cheater wants ex back.

[stace79]

My irritation stems from the fact that you think you deserve her back. I'm also disturbed that she is doing this limbo thing, putting the feelings of someone else on the chopping block. Honestly, you both sort of deserve each other. You did something awful and hurt her, and normally I would feel sorry for her. But her actions of disregard for this other man's feelings show me she is not much better than you. It seems to me this is more a struggle for power over others than a case of real love. Real love does not and should not mean this type of game-playing. It's despicable. People should be upstanding, honest and loyal.

[shellys-trying]

I think this guy's gonna feel awfully stupid if he gets her back and she cheats on him. She may even throw it in his face, and dump him for good.

I don't see this girl just so full of love and missing this guy so much like he seems to think.

Women can be very slick, Dude. I know. I am one.

 

Ever heard those old phrases, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" & "revenge is a dish best served cold" ?

 

I can really see this girl playing you left and right with an agenda of paying you back for hurting her.

 

Don't ever assume, after you've cheated on someone who would have died for you, that their actions mean they still can't get enough of you and want to hold on to you.

 

The only thing she might want, is to hold your balls, to the effect of squeezing till you scream. Not literally, probably, but figuratively, thru your emotions.

 

So, don't be so confident in your irresistibility for her to still have that unconditional love she once had. That's a BIG mistake and very vain.

People who cheat on thier loved ones don't have the luxury of assuming what that betrayed person feels. Afterall, you have shown her how to be deceitful, and how to lie.

 

Good luck!

[alittleconfused]

Underpants... positive thrills of cheating? What are you talking about? When we had sex, we both felt really bad about what we had done. If u read my previous posts, we both agreed that having sex was wrong, and disrespectful to her current relationship with the guy. Her yearning for wanting to see me and be with me would be natural since all we had was each other for the last three years. I have learned from this situation.. but I don't think that I'm being immature because I want my girlfriend back. There is no manipulation, and no "thrills" coming out of this situation. I have no idea where your concept of that came from. When we had sex, it was because we missed each other, not because she was trying to get back at me..since it was me that initiated the NC between us.

 

Alittleconfused

 

I. I agree

 

2. I partially agree, no matter what anyone on here says, I love that girl to death

 

3. In my past posts, I stated that I initiated NC with her, so she may be with her man 100%. She said she wasnt sure which way she wanted to go in the long run, but for now, she wants him. I have been out of her life since then.. last month

 

4. I perpetuated her being dependant on me?? How about, we were just in a relationship for the last 3 years, and we still love each other. You're making me out to be some kinda villain, but whatever..

 

5. The new BF knew.. he told her... "I know I'm a rebound, but I wanna stick around and see how far it goes" so really.. I have little to zero compassion for this dude.

 

6. Like I said, the new BF knew from day one, that she had just got out of a relationship 2 weeks prior to them meeting, but because she's gorgeous, and expressed interest, of course he's gonna go for it. So I have little to zero regard for him

 

7. 100% agree.

 

I appreciate all your feedback..People on here assume that I don't know what I did.. that I'm not aware that I shattered this woman's feelings, and hurt her terribly.. being reminded of that continuously gets aggrevating, but I know it's deserved. I am just a man, that made a conscious, wrong decision, and regrets it terribly. I cant lie to myself, or anyone else, and say that I don't want her back. I'm not an evil person. I'm not vindictive, and im not spiteful. I am hurting cause this is all my fault.. but I dont think I should be belittled because I still love her and want her back. Why can't anyone see that?

 

3. It took you what? 6 months to initiate no contact? And then only after you made sure her current relationship w/ her boyfriend would fail by letting the two of you sleep together? Nice. I'm not saying you aren't doing the right thing now, but your motivations also don't seem pure. It seems like you're only doing NC so she'll break up w/ her boyfriend and come back to you since you took so long and made sure that she would miss you.

 

4. Yea you were in a relationship for a long time, but you kept on saying "I'll be your best friend" ever since you broke up. Doesn't she have other friends she should have leaned on? Like I said, it's both your faults, but you should be a bigger person here and say you need to let her go.

 

5. Your previous quote was that she told you she knew it was a rebound. And even if you have zero compassion for him, you have to remember: just because you dated her first does not confer you exclusive rights or any special priveleges. She was single and willing and maybe he sees just as much in her as you do and so he was willing to see if she could fall in love with him eventually.

 

6. Knowing what you know about her, if you saw her sitting alone, single somewhere hoping for you to talk to her... you'd do it right? Hell, you're even willing to wait it out and not date anyone while she has sex w/ another guy and dates him. Maybe this guy knew a good thing when he saw it too. Shouldn't be so angry about someone else being smart.

 

I don't think you're not hurting, but I do see that you've helped set up this new relationship with this guy to fail. And you're not taking responsibility for that. You cheated on your girlfriend and hurt her, but you think you deserve a second chance. 3 years is a long time, but it doesn't indebt her to you to give you that chance after you basically labelled your relationship as useless and tossed it out the window having sex w/ another woman.

 

It's good that you two felt guilty about having sex but it happened more than once. Although it doesn't seem so to me. I mean what happened? You two were walking down the street, and slipped on a banana peel and bam! Ooops! We're having sex!?? No... you guys clearly made conscious decisions multiple times, you to cheat on her and her to cheat on him. Maybe the other posters are right, you deserve each other.

[vivrantflo]

Jinxx, thank you for your postive feedback.. I'm hoping for that so much, so I do thank you for your well wishes..I am so genuine, and so sorry about everything, u have no idea.. I'm glad you see it, and I hope one day my ex sees that too..

 

Stacie79, I'm sure if you saw me in person, you'd punch me in the belly.. I know u dislike me a lot, but I love your feedback. I just want to clarify something.. two people made the comment that I "feel" that I deserve her back. I can admit right now, that I know I don't deserve her back. I know this.. BUT, at the same time.. I'm not going to lie to myself and say that I dont want her anymore, or that I dont want her back. Those are my feelings, and thats how I feel. I don't deserve a free brand new car, but if I had a chance to win one for free, I'd go for it. (Not comparing her to a vehicle) however, your last statement I agree 110%

 

Shelley's Trying, you've gone from being supportive of me, to hating me, but thats alright. But I have a question... since your husband cheated on you, what was it, 5 or 6 years ago, do you have your husband's balls squeezed figuratively still? Are you looking to get back at him? Have you already?? And thrown it in his face??

 

alittleconfused,

 

3. I didnt set out to sabatage her relationship with that guy. I missed her, she missed me, and it happend. No other motives there. I am doing NC because I didn't feel right influencing her relationship by sticking around. Plus, it was painful to talk to her, knowing that she's with someone else. I gave her her space to be with her man, and I have given myself space to heal and learn. YES, I do want her back, and yeah I do want her to miss me. If the NC eventually brings us back together, then good.. if not, then at least both her and I will heal from this episode, and we can both move on without each other.. as sad as that is.

 

4. She made the proclaimation that we're best friends, not me. She has friends, but not as close as we were.. we were always together.. spent 5 or 6 out of the 7 days in a week together, and we always told each other our problems. I have let her go. We dont talk, and I have ask for zero communication, but she still calls me. Nothing I can do about that, but ignore them.. which I have been doing.

 

5. Yeah, he knows he's a rebound.. me personally, I wouldnt try to date a woman fresh off of 3 year relationship after a cheating espisode.. if she ended it cause she was done, thats different.. but our relationship ended prematurely, so she was hurting. he didn't care and he forced her into a relationship.. thats a quote from her.. so I feel nothing for this guy, and and dont give a rats behind about HIS feelings, and emotions.. I really and truly dont.

 

6. Can't lie.. thats a good point..

 

For the record again, I know I dont deserve another chance with her.. I know this.. but I do want one. I know in my heart that I can treat her even better than I have before. I cheated once.. it's not a diesease, and I dont struggle with it. It's a conscious choice to be made.. and seeing how all of this turned out, I'd be an IDIOT to make a mistake like that again. With her, or any other lady that trusts me with their heart.

 

I really wish I could show her, and even you people on here how sorry I am, and how awful I feel. I would trade in anything in the world to have another chance with her, and show her, and everyone else how much I am sorry, and how much I truly love this woman. Thank you all for your responses

[alittleconfused]

Jinxx, thank you for your postive feedback.. I'm hoping for that so much, so I do thank you for your well wishes..I am so genuine, and so sorry about everything, u have no idea.. I'm glad you see it, and I hope one day my ex sees that too..

 

Stacie79, I'm sure if you saw me in person, you'd punch me in the belly.. I know u dislike me a lot, but I love your feedback. I just want to clarify something.. two people made the comment that I "feel" that I deserve her back. I can admit right now, that I know I don't deserve her back. I know this.. BUT, at the same time.. I'm not going to lie to myself and say that I dont want her anymore, or that I dont want her back. Those are my feelings, and thats how I feel. I don't deserve a free brand new car, but if I had a chance to win one for free, I'd go for it. (Not comparing her to a vehicle) however, your last statement I agree 110%

 

Shelley's Trying, you've gone from being supportive of me, to hating me, but thats alright. But I have a question... since your husband cheated on you, what was it, 5 or 6 years ago, do you have your husband's balls squeezed figuratively still? Are you looking to get back at him? Have you already?? And thrown it in his face??

 

alittleconfused,

 

3. I didnt set out to sabatage her relationship with that guy. I missed her, she missed me, and it happend. No other motives there. I am doing NC because I didn't feel right influencing her relationship by sticking around. Plus, it was painful to talk to her, knowing that she's with someone else. I gave her her space to be with her man, and I have given myself space to heal and learn. YES, I do want her back, and yeah I do want her to miss me. If the NC eventually brings us back together, then good.. if not, then at least both her and I will heal from this episode, and we can both move on without each other.. as sad as that is.

 

4. She made the proclaimation that we're best friends, not me. She has friends, but not as close as we were.. we were always together.. spent 5 or 6 out of the 7 days in a week together, and we always told each other our problems. I have let her go. We dont talk, and I have ask for zero communication, but she still calls me. Nothing I can do about that, but ignore them.. which I have been doing.

 

5. Yeah, he knows he's a rebound.. me personally, I wouldnt try to date a woman fresh off of 3 year relationship after a cheating espisode.. if she ended it cause she was done, thats different.. but our relationship ended prematurely, so she was hurting. he didn't care and he forced her into a relationship.. thats a quote from her.. so I feel nothing for this guy, and and dont give a rats behind about HIS feelings, and emotions.. I really and truly dont.

 

6. Can't lie.. thats a good point..

 

For the record again, I know I dont deserve another chance with her.. I know this.. but I do want one. I know in my heart that I can treat her even better than I have before. I cheated once.. it's not a diesease, and I dont struggle with it. It's a conscious choice to be made.. and seeing how all of this turned out, I'd be an IDIOT to make a mistake like that again. With her, or any other lady that trusts me with their heart.

 

I really wish I could show her, and even you people on here how sorry I am, and how awful I feel. I would trade in anything in the world to have another chance with her, and show her, and everyone else how much I am sorry, and how much I truly love this woman. Thank you all for your responses

 

3. I think a lot of the irritation I get reading your posts is exactly the way you say this: it just happened, no other motives there. As if all that hope you had of getting back together had NO influence on what happened? of course, there's an effect and for you to pretend to be unaware of that desire in your interaction with her just makes it seem like you're dodging blame. And if she comes out with this "it just happened" story, then she's just as in denial or flat out lying. I think it's a typical cheater mentality: oh but but it's not my fault, it was an accident, it just happened, you weren't home last night and I was lonely, SHE came onto ME, I swear! Please, just accept responsibility for your role in breaking up her relationship. Intended consciously or not, your presence drove it that way.

 

4. Good steps now, although I still think it took you too long. Nonetheless, it is what it is.

 

5. LOL "he forced her into a relationship" YEA... that's right, she was completely unwilling and that's why when he dumped her and then changed his mind, she just went RUNNING back. You can believe what you want, but this "my ex was victimized into dating a new man" is BS. I think this may be what Shellys is trying to get at. And by the way, this guy she's dating could probably not even give a rat's behind about you either, you know why? Because you cheated on her and that makes you the "evil ex bf" in his mind. In fact, because you cheated on her, maybe he felt that you were never coming back in the picture because you had so proven yourself unworthy. Anyway, not that you'd care.

 

You should both accept responsibility for your actions and see what you want to do from there. She should tell him what happened, I mean it's clear that even if she doesnt end up with you, things aren't looking hot with this guy either.

[shellys-trying]

Shelley's Trying, you've gone from being supportive of me, to hating me, but thats alright. But I have a question... since your husband cheated on you, what was it, 5 or 6 years ago, do you have your husband's balls squeezed figuratively still? Are you looking to get back at him? Have you already?? And thrown it in his face??

 

Don't make this about me, Dude. You're the one who's basically bragging your XGF is still dying to be with you.

 

If I squeeze my hubby's balls, that's none of your damn business. That's our sexual relationship, not yours.

And I don't cheat on my H just to get back at him. I don't have to. I love him and stayed with him. Was I wrong to do that?

It's against my religion to cheat, you know "thou shalt not commit adultry" and all? I'm just glad he thinks the same way, FINALLY!

 

Anywho, I've read your posts and yeah, my attitude has slowly changed. You act waaayyyy too confident for your own good with this gal. You only know what she tells you and this coming from an XGF who's bangin' a new guy and has banged you,too? She has been dishonest with her new guy in that. What makes you think you get her total 100% honesty?

 

Smells like sweet revenge on her part to me.

I can't say I blame her, but you need to stop hanging around waiting for her to throw you a few crumbs.

You f*cked up. Now, do the RIGHT thing and let her find true happiness with someone more deserving.

Your whole attitude of "oh I don't deserve her but I still want her back" reeks of the same attitude you had when you wanted to bang the OW.

 

WTF! It's not about what you want, remember? You've learned a lesson from cheating on a wonderful girl, remember?

It's about her happiness, remember?

[Guest]

Got quite an update on my situation.. it's been a few months since I last posted.. well, she is still with her boyfriend now. Thing is, in the last two months, she has been coming over here and hanging out with me. We have slept together on more than one occasion.. probably around 4 or 5 times behind her boyfriend's back.

 

She does stand firm that she wants to be with him, but always gets excited when she gets to hang out with me.. ie. walks in the mall, shopping for my pets, hanging out.. As for me, I still want her back desperately, but she's still with that guy. Last week, the two of them broke up.. HE ended it, cause she apparently had trust issues with him.. obviously my fault.. see, her and I live in the same city, but her current boyfriend lives 30mins away. When she got dumped, I was the first person she called to let me know what happend... crying to me over another man.. it hurt to hear her hurting, but at the same time, relieved that that relationship was over.. or so I thought..

 

 

QUOTE]

 

 

No offense, but your ex is a worse player than you are. She's lying and cheating on her boyfriend and messing with YOUR head. I understand you did her wrong by cheating on her, but what she's doing is just as wrong!

 

 

You both need space from each other. Tell her strict 'no contact' for three months. She needs to think it over. She needs to decide between you and the other guy and then stick to a decision.

 

The one I really feel sorry for is the guy dating your ex!

[vivrantflo]

alittleconfused, I agree with hating the line. "it just happend" I said that, cause I didnt really want to get into how it did happen, but here goes.. when we broke up in late November, we hadnt seen each other much after that.. maybe a few times.. but after those few times, our contact was made via msn or the phone. Around march we were becoming more civil, and tried to be friends.. on msn we'd open each other's webcam and talk. I would give her compliments on how she looked, and how much I missed her, and she would reciprocate the compliments. So we planned for a day where we could go get something to eat together, and just chill out. Well, after eating, she suggested to come back to my place cause she missed all my pets, and wanted to watch a movie.. Now I can't lie and say I didn't feel a sexual energy coming from her, and I should have stopped it there.. but that whole day, I was so happy just being with her again, and seeing her again. I put zero regard to her relationship, and just by me typing this out, I'm realizing how selfish I was in this situation. I am realizing that I;'m coming off as a vain *********, and really I'm not like that. Yeah, I admit that I'm a little over confident on how she feels towards me, but I really think it's more hope for myself, than actually believing that her feelings for me are still strong. I'm not a creep, but I dont understand how Im considered a jerk for still loving her and wanting her back.

 

And your point with the new boyfriend..that was the line she gave me, so all I can do is take her word for what it is. If she's lying to me, then congrats to her. But she did tell me that she was pressured into having a relationship with him, which was why guilt didn't kill her the first time we had sex.. but after four or five times, even both of us admitted that we were being nasty, and very dishonest. As for him, no, he didn't know I was still around. Cause when they broke up, he found out that she chilled with me for the day that they were apart, and when he found out that I was still there, he then claimed that he "made a mistake" But all in all, you're right.. I dont care about him.. and care even less about what he thinks of me.

 

I have taken responsibility for my actions.. I know that this whole thing is my fault. I am doing NC because it's the right thing to do. Yes, I do want her back, but if she doesnt come back, I have still learned my lesson, and I would never betray a woman's love again. I don't want to hurt another lady like this.

 

Shelly, I brought up your situation cause you're coming across to me that I'm a horrible person, and a jerk for wanting to be with her again. Which isnt fair. Am I not allowed to want her back? That's why I asked if u got back at your husband, and did all those nasty things that u proclaim she'd do to me. Perhaps if we got back together in a few months we could work past everything, or maybe not. You didnt get back at him or do anything of those mean things... so maybe, she wouldnt do those mean things to me either. Me admitting that I don't deserve her is true, but so are my feelings of wanting her back.. I truly fail to see why I'm such a jerk for still loving her and wanting her back.

 

Her feelings do come first.. she's happy right now.. well she said she was happy April 1st, and I chose to leave her to her man, against her wishes.. I let her know that I still love her and want her back, but I still stepped away.

 

I dont know how this board turned into bashing me, when all I came on here for, was the correct advise on how to get a second chance with a woman I hurt so bad.. this world is messed.. I've read so many posts on here about guys cheating on women, and the women are soooo eager to take them back, but the guys arent interested.... and here I am, knowing that I'd never cheat or do anything selfish and stupid like that again, and my ex ends up in a serious relationship two weeks later.

[shellys-trying]

Then, move on, my friend. Move on. Leave her in peace.

I know this will sound harsh, but you found it easy to replace her while you were with her, now find someone else since that you don't have her anymore.

I think your R with her is a lost cause. Plain and simple. IMHO

[vivrantflo]

Well thats your opinion Shelleys-Trying, thanks for your responses..

[shellys-trying]

You're so welcome, Dude.

That's what forums like this are all about, getting all kinds of opinions and advice.

You pick and choose which one you feel most comfortable taking.

[vivrantflo]

Well, at the same time.. I don't just want to hear, what I want to hear. I love the realistic opinions. I'm just scared...I really regret what I did to this woman so much. I may come across as someone that just wants his selfish desires fulfilled... but it's just weird.. I know in my heart that I can treat her how she should have been treated from the start. With respect, integrity, love and honesty. It just kills me to know that she's in a relationship with someone else.. it feels like she was the one for me, and I just screwed it up.. now Im gonna be alone and unhappy for the rest of my life. I feel awful.. so awful. I wish my real sentiments could be seen to everyone that I'mnot a snake, or a bad person. I just made bad decisions. I wasnt raised in a home that allowed cheating.. my best friends, and my family are disappointed in me, cause it was out of character.. This situation has taken a toll on not just me, but especially her. I want the second chance, not just for me... I would love to have the opportunity to be the one to make her happy again.. I wanna show her that I am so sorry, and that im not capable of doing something like that again. She even told me that she would come back to me if she knew I wouldnt break her heart again. That hurts, cause me and God Himself knows that I wouldnt... but she just doesnt believe me.. at least right now.. sorry for the rant.. bad emotional day today..

[shellys-trying]

You can't prove to her that you won't cheat again and that's what she wants. I know. For some time I asked my H to prove he wouldn't ever cheat again. Of course he couldn't. What would be proof other than being faithful over time, as time goes by. I wanted proof then and there.

 

He could give me proof that he'd cheated but he couldn't prove he wouldn't ever again? How fair was that? I thought it tho'.

I finally had to just get thru it and say to myself, "ok, I have to trust him or not". I did and it's 6+ yrs now and he's been faithful, I feel. I don't have a garauntee it'll continue for 6 more, 16, 60 more yrs.

 

Your xGF has obviously decided for now she's not willing to take that chance and you really need to respect that, as you seem to be saying you are. There's nothing for you to do now but stay away from her, in every way.

Good luck on the NC, if you decide to continue it.

[vivrantflo]

Hello all, just here with an update on my situation.

 

So I have been in NC mode since April 1st with my ex, and have been ignoring the calls, emails, and texts from her. I felt that the right thing to do was to leave her alone to her man, and also give myself time to heal over her moving on.

 

Three weeks ago, I met a nice young lady, and we hit it off right away. We are now dating. Now this lady has a past of stripping, but that was four years ago, and she has since stopped, changed her look, and persued a career she can be proud of. I'm proud of it too. But here is where it gets weird...

 

Last week, one of my best friends said that my ex emailed him to tell him to call her. Most likely because she wanted to get in touch with me. I never called her, or wrote. And he didnt respond to her either. Well tonight, I was playing some poker online, and she called me at 2am. Wow, my heart pounded like crazy.. I picked up... we talked for a good two hours... It started off as small talk.. catching up on our lives, pets, school, vehicles (we both own sports cars) and work. Then she asked me why I dont return her calls or emails, and I replied by saying that I was too busy, and had other things on the go. (Keep in mind, I still love her very much) She then proceeded to tell me with tears in her eyes, that I could do much better than the woman I was seeing! She obviously found out about my relationship, and was stressing how I was settling for a woman "like" that. I respectfully defended my new woman, saying that her job in the past, was the past, and im not going to judge her on it. I told her that I wouldnt want to be judged by my past cause I have changed since then. She wouldnt buy it, and kept putting her down... but here's where I need advise....

 

She is literally begging me to be friends. She says that she hates the fact that we both know each other inside and out, and we dont even talk anymore. I explained that out of respect for her relationship, I needed to back out. She disagrees. She wants to be unblocked on msn, and wants me to call her. I told her that I cant do it, cause I still have deep feelings for her, and it would hurt too much to be her friend, while she has a man. Then while crying she told me that I should "suck it up" and be her friend. This woman REALLY wants me to stay in her life. She said, that if there's any chance of reconciliation with us, we need to be friends first.. which I agreed with.. but not if she has a boyfriend.. then she said.. that she's not with this guy to marry him. She doesnt have marriage thoughts with him at all, but she's happy. She said, that if we're gonna have any chance at all of getting back, being her friend is the right choice. I once again said, that it wouldnt be fair to my woman, or your man. This was your choice, so lets live with it. She said that she;s not happy with that decision, but she'll live with it.

 

People I dont know what to do. I'm 3 weeks fresh into a relationship with someone else, and she's been with this new guy for 6 months now.. says she doesnt love him yet. Am I being a jerk by enforcing NC? I've been advised to use it, but she's pretty much tellin me (threatening me) that if I ignore her reaching out.. then she'll stop.. and if we both stop reaching out, then nothing will ever happen. I don't know what to do. She made a weird comment tho.. I was emphasizing how she has a man now, and needs to remember that.. I said if there's a movie thats out, she's not gonna call me to go, she's gonna call her man.. then she jumped in and said, that woudlnt be true if I picked up my phone. I'm lost Loveshackers.. I dont know if im just making everyone's life miserable, or if Im doing the right thing. Any advise or comments, mean or supportive would be greatly appreciated..

[stace79]

You are absolutely doing the right thing with NC. The interesting thing -- and what my counselor said to me throughout my whole ordeal, as well -- is that this whole time all she cares about is what SHE thinks is right. Like SHE wants you to be her friend, SHE wants you to be in her life, it's all about her and what she wants/needs.

 

Well, what do you need? I have to say, I have more respect for you now seeing what you've done with NC. I think you should stick to NC, and quite frankly, tell her to drop dead. I know you still love her, but she is not thinking about what is best for you, best for her boyfriend or best for your new romantic partner. All she cares about is what she wants and needs, and she wants to have her cake and eat it, too.

 

Telling you the only way you could reconcile is by being friends first is flat out manipulation, and it makes me sick that she would do that. I do not believe she loves her current boyfriend OR you....anyone who could plainly disregard your feelings and needs or those of her current boyfriend just simply doesn't know how to love.

 

Did you ever think that maybe fate or whatever spiritual power you believe in led you to cheat for a reason? I think this girl is poison.

[shellys-trying]

I think you should take others advice here who've said to move on.

Your X is only saying your new GF isn't good enough because she wants you to pine for her.

It sounds like it needs to be over and if you have found someone different and have let your X move on, you shouldn't worry about her. you should respect your new love by forgetting about your X, in that way, so, you don't want a repeat of your last R.

[stillafool]

Wow, many years ago, I was in your gf's situation. My bf of 3 yrs. cheated on me, I broke up with him and met a great guy, but still slept with my ex who was trying to get me back. To make it worst my ex had a gf too. I felt like total s++t each time we did it but we couldn't stay away from each other. To make a long,long, long story short in the end I ended up losing everything and it was one of the most important lessons of my life. Luckily I was very young.

 

I don't know where this will end for you and your ex but I know how you feel. If I were you I would ask her to come back to you. If she says yes tell her to alert her bf of the truth and let him go. If she says no then tell her not to contact you anymore because you are still in love with her and it hurts too much. If you love her don't play games, just lay it on the line again and if she refuses then why is she still calling you? I would have to guess that it is because she does want her cake and eat it too.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree with stillafool.

 

Your ex is sitting on the edge right now. You've now made her realize that you are and can move on. Give her the ultimatum. She either wants to see you in a non-friends capacity or the two of you have nothing, including no friendship. Also let her know that you'll give her a week for her decision and it will be no contact during that week.

 

Of course this tactic has risk but based on what you're saying about having a new relationship, it sounds like you're now capable of moving on.

[vivrantflo]

Thank you all for your responses.. I have yet another update to the ongoing saga entitled "my self- inflicted complicated life".

 

Alright, since I last spoke to my ex, I have been in NC for 6 or 7 days.. On saturday, I noticed that she had called from her work place.. I ignored the call.. then on Sunday while my buddies were over, she called my place like 6 times in a row.. call after call. I ignored them as well.. Monday morning at like 9am, she called my place like 5 times in a row, im not even kidding.. by now, I was thinking that something could be wrong, but noticed she never left any voicemail. Then she emailed me telling me to return her call, it's very important, and that I shouldnt ignore the email.. so by now, im certain it's something important.. I just feared that someone was sick or injured or something.. so I elected to call her back.....

 

We started off with small talk as always, then she proceeded to tell me why she was contacting me. Her bf found out that her and I had slept together back in March. She tells me that he didn't believe that it happend, but ended the relationship with her, cause he was "tired of the drama". She proceeded to tell me that she wasnt mad at me for letting my friends know that we have had sex, but apparently the info fell into the wrong ears, and a "friend" she has been fighting with spilled the beans to the guy. She said that "she wasnt too upset that the relationship is over, cause it was only 7 months, and it was nothing compared to what we had. She was just angry that her friend went behind her back". The whole time, I kept cool, and just listened to her. Didn't seem enthusiastic, and at the same time didnt appear nonchalant. She told me that she is off work for a few days, so she's just taking it easy.. not sure if she was leaving an opening for me to ask her to hang out or something, but I didnt. Our convo lasted like 20mins. So my question is this..

 

Why would she ring down my phone like a mad woman just to let me know she's single again? I really dont get it. I'm in a three week old relationship with someone I'm kinda lukewarm about, and she found it THAT important to tell me that info? She knows I still love her and want her back, and she told me she still has feelings for me too.. I just dont know how to read my ex.

 

Can anyone explain her actions and what they possibly mean? She never said anything about getting back together at all, she just clearly went out of her way to let me know that they are over.. she even stopped by my appartment to see me, but I wasnt home.. Any thoughts??

[stace79]

I have to be totally honest. She sounds EXACTLY like the ex-girlfriend in my situation as well. The guy I'm (stupidly) still sort of seeing was with her for four years. She was his first love and he hers, etc.

 

He has decided she was right for him at the time, but is not right for him in the long term for a relationship and/or marriage. So he wants me. She cannot accept this, even though she's told him over and over she doesn't want to get back into a relationship with him, that she's seeing someone else, yada yada.

 

My friends and I have basically come to the conclusion that she is just an egomaniac and her ego has solely been driven by the fact that my guy followed her around like a lost puppy for years. She would never commit to him, but he would never abandon her. She put him through hell while she was still in college (he had graduated), partying all the time, ending up at strange guys' houses and calling him for a ride home, etc. All he wanted was a commitment from her, and she wouldn't give it to him. Yet any time he tried to move on, she would reel him back in by telling him how important he is, that she missed him, or any other number of "sweet" phrases.

 

I know your ex was hurt by your cheating, but it honestly sounds like she is just manipulating you. The things you write about her sound SO MUCH like my bf's ex it's unbelieveable.

 

I am caught in your situation now, myself...I had met a new guy and gone out with him two times. Granted, not long enough to know if it would work, but he was real nice, successful, stable. But I know right now my heart belongs to the other guy, who I love.

 

I guess you have to decide for yourself if the new person you're seeing offers enough potential to turn your back on this ex, who you say you love. It's an impossible decision, I know...but you have to decide. I find your ex's actions highly suspicious, however.

[BlueEyedSarah]

vivrantflo, you sound like a nice guy and sounds like you regret what you did.

 

In my opinion it sounds as though she is not intrested in getting back with you. It sounds like she is being selfish and is just using you for herself to make her feel better when her relationships with others do not go right.

 

I suggest you go back to nc with your ex.

 

Also with your current girl I really don't think you should be dating her when you are still not over your ex because it is unfair on her.

 

If you can move on from your ex - which is what I think you should do - then carry on with seeing the girl you are seeing and cut all contact with your ex.

 

If not then dump this girl before she gets tangled and hurt in the web.

 

Hope it works out for you, keep us posted

[vivrantflo]

Hello all, yet another update in my situation.. I'd like to thank my consistant fan base of my soap drama, cause you guys have given me great advice, and you're faitful in responding to me.. (Stace79, Shellys-trying, and I like BlueEyedSarah too )

 

Here we go.. so from the last update, I decided to leave her alone for a bit. She's freshly single, so I dont want to rush anything, or throw myself back into the mix of things just yet. So I decided to play it somewhat cool... but let her know that im still interested in trying again. Her birthday was on the 4th of this month, so I figured I'd do something nice. Nothing over the top, just something small to show that I still care about her, and love her. (oh, by the way, despite liking the girl I Was with, I ended it, cause I felt it was wrong to string her along, while I still loved my ex.. that was NOT easy.. I did like her) So I decided that I'd buy a card, small box of chocolates, and a cute gift bag, and leave it at her door at like 4am, so she can get it when she wakes up on her birthday.

When I arrived there, I noticed the ex boyfriend's van was parked there.. SPLENDID.. I left the package there anyway...

 

Next morning she calls, and says that she loved the gift, and that it touched her heart.. and that I should visit her at work. So I did.. we had lunch, cause she works at the mall, and caught up. She admitted that her and the guy were broken up, but he wants her back. (Keep in mind, he broke up with her, cause he found out about us having sex behind his back) So OBVIOUSLY, she's denying that we did, otherwise she'd stay dumped.. I then took that as a hint, and went home.

 

When I got home, I texted her asking,"why did u feel the need to break 2 months of not speaking, to tell me that u got dumped, only to still hang out with him?" She says.. "because I promised that I'd be her friend if they broke up" Then I said.. "listen..if we're gonna try again, we need to have a clean slate..that means no girls on the side for me, and no guys on the side for you.. So I can re-establish trust again. I told her to take some more time..She agreed, and said that we'll talk when she sorts things out.

 

Today, I sent a text just saying hi and how her weekend was.. she responded that she was in the city where the guy lives.. I ask if they got back together, and she replies. "yes, im sorry" WTF?!? I text back, why didnt u tell me that u made that decision? I've been waiting for your choice... she says that she wasnt aware that I was waiting for her..

 

So, in closing, I'd like to say.. that I truly feel that I got what I deserved.. and that cheating has it's rewards.. and that's receiving the same broken heart, that you gave to someone else innocent of it. If any of you readers come across clowns on here that are thinking of cheating, or have cheated on their loved ones.. send them the link to my story... and maybe my situation won't go in vain.. well, not entirely in vain, cause I have learned, never to take advantage of a vulnerable heart ever again. Take care people

[stace79]

I'm sorry to read this. While I definitely never condone cheating, I also don't believe in retribution when it comes to people's feelings. I think what she did is awful.

 

However, I would strongly encourage you to take this to heart. She isn't right for you, nor you her. I have made the decision that if my relationship with my ex doesn't work this time, that it's over for good. No contact, no friendship, no nothing. If it doesn't work, I certainly don't want to waste any more of my time when I could be finding the one it will work with. I'd encourage you to do the same.

 

Take your time to be sad or angry or whatever. But then realize this is a turning point and you have to move on to find someone better for you. Take the lesson of never cheating with you....but know that someone else out there will be mature. Just because one receives a broken heart doesn't mean it's okay to act like a treacherous b!tch! And that's coming from me -- someone who tends to hold grudges. Best of luck to you...

[Foreva86]

HI vivrantflo. I've just been reading your story and I truly feel so sorry for you. What you did, yeah it does have its consequences but it made you a better person. I think you need to move on with your life now and have the life you deserve. She doesn't deserve you after the way she's been treating you. And it seems like she was just using you whenever she was in trouble with her own relationship. Keeping in contact with her isn't gonna help either and friends cant be an option as well. Once you share an intimate relationship with someone for such a long time going backwards is just impossible to do.

 

 

 

I hope you can find someone who will make you truly happy and give you all the happiness in the world you deserve it and I'm sure it will come around soon

[marlena]

I hope you can find someone who will make you truly happy and give you all the happiness in the world you deserve it and I'm sure it will come around soon

 

 

This is also my sincere wish - you have suffered enough - and though of course you did bring it on - I am convinced you truly regretted it.

 

To err is only human -.

 

It is time to "own up" and stop playing immature, manipulative games that inevitably lead to emotional disaster. This is what I believe has been going on between the two of you.

 

On the postive end of the spectrum, it seems you have learnt a valuable lesson while she hasn't even yet begun to do her homework!

 

Yes, "revenge is a dish best eaten cold"! She has yet to learn that lesson! But she will - believe me - whether now or when she's wondering where that awful crease in the middle of her forehead came from!

 

It will be hard - but like all of us - you will sustain!

 

Take care