Celll phone locater and my discovery

[Freedom Now]

Wait, wait, wait!

 

OOD needs to meet me for coffee SOMETIME while she is there!

[2sunny]

Wait, wait, wait!

 

OOD needs to meet me for coffee SOMETIME while she is there!

 

YOU could meet HER...you go to her location- get it?

[Freedom Now]

Absolutely....

 

And the wheels in my head are turning...

[IfWishesWereHorses]

PS - I guess I would go to Phoenix w/him... and be by his side 24/7 so if he gets ANY form of communication - then you will know.... when he sleeps - check his cell for in calls and out calls... as well as same for text messages.email accts as well.

 

If he goes to a coffee shop/internet access place - then say you want to be with him and you will go along. See how long he stays when you are with him there. If he plays golf- offer to ride in the cart.

 

Get it - you need to see what he will try to do to keep in touch w/OW while she KNOWS you are both away together. He will act nervous if there is no opportune time for him to connect with her... may even get angry with you. Don't take that personally - just make a mental note that he is trying to be tooooo sneaky and can't get away with it.

 

OOD,

 

I completely (but respectfully) disagree with this suggestion. If you get to go please enjoy yourself. Do not check anything, do not follow him around and police him. 1) If you are trying to save your marriage making him feel like a prisoner won't work. You want him to want to be you right? This can't help your marriage whether he is cheating or not. Also, you will have plenty of time to collect information if he is still cheating, the signs will continue to come pouring in. 2) You life is stressful enough right now without the WH things going on. If you go please be kind to yourself. Have a massage, find a tennis partner, have lunch with FN, lounge by the pool. Please please make it YOUR week, remove any hurt or anger from your heart (for just a week) and treat yourself the way you would expect someone else to treat you. For one week let it not matter whether 0 or 20 OW contact him, put a smile in your heart and have the vacation full of fun and peace that YOU deserve.

 

You will return to reality soon enough, have many days to search, and hurt, and fall apart, please give yourself a break from it for a week push the hurt away (you'll know right where to find it when you get back) and give your husband a chance to remember what the happy carefree OOD is like.

[outofdarkness]

PS - I guess I would go to Phoenix w/him... and be by his side 24/7 so if he gets ANY form of communication - then you will know.... when he sleeps - check his cell for in calls and out calls... as well as same for text messages.email accts as well.

 

If he goes to a coffee shop/internet access place - then say you want to be with him and you will go along. See how long he stays when you are with him there. If he plays golf- offer to ride in the cart.

 

Get it - you need to see what he will try to do to keep in touch w/OW while she KNOWS you are both away together. He will act nervous if there is no opportune time for him to connect with her... may even get angry with you. Don't take that personally - just make a mental note that he is trying to be tooooo sneaky and can't get away with it.

 

OOD,

 

I completely (but respectfully) disagree with this suggestion. If you get to go please enjoy yourself. Do not check anything, do not follow him around and police him. 1) If you are trying to save your marriage making him feel like a prisoner won't work. You want him to want to be you right? This can't help your marriage whether he is cheating or not. Also, you will have plenty of time to collect information if he is still cheating, the signs will continue to come pouring in. 2) You life is stressful enough right now without the WH things going on. If you go please be kind to yourself. Have a massage, find a tennis partner, have lunch with FN, lounge by the pool. Please please make it YOUR week, remove any hurt or anger from your heart (for just a week) and treat yourself the way you would expect someone else to treat you. For one week let it not matter whether 0 or 20 OW contact him, put a smile in your heart and have the vacation full of fun and peace that YOU deserve.

 

You will return to reality soon enough, have many days to search, and hurt, and fall apart, please give yourself a break from it for a week push the hurt away (you'll know right where to find it when you get back) and give your husband a chance to remember what the happy carefree OOD is like.

Yes, I do see your point. I am very uncertain about whether or not I can even go right now. I have not left our son since he got sick and leaving him w/ my Mom and a daughter who just got a driver's license and a brand spankin new car to go with it two days before we leave just seems to scream stupid parent to me! I am taking it one day at a time. If our son is having a good week and we can really lay down some strict ground rules for our daughter, then I may be able to work it out. It's hard b/c he can have to go to the ER any day w/out warning..I have a hard time, even though it's family; mine and his, justifying leaving them w/ this possibility. Plus, I don't know if I could have a good time if I don't feel at least some sense of comfort about the kids...IE., our daughter having driven her new car for umm, I don't know at least a month or so? AND, if our son could go a few months w/ out having to go to the hosp...See what I mean?

 

He's really started to start to ask me to go places w/ him. I told you all about that Xmas party that he bugged the he-- about..We were almost on the plane when our son got sick...Just a few weeks ago, he asked me to got to phoenix..Guess what? It's over the weekend..AND it's his B day!!! AND he asked me to go to Jackson Hole over MY B day weekend early this fall. Both are business functions. WHOM has he BEEN taking on these trips? Never mind, I know, I know...Why is he all the sudden so anxious for me to go everywhere w/ him...Are his coworkers asking about me, or is he worried that ows will ask him to go or show up? I don't know, it's weird. I haven't traveled w/ him like that to THOSE types of places since he was a really high roller...long time. and I knew everyone that he worked w/ then b/c we all sort of grew up together. Big town but small town if you know what I mean. This new Co. is based in another city, no not Chicago, so I have not met a single cowoker other then just a few that work out of this office...

 

Sorry to be so long, but does anyone know anything about AOL? This stupid buddy list keeps popping up. I told you all about it remember? He came screeching home from an "SA" meeting sweating like a pig b/c he was so nervous. I had gone on aol.com to look at a story I heard about and up pops his entire old buddy list.. This is the same screen name and buddy list that he of course promised that he got rid of immediately. He has always said that AOL caused all of his problems...I have NOT contacted any of them, but he has accused me of it. What would I say? That's stupid. Anyway, does this mean he's still iming, etc. w/ these ow's..or has resumed? Dumb question..I know, I know...YES, OOD..THAT is what it means!!! At least I'm getting my proof...His screen and cell pop in and out but I can't see anything being said. mabey it's over his phone? How does this dumb thing work? These buddy names are so stupid too. It seems that every time it pops up, there's a new buddy on it. Does he have to invite them or do they just show up? I hate it.. guess he never stopped.

 

IWWH, thanks for the kind words regarding how I should spend my time. Yes, I used to do all of those things. These days, I even do my own hair...coloring I mean...It's a weird shade of red and blond...it's looks ok NOW, but for awhile it looked sort of...violet..lol

[IfWishesWereHorses]

IWWH, thanks for the kind words regarding how I should spend my time. Yes, I used to do all of those things. These days, I even do my own hair...coloring I mean...It's a weird shade of red and blond...it's looks ok NOW, but for awhile it looked sort of...violet..lol

 

:lmao: , I do my own hair because I can't stand waiting for 3 hours in a salon. Last July I went stripper blonde (as my daughter called it) by accident. I was horrified for a week but it was kinda fun! I still laugh at some pics I have from back then.

 

Tell your daughter that it is school and back for this week. I didn't allow mine to get the license til she was 17 and then it was school, work and back.

 

Go, Go, Go, you are a plane ride away. Please start living your life. You can't change what's going on but you can STILL HAVE FUN. Believe me, your children will be BETTER for it. Jackson Hole for your B'day! How cool is that!

 

For a while stop worrying about AOL and business trips and coffee shops and cell phones. The minute those things pop into your brain you shew them away! I have a mantra that I repeat to myself the minute that ugly creepy feeling starts to interfere.

 

We've gotta big trip coming up in a few weeks, one I used to consider our yearly honeymoon, now I'm sure that at some point my husband has slept with atleast several of the woman there. That sucks, he sucks for doing it, but I'M NOT PAYING FOR IT, and I'm not punishing myself for it, I don't deserve that. I will have a ball, no matter what anyone else does or has done (which are out of my control).

 

Go on a trip with you H and if it helps pretend you are his OW for a week!

My H asked me to lunch today, I have no unearthly idea why, he doesn't even like me, I went, the food was good, it was a nice time and the conversation was pleasant. I never once lamented over what we don't have I just enjoyed MYSELF in MY moment. Please stop saying I can't do this and that, instead try, you might surprise yourself.

[frannie]

oh... I came on here looking for updates on people's stories and OOD, I really didn't expect you to still be where you are. Or maybe I did. I don't know.

 

I'm still where I am, but at least I'm with a man who is cheating to be with me... and who is intending to leave at some point down the line if I'm still interested etc...

[outofdarkness]

oh... I came on here looking for updates on people's stories and OOD, I really didn't expect you to still be where you are. Or maybe I did. I don't know.

 

I'm still where I am, but at least I'm with a man who is cheating to be with me... and who is intending to leave at some point down the line if I'm still interested etc...

ok Frannie...what's the point? That you think it's insane that I'm still w/ my H?? Mabey I need you to elaborate a bit...

[silktricks]

oh... I came on here looking for updates on people's stories and OOD, I really didn't expect you to still be where you are. Or maybe I did. I don't know.

 

I'm still where I am, but at least I'm with a man who is cheating to be with me... and who is intending to leave at some point down the line if I'm still interested etc...

And this is supposed to make you. . . what exactly?

 

If you think it somehow makes you better than someone who is working her a$$ off trying to manage the hell her WS has thrown at her, I'd like to be the first to say you are DEAD WRONG! You sound like you're about 10 years old.

 

OOD, ignore this woman, you don't need the added stress

[silktricks]

By the way OOD, IMHO you should go on the trips. Enjoy yourself. Take a little of the world off of your shoulders. Don't think that if you are handling every little thing that it will fall apart - or you will fall apart. It may, that's true, but if may even if you are handling every little thing!

 

You deserve some enjoyment, some relaxation. Take it. Have fun. Don't double check, don't investigate. Just be yourself and take care of you.

[outofdarkness]

By the way OOD, IMHO you should go on the trips. Enjoy yourself. Take a little of the world off of your shoulders. Don't think that if you are handling every little thing that it will fall apart - or you will fall apart. It may, that's true, but if may even if you are handling every little thing!

 

You deserve some enjoyment, some relaxation. Take it. Have fun. Don't double check, don't investigate. Just be yourself and take care of you.

Thanks, and I just don't think I got Frannie's point..She's usually not that way,at least not to me .Mabey she's having a bad day?? I appreciate your comments re: The trip..I'm still trying to work it out w/ son sick, etc...

[whichwayisup]

I don't get her point in that post either. It makes no sense.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

That is because she has a fantasy and not a family. HOW COULD SHE UNDERSTAND.

 

Perhaps her indignation is merely jealousy with horns.

[Guest]

why are you BS' so hostile towards frannie?

she was the one who PMed LJ to read OOD's thread and gave her fantastic advise.

Look at you BS lately..... have been hostile towards all OWs

And mind you, this is an OW forum; not the Infidelity forum

If what OOD wants is to complain about her husband's affairs, she should use the Infidelity forum.

She is apparently not here to look for OW's advise.

[Guest]

I asked my H, whom I discovered had cheated on me for 10 years, to please allow me to sign up for the gps locater service that our cell phone Co. provides. He agreed, I suppose thinking that I would never really use it...That I'd lose interest and it would become too much of a pain to actually sit down and check the stupid thing. He was right, I did become lazy...for a time...For some reason, I fired the thing back up late last week, and worked it out on the main menu so that two auto "safety" checks, as the cell phone co. calls them, would be done per week. One can set up these checks for any day, and any time. I actually forgot that I had done it, due to the fact that our son was in the hospital again for almost 10 days this time. Yesterday was my H's first day back at his office..One of the checks is set up for today.

 

Well...I had forgotten about it until I checked my email, which I put down as the contact when the phone has been located. He was located at a different place then his office...I jotted down the address and headed out as soon as I knew our son was settled...I could not find the exact address, but the only thing I did find were condos and townhomes...It's only a residential area. Traffic was too heavy for me to go slow enough to see the numbers, and some did not have numbers. I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt, so I called him on my way home and asked if he was hungry, saying that I was running late after an errand and had gotten into traffic..He said no, he was not hungry..I asked if he had taken one of his diet meals, yes, he's been on a diet, to work for lunch..He said he had along with some fruit. I commented on what a beautiful, sunny day it had been, and asked if he had gotten the chance to get out at all. He told me that no, unfortunately, he had not...He said he had been at the office all day. So...I gave him every opportunity to tell me if he had mabey dropped something off for a collegue, or taken a drive...

 

My heart dropped, and I am truly heartbroken. As sick as our son has been, I just don't know if I can handle another D day. The one that happened 2 years ago was devastating, and I was just feeling strong again. I know I probrably should post this on infidelity, but I am really intersted to know what the OW's on this forum think about this...Is this pretty typical?

 

I would really appreciate your advice. You all have been good to me for the most part..and I really value your opinions.

 

 

I am so sorry that has happened to you. Most OW'S don't think about things like this, infact we don't want to hear about the family and family problems. It makes the family to real. My advice to you is lose the loser. I am another woman, but I couldn't restect an man that wasn't there for a sick child and his wife.

[TaylorOneal]

OOD, I have only posted a few times on here and never ave I recieved any advice from anyone. So I will have to tell you you are luck to have so many opinions negative or otherwise. Now I unlike some have read every post the whole thread. I have so many opinions for you but I am not sure how to say things sometimes. So I guess I will start with this, If he has cheated on you for long periods of time and you are going through all of this and you find that he is having any kind of contact with the OW from the past (even though he has said its an addiction and he enjoys the chase) if I have read correctly and this is true he was with the OW for 10 years and now he is talking to her again, is it possible that maybe he is in love with her and wants to be with her and as many other men do he is waiting for his Kids to graduate and move out? I am just asking you. I have been cheated on and I have cheated as well as being the other woman even at a young age. I am married now to the man I was the OW of... I know that his ex was not a very smart woman and could never do half of what you have done and the situation was completely different. But I must ask you why truly are afraid to leave and why havent you made some serious steps to leave have you ever considered the fact that maybe the only reason he is trying in the least to keep you around is his fear of child/spousal/ and other financial liabilities? Just wondering I am not in any way being rude or condesending or atleast I am not trying. I know how hard this must be for you and I personally believe that you will never trust him nor will he ever be trustworthy. When is the last time you and your H sat down and watched a movie or had a dinner together or walked the mall or flea market or went to the beach/lake/river whatever. He has made much time for his OW in the past but from what I have read untill recently he has not made anytime for you. Why is he always on defense... well I guess he prob. feels he is always defending himself which puts both of you in shut down mode. I think personally in your not so subtle ways of tracking him by GPS has to be frustrating for both of you. Like many others have said if it sends him a text everytime then why would he do something knowing you are watching him.. As for the coffee house, I spend a lot of time there myself, granted I dont do it alone but I could. Now if this is a specific coffee house well known all around (I guess we are not supposed to divulge specifics here) then he would have to pay to use their Internet services which in Jacksonville are provided by T-mobile and I am pretty sure in most other places so if he used his lap top the he would have to pay for their specific service you might could find out about that. My aunt just caught her husband cheating with his company presidents nephews wife and she caught him with the voice activated pen recorder in his truck the first day and continued for 5 more days. needless to say she is suicidal and he lives with the ow now. I think if you really wanted to know you would know. you are clearly not a moron but someone who is half heartedlyin love with a very selfish individual who is never going to change. I know 3 tings that have always stuck with me are "You cant be a doormat if you dont lay down" "you teach people how to treat you" and "when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you will do something about it" To me it seems you are wearing yourself thin. I dont know how much you think your kids know they probably know 10x more. My grandparents raised me and they started their divorce (due to my g-dads OW) when I was in 5th grade I knew there was some serious issues with them as far back as 1st grade I remember this clearly. They did not even suspect I knew he was cheating I knew. I hope this doesnt end the discussion as most of my post stop people from posting and no one ever answers my threads.. lol but I am not being rude to you or hateful but just sharing mo! I wish you the best of luck and hope you figure this out!!

 

Abrasos & Besos

[whichwayisup]

I have only posted a few times on here and never ave I recieved any advice from anyone.

 

I am sorry that happened to you - That's a rare thing on LoveShack.

 

I hope this doesnt end the discussion as most of my post stop people from posting and no one ever answers my threads

 

If you need to talk, please do a thread of your own and I WILL reply to it.

[outofdarkness]

TaylorOneal,

l thank you for your candid, honest and tactful response to my thread. I am sorry that your posts have gone unanswered. As the previous poster said, that is very rare, IMO on LS. You did not post about anything that I have not already thought of and am afraid of. As I have said on this thread and others, my reasons for staying are varied, and not all have to do w/ my love for him. I think that if you go through and really read all of my posts, you might get a more clear picture of my past and current circumstances. It has been a horrible ordeal for all involved including the OW involved w/ my H. Re: Is he in love w/ the main OW or any others, I do not know. I only know what my heart and head tell me, and as someone close to me that also posts on LS, pointed out recently, the heart and the head sometimes get disconnected.

 

I pray every day and night that resolution will come in one form or the other to this situation and all involved will be happy and able to live in peace. I don't know what the future holds, but I do have faith that there is a master plan and a reason why everything happens to us in the time frame that it does. Perhaps he is in love w/ one of the OWs and is sticking it out until the kids are older and gone...This would be heartbreaking for me, but it is not a bad thing that we have stuck together for the past couple of years and that he might plan to do this for the next few just so that I can become more independent, strong and able to make a life for myself independent of him. This is not something that I could have done two years ago just after D day, but every day, I learn something new about myself and I think, better able to cope w/ life's hard lessons and sometimes cruel turns.

 

Everyone on LS knows that I appreciate each and every response to my threads and posts...well, there is one that I blocked, but only one and I feel justified in doing that. I appreciate each and every one of you taking the time and making the effort to read my posts and respond in fairness, compassion and understanding. I consider it to be the right thing to do in order to try to truly help someone, to be open and honest. YOUR post, or anyone's for that matter, may just be the one that helps me the most. So please, keep coming back to LS...IMO, we need people like you who are truly willing to try to help and offer tactful and honest advice.

 

Thanks again and God Bless! OOD:)

[silktricks]

Please, if you want people to respond to your threads more often, please add spaces and pauses. They are very difficult to read as one long paragraph. :)

[lovetoomuch2]

just so you know...i am going through the same thing right now and my heart is broken too. i caught my H emailing a MW from another state with a lot of sexual innuendos. she emails her fantasies to him...etc. and they call eachother every day and he has no idea i know. i don't know what to do because i was the one who snooped (my intuition told me to) and because i snooped...i've made myself an emotional mess. I can't concentrate at work..can't eat, sleep..etc. He wonders what is wrong with me and I can't tell him because then it'd be over for sure, because i snooped. i feel so incredibly bad for you. i don't know you and it makes me cry. because I understand! and don't think it's you either..it's him and he is wrong for the betrayal. i hope we both find strength somehow to get through this. Let me know....

[outofdarkness]

just so you know...i am going through the same thing right now and my heart is broken too. i caught my H emailing a MW from another state with a lot of sexual innuendos. she emails her fantasies to him...etc. and they call eachother every day and he has no idea i know. i don't know what to do because i was the one who snooped (my intuition told me to) and because i snooped...i've made myself an emotional mess. I can't concentrate at work..can't eat, sleep..etc. He wonders what is wrong with me and I can't tell him because then it'd be over for sure, because i snooped. i feel so incredibly bad for you. i don't know you and it makes me cry. because I understand! and don't think it's you either..it's him and he is wrong for the betrayal. i hope we both find strength somehow to get through this. Let me know....

Thanks so much for the supportive post. I am so very sorry for what you are going through.. Yes, it's VERY painful and extremely draining emotionally AND physically. I lost 35lbs in about 3 months, cut contact w/ everyone I knew and loved, and eventually ended up in treatment so that I could get back on my feet. This is extreme, and every situation is unique...Have you tried therapy at all? I totally know what you mean about sharing what you've found w/ your H. I felt the same way..I don't know if your reasons are the same but I hated dealing w/ him being so defensive and argumentative..I dreaded it, so I stopped and just tried to accept that I was overly suspicous and he was extra defensive. This has been hard b/c I want ALL of the info and I want it NOW. I HATE being in the dark about anything...AND I'm still paranoid even after almost three years, that I'm going to miss another A and be totally snookered again...It's not easy...Most on LS tell me to take care of myself and our kids. This is great advice and I try really hard to stay focused on it, but it's not always easy..I am suspicious by nature and do NOT like being taken for a fool...I dislike even MORE when my kids are taken for fools and humiliated. Anyone one LS who says kids don't feel things regarding A's and aren't affected, is not being honest w/ themselves, IMO...

 

Try to get into some sort of therapy if this is possible for you...Keep coming back to LS..It's a great place to come for support and advice..It's helped me alot..sometimes, you'll here things you don't want to hear or don't need to hear or things that just aren't' appropriate to your situation, but you can try really hard to get alittle something out of every post. I hope you'll stay and keep posting. I'd like to help.

[whichwayisup]

He wonders what is wrong with me and I can't tell him because then it'd be over for sure, because i snooped.

 

No, it would be over because your H is CHEATING ON YOU!! Not because you snooped. You listened to your gut, you KNEW something wasn't right, so you looked in on it.

 

You need to seek some counselling, figure out how to handle your husband, gain some strength, self confidence and decide either to confront him and fix your marriage or confront him and KICK him out. Doing nothing is just going to drive you crazy.

[2sunny]

No, it would be over because your H is CHEATING ON YOU!! Not because you snooped. You listened to your gut, you KNEW something wasn't right, so you looked in on it.

 

You need to seek some counselling, figure out how to handle your husband, gain some strength, self confidence and decide either to confront him and fix your marriage or confront him and KICK him out. Doing nothing is just going to drive you crazy.

 

I agree with WWIU... who cares if you snooped at this point?!!!!!!

 

you have a right to! HE is the one hiding and covering up everything!

 

WHEN a WH/WW wants to make things right they will show anything and everything necessary to get back and stay in the good graces of the one they want to be with... his actions state otherwise.

 

in order for infidelity to be better for a marriage - the guilty party should be willing to feel remorseful and to do whatever it takes to REPAIR the marriage.

 

I DON"T SEE YOUR HUSBAND DOING ANY OF THESE THINGS! get it?

 

he is to blame - not you... he has not done well at all. you deserve more respect than this.

[outofdarkness]

I agree with WWIU... who cares if you snooped at this point?!!!!!!

 

you have a right to! HE is the one hiding and covering up everything!

 

WHEN a WH/WW wants to make things right they will show anything and everything necessary to get back and stay in the good graces of the one they want to be with... his actions state otherwise.

 

in order for infidelity to be better for a marriage - the guilty party should be willing to feel remorseful and to do whatever it takes to REPAIR the marriage.

 

I DON"T SEE YOUR HUSBAND DOING ANY OF THESE THINGS! get it?

 

he is to blame - not you... he has not done well at all. you deserve more respect than this.

Thanks for the input you all. I'm not going to post much b/c I don't want TK chiming in...I did want to update you all. I could not got to phoenix. H's family could not help out and our daughter got a really bad sinus infections. In addition, our son has an unexpected dr's appt. on Monday...I'm trying not to focus on all of the bad stuff and stay positive and upbeat. I have to stop and count my blessings every now and then or I loose sight of just how blessed I am compared to most in the world. (((hugs)))

[lover's rock]

OOD, you have been going through this for too long. But you haven't reached your limit yet and until you do, you will take his crap. Who cares why he's having an affair? It is time for you to make a life for yourself.

 

Divorcing him is the only responsible decision that you can make. It is a responsible decision for you to make on behalf of yourself and your children. Do you hear what I'm saying? Be a responsible mother to your children and adult to yourself and make the only responsible decision left to make.

 

I promise you...your entire life will be better once you make that decision. Your life can only change for the better once he is out of the picture. But it will steadily get worse with him in it. Even if the predicament of your children remain the same, you will be better able to handle it without the stress of him.

 

You've been understanding. You've been patient. You sincerely tried. And you've sacrificed yourself in the process. Now pick yourself up and let it go.

 

(I know because I finally decided to divorce my husband after he promised a D-Day and didn't deliver for the 6th time. I'm picking up the papers on Monday and filing in two weeks. We have three small children. I'm tired of making excuses for him while he hurts me. I've reached my limit...and you will too.)