Let it go or Let him go?

[Michele]

Hi. Ive never done this before so please bear with me. I really need some advice and would appreciate any that would be forthcoming.Here,s a bit of background..Ive been married for 20 years and like all couples we have had our ups and downs, but weve always seemed to overcome them.My husband is and always has been a major flirt. That is just him and it seemed harmless. Anyway about 5 years ago he became very infatuated with a girlfriend of a friend and it was a major one. He denies anything sexual ever went on but it was heartbreaking to me non the less. I did eventually i guess you could say forgave him but not forgot about it. Last Nov. my mom passed away and I was devasted and very much so not myself.He was there for me but not there. Hard to explain. Anyway because of the rough time I was going through he said that I was not giving him any attention and I found out he was having cybersex with someone on the computer.Again I tried to get over it he said it meant nothing.....life tried to carry on. About July he started getting very withdrawn and cold towards me. I put it down to what he said at first. Long work hours he was always just tired. Well all of a sudden his new coworker was coming onto the scene. Female of course. We go camping with friends..she goes. We invite friends over..shes invited. But when approached about it...I work with her she is a good friend!!!!!Things started going sown from there. I caught him in lies Ive cought him at her house when we have fought he has spent the night at her house. His response is he slept on the couch he needed someone to talk to her kids were there etc. He knows my feelings on her but he goes anyways. He still insists she is just a "friend" and he goes there to talk that he tells her he loves me etc. but he mainly goes there because I push him out the door and to her.On one hand he tells me he loves me but on the other he just cant seem to stay away from her. Am I nuts? Does this sound more than friendship? His family says I dont listen to anyone that she is just a friend and I shouldnt be as hurt upset thinking what Im thinking. I have filed for a divorce that is how far this has come. But could I be wrong? Instead of flying off the handle should I have done something different? Could I still do something different? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[Z]

Hi. Ive never done this before so please bear with me. I really need some advice and would appreciate any that would be forthcoming.Here,s a bit of background..Ive been married for 20 years and like all couples we have had our ups and downs, but weve always seemed to overcome them.My husband is and always has been a major flirt. That is just him and it seemed harmless. Anyway about 5 years ago he became very infatuated with a girlfriend of a friend and it was a major one. He denies anything sexual ever went on but it was heartbreaking to me non the less. I did eventually i guess you could say forgave him but not forgot about it. Last Nov. my mom passed away and I was devasted and very much so not myself.He was there for me but not there. Hard to explain. Anyway because of the rough time I was going through he said that I was not giving him any attention and I found out he was having cybersex with someone on the computer.Again I tried to get over it he said it meant nothing.....life tried to carry on. About July he started getting very withdrawn and cold towards me. I put it down to what he said at first. Long work hours he was always just tired. Well all of a sudden his new coworker was coming onto the scene. Female of course. We go camping with friends..she goes. We invite friends over..shes invited. But when approached about it...I work with her she is a good friend!!!!!Things started going sown from there. I caught him in lies Ive cought him at her house when we have fought he has spent the night at her house. His response is he slept on the couch he needed someone to talk to her kids were there etc. He knows my feelings on her but he goes anyways. He still insists she is just a "friend" and he goes there to talk that he tells her he loves me etc. but he mainly goes there because I push him out the door and to her.On one hand he tells me he loves me but on the other he just cant seem to stay away from her. Am I nuts? Does this sound more than friendship? His family says I dont listen to anyone that she is just a friend and I shouldnt be as hurt upset thinking what Im thinking. I have filed for a divorce that is how far this has come. But could I be wrong? Instead of flying off the handle should I have done something different? Could I still do something different? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Well, of course you could let it go... but the real trick now would be to ask him what he wants. It may be that he acted this way towards you to make YOU push him out of the relationship to save himself the trouble and/or regrets he could have later on down the road. If you ask him what he wants, I'm pretty sure that if he wants out that he would tell you instead of jumping right back in. You'll be able to tell... believe me. I know from first hand experience that friends of the opposite sex can really just be friends... but that usually only occurs without 'problems' if the two people have already tried to be together in the past. Hope this helps ya. Ask him what he wants.

[Alexander Smith]

Why not move on? You both look like your dragging a relationship which ended years ago. When was the last time you've actually had a romantic dinner? Anyone can have a dinner, but I mean the kind of romantic like your first romantic dinner when you've first meet him. If the fire isn't there, no matter how hard you try to put fire back into the relationship.. sometimes its just good to let it go.

 

There's so many great people out there who's in your situation but don't do anything about it and next thing you know.. both of ya's are sad... and usually for a very long time.

 

Hi. Ive never done this before so please bear with me. I really need some advice and would appreciate any that would be forthcoming.Here,s a bit of background..Ive been married for 20 years and like all couples we have had our ups and downs, but weve always seemed to overcome them.My husband is and always has been a major flirt. That is just him and it seemed harmless. Anyway about 5 years ago he became very infatuated with a girlfriend of a friend and it was a major one. He denies anything sexual ever went on but it was heartbreaking to me non the less. I did eventually i guess you could say forgave him but not forgot about it. Last Nov. my mom passed away and I was devasted and very much so not myself.He was there for me but not there. Hard to explain. Anyway because of the rough time I was going through he said that I was not giving him any attention and I found out he was having cybersex with someone on the computer.Again I tried to get over it he said it meant nothing.....life tried to carry on. About July he started getting very withdrawn and cold towards me. I put it down to what he said at first. Long work hours he was always just tired. Well all of a sudden his new coworker was coming onto the scene. Female of course. We go camping with friends..she goes. We invite friends over..shes invited. But when approached about it...I work with her she is a good friend!!!!!Things started going sown from there. I caught him in lies Ive cought him at her house when we have fought he has spent the night at her house. His response is he slept on the couch he needed someone to talk to her kids were there etc. He knows my feelings on her but he goes anyways. He still insists she is just a "friend" and he goes there to talk that he tells her he loves me etc. but he mainly goes there because I push him out the door and to her.On one hand he tells me he loves me but on the other he just cant seem to stay away from her. Am I nuts? Does this sound more than friendship? His family says I dont listen to anyone that she is just a friend and I shouldnt be as hurt upset thinking what Im thinking. I have filed for a divorce that is how far this has come. But could I be wrong? Instead of flying off the handle should I have done something different? Could I still do something different? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[Lianne]

well Michele, as a husband he should have repsect for you. Cybersex, childish infatuations, co-workers whose homes he's sleeping at, please. He has a commitment to you and if he'd rather fight you than stay away from this woman then these things are more important than his marriage. He should stay away from this woman or at least not sleep at her house if it bothers you and if he really loves you, he'd do that.If he's unwilling to reconcile, he answered the questions for you, if he is then demand the respect for you and the marriage that you deserve.