Wife Leaving

[Clobbered]

I need some help from the board experts.

 

I was recently told by my wife of 21 years that she wants a separation, and already has an apartment and is moving out. I was told that she doesn't love me, and never really did. She said it was "not me, it's her," and said there is a "friend" that she would like to see. I have found detailed and explicit emails between the two, stating that now that they can begin their new life together, I have never loved anyone like you, etc.

 

They hurt like hell to read. They have been meeting each other every week, at least once a week, sometimes more, thru business travel, around the counrty the last three months. Little did I know, this is the same time she has did a 180 towards me. No affection, coldness and uncaring. She has been diagnosed with depression, and I just assumed she was having a bout with that. What a shock! We have two kids, 12 and 15. I have never raised a hand towards her, am not a alcoholic or drug user, and am an excellent father. It looks like I was not giving her the attention she desired. I am always open to suggestions, and would have acted promptly to anything I needed to correct. I was not given a chance. I have discussed counseling, and she wants nothing to do with it. She wants to be on her own, needs some time by "herself." The blame seems to placed on me, maybe she is trying to justify her decision?

 

It looks to me as if this is over. I hope that is not the case, as I love her, and don't want to be without her. Is separation always a precursor to divorce?

 

Any and all advice would be appreciated.

 

Clobbered

[jnb]

Clobbered,

 

I wish you the best, it sounds like she's moved on and there's nothing you can do about it really. I'm sorry.

[Sup]

Contact a Lawyer, and protect yourself, your house, all assets. Go for SOLE custody of your children. Do this NOW while she's in her "affair fog" before you end up paying for HER mistake for the rest of your life. DON'T argue, just FILE for Divorce.

[MoonGirl]

Separation is a precursor to divorce, but reconciliation is possible in some scenarios.

 

Be sure to visit www.marriagebuilders.com. There is a lot of information there about infidelity and saving a marriage. But, if your wife isn't willing, then I'm not sure what to tell you with the exception of concentrate on yourself and your kids. Do some things you haven't been able to do in a while. Work out, read some books, have a boys night out.

 

Keep posting here. I think you will find a lot of support on this board.

[MoonGirl]

Oh, and listen to Sup too. Your wife probably feels guilty right now, so be sure to take advantage of that guilt by securing yourself with as many assets and as much child custody as possible.

[PWSX3]

I have discussed counseling, and she wants nothing to do with it. She wants to be on her own, needs some time by "herself." The blame seems to placed on me, maybe she is trying to justify her decision?

 

It looks to me as if this is over. I hope that is not the case, as I love her, and don't want to be without her. Is separation always a precursor to divorce?

 

Any and all advice would be appreciated.

 

Clobbered

I wouldn't say it's over because its to soon, but her moving out is something she wants and it needs to be something you let her do. If you try and hold her back or keep her from doing it then she won't respect you down the road & she will blame everything on you.

 

It sounds to me like she just wants to see how green the grass is on the other side of the fence & it is very green because she has someone already lined up but once he stops laying down the BS that grass will get pretty brown.

 

Just like MoonGirl said this will give you some time to look at yourself & better yourself because she will have to do her own soul searching herself.

There is a LOT out there that us men need to learn about woman and if you ever figure it out you will be a very rich man.