Celll phone locater and my discovery

[Art_Critic]

ummm, yeah??? What?

 

Those are cyber hugs...

[outofdarkness]

Those are cyber hugs...

oh...THANKS!!!!!

[outofdarkness]

(((((ood))))))

THANKS FOR THE CYBER HUGS...

[Izzar]

ummm, yeah??? What?

 

 

Hugs to you OOD!!

[Izzar]

ummm, yeah??? What?

 

Very Welcome!!!

[TYASAFAHICSI]

In regards to the following comment mentioned by somebody in this thread:

 

"But, I will tell you that if I were in his shoes, I would be inclined to send you a text message saying: "I want a divorce. GPS this" and then toss it into a lake!"

 

Wow, I can tell you one thing... if a spouse CHEATS and BETRAYS a women then that women has every RIGHT to track his every move for as long as she FEELS necessary. You CHEAT and BETRAY somebody and then have NERVE or audacity to complain that you don't like the consequence! Deal with it... if you cheated then you will pay for it for as long as she NEEDS to make you pay for it.

 

If my husband cheated on me and that was his attitude "GHPS this" he wouldn't live to see tomorrow.

 

I thought I was on the ignore list. Perhaps what I have said might make some sense? I believe that Art and I are on the same page--he is just a bit more tactful than I.

 

I totally disagree with your RIGHT to track his every move. The guy made a big mistake. He has said he is sorry. That is about all he can do--that and not do it again. It is up to you to forgive and/or forget. But he cannot make that decision for you. If you are able to forgive then for crying out loud--forgive. If you are not, then get rid of him and move on with your lives.

 

You are raising your kids in a household full of deceit and mistrust. I am sorry that you were hurt and he cheated. I was cheated upon and I know it hurts. But, if you are not able to forgive at close to 100% you are just sabotaging your marraige for failure.

 

I don;t know your kid situation, but what is your son or daughter going to think when they are older and fall in love? Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband till death do you part. Please place the ring on his finger and the GPS microchip tracking device in his neck. You may now kiss the bride.

 

Affairs happen all the time. It is unfortunate for sure, but living and raising a family just wallowing in mistrust is NOT healthy.

 

Not that you will see tis, but more of my .02

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Please place the ring on his finger and the GPS microchip tracking device in his neck. You may now kiss the bride.

:lmao: :lmao: Now thats funny, I don't care who ya are. I think OOD's situation isn't the typical there's AN OW. He's had some issues which he has admitted and tried to work through. Forgiving is difficult when you still hold hope in your heart and hell in your head.

[DepressedWaiting]

Ummmm, I think some people in this thread are a tad confused and have me mixed up with another poster.

 

I'm NOT married (never have been nor will I ever be). And I do NOT have kids and NEVER will. Not in a million years, neither of those are for me.

 

Nor have I ever been cheated on. I just don't trust men. But heck, I'd SECRETLY track ANY man if they were involved with me whether they cheated before or not. Never know what you might discover. I just don't trust men in general, sorry.

 

And with all the available technology these days I think I could have a better system of keeping an eye on him than a good old GPS. If I used one of those I'd at least attach it to the bottom of his car without him knowing it. Not around his neck =)

 

I don't want him to know I'm watching him... then he'd just be more cautious and difficult to catch.

[Sheba]

I have just read through most of this thread. I feel I just watched a woman being tortured. OOD - I feel so bad for you!

 

I have been where you are, with my now ex-husband, though it was over drugs and not women. Like you, I had control of every penny and I was very, very vigilant about that man's every move. I searched his wallet and pockets and car every single day. Imagine - I was going to University and had a newborn, yet checking up on him was my real job.

 

I hated the constant worry and tension and felt ridiculous. It was demeaning to be reduced to policing my husband, but his lies had been massive and he was not to be trusted.

 

I didn't find anything. Nothing at all. After a couple or three years, I stopped looking. Trust returned, but contempt remained.

 

Then, 6 years after my first discovery, I made another discovery, though sheerly by accident. Drugs again, stolen from his employer. My decision to end it was instant, and I have no regrets at all. Not one. I was SO poor when I moved out with my two children. The power was turned off once, the cable disconnected twice, and I wore clothes until they were ragged. Life was a struggle. But I was at peace and happy and had my pride back.

 

I hate to think of you being put through this crap with the locator! You are as reduced as I was. Perhaps I should not admit that a part of me hopes you find unequivocal proof of his infidelity SOON so you can be freed as I was?

 

Good luck OOD.

[outofdarkness]

Please place the ring on his finger and the GPS microchip tracking device in his neck. You may now kiss the bride.

:lmao: :lmao: Now thats funny, I don't care who ya are. I think OOD's situation isn't the typical there's AN OW. He's had some issues which he has admitted and tried to work through. Forgiving is difficult when you still hold hope in your heart and hell in your head.

Thanks...IWWH...you have really been a great supporter to me...I really appreciate you taking up for me!!

[outofdarkness]

I have just read through most of this thread. I feel I just watched a woman being tortured. OOD - I feel so bad for you!

 

I have been where you are, with my now ex-husband, though it was over drugs and not women. Like you, I had control of every penny and I was very, very vigilant about that man's every move. I searched his wallet and pockets and car every single day. Imagine - I was going to University and had a newborn, yet checking up on him was my real job.

 

I hated the constant worry and tension and felt ridiculous. It was demeaning to be reduced to policing my husband, but his lies had been massive and he was not to be trusted.

 

I didn't find anything. Nothing at all. After a couple or three years, I stopped looking. Trust returned, but contempt remained.

 

Then, 6 years after my first discovery, I made another discovery, though sheerly by accident. Drugs again, stolen from his employer. My decision to end it was instant, and I have no regrets at all. Not one. I was SO poor when I moved out with my two children. The power was turned off once, the cable disconnected twice, and I wore clothes until they were ragged. Life was a struggle. But I was at peace and happy and had my pride back.

 

I hate to think of you being put through this crap with the locator! You are as reduced as I was. Perhaps I should not admit that a part of me hopes you find unequivocal proof of his infidelity SOON so you can be freed as I was?

 

Good luck OOD.

Thanks to you too! It's always good to hear other people's stories and that they made it through with some self esteem and contentment and peace..I am reading all posts carefully and doing much deep thinking today about how and IF to approach this...Will update later...Most likely after he arrives home tonight...Thanks again

[outofdarkness]

Ummmm, I think some people in this thread are a tad confused and have me mixed up with another poster.

 

I'm NOT married (never have been nor will I ever be). And I do NOT have kids and NEVER will. Not in a million years, neither of those are for me.

 

Nor have I ever been cheated on. I just don't trust men. But heck, I'd SECRETLY track ANY man if they were involved with me whether they cheated before or not. Never know what you might discover. I just don't trust men in general, sorry.

 

And with all the available technology these days I think I could have a better system of keeping an eye on him than a good old GPS. If I used one of those I'd at least attach it to the bottom of his car without him knowing it. Not around his neck =)

 

I don't want him to know I'm watching him... then he'd just be more cautious and difficult to catch.

Don't know about some having you confused w/ someone else but wanted to say thanks for the input...I really appreciate your thoughts. Re: The gps cell phone locater service. I got him to agree to subscribe to the service that our carrier offers...He did it willingly, most likely b/c he has another phone, phone card, I don't know. He has to sign off on everything as far as this account b/c he is the subscriber..He won't change that. I've heard every excuse from, "I don't want to pay to get out of the contract"; fyi, there are web sites that will buy your contract for a very reasonable price, to my service is the only one that gets half way decent coverage. The real reason is that this service does not list incoming calls on statements. I WOULD attach a gps device to his car, but he travels constantly, so it really would do me NO good. He would be nuts and he's not dumb, to see anybody here in town after D day 2.5 years ago..No, whatever is going on is going on during his "business trips"..So, I did hear of a new GPS device that can be planted in someone's shoe??? A thought? PLEASE priv. mess me w/ any other ideas..I'm open for just about anything right now to get the proof I need..and peace of mind..

 

NOONE has addressed him sitting in that world famous coffee house for hours...supposedly reading...I know he actually goes there, but I don't know what he's doing or seeing or talking to. I can't go w/ him, although he has on occasion, invited me to join him..due to our son being sick...and I just don't like sitting in those places...There's no privacy and I think they've become the new "pick up places" IMO only!!! People that like this place, please don't freak....I wish I had all the $ the guy has that started it!!!

 

Back to the cell phone GPS locator...B/C he is the subscriber and the account is in his name, the agreement w/ the provider says that the owner MUST approve all contacts and be texted or e mailed the minute they're tracked. It's really "said" that it's used for parent's to track teens, but heck, they've already found a way around this...They just give their cells to someone else to hold who is in the local that they promised their parent's they'd be...My H apparently hasn't caught onto this yet...or mabey noon is willing to help him w/ this...I wouldn't...but I know how loyal friends and family can be, even w/ something this warped...Thanks again for the input and support...

[Sheba]

I don't know about the sitting in the coffee shop scenario.

 

I suppose you imagine that a person would not sit there so long alone so he must be with someone, and that makes sense to me too. Unless he has the sort of job where he could work while doing this? I go to such coffee shops and see people on cell phones and computers all the time. It seems like an odd place to work but a lot of people seem to do it.

 

Is there any chance he would sit for so long in a coffee shop with a friend or colleague? My husband doesn't drink, so he might sit in such a place to shoot the breeze with a friend, while another guy might go for a beer with his buddy. Do you feel reluctant to ask him who he was with at the coffee shop despite that he knows you are tracking him? Or do you simply not bother since his word is worthless?

 

Is a PI completely outside the realm of financial reason?

[outofdarkness]

I don't know about the sitting in the coffee shop scenario.

 

I suppose you imagine that a person would not sit there so long alone so he must be with someone, and that makes sense to me too. Unless he has the sort of job where he could work while doing this? I go to such coffee shops and see people on cell phones and computers all the time. It seems like an odd place to work but a lot of people seem to do it.

 

Is there any chance he would sit for so long in a coffee shop with a friend or colleague? My husband doesn't drink, so he might sit in such a place to shoot the breeze with a friend, while another guy might go for a beer with his buddy. Do you feel reluctant to ask him who he was with at the coffee shop despite that he knows you are tracking him? Or do you simply not bother since his word is worthless?

 

Is a PI completely outside the realm of financial reason?

He always tells me that he is alone. He has gone to rest., bars, coffee shops alone since I've known him...for 25 years...Of course, I just assumed that he was telling me the truth...Some of the time, I think he is alone, but I know he is on his computer...Much of his communication w/ the OWs was done online..His laptop is a company one, so I don't know how much he can do on it as far as communicating w/ OWs, but I do know that he can sign out of the co. network...I also know that he admitted shortly after D day that he would meet these OW's at the cozy little out of the mainstream, coffee houses..This was really during the late 90's early 2000 when they first started to gain popularity...There were alot of them that came and went but they were perfect places to rendezvous as they had cozy couches and quiet corners, with little patronage...So...naturally, I do worry about it..He gets irritated if I ask about it or express concern. I am quite certain that he is tired of me checking up on him, but I really don't do it very much considering all that happened. I really get upset when he travels to the local that I mentioned in my post b/c he lied to me last summer about a dinner/drinks "meeting" with a single, attractive subordinate...It was very upsetting..I had noticed that he was spending much time there and getting hair cuts, buying new clothes, worrying about his weight, MUCH more before he went on business to this particular local...Oh hell, it's Chicago..I'm sick of being so concerned about mentioning the stupid city...He loves it and one of the things he did w/ one of the OWs was to go to Cubs games w/ her, and he apparently liked the fact that she was so into sports...I'm not, although I do try to express and interest. I like to garden, I am quiet, I love to take my dog to the dog park, I love to take quiet walks and read good books, I love to talk on the phone to my family and I feel very deeply for animals and people who are in distress. I guess..I'm a pushover, and this has been my demise...I was told time and again after D day that I needed to "toughen" up...I tried and succeeded for a time, but he is intimidating and I end up being submissive w/ him. People find this hard to believe who have known me in the past...I was always self assured and knew how to have a good time. Life w/ him has changed me...Some changes have been positive, some negative...I've learned alot about people and myself. I was very isolated and naive and thought that MY was was the only way. That is one thing that LS has done for me that nothing else could...Opened me up to the real world. Different people w/ different points of view and backgrounds. It has been wonderful for me.

 

So...If I seem testy at times, it's most likely b/c someone hit a nerve and that I recognize that something that they posted was true. Hard as it is to admit. I just think that some could "word" their thoughts in a more respectful and caring way. Constructive criticism can be a wonderful way to improve your life and views, but if done in a brash and degrading way, it can be damaging.

 

Re: Hiring a PI...Yes, financially it is possible, but to be honest, I am afraid of what they might find and I don't know if physically and emotionally, I can handle another D day...Mabey I'm underestimating myself, but I am gun shy about it. Keep on encouraging me and mabey I'll take that leap of faith and just do it one of these days. It sure would give me peace of mind and help me to move on w/ my life in either direction.

 

Sorry this is so long. Thanks so much for caring and for your post...

[TYASAFAHICSI]

NOONE has addressed him sitting in that world famous coffee house for hours...supposedly reading...I know he actually goes there, but I don't know what he's doing or seeing or talking to. I can't go w/ him, although he has on occasion, invited me to join him..due to our son being sick...and I just don't like sitting in those places...There's no privacy and I think they've become the new "pick up places" IMO only!!! People that like this place, please don't freak....I wish I had all the $ the guy has that started it!!!

 

Maybe he is just sitting there reading and avoiding going home? I still am at a loss as to why his every move is suspect that he is cheating. Is he accused of that when he takes an extra long dump?

[whichwayisup]

Re: Hiring a PI...Yes, financially it is possible, but to be honest, I am afraid of what they might find and I don't know if physically and emotionally, I can handle another D day...Mabey I'm underestimating myself, but I am gun shy about it. Keep on encouraging me and mabey I'll take that leap of faith and just do it one of these days. It sure would give me peace of mind and help me to move on w/ my life in either direction.

 

But atleast you'll know one way or another. Not knowing is the worst...How can you move on or forgive without knowing what you're up against.

 

My motto is this - When the bad really starts to out weigh the good, and it starts to make you feel bad most of the time, it's time to DO and make changes...As hard as it will be, (when and if you choose to DO) you know you'll have support from us, your friends and your family.

[sadbuttrue]

he is under suspicion because he has continuosly cheated tya. his actions will always be suspect. he should have thought about that while he was screwing around on his wife all those times.

[outofdarkness]

But atleast you'll know one way or another. Not knowing is the worst...How can you move on or forgive without knowing what you're up against.

 

My motto is this - When the bad really starts to out weigh the good, and it starts to make you feel bad most of the time, it's time to DO and make changes...As hard as it will be, (when and if you choose to DO) you know you'll have support from us, your friends and your family.

Thanks, keep encouraging me and I think I will make that move...

[Freedom Now]

OOD,

 

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

Peace to you.

[outofdarkness]

he is under suspicion because he has continuosly cheated tya. his actions will always be suspect. he should have thought about that while he was screwing around on his wife all those times.

Thanks for the support! I really appreciate it..and I know that some don't know the whole story and might not want to...

[outofdarkness]

OOD,

 

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

Peace to you.

Thanks, you have been really caring and supportive to me and it means alot to me!

[sadbuttrue]

you are welcome OOD, i know we are on kind of different sides in this i guess, but it doesnt mean that i do not know that it is wrong for someone to cheat on their spouse. when they make that decision they should expect not to be trusted until they are able to regain that trust. that is not easy to do. and in your case it seems that he has not tried too hard.

 

good luck OOD, and do what makes you happy. or i should say what will make you happier.

[Freedom Now]

OOD,

 

You are one of the kindest, most compassionate women posting here on LS. And it takes alot of guts to share your story with us....strangers.

 

But know that I, for one, respect you and respect your values.

 

You do what makes sense to you. I just wish there was a way out of the pain and suffering for you. You deserve so much love and peace. You seem to be such a loving person and you deserve that in return.

 

Your husband is a fool if he doesn't see what I see.

 

Hang in there. We are here for you.

 

Hugs to you...

 

Freedom Now

[outofdarkness]

Thanks to all of you for being there for me..I don't know what I would do w/out LS now...You all have really been there for me...You probably will never know how much you have all helped me through some of the toughest times in my life...I hang onto your words, and they help me to stay focused and "in the moment"...It's amazing to me and used to be totally foreign that total strangers could be so caring and compassionate...No matter which side we find ourselves on, we are all people w/ real feelings, hopes and dreams, and crisis situations...I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being here for me...Love you all...

[NoIDidn't]

OOD

 

You are in a tough spot and I totally agree with WWIU. I don't think that I could hang in there for as long as you have since discovery. I don't say that with absolute certainty either.

 

I hate what this is doing to you and you seem to be such a nice person. These triggers can drive a person insane.

 

I hope you are able to find some peace no matter what you decide.