Lauriebell82 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 this may be a stupid thing to ask advice on but i'm curious about something. i've been with my boyfriend for 5 months and we are pretty serious. we've talked about a future together and all. when we first started getting more serious (falling in love) we talked about what would happen if we got married and stuff. whenever i start talking about marriage and stuff and weddings he by passes the subject and changes it. its confusing because he says how much he loves me. i'm finishing my masters degree and will be done in a year, so maybe he doesnt want to think about marriage until i'm done. anyway getting to the point: i honestly dont expect him to be 100% sure he wants to marry me, but why does he change the subject all the time? he told me that the way his brother in law proposed to his sister was a total suprise. everytime she would bring up marriage he would change the subject and then he just shocked the hell out of her and proposed. when my boyfriend first told me he loved me, it was a wonderful surprise and shock because i didnt expect it. i would want my boyfriend to surprise me, but i would like some indication that he would possibly want to marry me someday. it doesnt have to be right now, but it makes me feel weird when he refers to his wife and children in a generic way, instead of me. does he not want to freak me out because we havnt been together for a long time? i'm confused and i'm just wondering if anyone has any thoughts about it or suggestions. thanks! footnote: i love him and i really want to marry him, so its more upsetting because he doesnt want to talk about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 another little tidbit i forgot to put in there...my best friend just got engaged and i was telling him how her bf proposed and if he asked me if that would be a good way to propose. i told him that yes i wouldnt want a lot of people around i would just want a private moment. so does this mean he thought about how he would propose to me? or was it just interest on his part? this is even more confusing! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 After 5 months, I think you are totally getting ahead of yourself. I can understand how you would want to know if your relationship has a future, but to be concerned about proposals and if he's changing the subject because he wants to suprise you...too much, too soon. A lot of guys get nervous around the subject, and they don't want to talk about it because they don't want you to start getting marriage-obssessed. Who knows what your bf is thinking? But if you start talking marriage all the time, you might miss out on actually developing a relationship that could lead to marriage. Relax, enjoy, and let things take their course naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I think it's too soon to be hinting at marriage, you could very well scare him away. Let things happen naturally. you are still learning about each other, in the "honeymoon" phase, pardon the expression. this cannot become the total focus of your relationship now, just enjoy the ride for now... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 yeah and honestly i dont talk about marriage all the time and i do realize that i am getting a little ahead of myself. my boyfriend and i are not at the point to be thinking about that but i guess i cant help it because i love him and i think about a future with him. maybe i'm thinking about it more because all my friends are engaged and i all i hear about is how they were proposed to, what their wedding is going to be like, how their life is going to be when their married. so i guess its a littel frustrating that i'm not to that point yet. but ur right i cant push him on it or else i'll lose him. how do i stop myself from getting ahead like that? i need to enjoy my relationship but i am having trouble because i guess i just wish my relationship was at that point. i dont know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
silentcharon Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
LaughMachine Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Why do you guys have to get married? You've only been dating for 5 months I can see why he would change the subject Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Why do you guys have to get married? You've only been dating for 5 months I can see why he would change the subject Because she wants to get married to him some day, I don't think she's trying to make him marry her right now. Link to post Share on other sites
techgirl Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 i agree that 5 months is too early to be thinking about marriage. as serious as you may be, things change, and at 5 months, things are still peachy and everything is great. wait a year or at least until you make a year and see if things are different. Link to post Share on other sites
adnCat Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 It is early, at 5 months, to be worrying about this kind of stuff. A few things: 1) He was willing to talk about it before. Isn't that an indication that it might be something he wants to do? Plus, another indication is that he was asking how you might want your proposal (private or public). 2) I would quit bringing it up so often. I'm sure he notices that all your friends are jumping on the engagement bandwagon. He might start to think that you want to, also, but not for the right reasons. He might think that you want to get engaged because everyone else is doing it, and not because you want to marry him. Also, talking about the proposal and wedding all the time is also kind of superficial. It will also make you sound interested in these two events and not necessarily the lifetime together that it implies. So, basically, it sounds like he's into you. Don't scare him off. As they say, life is a journey, not a destination. I think it might even be helpful to back off past neutral, and have him pursue you a little more. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 5 months really isn't enough time to know each other well enough to even consider marriage. People have many aspects to their personality. You have to spend a *lot* of time really getting to know the person you'll spend the rest of your life with. Take your time. If it's meant to be, you guys will figure it out soon enough. Chasing too much commitment too soon will only scare the guy off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 yeah i guess the purpose of my post kind of got a little skewed. is not that i'm in a big rush to marry my boyfriend. i know we havnt been together that long. we are still fairly young (i'm 24, he's 25) so there isnt a real big rush or anything. what i was kind of trying to inquire, is whether or not the guy does see our relationship going somewhere and if he would want all those things. and i dont talk about marriage andstuff all the time. its sort of hard not to think about those kind of things because all my friends have gotten engaged in the last 6 months. i dont really talk to my boyfriend about their engagements all that much either, he asked me how my friends got engaged so i told him and thats when he inquired about it. i'm just going to lay low, i guess what i was trying to figure out if everything is ok. it looks like it is, but i guess i do need to chill out about our relatiosnhip a little more and just enjoy being with my boyfriend. any other help would be great though! Link to post Share on other sites
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