engravefeelthevoid Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 hey ppl....I've posted so many threads here about not fidning the right one...and not being able to find a partner and all that.....but unfortunately my father says I have to get married next year !! he also marked my female cousin for that !!!! I don't like her !!! I dont even know her well....he says its a family tradition..something U do not wanna hear about....on the other hand...my friends are encouraging me to resist this and tell me it's not obligatory.......I'm kinda lost now...any advice would be thankful Link to post Share on other sites
malibu Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 are you saying your father wants you to marry your cousin? Link to post Share on other sites
Author engravefeelthevoid Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 yes,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,..................... Link to post Share on other sites
Author engravefeelthevoid Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 u know let me make it clearer..shes not my cousin cousin...shes kinda like my faraway cousin..from the same family....I hate the idea really bad though Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 If you don't want to get married to her then you need to step in and explain how you feel and that your not going to. Personally I'm not a fan of arranged marriages because I feel we should marry the ones we love. And to force people to marry who don't want to is IMO insane. Your only 21. Most people don't get married until later in life. Anyway you can get out of it? Maybe you can talk them into extending the time if you can't. That way someone one else could come along. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDC Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I suppose it depends on which culture you have allegiance to. The culture of your parents or your culture. I think that you need to explain to your parents that while you respect their traditions, that when they brought you to the US that you are an American and that in your culture arranged marriages just aren't done. You need to explain to them that while you are their son you are from a different world and that they need to respect your choices. When it comes right down to it the only obligation you have is to yourself. If this is something that you absolutely won't do then you really need to have a talk with your parents. Arranged marriage is a concept that is so foreign to my mind, if my parents were to tell me that I was to marry someone I'd have to object. Link to post Share on other sites
LostHeart Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I think it's best to try to open their eyes to today's culture and times. Arranged marriages are a thing of the past in that we no longer have to get married to have children and continue genetic lines. Most people do get married eventually and the ones that do not get married usually at least have one child. Try to tell your parents that times have changed and you feel that it's time for them to catch up to the times. Explain to them how you want to find your own mate and how unhappy you would be with an arranged person. If they won't listen then maybe it's time for you to move out from mommy and daddy and find your own little apartment--and tell them this. You're an adult and (going by what you input) living in United States now--you do not have to follow in their footsteps to have a good life. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I know in India, and some other countries, arranged marriages are standard practice, so if your culture is like that, you're in a tough situation. I'm sure you can try to explain to your parents that things are done differently in the US, but I'm equally sure they won't care and will tell you that you must live by your own culture (theirs). They may be insulted that you would even consider a different way; they may feel you are rejecting your heritage and them as well. Be sensitive to those issues when you discuss it with them, make sure you tell and show your respect for your heritage, and they might eventually come around to your way of thinking. The only thing I can suggest is to become independent - get your own job so you are self-sufficient, get your own apartment so they can't enforce their rules on you. Alternately, perhaps you can negotiate with them about the person - maybe there's someone else you can choose that they might approve of. Or you can negotiate on the time frame, and hopefully meet someone else in the meantime. Link to post Share on other sites
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