Celll phone locater and my discovery

[Kathleen]

Does the midget get to stay and watch kathleen google herself?

 

 

 

That just isn't right

[Romeo Must Die]

There you go acting like a diva again. I just wanna know who is going to do the videotaping if I have to stop and post every five minutes to give you your lines???

 

Geez! Do I have to do everything around here???

 

CUT AND LOL !!! EVERYBODY TAKE FIVE !!!

 

[CaliGuy]

He has used the home computer only a few time since D day. For a long time, I would not allow it. I even removed it from our home for the first few months after. After he found out that I had keylogger on it; spectorsoft, he stopped and now only uses it on occasion to print out his boarding passes for travel if he leaves on a Sunday...Another pet peeve of mine...He is VERY careful since finding out that I can see everything anyone does on this comp...As far as him having access to the program, no way, I change the key combo and password every day...As far as he and OW having unfinished business...I don't know. I find it hard to believe that he had a 10 year A with someone and didn't spend any money in any way shape or form. He still denies it to this day. I suspect that he was paying the mortgage and assoc fees, since I found two court hearings in her name for not paying assoc fees back in 04, which is when the A ended...I am currently waiting on a manual courthouse check to get more info on this, as the bkground chk only shows minimal info...Every penny that he makes now goes directly through me. I see all paychecks, including bonuses, I pay all bills, and I deal directly with our broker and banker. If he has any access to funds, I don't know about it...This too, is a possibility..I know..

 

As far as how far away he will be traveling for V day...his usual distance...It is for a class that he was suppose to have attended a couple of weeks ago when our son had to be hospitalized again..He flew all the way there and then flew back when he felt guilty...Now, he's rescheduled it...He says he has to leave on Sunday so that he can begin class early Mond. morn. I have seen the sched. for these types of classes before, so this is a possibility, but does that really make a difference? Who ELSE is attending the class? I HATE Sunday travel, he knows this and it's somehow crept back into his schedule.

 

Re: The GPS phone. Our service offers a family tracker service..I made him sign up for it. I couldn't do it since it's in his name. I have now changed the pwrd, so that only I know when the checks will take place. I can sched. reg. checks at certain times, or I can randomly check...The thing is that every time I run one, he gets a text...I can't change that. Also, unfortunately, the signal can bounce around and show a location that is accurate but not HIGHLY accurate. This can be confusing b/c I can't always see exactly where he is. It does give the option of putting in as many landmarks as I want, plus it shows breadcrumbs and historical locals...I can also see texts that he's sent and received. Thing is, he has had this cell # since WAY before D day. He might have another phone or calling card...He knows I will always check the bills, etc. I tried and tried and tried to get him to get a new service w/ a new # right after D day, with no such luck..I even hid it one day and told him I guessed our fiesty dog got it, but he totally freaked and went THAT morning; he was headed out of town, and BOUGHT a new one! Re: Co workers..The type of position that he holds is high one, but one in which he can work from almost anywhere. There is an office here, but he spends little time there...He does have an assistant but she is in another state. I do not know anyone that he works with. A few here in town that we've known for years, but the people he works closest to, I have never met. We were headed there for the Xmas party last month, and our son got sick again. He has been there over 5 years, and I have never met his collegues. I do know that they were aware that we were separated, and I suspect that even before D day, he told them that we were, since I found a picture of another W at his office, and NO pictures of myself or our children. When I asked him about it, he said it was a collegue and her H had taken that pic of the two of them during their annual conference...in Aspen. When I asked if I could attend; this was in 03, he said we could not afford a ticket since a certain airline does not fly there...The next time I went to his office, some time later, the picture was gone...When I asked where it was, he said he just thought it was not appropriate given D day and all...Soo, no there is noone I can ask about his whereabouts. I remember calling a few years back; before D day to wish him a happy B day...He was out of town, so I called the main office in another state, and they acted like I was crazy when I told them where I thought he was...I do get iteneraries now, as this was one of the first things I requested. I can call him to check to see if he's where he is suppose to be, but I'm not there to see who he's with, etc...One time, last summer, I called him late to report something to do with our daughter, and he acted wierd...He thought I'd hung up, but I hesitated for minute and swore that I heard a woman sort of squeal..He said it was the TV and he thought I'd hung up. It was a gut wrenching feeling. This was just last summer. Re: receipts, etc...I do not allow him to take more then $20 out of our accounts when he travels now since everything is expensed. I now require all expense reports and copies of receipts that he submits for reimb...I take the check and pay the comp. cr card bill...If he's buying stuff now, he has something I don't know about...As I said earlier, a very real possibility. He has told me many times when he gets mad that I am supsicious, that I am wasting my energy and need to trust him at least some, because if a person REALLY wants to cheat, they will find a way...He ought to know! Re: what will I do if he IS cheating again. I will first give him the opportunity to leave, and if he wants to stay, I will require him to go to inpatient treatment, since he admitted to being an addict or serial cheater. He says it's not about feelings, it's about the "thrill of the chase"...Re: Do I suspect cheating? Yes, from time to time, but I am still hopeful that he is telling me the truth and I won't be made a fool of again...We have so much at stake right now...most of all a very sick child...I don't mean to imply that we chose to stay together for the kids, that's not true. He begged, pleaded and went to MC and still going to IC...He tried and I guess is still trying. I think it's a compulsion, and I don't think he can control it. And...I think I feed it with my invest...etc...Just trying to be honest w/ myself. I better run, hope I've covered everything. Look forward to more feedback. Thanks so very much...

 

Might I ask what is keeping you in this marriage?? There's a heck of a lot of distrust and I totally agree with why.

 

However I do think that after trust has been lost to the extent yours has there is no foundation for a marriage any longer. He cheated for 10 years.

 

That would be enough for me to say no more.

 

How on earth are you dealing with this? You are bigger person than I.

[NoIDidn't]

OOD

 

I wish you luck with this. No one here knows what you are truly dealing with, especially having a child that has a chronic and serious illness. I don't think that you can do what herenow suggests unless you have made a decision to leave or to stay with certainty. Someone who cheated for 10 years isn't likely to admit to the truth right away as they have gotten away from it for too long. My dad has cheated on every woman he has ever been with, multiple times. No long-term OW. But practically hundreds of women over the 60 years of his lifetime.

 

I do think that you are doing a lot to keep tabs on your H's activities, but unlike the other comments that seem to condemn you for it, I do not. You are doing it for YOU. For YOUR sanity. Not so much to be able to control him or his actions. You have built up a lot of strength in doing so. And, if it works for you for now, who's to say otherwise?

[puddleofmud]

Neither do I feel that it is unwarranted for you to be keeping tabs on a husband who has cheated for 10 years--HE is the one who did it--he is the one who must deal w/ the way this has made you feel and how you may react at times.

I feel you've every right to know EXACTLY what is affecting your life and your family. AND, it is great that you have taken the means to protect your family's financial situation.

Even should you find nothing, there is an indication that you are still feeling vulnerable and your partner should understand (as exhasberating as this may be) that you still need validation for as long as IT TAKES.

If he loves you that shouldn't be a problem...

If anything he would encourage this as to loving you and sincerely wanting you to feel secure.

Ten years of cheating and a picture of another woman in his desk is enough for one to have another 10 years of one being "checked up" on!

I feel that you have every right to do what you need to do.

[outofdarkness]

wish I could...it's through his company travel department...NOT a separate entity...more later

[outofdarkness]

Is this a thread about how to trap a OW?

 

OMG

 

Can she track me down? What do I do if she does?

No....I'm just a BS and love the input and support that I get on this forum. We are all people and we all have feelings.

[outofdarkness]

lol...I luv it...these posts made me smile for the first time in days!!!

[outofdarkness]

Might I ask what is keeping you in this marriage?? There's a heck of a lot of distrust and I totally agree with why.

 

However I do think that after trust has been lost to the extent yours has there is no foundation for a marriage any longer. He cheated for 10 years.

 

That would be enough for me to say no more.

 

How on earth are you dealing with this? You are bigger person than I.

Do you want to honest answer or the answer that comes from the place of denial, I think. Honestly, there are several reasons...1) We met in high school, went to college and grad school together and married right after, so I've never been with anyone else. 2) We have a very sick son 3) I can't keep my business going b/c we have a sick son..so I have really no financial peace 4) We help to support my Mom who got divorced after finding out my Dad was a full blown transvestite who had squandered away everything right down to an eviction with our childhood memories on the street 5) I love him and we have a LONG history together...6) The thought of him having partial custody scares me alittle b/c I really don't fully trust him as far as his cheating ways, and he spent much time in the past taking his frustrations out on our children and myself because he was so exhausted and angry at himself...verbally, not physically..Not to minimize verbal abuse anyone! I guess that's it, but I can probrably think of more. It sounds like a soap, doesn't it. Every word, including about my Dad is true! I havn't seen him in over 5 years and won't allow our children to contact him until they turn 18 and are legally able to make the choice. Even then, I will STRONGLY discourage it, as he would only weezle money out of them...

[outofdarkness]

Have to run...Thanks everyone for all of the support...You all continue to help me and make me laugh too...Back later..

[puddleofmud]

Well, since all his/ your assets are owned by both of you as legal "marital assets" then you do have the right to "discovery" via the court.

You are not "separate entities" in that regard!

Keep that in mind should you need to go that far.

Big hugs to you!

 

wish I could...it's through his company travel department...NOT a separate entity...more later

[whichwayisup]

All I can say until you're sure of what YOU want to do, do nothing. Vent here, and hopefully soon you'll figure out what to do.

[YoMomma]

I will thank you.

 

Should I seek a lawyer and get a professional opinion?

 

Don't waste your money on the lawyer - but you do need to get professional advice ASAP! Call your doctor, explain everything you've told us here - don't hold back anything - I am sure it will be okay once you get the help you need. Good luck! And don't tell MM that your talking to the good doctor - he might discourage you from talking about your issues.

[Guest]

I would try a voice activated recorder hidden under his seat. They can be very revealing.

[outofdarkness]

That isnt very funny.

 

 

I read somewhere that cheating is illegal. Can I go to jail.

 

Can she do anything to me?

 

I am really scared. And you people are making a joke out of this. I should call him and tell him. What can happen

my posts are not meant to scare anyone. Yeah, there are crazy people out there, but most of us; BS's I mean, are not threatening people. We are for the most part just normal people living our lives...Most are kind and generous and compassionate...We are NOT the people that the OW's and OM's portray us as many times...They lie to you as they lie to us. I realize this is not the case ALL of the time, but if you think about it, why would he/she not lie to everyone else? I think all A's are a symptom of problems with the M or just in general...But I DON'T think that the W or H is always to blame...Of course, it doesn't help when someone else comes into the picture, but sometimes it just happens...That doesn't mean they should be condemned to He double hockey sticks!! We all deserve forgiveness and the chance to move in another direction should that be what our heart desires...To be given the choice is the biggest gift of all.

[veronese]

Hi OutofDarkness,

 

I haven't been able to read through the whole thread but from what I've read I know what you're going through and thought I should let you know about my experience with cell phone locators in case it can help.

 

I arranged for a similar service to track my H's movements (with his knowledge). One day I had him tracked and the results showed him to have been moving around all over the place throughout the day which because of his work, is quite possible and not suspicious. That was until he phoned on his way home and told me all about his day and how he'd been stuck with one particular client for most of it!

 

When he got home I fished some to double check his story then told him I knew he was lying and the game was up.

 

Now his response was one of sheer disbelief and he was emphatic that he was telling the truth and he couldn't explain why he'd been located in so many places miles from where he was but insisted that he wasn't lying.

 

So I phoned the company and asked how accurate their results actually were, explaining my predicament and my husband's conflicting version of his movements that day. They said it wasn't possible to get such results in the circumstances my husband was claiming to have been in.

 

My husband stuck to his story but I didn't believe him after having spoken to the company. Nevertheless I agreed to go out with him the next day to re-enact his movements while being tracked not only on his phone this time, but on mine too.

 

When we checked the results on our return they showed us to be in places miles from where we were, showed us to be on the move when we stayed in one place for more than four hours, and most surprising of all, the records for the two cell phones recorded totally different locations for identical times when both phones had been in the SAME places all day.

 

Turned out that the locations are picked up by the nearest mast but when that mast gets overloaded the location is listed by the next mast or the one after that and so on, thus showing locations not necessarily anywhere near to the actual location of the tracked phone.

 

If I hadn't gone out with him we would be divorced now. I only went out with him to humor him really, and actually felt quite pathetic even bothering to go through the motions when all the facts pointed at his guilt.

 

Your husband may be lying to you but there's also a chance he's not if the cell phone locator is the only thing suggesting it.

 

I hope it works out for you, I really do

 

veronese

[outofdarkness]

Hi OutofDarkness,

 

I haven't been able to read through the whole thread but from what I've read I know what you're going through and thought I should let you know about my experience with cell phone locators in case it can help.

 

I arranged for a similar service to track my H's movements (with his knowledge). One day I had him tracked and the results showed him to have been moving around all over the place throughout the day which because of his work, is quite possible and not suspicious. That was until he phoned on his way home and told me all about his day and how he'd been stuck with one particular client for most of it!

 

When he got home I fished some to double check his story then told him I knew he was lying and the game was up.

 

Now his response was one of sheer disbelief and he was emphatic that he was telling the truth and he couldn't explain why he'd been located in so many places miles from where he was but insisted that he wasn't lying.

 

So I phoned the company and asked how accurate their results actually were, explaining my predicament and my husband's conflicting version of his movements that day. They said it wasn't possible to get such results in the circumstances my husband was claiming to have been in.

 

My husband stuck to his story but I didn't believe him after having spoken to the company. Nevertheless I agreed to go out with him the next day to re-enact his movements while being tracked not only on his phone this time, but on mine too.

 

When we checked the results on our return they showed us to be in places miles from where we were, showed us to be on the move when we stayed in one place for more than four hours, and most surprising of all, the records for the two cell phones recorded totally different locations for identical times when both phones had been in the SAME places all day.

 

Turned out that the locations are picked up by the nearest mast but when that mast gets overloaded the location is listed by the next mast or the one after that and so on, thus showing locations not necessarily anywhere near to the actual location of the tracked phone.

 

If I hadn't gone out with him we would be divorced now. I only went out with him to humor him really, and actually felt quite pathetic even bothering to go through the motions when all the facts pointed at his guilt.

 

Your husband may be lying to you but there's also a chance he's not if the cell phone locator is the only thing suggesting it.

 

I hope it works out for you, I really do

 

veronese

Thanks for the info...I too, felt that I owed it to him to walk along with him throughout his office building, as he claimed to have done on the occasions in question. The locator, just as in your case, showed us to be in totally different locals. The only really suspcious thing that I can't get past is that one of the locals that shows a breadcrumb is the former, don't know if current, local of his main OW. It could be that it's so close to his office building and there is a tower just up the street from her condo and his building. He seemed to be telling me the truth, THIS time. I am learning to trust all over again, and sometimes he does not make it easy for me. He tries hard to be patient and accomodating as far as my suspicions and paranoia, which is a heck of alot better then it was 2 and 1/2 years ago, but I am sure it drives him crazy. I havn't decided whether or not to keep the tracker b/c he travels so much. I really would love to see if he's actually in the same state that he claims to be in. With so many phone services now, like call forwarding, etc..,it's very easy to say you're one place and really be across the country. I get iteneraries and receipts now, but for so long I only called his cell. I had no reason to doubt that he was where he claimed to be and that he was alone...Now, I know to at least check every now and then...Thank you SO much for the info...It's great to know that someone else experienced what I did...I almost had a complete breakdown about that incident...

[Jalav]

I've been an OW, but not enough to be able to answer your last question fairly. In my case, the marriage was almost over, and she was sleeping with someone else too.

 

Back to your situation, it sounds pretty typical to me from what I've seen from friends over the years (on both sides of the equation). Not to mention, he cheated on you for 10 years! Not to attack you, but why are you still with this man? It wasn't a stupid, drunken one-nighter. It wasn't a mid-life crisis after 25 years of marriage. It wasn't even an affair; it was a full-blown relationship (unless you're talking about multiple women over multiple years, which is just as bad). This man looked you in the face for how many years while carrying on like a bachelor? Dump him now! And please don't tell me you're staying with him for the kids. Many of my friends were more resentful of parents who "stayed together for the kids" than if they had just ended the whole miserable experience (and it was for everyone: kids, your parents, his parents, co-workers, family, friends, anyone even remotely involved).

 

He may not have been doing anything wrong, but y'all are past the point of you trusting him, and he's not doing anything to fix that. Translation: You didn't do anything wrong to begin with but are now more committed to fixing the relationship than he is, from the sounds of it. I hate to hurt you more, but it's time for you to move on. Best of luck to you.

[outofdarkness]

I've been an OW, but not enough to be able to answer your last question fairly. In my case, the marriage was almost over, and she was sleeping with someone else too.

 

Back to your situation, it sounds pretty typical to me from what I've seen from friends over the years (on both sides of the equation). Not to mention, he cheated on you for 10 years! Not to attack you, but why are you still with this man? It wasn't a stupid, drunken one-nighter. It wasn't a mid-life crisis after 25 years of marriage. It wasn't even an affair; it was a full-blown relationship (unless you're talking about multiple women over multiple years, which is just as bad). This man looked you in the face for how many years while carrying on like a bachelor? Dump him now! And please don't tell me you're staying with him for the kids. Many of my friends were more resentful of parents who "stayed together for the kids" than if they had just ended the whole miserable experience (and it was for everyone: kids, your parents, his parents, co-workers, family, friends, anyone even remotely involved).

 

He may not have been doing anything wrong, but y'all are past the point of you trusting him, and he's not doing anything to fix that. Translation: You didn't do anything wrong to begin with but are now more committed to fixing the relationship than he is, from the sounds of it. I hate to hurt you more, but it's time for you to move on. Best of luck to you.

yep, you have some valid points. I think I listed the reasons why I stay with him in another forum, or mabey this one, can't remember. The main reasons are that I love him, we have a long history together and we have a seriously ill child who has been in and out of the hospital for several months now. Hope this helps you to understand alittle better. I really don't expect people to understand why I stayed...but it's nice to just respect my decision...thanks for the input.

[veronese]

 

he cheated on you for 10 years! Not to attack you, but why are you still with this man? It wasn't a stupid, drunken one-nighter. It wasn't a mid-life crisis after 25 years of marriage. It wasn't even an affair; it was a full-blown relationship (unless you're talking about multiple women over multiple years, which is just as bad). This man looked you in the face for how many years while carrying on like a bachelor? Dump him now! And please don't tell me you're staying with him for the kids. Many of my friends were more resentful of parents who "stayed together for the kids" than if they had just ended the whole miserable experience (and it was for everyone: kids, your parents, his parents, co-workers, family, friends, anyone even remotely involved).

 

He may not have been doing anything wrong, but y'all are past the point of you trusting him, and he's not doing anything to fix that. Translation: You didn't do anything wrong to begin with but are now more committed to fixing the relationship than he is, from the sounds of it. I hate to hurt you more, but it's time for you to move on. Best of luck to you.

 

 

It's so hard to explain why we stay with our husbands when they've lied to us for so long and broken our hearts. For the 17 years before my DDay I was certain that I would leave him if he ever cheated on me but things don't always work out how you expect them to in every which way possible. I never thought the bugger would bloody cheat on me either but I got that wrong too!

 

OoD, make sure you don't drive yourself too mad fretting and worrying about your H's movements. You know if he wants to cheat on you he can cover his tracks pretty well if he wants to. I haven't always practiced what I'm preaching though but do try to restrain yourself if you can and limit your checks to the minimum. A check every three months or so is probably enough especially as when your H sees you more relaxed in yourself, he will become more relaxed as well, so if he is up to anything he's more likely to slip up when he gets complacent and unguarded.

 

One thing I would say though is that if you do catch him lying about things since DDay (i.e. not the past but the present) it might be tempting to ram your head back down in to the sand but do your best not to and confront whatever the problem is even if it means having to accept that your H really hasn't changed nor will he.

 

He sounds like he enjoys female company and doesn't see the harm in idle flirtation with women in passing if these encounters aren't formalized or sexual. I may be completely wrong but I think the danger with your H is that he could be a bit too blasé and underestimate his own weaknesses and fallibility.

 

With his history he needs to be very aware of the dangers he risks should he 'accidentally' get too close/fond/friendly with a woman. He has to realize that it can't happen again otherwise he WILL DEFINITELY LOSE YOU next time and is fresh out of second chances!

 

My H also had long term, multiple affairs but to the best of my knowledge they remained EAs not PAs. Nevertheless there was sexual chemistry, flirting, attraction etc. etc. based on mutual desire for one another. If you want to check out my story my first thread is this one below (sorry, not sure how to display the link properly!)

 

(http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t43106)

 

Thinking of you

 

Hugs

 

veronese x

[outofdarkness]

It's so hard to explain why we stay with our husbands when they've lied to us for so long and broken our hearts. For the 17 years before my DDay I was certain that I would leave him if he ever cheated on me but things don't always work out how you expect them to in every which way possible. I never thought the bugger would bloody cheat on me either but I got that wrong too!

 

OoD, make sure you don't drive yourself too mad fretting and worrying about your H's movements. You know if he wants to cheat on you he can cover his tracks pretty well if he wants to. I haven't always practiced what I'm preaching though but do try to restrain yourself if you can and limit your checks to the minimum. A check every three months or so is probably enough especially as when your H sees you more relaxed in yourself, he will become more relaxed as well, so if he is up to anything he's more likely to slip up when he gets complacent and unguarded.

 

One thing I would say though is that if you do catch him lying about things since DDay (i.e. not the past but the present) it might be tempting to ram your head back down in to the sand but do your best not to and confront whatever the problem is even if it means having to accept that your H really hasn't changed nor will he.

 

He sounds like he enjoys female company and doesn't see the harm in idle flirtation with women in passing if these encounters aren't formalized or sexual. I may be completely wrong but I think the danger with your H is that he could be a bit too blasé and underestimate his own weaknesses and fallibility.

 

With his history he needs to be very aware of the dangers he risks should he 'accidentally' get too close/fond/friendly with a woman. He has to realize that it can't happen again otherwise he WILL DEFINITELY LOSE YOU next time and is fresh out of second chances!

 

My H also had long term, multiple affairs but to the best of my knowledge they remained EAs not PAs. Nevertheless there was sexual chemistry, flirting, attraction etc. etc. based on mutual desire for one another. If you want to check out my story my first thread is this one below (sorry, not sure how to display the link properly!)

 

(http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t43106)

 

Thinking of you

 

Hugs

 

veronese x

Thanks for the input and encouraging words. I do go through rather long periods now when I let down my guard and stop checking and snooping completely...When something does make me suspicious, then I persue. If nothing comes of it, then I move on pretty quickly now, but if at some point, something really IS going on, I will take action and confront right away instead of deny, deny, deny!

Re: My H enjoying female company. One thing that he said right off the batt in MC when he filled out a survey/questionaire, was that he thought when a female was nice to him that meant they were interested...He is a very personable guy, and NOONE in a zillion years would have guessed that he would cheat! The few people that I've told just stood there with their mouths open...for an extended time period. He is quiet, sort of seems timid and has a certain boyish quality to him. So, yes you are correct in assuming that he underestimates his vulnerabilities in regards to female attention. The more aggressive OWs in his life knew this and pursued with much mor vigor. I am NOT saying that he is not to blame, so please, noone think that! I've just come to understand the whole dynamic and how these things played out over the years...Some has come to light during MC and IC but I have learned much on LC too! I will definately check out your story. Thanks again..

[Jalav]

ood,

I'm sorry I didn't do more research into your previous posts before I responded. I hope things are better with your sick child, and I do understand why that contributed to your staying. I know I sounded harsh, but I hate to hear the pain you're going through (possibly again). I should've also mentioned that I stayed with an emotionally abusive, cheating a**hole for three years, and my friends were appalled with what I put up with, so I've been there, done that. Fortunately, we never had kids together. I do wish you the best and hope your fears are unfounded this time.

[outofdarkness]

ood,

I'm sorry I didn't do more research into your previous posts before I responded. I hope things are better with your sick child, and I do understand why that contributed to your staying. I know I sounded harsh, but I hate to hear the pain you're going through (possibly again). I should've also mentioned that I stayed with an emotionally abusive, cheating a**hole for three years, and my friends were appalled with what I put up with, so I've been there, done that. Fortunately, we never had kids together. I do wish you the best and hope your fears are unfounded this time.

Thanks, I really appreciate your post!

[outofdarkness]

Hi everyone...

I am sooo worried about Valentine's Day next week! He arranged to be home on the 14th, but he will be traveling Mon/Tues and Thurs/Fri. I know this is traditionaly a huge day for relationships; whether it's between MM and W or MM and OW...I know that given the nature of A's, there is much anticipation and expectation on the OW's part. Mabey not, you all can say better then me...I did mention my concern again today to him, and he did tell me that the main OW from before D day, really expected alot on V day, but he never really delivered..I doubt this! I told him that if he talked to her to let her know not to feel so left out, that I really never got much either on this day. He laughed, and so did I, but it is really starting to build with me, and I can tell that it wil come to a head next week while he's away. Plus, our son is still very ill and having a really hard time. To put icing on the cake, our daughter has strep and is sick too.

 

It's alot of pressure, and I hate for these old feelings ro resurface and interfere with my family and ability to care for our kids. I know you all are most likely saying, why is she tell this to us; the OW's..Well, you all have been really supportive and helpful to me.

 

What do you all think about this? Should I be worried, or do you all think I'm overreacting? He really is trying to be patient and udnerstanding about my concerns...I can't go with him because our kids are sick...So, I feel helpless..Of course, if he's going to cheat, he'd find a way anyway...It's maddening sometimes, as I am sure it gets for you all as well. I would really appreciate any input!

[NearlyThere]

Hi everyone...

I am sooo worried about Valentine's Day next week! He arranged to be home on the 14th, but he will be traveling Mon/Tues and Thurs/Fri. I know this is traditionaly a huge day for relationships; whether it's between MM and W or MM and OW...I know that given the nature of A's, there is much anticipation and expectation on the OW's part. Mabey not, you all can say better then me...I did mention my concern again today to him, and he did tell me that the main OW from before D day, really expected alot on V day, but he never really delivered..I doubt this! I told him that if he talked to her to let her know not to feel so left out, that I really never got much either on this day. He laughed, and so did I, but it is really starting to build with me, and I can tell that it wil come to a head next week while he's away. Plus, our son is still very ill and having a really hard time. To put icing on the cake, our daughter has strep and is sick too.

 

It's alot of pressure, and I hate for these old feelings ro resurface and interfere with my family and ability to care for our kids. I know you all are most likely saying, why is she tell this to us; the OW's..Well, you all have been really supportive and helpful to me.

 

What do you all think about this? Should I be worried, or do you all think I'm overreacting? He really is trying to be patient and udnerstanding about my concerns...I can't go with him because our kids are sick...So, I feel helpless..Of course, if he's going to cheat, he'd find a way anyway...It's maddening sometimes, as I am sure it gets for you all as well. I would really appreciate any input!

 

I wish that there was something I could say to reassure you to make you feel better but I can't. I wrote earlier in this thread about my ideas to do with Valentines days, but I have thought of one more thing I suppose you could try and it does sound a bit Mission Impossibleish (cue the music, du du, de de duh duh, dun dun de de, ok will stop now, sorry). I know previous posters have put you can get voice activated voice records and put them in the car, well instead of that how about putting them in various key points around your house, and make an excuse to go out for a short while on your own at some point on Valentines Day, i'm pretty sure that he will use that opportunity to phone the OW if there is one. Of course the trouble is even if you dont find out anything, your still not going to feel any better off.

 

Sorry if this is a bit weird coming from an OW. This was all I could think of.

 

regards

 

NT.