There's nothing wrong with being single. I'm actually enjoying the journey of becoming the best person I can be. I'm working out at the gym every other day, running and lifting weights. I'm eating very healthy now. I'm also going back to school and changing careers after twenty years. It's great.

 

I would suggest you give your life a complete make-over for the better. Improve yourself and your confidence will grow. And you know how women find confidence attractive. Although, personally, I'm not looking to get into another relationship for at least a year or two. I doubt I'll ever get married again; I don't want to. I prefer just to have a good girlfriend. I've come to the conclusion, that all relationships run their course. I prefer to break up with a girlfriend than to breakup/ divorce a wife.

[Gunny376]

I didn't expect it but since the actual D it's like going though the ride again though not the same way. I guess now it's truly final and I know it. Been a bit pi$$ed off when I look back and realize just what a pain she was to me. Sure we're all imperfect but flaky broad syndrome indeed!

 

Arrgh .. now I suddenly find myself acting like an awkward 20 year old around women again, yikes what's up with that? Imagine it will pass.... Just frustrated and venting.. need to learn to be single and OK with that all over again.

 

Look at this way ~ divorce is the emotional equivalent of having a stroke ~ you have to re-learn how to do things that you once knew how to do all over again.

 

It tookyears to learn how to be single, alone and on my own again? All without the benefit of counseling and LS, (Hard Corps type and all ~ or being hard headed and always determined to do it the hard way), but in the end you've just got to bite the bullet.

 

I let loose of trying to find someone and set about the day to day of getting me, myself, and I where I wanted to get and be in life. I worked on me and my life ~ 100% mental, physical, emotional, financial. I concentrated on improving my life.

 

I quit looking for "love" and a GF, wife, marriage. I made my mind up! "Marriage is going to have to find me ~ because I'm not looking for it!"

 

I worked on me and my attitude ~ because after the last one I was hating life and eveyone in it! To say that I had a "bad" attitude toward life and everyone in it would be an understatement.

 

I've learned to just chill the Hell out! To take life as it comes and on its terms. I got my azz out of the rat race. The job I have is low stress ~ no stress. The boss I have is low stress ~ no stress. Simple easy lab work (Well for me anyway?)

 

I've caught my azz a bus to Mexico ("Shawshank Redemtion" Ref) Which is where we all need to be in life! I long ago quit worrying about things. I go to work, I come home, I do my things.

 

I don't have everything I want (who ever does?) But I've got everything I need!

 

And offically as of yesterday, I've got a gal in my life now after a long time. She's an "Alpha-Female" who doesn't play and rolls with Mr. R. She's tough and she doesn't play ~ and she keeps it real. A young widow, with three kids to raise that's she's got grown now! She's a road warrior of life! Her youngest son got into some trouble with drugs and she let his azz set in jail for six months in the county jail. Her 18 year old daughter dropped out of HS and she kicked her azz! They're straignt at least for now!

 

I told her ~ we can do this! But its not going to be about sex and the city! We're going to have to take it slow! Andy Griffin and Hellen Crump slow! (Thanks LJ ~ Just what I needed to hear) We're going to have to build a foundation, based on friendship ~ so don't be alarmed and wondering why I"m not trying to dig into your panties six months from now. I'm working on the foundation of a solid relationship, of being friends, good friends, best of friends, each others best of friends,.etc.

 

Quit worrying your azz about the "Big Picture" work on the fundamentals of you! The rest will come! You take care of your penny's your dollars will take care of themselves!

 

Quit worrying about trying to find a replacement for the X, and keep working on you? Some little gal's going to come along wondering where in the Hell you've been all my life?

 

Meanwhile? Roll with Mr. R! Keep it real Dude!

[ilmw]

Look at this way ~ divorce is the emotional equivalent of having a stroke ~ you have to re-learn how to do things that you once knew how to do all over again.

 

It tookyears to learn how to be single, alone and on my own again? All without the benefit of counseling and LS, (Hard Corps type and all ~ or being hard headed and always determined to do it the hard way), but in the end you've just got to bite the bullet.

 

I let loose of trying to find someone and set about the day to day of getting me, myself, and I where I wanted to get and be in life. I worked on me and my life ~ 100% mental, physical, emotional, financial. I concentrated on improving my life.

 

I quit looking for "love" and a GF, wife, marriage. I made my mind up! "Marriage is going to have to find me ~ because I'm not looking for it!"

 

I worked on me and my attitude ~ because after the last one I was hating life and eveyone in it! To say that I had a "bad" attitude toward life and everyone in it would be an understatement.

 

I've learned to just chill the Hell out! To take life as it comes and on its terms. I got my azz out of the rat race. The job I have is low stress ~ no stress. The boss I have is low stress ~ no stress. Simple easy lab work (Well for me anyway?)

 

I've caught my azz a bus to Mexico ("Shawshank Redemtion" Ref) Which is where we all need to be in life! I long ago quit worrying about things. I go to work, I come home, I do my things.

 

I don't have everything I want (who ever does?) But I've got everything I need!

 

And offically as of yesterday, I've got a gal in my life now after a long time. She's an "Alpha-Female" who doesn't play and rolls with Mr. R. She's tough and she doesn't play ~ and she keeps it real. A young widow, with three kids to raise that's she's got grown now! She's a road warrior of life! Her youngest son got into some trouble with drugs and she let his azz set in jail for six months in the county jail. Her 18 year old daughter dropped out of HS and she kicked her azz! They're straignt at least for now!

 

I told her ~ we can do this! But its not going to be about sex and the city! We're going to have to take it slow! Andy Griffin and Hellen Crump slow! (Thanks LJ ~ Just what I needed to hear) We're going to have to build a foundation, based on friendship ~ so don't be alarmed and wondering why I"m not trying to dig into your panties six months from now. I'm working on the foundation of a solid relationship, of being friends, good friends, best of friends, each others best of friends,.etc.

 

Quit worrying your azz about the "Big Picture" work on the fundamentals of you! The rest will come! You take care of your penny's your dollars will take care of themselves!

 

Quit worrying about trying to find a replacement for the X, and keep working on you? Some little gal's going to come along wondering where in the Hell you've been all my life?

 

Meanwhile? Roll with Mr. R! Keep it real Dude!

 

Once again... another great post from Gunny... what else is there to say..

 

Congrats Gunny on finding a potential Mz Gunny...

[sumdude]

Once again... another great post from Gunny... what else is there to say..

 

Congrats Gunny on finding a potential Mz Gunny...

 

Yeah, it's all there and what I already knew, at least in my head... I was single for 31 years until I met the X so I'm surprised it's taking me a while to deal with it ... Guess I'm trying to roll out the train without laying down some track first. Looks like it really starts now with the divorce being done. I did get a head start on dealing with the separation emotions, now it's get on to the rebuilding phase now that it's all official.

 

Can't help it in a way, I'm 39 and in the best shape of my life so certain urges are kinda strong right now. Make myself and my life like the line in Field of Dreams "If you build it they will come."

 

(any innuendo is strictly accidental)

 

Hope it all works out with the new lady Gunny. Once more into the breach!

 

Odd thing, my cell rang this morning, saw it was my X. It only rang three times and I didn't answer, she didn't leave a message ... all fine with me.

[Gunny376]

Quit looking for "IT"

 

Its basic physics actually ~ "For every action/force there's an equal and oppossite action/force!"

 

The harder you look for "it" the less chances you have of finding "it"!

 

Whatever you need in life will come to you, "Life" knows what you need and don't need! Lifes also know what you don't need.

 

The more you pursue? The more they flea the oppossitte direction!

 

"JUST LET IT BE!"

[sumdude]

Quit looking for "IT"

 

Its basic physics actually ~ "For every action/force there's an equal and oppossite action/force!"

 

The harder you look for "it" the less chances you have of finding "it"!

 

Whatever you need in life will come to you, "Life" knows what you need and don't need! Lifes also know what you don't need.

 

The more you pursue? The more they flea the oppossitte direction!

 

"JUST LET IT BE!"

 

 

It's nothing I don't already know but sometimes it's necessary to be reminded and told to drop down and give you 20! YES SIR Gunny SIR!

[dropdeadlegs]

If it's any consolation, sumdude, I am soooo over your X.

 

Sorry if that came out wrong, I was trying to elicit a smile.

 

You'll get there in your own time, my friend. You're doing just fine.

[sumdude]

If it's any consolation, sumdude, I am soooo over your X.

 

Sorry if that came out wrong, I was trying to elicit a smile.

 

You'll get there in your own time, my friend. You're doing just fine.

 

Nah, came out just fine ... 'cause I pretty much done myself.

 

tnx

[Ladyjane14]

It's nothing I don't already know but sometimes it's necessary to be reminded and told to drop down and give you 20! YES SIR Gunny SIR!

 

:lmao::lmao: Ain't it the truth!

 

Great post #460, Gunns. And Sumdude, try looking at this 'dating anxiety' as what it is, just a leftover. It's nothing but a phantom pain attached to something that's not real anymore.

 

The old Sumdude is gone. The new and improved Sumdude has NOTHING to worry about in terms of relationships. He knows the score now.

[sumdude]

:lmao::lmao: Ain't it the truth!

 

Great post #460, Gunns. And Sumdude, try looking at this 'dating anxiety' as what it is, just a leftover. It's nothing but a phantom pain attached to something that's not real anymore.

 

The old Sumdude is gone. The new and improved Sumdude has NOTHING to worry about in terms of relationships. He knows the score now.

 

Thnx LJ, it's funny you would use that idea of phantom pain. I had the exact same thought the other day. I haven't lost a limb but I've imagined that I feel pain for something that isn't there anymore in some similar way.

 

I'm also really getting the idea of a stress reduced life... So much of what killed my last R had to do with so much stress. Some was unavoidable but some wasn't and could have been handled a lot better. The deck was stacked. Live n' learn...

[Melovator]

Freaky! I had the thought about phantom limbs on the weekend, I was with a family thing with X and I was looking at him and thinking, its like looking at a part of me that's not there anymore... oh well he's more like an appendix than an arm.

 

I have no idea about dating anxiety because I haven't contemplated dating yet- I presume the anxiety is normal and will go away eventually.

[ookla_2]

Mel -

 

Maybe he's a gall bladder.

Or a spleen.

 

No - wait - what about a hemorrhoid????

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

[Melovator]

Mel -

 

Maybe he's a gall bladder.

Or a spleen.

 

No - wait - what about a hemorrhoid????

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

:lmao::lmao:

gallstones! a real pain to get out of the system!!!

[sumdude]

:lmao::lmao:

gallstones! a real pain to get out of the system!!!

 

He sure has a lot of gall to treat you the way he has.

[Mz. Pixie]

Quit looking for "IT"

 

 

"JUST LET IT BE!"

 

This is what my husband said. He'd given up on "it" and decided if he ever got involved again it would be because it found him, not the other way around. And he prayed for God to send him the right person he needed to be with. Then he went on with his life- working- raising his son etc.

 

Then, enter little ole me- sniffing over my coffee at Starbucks.

[sumdude]

A small update. Now that things have calmed down I finally called my friend who according to my x tried to hit on her. We talked things out, he paid a visit to her as a freind and no such action took place. I have no reason to doubt him and some reason to think she was just creating another drama ... Go figure, guess she was just trying to get to me.

 

I do actually hope one day she'll figure out that you can't play with people that way and expect life to work out well. But I'm not going to be around to deal with the fallout anymore that's for sure.

 

For now I'm doing fine.. reconnecting and rebuilding some old bridges that had been damaged over the last few years.

[sumdude]

Just checking in. Been taking some breaks from LS, don't want to keep on living in the Divorce. NC with the ex since the divorce went official 3 weeks ago. She did send me an envelope of pictures of us... guess she was purging the last of them and for some reason sent them to me.

 

Been doing well, really out in the social scene a lot, going out to shows etc. Having fun.. Still have the occasional down day or moment out of the blue... Sunday mornings seem to be the hard ones. I guess those are the days we'd wake up together in bed and have the lazy mornings and day with each other. Nothing huge just missing ... that companionship. All in due time. Ironically I spent yesterday hanging out with an ex girlfriend. Wasn't planned just happened that way since we still have the same group of freinds and she is one of the other few single ones left. She was the last girl I dated before I met the X, it was a month long little thing about ten yrs ago. I don't see anything coming from it but we had a nice time.

[PWSX3]

Good to hear from you Sumdude.

As for you still getting those down times I feel are pretty normal & I really don't think they end or maybe not for a while.

 

A gal at work has been divorced for 3 years & we talk a lot & she still has her moments, sometimes she feels like she let everyone down because her family thought she made a mistake but she is so much happier now & knows in her heart it was the right thing to do but she still gets those feelings.

 

I think that companionship is the big thing, we all won't to be liked, we all want to be loved. My buddy has never been married and we were talking one day & he said out of all the girls he has dated or lived with the biggest thing he missed was the companionship....

 

Well just enjoy those ladies & remember who you were & how much much you have grown, you have come a long ways....You have MANY positive to be proud of.