Celll phone locater and my discovery

[IfWishesWereHorses]

. Why don't you just call the OW and tell her that she can have his sorry a$$. Pack his bags (including the dirty laundry - no pun intended) and leave it all by the front door.

 

:lmao:

I have offered to do his laundry and provide home cooked hot meals for a month!!!

 

 

[puddleofmud]

Uff! OOD, I barely know what to say!

I am soooo soooo sorry....

He is too self-righteous about being caught and that makes me sick so I can only and barely imagine how YOU feel.

So he is sneaking around on this forum to find out what you know or what you'll do? This is a dangerous man.

Change the locks, today! Pack his stuff and put it in storage. Find a lawyer and kick his smug ass to the freakin curb. Get a protective order--he is stalking you for no reason, as YOU have done nothing wrong.

Please don't let him come back and upset you. More so don't let him in your house as his behavior is rash and disturbing.

YOU are a lovely, well educated, kind, sweet, endearing, wonderful mother, with two babies who don't need this shyte.

Let it be "lawyer to lawyer" from here on out.

Again, be careful! He is rash and disturbed, has learned to have things the way HE wants and could do anything we would rather not imagine...

[2sunny]

I agree with Puddleofmud.

 

If he was any kind of real MAN - he would post here instead of spying on you from behind the curtain...

 

Geeez! what a wussy! He just gets more and more pathetic every day!

 

You deserve WAY better than this for your life.

 

A lawyer can get you awarded money within a day or so - take him to the cleaners already!

 

PS - I have never been so mad about a H situation since I first arrived here in Oct 2005... this loser takes the cake...

 

I wouldn't be able to stand looking in his direction if I were you.

[faithfulgirlie]

Trust me, guys take their cheating lies to their grave. I caught mines with, pictures, cell phone bills, recorded phone calls, never told him, it's been three years and his still not telling. I want to see how far he will go?

[outofdarkness]

thanks for the encouragement and advice. I just can't put my feelings into words right now...I am really upset and need to take some time to regroup...I know what I need to do...I'll try to post later when I've had some alone time to think...Thanks again..I love you all!

[outofdarkness]

Who says that God..sorry if I offend you agnostics, doesn't give us more then we can handle??? I feel totally overwhelmed and am ready to shut down...Is THIS the way I am suppose to handle everything?

 

Also, how many of you have been a part, ow or bs of a "second chance" situation that's gone sour? I am especially curious about the MM who begged, pleaded, whined and basically had a breakdown while trying to GET that second chance..

[NoIDidn't]

I don't know if it counts, but I once had a BF that was cheating on me that begged me to take him back. When I didn't break down and do it, he started insulting me and talking like HE was a prize or something and that I was just average, ordinary and nothing special.

 

See how long he keeps the begging up. If he resorts to insulting you, you know what's up.

 

But more importantly: decide what YOU want regardless of his begging.

 

If you have gained some more strength since the update, maybe you should gather some info from the OW. If he is still talking to her, he has more than likely told her to not take your calls or respond to you in any way. But she will be dying to say something. That, and if you get the classic "this is between you and your H", you'll know what's up.

 

Sorry OOD. For what its worth, I do believe you to be a beacon of light and tower of strength. God has really equipped you with more strength than you ever thought.

[outofdarkness]

I don't know if it counts, but I once had a BF that was cheating on me that begged me to take him back. When I didn't break down and do it, he started insulting me and talking like HE was a prize or something and that I was just average, ordinary and nothing special.

 

See how long he keeps the begging up. If he resorts to insulting you, you know what's up.

 

But more importantly: decide what YOU want regardless of his begging.

 

If you have gained some more strength since the update, maybe you should gather some info from the OW. If he is still talking to her, he has more than likely told her to not take your calls or respond to you in any way. But she will be dying to say something. That, and if you get the classic "this is between you and your H", you'll know what's up.

 

Sorry OOD. For what its worth, I do believe you to be a beacon of light and tower of strength. God has really equipped you with more strength than you ever thought.

Your post was perhaps one of the most encouraging posts that I've gotten so far. Sometimes, you can make the strongest points with the fewest words! I would like nothing more then to calmly sit down w/ at least the main OW and have a calm and rational conversation, and yes, I totally agree that if she says right off that it's between me and my H, I know what's up...I have not tried to contact her in any way in over two years,and that was only once after the D day letter arrived and it was suggested that I call her to "compare notes"..Which, of course, I promptly did. However, at this particular time, she was REALLY angry and scorned due to him suddenly cutting contact w/ her w/ out any explanation...no calls, etc...nothing. Once she found out from me that SHE too, was being cheated on by my H, she was even MORE angry and VERY scorned. She was eager to tell all at that point and even gave me the names of several prominent D attorneys...Of course, I didn't' use them, but I pretended to listen b/c I wanted any info I could get. She also told me of another extremely hurtful A that my H had w/ someone closely affiliated and powerful at our children's school. She did this purely out of spite and anger towards him, not thinking in a million years how much it would quickly put me over the edge. Our son and daughter were essentially asked to leave the school w/ the blame put on our kids...I had no idea at the time, that he was a cheater, let alone w/ anyone affiliated w/ the school. At least, now I know the rest of the story, in the words of Paul Harvey...It's helped us all a great deal to know that we did nothing wrong...

 

It always helps to get as much info as possible, as painful as it is b/c you never know how these A's have affected your family's lives. People can be so vengeful and hateful and spiteful when love is involved..AND let me tell all of you..if the people involved happen to have a bunch of money, it's 100 times worst!!! Just food for thought..I prob got off subject..sorry...

[outofdarkness]

Hi ya'll

I have a question...If I were to approach at least the main OW, and I am NOT planning to at this point, what is the best way to do this? By approach, I mean that I just want to meet the W that was w/ my H for 10 years...I've never even seen her. I would like to hear HER side of the story, and as someone pointed out on one of my threads, and I can't remember which one, if I get the typical; "that's between you and your H" response, then I'll know right off that they are still involved. It seems like a possible solution that might avoid all of the PI stuff. Any thoughts?...All are welcome as long as they are not hostile...

[Freedom Now]

OOD,

 

If my xMM's wife approached me, I would be honest.

 

However, and this is a BIG however, I would probably cover for him if I was still involved with him. It is just the nature of the affair....

 

IF this main OW is still involved with her husband, you will not get much info from her. She is loyal to her man, not you.

 

I know. It is sad, but these situations ARE sad.

 

I am afraid you may not get the truth unless you get it YOURSELF, without their help.

 

I am so, so sorry.

[outofdarkness]

OOD,

 

If my xMM's wife approached me, I would be honest.

 

However, and this is a BIG however, I would probably cover for him if I was still involved with him. It is just the nature of the affair....

 

IF this main OW is still involved with her husband, you will not get much info from her. She is loyal to her man, not you.

 

I know. It is sad, but these situations ARE sad.

 

I am afraid you may not get the truth unless you get it YOURSELF, without their help.

 

I am so, so sorry.

I see your point..Thanks for the input...and concern..

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Trust me, guys take their cheating lies to their grave. I caught mines with, pictures, cell phone bills, recorded phone calls, never told him, it's been three years and his still not telling. I want to see how far he will go?

 

 

I have no unearthly idea how you managed this. For two years I took every peice of evidence to my husband even though I knew exactly how it would play out. I accused whatever (how did you get lipstick on your underwear) he had no unearthly idea then got angry and defensive and says see what you are doing to us. (yea, interfering with your fantasy life!) No matter how hard I tried I couldn't not do it, it would come out eventually. When I finally got it through my thick head that he would never change and accepted that there was no hope that he would ever be a true and faithful lover or spouse, I learned to keep whatever evidence I found to myself with NO PROBLEMS. This also coincides with the time that I finally stopped checking anything on him (I did still have an awareness of when things were amiss) . Since that day more information has fallen (been offered) into my lap than I could ever want (obviously a lot more out there) some of which I honestly wish I had never learned. I have received support (in this area) from places I never imagined. My situation is similar to OOD in the serial cheater w/ one main love interest. One day I realized what I actually have! I had been focusing for so long on how his actions hurt me that I never stopped to think in what ways his actions were hurting HIM and HIS future. Its when I stopped fighting it that I realised that his momentum is working against him and I need to do nothing but sit and watch. Its not fun though as I also see my life, hopes and dreams for us flying down the hill too, but I have no control over that. He is a worse enemy to himself than to even me and natural consequenses are a MF!

 

 

There are many threads in which the OW discusses the plans she and MM have made regarding when MM will leave and how they will start their lives together. They plot against the BS and plan how they can do this with the least damage to their all important reputations in the eyes of the community, their families, churches, and careers. I have no reason to assume that this is not my case also. When that time arrives I will have a choice to make. Use my information to ruin all of the above and to ensure that OW will never want to speak to him again or let her learn the lesson the same way I did. I have given it a lot of thought and I'm not sure which way it will go. In this case it occurs to me that if I am patient that I can have it both ways.

 

OOD,

 

I can understand your desire to contact the OW but I also believe that there are times when it behooves you just to sit back and let things play out naturally. Personally I wouldn't do it. She is on his side, if they are still together she will protect him, if they are no longer together then her anger has subsided and will no longer be working for you. She may still want to protect him. I would not assume that even if they are still together that she will reply as you think "talk to your H". A PI actually gives you the proof that you need legally also which you need to be considering at this point. A question to you. Do you hope to prove him faithful or unfaithful? Another thought is that if you found that they are still no longer in contact will you not still worry about other OW? I feel like you are still struggling with yourself at this point. Head and heart are not coming together because you still so badly want to believe in him and his love for you. There was a time when I could have walked in on my husband and ow and he still could have convinced me that my eyes didn't see what I am sure that I saw because I WANTED so badly to believe in him. HE was able to use my momentum against me at the time. At some point you will have to stop reacting and start acting (that's a hard cycle to break).

 

I have given some thought though as to how I would approach this OW if I were going to. One thing I am sure of, If I were going to do it, I would approach her in person and without her having any knowledge before hand that I was going to. I want you to be absolutely sure that YOU can handle the information that you receive before you contact her. I also hope that you will think long and hard about what exactly it would take to eliviate your fears, if the conversation with her (even if she denies contact) wouldn't then I don't think its worth it.

 

Sorry for the above thread jack, I just can't fathom how that poster could keep that info to herself. AMAZING!

[outofdarkness]

I have no unearthly idea how you managed this. For two years I took every peice of evidence to my husband even though I knew exactly how it would play out. I accused whatever (how did you get lipstick on your underwear) he had no unearthly idea then got angry and defensive and says see what you are doing to us. (yea, interfering with your fantasy life!) No matter how hard I tried I couldn't not do it, it would come out eventually. When I finally got it through my thick head that he would never change and accepted that there was no hope that he would ever be a true and faithful lover or spouse, I learned to keep whatever evidence I found to myself with NO PROBLEMS. This also coincides with the time that I finally stopped checking anything on him (I did still have an awareness of when things were amiss) . Since that day more information has fallen (been offered) into my lap than I could ever want (obviously a lot more out there) some of which I honestly wish I had never learned. I have received support (in this area) from places I never imagined. My situation is similar to OOD in the serial cheater w/ one main love interest. One day I realized what I actually have! I had been focusing for so long on how his actions hurt me that I never stopped to think in what ways his actions were hurting HIM and HIS future. Its when I stopped fighting it that I realised that his momentum is working against him and I need to do nothing but sit and watch. Its not fun though as I also see my life, hopes and dreams for us flying down the hill too, but I have no control over that. He is a worse enemy to himself than to even me and natural consequenses are a MF!

 

 

There are many threads in which the OW discusses the plans she and MM have made regarding when MM will leave and how they will start their lives together. They plot against the BS and plan how they can do this with the least damage to their all important reputations in the eyes of the community, their families, churches, and careers. I have no reason to assume that this is not my case also. When that time arrives I will have a choice to make. Use my information to ruin all of the above and to ensure that OW will never want to speak to him again or let her learn the lesson the same way I did. I have given it a lot of thought and I'm not sure which way it will go. In this case it occurs to me that if I am patient that I can have it both ways.

 

OOD,

 

I can understand your desire to contact the OW but I also believe that there are times when it behooves you just to sit back and let things play out naturally. Personally I wouldn't do it. She is on his side, if they are still together she will protect him, if they are no longer together then her anger has subsided and will no longer be working for you. She may still want to protect him. I would not assume that even if they are still together that she will reply as you think "talk to your H". A PI actually gives you the proof that you need legally also which you need to be considering at this point. A question to you. Do you hope to prove him faithful or unfaithful? Another thought is that if you found that they are still no longer in contact will you not still worry about other OW? I feel like you are still struggling with yourself at this point. Head and heart are not coming together because you still so badly want to believe in him and his love for you. There was a time when I could have walked in on my husband and ow and he still could have convinced me that my eyes didn't see what I am sure that I saw because I WANTED so badly to believe in him. HE was able to use my momentum against me at the time. At some point you will have to stop reacting and start acting (that's a hard cycle to break).

 

I have given some thought though as to how I would approach this OW if I were going to. One thing I am sure of, If I were going to do it, I would approach her in person and without her having any knowledge before hand that I was going to. I want you to be absolutely sure that YOU can handle the information that you receive before you contact her. I also hope that you will think long and hard about what exactly it would take to eliviate your fears, if the conversation with her (even if she denies contact) wouldn't then I don't think its worth it.

 

Sorry for the above thread jack, I just can't fathom how that poster could keep that info to herself. AMAZING!

I have no plans right now to contact the main OW or any others for that matter...I thought maybe it would be a way to get some info w/ out having to go through a PI, and quite honestly, it kills me to know that there is so much info out there that I don't know, and I know her being the "shadow wife" that she knows all. It's tempting, but most likely, something that I will not do..It simply is not in my character to do things like this. I would have to be good and drunk and I stay away from the booze now...It's been 7 years, and I don't want to break THAT cycle. I'm too much of a wus and chicken to do something like that.

 

I know I need to hire a PI, but I just can't bring myself to do it! I am so afraid of what I might find, and I know that I would not be able to keep it to myself. I have known him far too long, feel too close to him and would be too hurt not to slip up and say something. Most likely, it would not be a quiet confrontation either, I would be very emotional..I know that my being this way just gives him a feeling of empowerment, but that's the way I am and I can't help it in situations like this. I was the same way w/ my Dad. The difference w/ him is that I was able to totally 100 percent cut contact w/ him...I have to see and talk to my H even if I left b/c we have kids together.

 

So...to answer you question, I have to be honest w/ myself and you all and say that I am soo hoping that he is being faithful. I love him dearly and don't want to lose him...I know, it sounds so irrational and self deprecating, but he is the only man I have ever been w/ and I have very deep feelings for him not to mention a loooong history together and two wonderful kids, one of whom is sick...If I go over the edge again, like first D day, what will happen to my kids this time? Many times, I feel like I'm all they've got. He is never here due to constant travel; he's now trying to make up for all of the travel time lost when our son was hospitalized so much bet Oct. and Jan. or this year, when he is here, he goes off to the coffee house...I miss him and want him w/ me...He asked me to take a trip w/ him next week to a very upscale resort in phoenix that we've been to before, and at first, I said no due to our son, but my family and his have offered to help and our daughter will be driving. So, I now plan to go...I am terrified of what I might find or hear of sense while w/ him traveling. When we took our child on a Spring Break trip, there was some odd behavior and I kept getting hang up calls at the condo that we were renting when he wasn't there.

 

So...yes, I am IN The Twilight Zone!!!!! Big Time! I don't know what it's going to take for me to take that leap again. It just about took everything I had to file for D after D day...I don't know if I can do it again...

[Freedom Now]

OOD,

 

I live in Tucson....

 

And I would love to have coffee with you!

[Art_Critic]

I know I need to hire a PI,

 

Why do you need to hire a PI ?

 

He is no longer working on the marriage and he cheats on you.. he has in the past and is doing so in the present..

 

I can't help but feel at this point the only option you have is divorce..

It takes 2 to keep a marriage together and since he isn't willing to make a go of it I would think your decision has been made for you.

 

You need to divorce him.. I know.. you have reasons not to.. but hiring a PI isn't going to improve the marriage at all..

 

All it will do is take up your money and time and those could be better spent on your children..

[outofdarkness]

OOD,

 

I live in Tucson....

 

And I would love to have coffee with you!

oh how fun!!!! If I do indeed go, lets pm and work it out!!!

[outofdarkness]

Why do you need to hire a PI ?

 

He is no longer working on the marriage and he cheats on you.. he has in the past and is doing so in the present..

 

I can't help but feel at this point the only option you have is divorce..

It takes 2 to keep a marriage together and since he isn't willing to make a go of it I would think your decision has been made for you.

 

You need to divorce him.. I know.. you have reasons not to.. but hiring a PI isn't going to improve the marriage at all..

 

All it will do is take up your money and time and those could be better spent on your children..

wish it was that easy!! see your point, i really do, but I just can't right now..

[Adick]

15 pages of realizing that you need to divorce this assclown.....

 

countered by 15 pages of you saying you can't........

 

There are two schools of advice here given to you--you either stay, or you go.

 

But if you are unwilling to accept either of them.....how can anyone help you with your problem.

 

I know you have a sick child, and a teenager that is getting ready to drive, a crappy marriage and a cheating spouse. We all have issues, but we all need to formulate a plan and move forward with our lives.

 

Someone once told me that if you are not growing---you are dying.

 

So, OOD, what are you? Growing or dying? You really need to make a choice here. Your screen name should be a guiding light for you--put on your big girl panties and take the initiative on your own and pull yourself out of the darkness!

[Art_Critic]

but I just can't right now..

 

What would hiring a PI do for you ?, I'm asking because you mentioned that you need to hire one..

[outofdarkness]

What would hiring a PI do for you ?, I'm asking because you mentioned that you need to hire one..

put me into reality...one way or the other.

[GreenEyedLady]

put me into reality...one way or the other.

 

Do you really want to know OOD? I really feel for you and your situation...but if you have black and white proof, will that really help you? And if so, how?

[Art_Critic]

put me into reality...one way or the other.

It seems to me that you are living the reality of the affair(s) everyday regardless of if a PI gives you 8x10 glossy's.

 

I guess it really depends where you draw the line.. I would've drawn it a long time ago.

Some people have bigger tolerances to things than others.. I am a very forgiving person but when it comes to cheating I live a Zero Tolerance life..

 

You cheat on me and you will only see my dust and feel the wrath of my Attorney..

I grew up with a father that was a serial cheater and one of the things I learned is that it is worse for the kids to live in it than live without the parents together.

 

Peace to you OOD..

 

Please consider seeking a legal move instead of hiring and wasting money on a PI..

 

A PI's cost would more than cover an attorney's retainer

[outofdarkness]

Do you really want to know OOD? I really feel for you and your situation...but if you have black and white proof, will that really help you? And if so, how?

Hi! Did you read the long post that I wrote early in the day about not wanting to know, etc...If you read it ok..if not, would you please? It would save me from having to write it all over again. The answer to your other question is yes, seeing it in black and white, or color would make a difference...

[outofdarkness]

It seems to me that you are living the reality of the affair(s) everyday regardless of if a PI gives you 8x10 glossy's.

 

I guess it really depends where you draw the line.. I would've drawn it a long time ago.

Some people have bigger tolerances to things than others.. I am a very forgiving person but when it comes to cheating I live a Zero Tolerance life..

 

You cheat on me and you will only see my dust and feel the wrath of my Attorney..

I grew up with a father that was a serial cheater and one of the things I learned is that it is worse for the kids to live in it than live without the parents together.

 

Peace to you OOD..

 

Please consider seeking a legal move instead of hiring and wasting money on a PI..

 

A PI's cost would more than cover an attorney's retainer

Thanks for your concern and suggestions. I have had an attorney since just after D day..I filed for D 5 months or so after and he still has my rather pricey retainer. I can call him anytime and he'll do what I want him to..He has all of the proof'; the long letter from the OW, pics, e mails, classifieds, dating web sites, etc...He kept them b/c I asked him to..I figured that was the safest place for them! So..If that is the route I take, he's just a phone call away and will swing into action right away...The PI route is one that I have considered from D day...I just found the tip of the iceberg, but enough to put me over the edge. It was not until after I had to go to inpatient treatment that I came back strong enough to actually file for D..This came after I could no longer function due to finding out that he had continued to see main ow and the "ow of the year" during the entire 6 months after D day that we spent in MC and supposedly trying to heal our M...It was an awful thing, and I do NOT want to relive it. It is NOT a place I can go back to and make it back intact, if that makes sense...It's definitely choosing between the lesser of two evils...AND I have very conflicted feelings for him AND the overall situation. This whole s-- addiction spin that came up right after D day and after HE went for inpatient trmt., has helped me understand but also put doubt in my mind. Is it real or an excuse??? I am a recovering Alcho., so I am sympathetic to ANY addict., and yes, I have sat in rooms w/ s-- addicts, as many of us suffer from cross addictions...I hope that makes sense...

[2sunny]

OOD -

 

sometimes I think - as I read your posts - that you are being so strong... and other times I think to myself - why is she ignoring the obvious? I suppose it would be to keep your comfort zone intact.

 

the bottom line is - YOU KNOW exactly what he is doing - without needing a PI or a confrontation...

 

the hard part is - do you want to keep your self respect and leave him or let it go and continue with him walking all over you.

 

he knows you know! i can guarantee it... he is also happy that you are choosing to ignore throwing him to the curb.

 

my heart goes out to you - and I really want you to have the strength to endure... whatever it is that you choose.

 

PS - I guess I would go to Phoenix w/him... and be by his side 24/7 so if he gets ANY form of communication - then you will know.... when he sleeps - check his cell for in calls and out calls... as well as same for text messages.email accts as well.

 

If he goes to a coffee shop/internet access place - then say you want to be with him and you will go along. See how long he stays when you are with him there. If he plays golf- offer to ride in the cart.

 

Get it - you need to see what he will try to do to keep in touch w/OW while she KNOWS you are both away together. He will act nervous if there is no opportune time for him to connect with her... may even get angry with you. Don't take that personally - just make a mental note that he is trying to be tooooo sneaky and can't get away with it.