What does he really want?

[Guinness]

I have been posting about this a couple of months ago but the story is still not over and I really need some advice on it b/c I am really starting to go crazy...

 

Ok, before the summer I met a guy (=M) I totally fell in love with. I sounds cheesy but I really was "struck by lightning"! I was in a long-term relationship at the time , but I was not happy in this relationship. So I tried to do the right thing and ended the relationship and told M that I had a boyfriend (he at the time seemed to be thinking that we could have a relationship).

 

We had a long talk and decided to start slowly - get to know each other first - then decide what will happen. But right before the summer holidays (we both study at university) he stopped calling me and when I questioned him he said it's best to call the whole thing off cuz he does not know what he wants, and we will spend summer at different ends of the country without having much chance to meet up. I was devasted and hurting and feeling horrible. I then took the general advice and let the whole thing go, tried to sort out my life and get over both guys.

 

But during the summer, he once sent me a message in the middle of the night, telling me that he wants to see me before uni starts again, but he was really drunk and didn't remember much of it the next day. So I didn't really think about it and stopped contact again.

 

Then on another occasion during the summer I met his best friend on an event he was supposed to attend as well, and the first thing his friend said unasked to me was, that M couldn't be there cuz he had to attend a seminar somewhere. I thought that to be a bit weird cuz I never asked after him or anything.

 

And then at the end of the summer I called him up to ask if he wanted to be my dancing partner in autumn (I know that he was taking classes as well and I was looking for a partner too so I thought that to be practical - but nothing more) He was positively surprised to hear from me, agreed immediately and was really excited about it. He even wanted to meet up to go out and all that.

 

Now I am in bits. I am still feeling something for him, and I can't get rid of these feelings. He always says he calls in a week, but then he doesn't and I have to call so that we can organise everything for the dancing. And when I talk to him he is always in a hurry, doesn't talk much and never again mentioned meeting up to go out. I don't know what to think. he is giving me mixed signals, and I really am feeling physical pain, because I don't know if he is feeling something for me. And this situation is like hanging in the air - it's horrible. And I was patient enough, I can't wait much more till he makes a decision. I never felt that much for a guy before in my life.

 

I am sorry that this post is so long but I hope you have some advice for me.

[Ally Boo]

Is having him as a dancing partner REALLY worth all these feelings? If you say no, I'd find someone else to dance with. There is nothing that has more potential to be hurtful and confusing than sharing a sport like that with someone you care about...there is too much touching, grabbing and gazing....

 

Hopefully, if you get a new partner, you won't worry about him so much.

[butterflyz]

about seeing how it would work as dance partners, but, as you can see, he's not following through in a way that leads you to feel confidence that what he says and what he actually does are a match. so, maybe you should find a new dance partner...this guy isn't good enough for you on either level.

[just_a_girl]

unfortunately it does sound like this guy is using you and you found evidence to prove it.

 

If it was me i'd confront him about it, but ofcourse trying to be a nice and friendly in the discussion as possible to avoid an unnecessary arguement. Confronting him about it in my opinion will help you feel more comfortable about moving on from the situation depending on what he has to say for himself. However if you think it is less heartache to just walk away and stay away from him, then do so.

 

Its your feelings that you need to look after in the long run, not his.

[Guinness]

Well, I met the guy on the weekend, and to my surprise he was really nice to me, always trying to be near me and everything. So I figured the best thing to do is just ask him what is going on.

 

We had a long talk about everything. He said that before the summer, when I told him that i had a boyfriend and everything, he wasn't sure anymore what I wanted and thought I wasn't serious about him. So he figured that it's best to let the whole thing go. But over the summer he thought quite a lot about everything and found out that he had been behaving like a "right idiot".

 

For now we are just friends, and trying to get to know each other again. But I still like him and I think that he has similar feeling because of all he went trough for me this weekend. So I think I'll just wait and see!

[Dragonflys]

Hi Guiness...

 

I'm sorry he is treating you this way, but you need to do yourself a favour and get away from this situation.

 

I'm sure he has feelings for you, but he does not seem ready for any type of commitment at this stage. He wants to concentrate on school and meeting other girls.

 

You sound like you are seeking something more lasting and reciprocated. The fact he didn't contact you for months is not a good sign. He's not ready.

 

You could keep some light contact with him via email, but that would likely be torturous for you and you never know how many years it may take until/ or even if his feelings on commitment change.

 

Be best of you cease all contact, or even block his email and everthing. Just cut all chance of contact..its his bad luck, not yours. There will be other guys who will light that fire in you and reciprocate you efforts.

 

Oliver