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How long do I wait?


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I met him in high school just over 10 years ago. We quickly became best friends. We both dated other people, but I was always in love with him, even though I never said a word. One night when we were 19, he kissed me. We dated (very dramatically) until we were 21.

 

I wanted to marry him even then. He knew that wasn't right, we were just too young. We broke up for 2 years. We both had other relationships, and really spent that time "finding ourselves". It was a great time for me to be alone and realize who I was without him. We started what I call the adult part of our relationship when we were 24. We have been together since.

 

We are now 28. He asked me to move with him and begin our life together just over 4 years ago. We have been through alot since then. We have bought cars together, adopted a dog, and he even dropped his whole life to move across the country with me when my company relocated. We were dreadfully unhappy when we were away, and moved home after two years in a differeent city, over 1,000 miles from our friends and family. When we moved back, I realized how much our relationship had grown, being able to just rely on each other like that. Since then, we are looking for a house to buy, and we have been settled back in our home city and state for 6 months now.

 

The problem is, he simply won't marry me. He seems to have no problems with the commitment to each other. He is even OK with us buying a house together. He calls me his wife when he talks about me to people who don't know us. He even told his friends he had to "check with the Mrs." about something the other day. He does not understand my need to be married. We have no kids. He says he makes a commitment to me everyday and in many ways, but he is not ready. What more do I need, he asks. I have no doubts about him being faithful to me, and we are a great team when it comes to practical matters. I do not understand. He swears he would never want to marry anyone but me, but that he is just not ready. He even gave me a beautiful very light blue aquamarine (my birthstone) solitare for Christmas. He said it was a practice ring, for me and him.

 

I am not a teeneager anymore, and I don't know what to do. When I say I don't know how long I can last like this, he says I need to decide if I Just want to be married, or do I want to be married to him. Good point, huh?

Anyway, does anyone have any insight?

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What a stupid question for him to say. Of course you want to be married to him and he knows that.

 

Did you ask them when he will be ready?

 

There's a reason why he doesn't want to committ fully. I would talk to him more about it and see why he can't do it.

 

I've never heard of anyone who acts like this with the whole calling your his wife and having a practice ring.

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