May be I misunderstood.

[Gidibufer]

I know i won't ever truly understand girls, but I thought I could manage dealing with them until this last summer.

 

I think that I could fill up all the available memory on the Internet with the things this girl did to confuse me, so I'm just going to skip to the end. I wrote this girl a letter. I wasn't really planing on dealing with her anymore. That's not to say that i didn't still have a thing for her, I just didn't want to put up with the way she acted. I gave her the letter the last day of class. This was the day before the final.

 

The next day I came in late for the final, we sat next to each other and i wanted to avoid talking to her. As luck would have it the Professor was running a little behind that day as well. I thought i would be walking into a class room where everyone had there heads buried in a test. It totally through my mind set off. I got a little nervous. I went and I sat down, she turned to me, her eyes as wide as I've ever seen them, she was leaning in at me and she said, What are you doing after class. My answer was i'm going to get drunk, I didn't even look at her when i said it. Her posture totally changed. she sunk down in her chair and turned away from me. a few moments later the prof walked in and every things got quit.

 

I finished my test fast and left. On my way home i thought it over.

Off course, a couple of hours latter i called. There was no answer, and she had just moved in and didn't have the answering machine set up. Four days went by and I didn't call, the grades were in and so i called to see what she got. I was out of town, so on caller id the number that came up was not mine. We had a rather normal conversion. She asked where i was and when i was coming back, she said she didn't think i was going to call her again because the way i ended the letter. I just stopped writing, and said good luck with every thing. I didn't ask about the letter. I was leaving it up to her to bring it up, and she did. I said it was getting to long, so i had to stop and that why it was like that.

She said it was wonderful and I should have written more.

 

We talked for 15-20 minutes, she said she was leaving town in the morning, and hadn't made definite plans on when she was coming back. Now here's the part I don't get, and you'll see why in a bit. She gave me here new cell phone number. This is five days after i gave her the letter.

 

To keep a long story from being any longer she blew me off after that and i sent her an email. [Just to clarify that I'm not some creepy dude that calls all the time: I only talked to her one time after she gave me the new number(it was a really quick conversation and she said she'd call me back), and i only called a total of two times in a week and a half.] She responded and said that i had scared her off with a part of that letter. I've got enough girls in my past who vouch that i'm not a scary guy, so i'm not to worried about that.

 

What am bother by is that i still have no clue how i was supposed to know that she was 1.) scared away by me, and 2.) never wanted to speak to me again.

 

Just for a little background I've known this girl for a year and a half, I'm not the sappy love starved type, and that letter was about as mushy as the sole of my boot. She told me what part scared her, and i meant it as a joke, I'm just not a real funny guy.

 

Questions and comment, I'd like to know what ya'll think.

[beaker]

Add me to the list of people who may be misunderstanding you.

 

Off course, a couple of hours latter i called.

Well of course! No seriously, why did you do that? You had just written her a letter communicating your desire to "not deal with her anymore", so why confuse the issue by... well... dealing with her?

 

Now here's the part I don't get, and you'll see why in a bit. She gave me here new cell phone number. This is five days after i gave her the letter.

It's also five minutes after you called her... thereby just possibly indicating you may still wish to call her, by -- guess what? -- calling her! Her new cell number might be useful for calling since she's about to move out. You had also just finished creating ambiguity where none previously existed, by correcting her (mistaken?) perception that you never wanted to talk with her again (you told her the letter ended abruptly due to length concerns, remember, not because you actually meant to be abrupt).

 

What am bother by is that i still have no clue how i was supposed to know that she was 1.) scared away by me, and 2.) never wanted to speak to me again.

1. She was scared by something ambiguously creepy you wrote in your letter, didn't you just mention that? Just another case of poor communication... but if you already know what the mistake was, why ask what scared her away? That doesn't make sense.

 

2. Are you seriously asking this question? Maybe you're used to people not comprehending, so when someone understands what you tell them, you're totally thrown off by it. Didn't you just finish telling her, in this famous letter, words to the effect that you "weren't planning on dealing with her anymore?" Strange that any girl would interpret that, along with the cold-shoulder/no eye-contact thing in the exam room, to mean you didn't like her very much.

 

Questions and comment, I'd like to know what ya'll think.

I think that in a relationship, letters are best reserved for times when you need to organize your thoughts and say things in a totally clear, unambiguous manner. If your writing isn't totally clear, maybe you shouldn't write anything at all and just stick to the telephone and face-to-face.

[midori]

I agree with beaker's observations, and I'm wondering if you've actually got a firm idea about what it is that YOU want with this girl.

 

Did you write the letter because enough was enough and you really didn't want to deal with her anymore? Or did you write it hoping to elicit a certain type of response or change from her?

 

Do you like her or not?

 

It sounds to me like you're trying to subtly convey some messages to her (maybe something like, "I don't like it when you ___" or "I want you to change ____"), but you seem to lack either the coherency or the courage (or both) to actually just say to her, "look Josephine, I think you're cool and I'd like to spend more time with you, but I wish that you'd just _____."

 

Based on what you've written it sounds like you're the one who's inscrutable. Giving the blow-by-blow nitty gritty of your history with this girl might not make the situation any clearer to us outsiders. But you might want to look at it this way: if you feel, for whatever reason, that this girl has been jerking you around and making you unhappy, then keep away from her. Who wants someone like that in their lives?

[Ally Boo]

It sounds like you just wrote her the letter bc you wanted it to magically change her ways of dealing with you. That's ok, I've done that too. But it's manipulative and not right. You can't have maturity in a relationship, if you aren't willing to offer it back. Try dealing with this in a more responsible way.