OUCH! She moved out yesterday morning.

[sumdude]

sumdude,

Although I had a FWB relationship, it took a good 18 months after my separation (10 months after divorce) for me to consider a new "real" relationship. I think it would have been longer had I not come across an exceptional man that I couldn't deny. It's okay to take your time and mourn your loss, and not settle for anything but what's right. I didn't date much because I wasn't ready, but I totally understand wanting your life back. It feels good to be connected with someone.

 

 

Yeah, that seems about right. I'd just like someone to have FUN with after the whole series of storm clouds this year... some sunshine and laughter with small worries..

 

Funny, last night my ex GF from about 10 yrs ago said we should go to Jamaica for a week before the new year... Out of the blue. She was pretty tipsy at the time so I wonder if today she still thinks it's a good idea. lol... that would hit the spot for sure as long as the boundaries are clear. I'm NOT looking for a wife unless a diamond falls out of the sky into my lap.

[sumdude]

I think tonight I may have actually finally hit acceptance for real... thought I had been there for a while but somehow I feel different. Some sort of resignation. Been running so hard for so long to stay busy and even way back in my mind maybe had some shred of reconciliation hope going. Who knows, just that I finally told myself I'd better get used to being single and living alone indefinitely. I've never lived alone before so it's ..... different.. a challenge for me but OK.

 

Mostly I just feel tired , worn out and a bit melancholy. It's been almost 10 months since she left. I had no idea it would take so long to get to this point. I remember saying to my ex last New Years eve how glad I was that 2006 was over... WOW little did I know!

 

What a behemoth this thread turned out to be.. helped a lot just to get it all out there and get some good advice and support.

 

What was ... was and for a long while it was really good. I was playing for keeps but I guess we just weren't reading the same rule book. I don't have the energy or need to be angry anymore.. Hopefully now my brain will just be quiet, felt like a hungry mouse in an endless maze and no cheese for a long while there.

 

No, I still don't know if there's someone else for sure ... my gut says so but what damn difference does it make now anyway. Was telling a freind on the phone today that I started a new prescription, it's called F**kitol... powerful stuff. Do not take it if you're on Familium though.. could cause an adverse reaction!

 

I didn't know I was capable of so many tears ... especially for a guy.

 

So... here comes tomorrow..

[ilmw]

I think tonight I may have actually finally hit acceptance for real... thought I had been there for a while but somehow I feel different. Some sort of resignation. Been running so hard for so long to stay busy and even way back in my mind maybe had some shred of reconciliation hope going. Who knows, just that I finally told myself I'd better get used to being single and living alone indefinitely. I've never lived alone before so it's ..... different.. a challenge for me but OK.

 

Mostly I just feel tired , worn out and a bit melancholy. It's been almost 10 months since she left. I had no idea it would take so long to get to this point. I remember saying to my ex last New Years eve how glad I was that 2006 was over... WOW little did I know!

 

What a behemoth this thread turned out to be.. helped a lot just to get it all out there and get some good advice and support.

 

What was ... was and for a long while it was really good. I was playing for keeps but I guess we just weren't reading the same rule book. I don't have the energy or need to be angry anymore.. Hopefully now my brain will just be quiet, felt like a hungry mouse in an endless maze and no cheese for a long while there.

 

No, I still don't know if there's someone else for sure ... my gut says so but what damn difference does it make now anyway. Was telling a freind on the phone today that I started a new prescription, it's called F**kitol... powerful stuff. Do not take it if you're on Familium though.. could cause an adverse reaction!

 

I didn't know I was capable of so many tears ... especially for a guy.

 

So... here comes tomorrow..

 

Hey SD,

 

Yeah... the mind just say Fu*k it... (resignation is a good word for it too)

 

Once you no longer worry about it... You feel free. You may still care for another person... and kinda wish things had been different... but there comes a time when... it just does not matter anymore... you did your best... and Now you know you could move on.

 

Hell... look what happened to me.... I was there... ready to turn the page. Low and behold... wham!!

 

Everything I have read has said... you will not get someone back until you are willing to let them go... (I thought that was a bunch of crap) I guess I was proven wrong.

 

I just may be one of the lucky ones... (never thought I would say that) and there are some folk on here... who are so lucky to be rid of their ex's.... so that "rule" does not apply to all.

 

Now remember... my seperation lasted 18 months... and it was not until about September... I got to where I truly wanted to be.. So.. I did in fact have time to change me ...for me ... for the better. I also had time to heal... and forgive... me... and her. Lost the anger... lost all the crap!

 

You are getting there bud... it just takes time. I never thought I would get there... but I did. Now I am just in a better place with or with out DW. Yeah for me ()

 

Anyhoo... keep up your chin... and keep on doing what you are doing...

 

ilmw

[sumdude]

Just thought I'd update a little for the heck of it. The ex came by a couple weeks ago to swap a couple items and get some pix out of the PC. Since then there's been some contact from her about what she's up to these days. Very strange...

Now she's part of some evangelical church and is traveling next year to the country my family came from, help build a church or something. Silly and ironic, she had issues with my family and started to make comments about it all and now she's going there and making noises about it being a healing thing etc. etc.

 

Now I have nothing against faith or religion and have my own but suddenly she's all holy roller going on a mission... she was never that particulaly religious though had some fiath. Before she was moving to Montana, then Tenessee ... now she's taking a trip to where my family came from and says she's dedicating it to my mom who she had issues with...

 

wow... she's one confused person I guess... who knows how she ended up there.. part of me is curious.. also indifferent .. I guess wherever or whoever is around her since she is taking her in some new direction. So changable. Hope it all works out for her I guess.

 

Me.. I'm working on things. Sorta dating but realizing there's no way at this time I can get too serious about anyone but myself. Whatever I do I am taking my time in that department. Still getting okay with myself and used to that.

[Kasan]

wow... she's one confused person I guess... who knows how she ended up there.. part of me is curious.. also indifferent .. I guess wherever or whoever is around her since she is taking her in some new direction. So changable. Hope it all works out for her I guess.

 

Maybe she's not so confused, but sees that she needs to make some changes in her life and is just grabbing on to whatever is there at hand. Maybe she will gain some real growth and maturity from this experience, but I have to agree with you the method is a bit strange.

 

Stay strong!!!

[sumdude]

Maybe she's not so confused, but sees that she needs to make some changes in her life and is just grabbing on to whatever is there at hand. Maybe she will gain some real growth and maturity from this experience, but I have to agree with you the method is a bit strange.

 

Stay strong!!!

 

I just read your post on another thread about the late 30's crisis... I think it's a part of what she is going through, one of many reasons she felt she just had to run off and put all the blame on me. I think she was likely influenced by someone else but the decision was all hers.

 

Heck, I was and am still going through something looking down the barrel at 40... but you didn't see me running away from my wife and blaming her for everything. I catch myself looking in the mirror sometimes and say "Who are you and what the hell do you want out of life?"

 

In my more forgiving moments I hope she finds whatever it is she 's looking for. Too bad she had to leave a smoking crater behind her and hide her plans from me. Of everything about how she left me the one thing that killed me was the deception... but she wanted to be sure that her mind couldn't be changed. She paid a price for her actions having lost a lot of freinds in all of this. But in her brand new life with all brand new freinds it might not seem like such a loss to her.

 

Can't help but wonder if she'll one day think OOPS! Probably not .. Where will I be at that moment if it happens who knows.. but I'm working on moving on with my own life.

[Mz. Pixie]

Now I have nothing against faith or religion and have my own but suddenly she's all holy roller going on a mission... she was never that particulaly religious though had some fiath. Before she was moving to Montana, then Tenessee ... now she's taking a trip to where my family came from and says she's dedicating it to my mom who she had issues with...

 

 

Hmmmm, has she never thought that the Bible says God hates divorce?? That adultery is breaking one of the ten commandments??

 

Seems like if she was truly a religious person now she'd be considering that.

 

There's probably a man at the church she is interested in and she's doing all this to get his attention. Sorry, Sumdude...........

[Kasan]

I just read your post on another thread about the late 30's crisis... I think it's a part of what she is going through, one of many reasons she felt she just had to run off and put all the blame on me. I think she was likely influenced by someone else but the decision was all hers.

 

Heck, I was and am still going through something looking down the barrel at 40... but you didn't see me running away from my wife and blaming her for everything. I catch myself looking in the mirror sometimes and say "Who are you and what the hell do you want out of life?"

 

Sumdude, I can only speak from my perspective about the mini melt down that sometimes occurs to women in their thirties.

 

I don't understand what happened, all I know that it was awful--the fears of inadequacy, self-doubts, the questions of settling. If I couldn't understand it, I am sure that my husband couldn't, and I'll be very honest here, I blamed him, because putting the blame on myself was just too painful.

 

When we are unhappy in a situation, isn't it human nature to find fault and blame with someone other than yourself? It's so hard to look at yourself in the mirror and say, I am responsible for my own happiness...it takes an extremely strong person to say, I caused this, and this is my fault.

 

I was lucky--I looked in that mirror before I destroyed my marriage and owned up and took responsibility for my unhappiness.

 

Some of my friends never looked in that mirror--the ones who left their husbands for greener pastures are not any happier, and the ones who had affairs are not any happier either. One of my friends (who left) tried to reconcile with her husband, and he wanted nothing to do with her. He just couldn't take the risk of having his heart broken again.

 

Men handle there MLC's differently I think--although my husband hasn't had one (that I am aware of) and he is 51--fingers crossed!

 

By the way--I still look in that mirror and ask myself "What do I want out of life", as I think it's a great question to ask....it challenges me to live my life to the fullest, and isn't life about growth?

[sumdude]

Hmmmm, has she never thought that the Bible says God hates divorce?? That adultery is breaking one of the ten commandments??

 

Seems like if she was truly a religious person now she'd be considering that.

 

There's probably a man at the church she is interested in and she's doing all this to get his attention. Sorry, Sumdude...........

 

 

Oh yeah... I thought of throwing that in her face but why... What's done is done and seems like the loudest voices in the front pew usually have the most guilt and need for forgiveness eh?

 

In fact I did quote once from the Bible about marriage " Let no man tear asunder what God hath brought together."

 

Her reply was " Well YOU tore it."

 

typical

 

As far as a man... my gut tells me that the man perhaps came first ... then she adopted his life.. could be the other way but who cares. She did mention that last tinme we spoke a few weeks ago that she was seeing someone from church for a couple weeks and they were in a 'committed but non-physical' relationship.... LOL

Unless she's truly changed her ways it'll be hard to find someone as forgiving and patient as I was.

 

Maybe that what's gets me... I put up with a lot of BS and she was like a rat leaving a sinking ship. So I feel like such a sucker sometimes.. nah.. was just a fool in love and an old school romantic. Better things await... right?

 

The truth may come trickling out... I really shouldn't care but after 8 years with her hard to ignore it all. Still, I move on.

[Art_Critic]

I thought it might be helpful to bring the first post of this thread back..

I highlighted some things that you might want to consider.

Keeping it real....

 

She dressed up for work in the morning. Dropped me off at work, kissed me said I love you. Then went home packed and moved out...... She called me 4 hours later at work to tell me. I'm devastated.

 

The background is that I have a drinking problem that I hadn't been able/willing to deal with. It's been going on 2+ years and it was pretty heavy. No I'm not verbally or physically abusive, never laid a finger on her or screamed obscenely at her. BUT I admit I haven't been there for her and denial is a strong thing. In December I went away for 2 weeks on travel. Then we had an absolutly awful Christmas with my family. When we came back I noticed she was acting really strangely. Dissappearing for hours here and there and not calling like she usually would. Avoiding me and my phone calls. I started getting really suspicious.

 

She then told me she was going to Alanon meetings and seeing old freinds and trying to find herself. I still was suspicious, i started trying to check up on her. Getting phone numbers from her cell and generally acting the suspicous husband. I guess in my mind Alanon seemed like a place where people in bad marriages would go and try to work things out. But it seems so possible that in the process they could meet someone else there with similar problems. Soon they're seeing each other. Yeah, I got paranoid. She continued to dissappear, even for a day here and there. Anyway I was trying to honestly deal with my drinking and jealousy. I went over a week without then slipped a couple times. It wasn't the first time I tried but so far so good, it was some progress. This Monday I was really starting to get started and see who I really was. I showed her the programs I was looking into. I had made an appointment for us to see a marriage councilor. I guess her mind was made up already though and she left the next day.

 

She says that she still loves me. That I need to work on myself and that she has things to work out too. That she needs some space and that we are still married but kinda separated. She wants to work it out. We're still going to go to the counciling. She swears that there isn't anyone esle. I managed to get through yesterday without a drink so with all that stress it's a good start with me.

When she left she took her clothes, our engagement and wedding pictures from the mantle. Some small furniture. All the pots and pans and luggage (wedding gift from her dad) . The entire china set (wedding gifts from my family). I shouldn't care right now about what she took but is there something there symbolically? Who knows.

 

Anyway I'm setting up individual counciling for me, so is she and looks like we're going to try to work it out. I just hope she's as willing as i am.

 

BTW the drinking isn't the only issue but it's the biggest one and the one I can do something about now. She has some anger management problems to deal with.

 

oh what a miserable day:(

[sumdude]

I thought it might be helpful to bring the first post of this thread back..

I highlighted some things that you might want to consider.

Keeping it real....

 

I hear you AC... but with time I've learned a few things. At that moment I was taking all the blame she heaped upon me. Now I can look back and see a lot of things I didn't see then.

 

I have my crosses to bear no doubt...

 

But I can also see where she really let me down. I was there for her in every way for years. I took care of her, provided for her, supported her through a dozen job changes in 7 years long before we were married when I could see a pattern in her own behavior though she kept blaming it on others. Stuck with her and defended her when people around me were saying she wasn't worth it. When she was causing a lot of friction with people in my life. Almost lost a lot of freinds because of her actions... and this is not something I'm making up to justify.. it's what I've learned since then from those people. Heck I saw it then but was willing to live with it... love is blind.

 

Then when my mother became terminally ill and passed. My ex added to the stress by creating drama on top of it. I am not the only one to see this. Her former best friend who I have spoken to recently told me that she couldn't handle my exes fabrications anymore or the way she treated me. I was trying to cope and greive. She's sometimes a compulsive liar. She had a screwed up childhood and couldn't help herself needing to be the center of attention at all times.

 

I realize that I spent 7 years always reading between the lines every time I heard a story from her because I was never sure i was getting the whole truth. Then you have the fertility problems and treatments which were affecting her. In the end she wasn't strong enough for me to lean on her as she did on me.

 

The stress became unbearable.

 

Resentment built up for both of us. Eventually my answer was a very bad choice. To build a wall made of empty glass bottles eventually making myself an addict.

 

Even while I was drinking heavily I was still trying, still loving but she had built this wall of anger towards me for a while and I kept taking it.... and it hurt like hell to be treated that way.

 

We both screwed it up but I was honest, true and willing to see it through. I was willing to look past her faults, hope for change and keep going. I did not get the same from her. The irony is that at the moment I was really starting to get there was the moment she jumped ship. The lies told to me during those last few months were just too much. To be accused of having some affair with a prosititute while on business in Korea cut deeply.

 

I clearly recall the night at her place when we first kissed:

 

She threw a sort of housewarming party. Oddly there were 2 women and about 8 men at this party. She was living in an old rundown trailer in a sketchy trailer park. She was telling me about her ex-fiancee and how he would abuse her... her troubled past.. and this voice in my head said "Someone needs to protect her, to save her." She was pretty drunk... later she put on a wedding dress as a lark... really this happened! She said it was from the wedding she ran away from her ex-fiancee.. a runaway bride.

 

Now I wonder how much of her story was accurate. Her former friend has enlightened me to huge differences between what i heard and what actually happened in other cases.

 

Another thing that happened is that she changed more than I did. We started off being really compatible. Parting together, nothing too crazy but definitely had fun that way. So that caught up with me..

 

aaagghg I'm going on and on

 

Responsibilty goes both ways and I know it.

 

But maybe all this is for the best. Perhaps her new found faith if it's for the right reasons will help her heal the deep hurts inside of her. Obviously for me taking a step back from it all, getting a handle on the alcohol was necessary. Maybe I couldn't have done it if we were still together.. who knows.. that's pure conjecture.

 

Again, looking back I think I was trying to save her the whole time. At some point I stopped caring about myself though.

 

wow... a lot of this stuff I've held back in this forum and wonder why. I think I'm still protecting her.. I will always love her.. but now from a distance..

[Art_Critic]

Good post sumdude.. thanks for the reply...

 

Sometimes we have to fix ourselves by looking in a mirror and sometimes we have to fix ourselves by looking thru a window at others... or both

 

We learn from everything that happens to us..

One of the things I had to learn was how to be happy and how to laugh...

 

You need to be happy and need to learn to laugh.. that will come...

You're getting there though

[sumdude]

Good post sumdude.. thanks for the reply...

 

Sometimes we have to fix ourselves by looking in a mirror and sometimes we have to fix ourselves by looking thru a window at others... or both

 

We learn from everything that happens to us..

One of the things I had to learn was how to be happy and how to laugh...

 

You need to be happy and need to learn to laugh.. that will come...

You're getting there though

 

Yeah... that's the key. Day by day learning to be happy again... So much has happened in the last 3 years it's taking a long time to process. Having this thread as sort of an online journal with support and advice has been great.

[Kasan]

Yeah... that's the key. Day by day learning to be happy again... So much has happened in the last 3 years it's taking a long time to process. Having this thread as sort of an online journal with support and advice has been great.

 

We can sometimes get stuck in grieving our losses, especially when they seem to come to us around the same time. I have always believed that from great pain comes great growth, although in my case, I would have preferred to miss the pain, but I am grateful for the acquired growth.

 

I hope in your case sumdude, it's not about learning to be happy again, but an active decision, to choosing happiness. Because if we can choose so much in our life, love and hate, then we can also choose to be happy.

[Kasan]

Double post

[sumdude]

We can sometimes get stuck in grieving our losses, especially when they seem to come to us around the same time. I have always believed that from great pain comes great growth, although in my case, I would have preferred to miss the pain, but I am grateful for the acquired growth.

 

I hope in your case sumdude, it's not about learning to be happy again, but an active decision, to choosing happiness. Because if we can choose so much in our life, love and hate, then we can also choose to be happy.

 

I agree, it's a choice to be happy. The learning part is how not to get in my own way after making that choice.

[sumdude]

Arrgh... damn damn Just having a rough morning and need to vent. Over the weekend I went to the home Depot to get a rake and ended up surrounded by x-mas tress. Ended up getting a little one, I wasn't going to stop doing what I usually do just because she's gone. Still it started bring up a lot of things we did every year together.

 

Then it hit me that a year ago I was oblivious... We bought the tree, decorated the house.. lights... some jazzy x-mas music and lit the fireplace.. made love in front of it and under the tree. Things weren't perfect in the relationship but who knew as the next day I was getting on plane to Seoul for two weeks and my world would never be the same.

 

I came back and it was like Who is this and what have you done with my wife? The disappearing acts... the lies.. the absolutely horrible chrsitmas at my brothers in NJ It was the first without my mom around. Where my sister went off on my ex and also my brothers W. Causing a rift in family and another reason my ex used to justify. The dead New Years. The day my gut twisted inside out when I started to get an idea what might be happening and I left work to come home and see if I could catch her in something. Checking on her cell phone records and seeing that she's talking many times a day to her "Alanon sponsor". It's one thing to have a sponsor but 2 hrs a day.. c'mon... Finding out that she called him on x-mas day from my brothers.. this sponsor who she is now 'roommates' with..

 

Knowing in my gut that while is was on the other side of the world something happened. I heard in her voice on the phone from Korea. If I ask my gut... I know she went to a party while I was away... I think she met someone there... and the rest is history. If I'm wrong then fine end result is the same. But my gut told me this way back then.

 

Now i find out that my obnoxious manager is trying to get me to work on x-mas day. So as my fam all goes to NJ I'll likely be alone for the holiday.

 

Sure I get through... but all the emotions just came out again for a bit. Yeah, I'm still hurting a bit I can tell my mind all day that everything is fine and I know all will be well in the end. But my heart and soul still ache some.

[Kasan]

Sumdude--

 

Don't you think that this has something to do with the issue you are having with woman you are seeing?

 

Maybe, it's just to soon for you?

 

I am sorry to hear about Christmas--I can only guess how hard it would have been to spend it with your family (without your wife), never mind alone.

 

Maybe your manager will have a change of heart?

[sumdude]

Sumdude--

 

Don't you think that this has something to do with the issue you are having with woman you are seeing?

 

Maybe, it's just to soon for you?

 

I am sorry to hear about Christmas--I can only guess how hard it would have been to spend it with your family (without your wife), never mind alone.

 

Maybe your manager will have a change of heart?

 

 

Yeah, my reponse to it all today took me by surprise. Think it's been building up for a while and just needed to be expressed. A little mini merry go round of all the stages.

 

The last time we were together I told the woman I'm seeing that I would require a lot of patience and that I was in a limbo. Taking very small steps with that. I've been pondering whether or not I should tell her it would be best for everyone if I was a totally free agent ... but there's no pressure in the relationship so I'm just going to take it a day at a time.

[dropdeadlegs]

There are so many memory milestones in the first year or two after a loss. I really hope that 2008 will be a banner year for you, and one where the tide will turn, bringing brand new wonderful memories to your days.

[sumdude]

There are so many memory milestones in the first year or two after a loss. I really hope that 2008 will be a banner year for you, and one where the tide will turn, bringing brand new wonderful memories to your days.

 

Thanks DDL.. I think it will.

 

'06 and '07 were years of the s**t sandwiches. Hey in the grand scheme of life I've still got it good.

 

Having to work and possibly miss my fam on x-mas is a bummer but y'know all I have to do is think of those in the Armed Forces overseas for years not knowing when they go home and facing what they face. That's some hardship... I'll be fine, it was just one of those mornings and I stepped on the tripwire of a buried emotional landmine.. so it goes... feeling way better already.

[sumdude]

Doing' OK more or less. Lots of stress at work putting in 100 hr weeks. One weekend I was at work 14 hrs Sat then 34 hours straight from Sun - Mon. But I've got the team I was suddenly assigned behind me. My Dad's heart is a lot worse and he's suffering from atrial fibrillations. So I'm at a big decision point... to move in with him now or not. My roommate is moving out so there's that.

 

Anyhow.. the other day I get a letter in the mail. Recognized the handwriting on the envelope - the XW. So I think... hmmm what could she have to say to me? Sit down and open the letter. It's two pages of computer printed text .. a form letter

 

starting with:

 

"Dear friends andf family, Are you paying to much in taxes this year? Maybe I can help you out!"

 

The letter goes on about this mission she is going on from her new church to a foreign land (which happens to be where my family is from). How there are no evangelical churches there and that the churches there aren't 'right' etc etc

 

The end is " If after reading this all you do is pray for me and those people then that's OK BUT if you want to be a part of this I need "x" amount of money to go and we need money for this that and the other...make a donation.

 

I was a bit flabbergasted.... LOL Look I respect anyone's faith OK? But I know this woman... in 8 years never once was she terribly zealous and going back farther ... well anyhow

 

Wow the audacity... to ask me who she left with all the debts... still paying for the wedding .... for money? I have no idea who this person is anymore... I left our last convo after Thanksgiving decent and that's the last contact.

 

My roommate nailed it just a couple months after the x left me... his words "Sounds like she's in a cult or something." Not all churches are as they claim to be.. I feel that she was targeted and that these same folks helped her convince herself that leaving me was the 'right' thing to do. I suppose she believes she doing 'good work' but this is all a bit wacked. Has that edge of 'brainwashed' to it. Hope it's making her happy I guess and seems she's a bit desperate for the $$ to go on the mission..

 

I just had to share.

 

Me ... first I was shocked... then I had a belly laugh.. then I felt kind of sorry for her and even a bit worried about her. But there's nothing I can do so let it go.

 

Oh yeah... and she sent this to a couple of my freinds too... who used to be her freinds that never told her to 'get lost' though they sure didn't like how she done me. So this is all pretty bizzare...

 

 

Damn... I need a vacation..

Edited February 15, 2008 by sumdude

[whichwayisup]

1)Yes, move in with your father, he needs you and the timing seems to be good because of your circumstances (roommate situation).

 

2)LOL at your wife's letter. It DOES sound like a cult! I would be shocked as well.

[guessjeans]

You are one very lucky man! Very lucky! YES YOU! VERY LUCKY!

 

Do you know how many ppl on here would love to hear that their spouse is leaving only because of an addiction and that they still love you regardless!

 

You have a very loving wife that is tired of the addiction. Tired of seeing the man that drinks! She wants her husband back! Yes, she left! But YOU LEFT A LONG TIME AGO!. but you have a wonderful opportunity here to make this your WAKE UP CALL! But have you hit bottom yet? Because you arent going to get better until you have. Have you lost enough yet? How much more do you have to lose before YOU GET IT!

 

My father had a drinking problem. Ruined his marriage to my mother, ruined his relationship with his children, and ruined his relationship with his grandchildren because they were scared of him half the time because he was drunk most of the time when they wanted to come over to see him. You go out to family functions and someone always has to watch him. Imagine that! You own children carrying on the burden of watching their dad to make sure that when he gets to THAT {POINT, that he is rushed off from the other family members before he gets angry, falls, slurs, you get my picture! What a way to live! He ended up living with my sister and her husband. Imagine living with a drunk and a smoker! and his comforter going up in flames one night! or the fire alarm going off in the middle of the night. You sleep with one eye open every night. You worry about leaving them on their own for fear that if he doesnt fall, you worry about him putting your house up in smoke!

 

Watering down the booze so he doesnt notice the difference. Lets be honest, once you get to that point, you cant tell anyway. Oh, and special occasions..lovely! Just another excuse to drink, fall asleep on the chair, then the next morning be so sick you cant get out of bed to greet your family on christmas day!

 

I could go on and on and on!

 

There is reason why you drink. That is what has to be addressed. Your drinking is a result of another problem, another demon you are dealing with.

 

Get the help you need immediately! Clean yourself up! Tell yourself you dont want to live like this anymore. You cant do this on your own! It wont work! If you want to stay sober for the rest of your life, you go and commit yourself to a program and stay in it until you are well.

 

You are very very lucky! My father lost his wife, his home, his job, everything that mattered to him. You have a loving wife that wants you to get clean and come home to her. She wants the man she married, the man she fell in love with back. He is gone! So now, she is gone.

[Kasan]

Doing' OK more or less. Lots of stress at work putting in 100 hr weeks. One weekend I was at work 14 hrs Sat then 34 hours straight from Sun - Mon. But I've got the team I was suddenly assigned behind me. My Dad's heart is a lot worse and he's suffering from atrial fibrillations. So I'm at a big decision point... to move in with him now or not. My roommate is moving out so there's that.

 

Damn... I need a vacation..

 

It sounds to me that you need to slow down a bit if you can, or you will end up having heart problems like your dad.

 

I am sorry about your dad, but I expect your decision to move in with him will be easier to make now. And for the record....I think there's something very endearing about the fact you would consider moving in with him--you'll never regret it if you do.

 

Take care, and it's good to hear that you are doing better.