what is going on?

[crinklecut]

Hi, i'm new to this site. I was hoping someone could give me some advice or opinions on my predicament.

 

Been going out with this girl for 3 years. We were also best friends. We had an intense, heavy sort of relationship. We had heaps in common. she had some jealousy issues and lost her temper a lot and would do things like hang up on me on the phone and get the ****s and storm off- things like that. It got too much for me and i just didn't need the stress anymore.

 

I weighed up the whole thing and decided to tell her that we won't be seeing each other anymore. It was a quick conversation and i did it over the phone. She rang me and left messages and i never returned her calls. She then wrote me a letter saying how much she'll miss me but respects my decision and asked if we could still be friends. I didn't respond.

 

She rang a few days ago to try and talk me around and i told her that i haven't regretted my decision at all and the whole time i've felt like its the right one. I said no i don't think we should have any more contact. I just said no its over. I told her that i did miss her a lot though but this is the right decision. She was practically begging me not to end it. She was saying she's had a lot of time to look back at her behaviour (we've been apart 6 weeks) and that she's changed and she doesn't want it to go back to how it was. I was still saying no.

 

Heres the crunch part

A day later I got a message from her saying she's fine with the decision and that now she feels that she's had my final answer (because there hadn't been any real closure on it) she feels I made the right decision for us and she actually feels like she's able to move on now and that she's happy with the decision!!!!!!!!! and that she's feeling good about her newfound freedom!!!!!!!!

WTF???

 

One minute she's begging and next minute she's saying i did the right thing?????

 

Now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't have let her go. What is wrong with me? I do miss her - we were best friends. Has anyone felt like this and what did you do? why is this happening?

[crinklecut]

i read over my post and I suppose what i'm asking is:

 

if i change my mind about what i have done and decide that i want to be in contact with her- where do I really stand ??- because- I was the one who ended it- and then she ended up messaging me that she is glad that i have made up my mind and its all settled etc, and feels she can move on now etc

 

I guess what I'm saying is- her desperation and crying into the phone and pleading - kind of scared me off and might have pushed me into making the final decision.

 

would i look like a dickhead if i called her?

[guest]

wow. She probably has tried everything that she thought you would go for, but you never did. so now she istrying a different tactic that someone told her would work. What you really need to do is go with your first feelings about how you wanted the relationship ended. Just because she changed her tactics doesn't mean you should cave in. because you are lonely.

[underpants]

Hi Crinkle, love the name.

 

I am not sure how old you guys are or if you really do love this girl?

 

Aside from that, what I can tell you is this.

 

This is the crucial time that you can, either walk away for good or you two could possibly move this relationship to a deeper level.

 

It sounds like she just reacted to her emotions in a way that left you feeling drained. She gets upset because perhaps you are doing some things (intentional or not) that feed her insecurites. This is fixable, but you both have to be able to sit down and communicate as adults about your needs and wants and find better ways of dealing with issues when they come up.

 

It sounds to me as though she has tried to reach out to you even if it is perceived as desperate to you. Your put offs worked, she has given up.

 

I guess you have to ask yourself if a relationship with her is worth the effort of working through an emotional time to reach a deeper understanding of how you two can work better together. If you choose to reach out to her then please be sincere and genuine. If she responds then perhaps you two could agree to make a list of the things each of you bring to the relationship (positive) and some things that make you each feel bad. Then meet for coffee or a sit in a park, you can discuss these things one by one and each have an opportunity to explain what triggers these things. You might learn alot.

 

Communication is the key to so much in these things.

 

Good luck.