mishy Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Any advice would be a huge help as i just don't know what to do or where my heads at.. Have been going out with this guy for a few months about since august. But I've known him for about 7 years so we knew each other pretty well, like good friends. It was only in about august that i took a second look at him and realised how attracted i was to him ANYWAY....So I suppose our friendship was pretty close from the start. so theres a lot of history. I broke up with him just a few days into the new year. So about 3 weeks or so ago. I'd been thinking about it for a while. It was just one particular incident that finally clinched it. He gets jealous of my other male friends (who are GAY!! and one in particular who I've posted about on here before) He also cracks the ****s with me often - just that sort of passionate, runs on emotions type. This has been going on though for the whole of our friendship. So I tell him our relationship is over. He got quite upset and over the next day left a series of messages on my phone saying things like "I can't imagine my life without you" "can't believe you ae doing this" etc etc. Each message just confirmed my view even more - that he is too possessive and that it was not healthy for me or him. So a week ago he rang and begged again and I was even more firm. I told him it was definately over and i am sure of my decision and I WON"T be changing my mind. This is a no contact situation forever. I didn't ever want to see him again type thing. I thought and hoped i would never see or speak to him again. i had no energy left for him. THEN out of the blue he rings last night. I didn't speak to him , there was a voicemail message . I was baffled. He says that he's been thinking about how he's behaved and in retrospect thinks I made the right decision and that he wants to let me know he's ok and has moved on and is ok with it. How can he go form begging to have be back and missing me like crazy to "moved on" in the space of a week?? I 've missed him terribly- our friendship more than anything else, all the things we had in common and did together. Just everyday chit chat with him. But I did take a lot of time weighing that up and thinkning about what I would be losing.I was SO SO sure i made the right decsion, and i told him when i broke up with him that i would have no regrets on it. But I do. Why do I feel like this now when i was SOOOO sure before. I didn't make this decision lightly . Is this a common thing??? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Why do I feel like this now when i was SOOOO sure before. I didn't make this decision lightly . Is this a common thing??? This is just bait to get you to talk to him. He'll be sending you flowers within the week. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 so you don't think its true? He didn't say anything about calling him back . to be honest , it sounded like he really meant it. I believe it. Its completely possible that he eventually realised how unhealthy the relationship was isn't it?? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Its completely possible that he eventually realised how unhealthy the relationship was isn't it?? Anything is possible. But likely... no. He has done some thinking (or talked it over with a friend), and realised that the strategy of laying his heart "on the line" wasn't working. Time for another approach. To get you to want what you "apparently" can't have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 So should by approach be to not contact him at all (the finger is twitching)? If he is genuine about what he was saying then i wouldn't hear anything at all from him from now on right? So how long should i leave it before I do anything? Like if i don't hear from him after a few weeks can i assume that he meant what he said? How long should i wait? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 You're really feeling the pinch, aren't you. Ask yourself this - have you been growing an ego since he "pseudo-rejected" you? Or is this genuine regret for lost love?? Do you want to play the desperate puppy-dog role now? Swings and roundabouts. If you really want him back, then get to it. If he has "moved on" in just a week, then remember that his feelings are fickle at best. Even if he takes you back, I wouldn't be trusting it. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Do you want to play the desperate puppy-dog role now? Swings and roundabouts. I'm with magic on this one. Your ex put out the bait and now you want to bite. But you'll be right back where you started if you do. The true signal for someone moving on in his life and being over you is total silence. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 The true signal for someone moving on in his life and being over you is total silence. Exactly. You don't bother announcing to a person that you're going to ignore them, you just do it. Your ex can bear to reconcile that he got dumped. "Hey mishy... guess what? I didn't want you anyway. So there. Bye." It's an ego thing. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 I'm with magic Shhh... don't tell everybody! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 original post by Storyrider The true signal for someone moving on in his life and being over you is total silence. So if thats the case the how long should I wait before I can be sure it is genuine? Like how long should his silence after leaving that message be? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 So if thats the case the how long should I wait before I can be sure it is genuine? Like how long should his silence after leaving that message be? I would wait 72 hours. Tops. But they might come back even after that. When it comes to love, there are no rules. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Doubtful he has changed in a week. You can not go back to being "just friends" anymore. You are far past that and it's not healthy for either one of you. If you feel you truly made the right decision then why does it matter how soon he can get over you at all? At this point, you should be glad that he is. (You asked my advice, that's it.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 thanks caliguy. Its just that our friendship went for 7 years, the relationship only a few months. It is just that I am thinking that the whole time i was saying No no no i don't want to see you anymore - I think that he might have subconsciously been thinking it was the right thing also, or just maybe realised fairly quickly that it wasthe right choice as soon as he was given the final closure. I do miss ringing and talking Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 I would wait 72 hours. Tops. But they might come back even after that. When it comes to love, there are no rules. Wow i would have thought it would be weeks. So if i hear nothing after a few days then I can be pretty sure he meant it? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Wow i would have thought it would be weeks. So if i hear nothing after a few days then I can be pretty sure he meant it? Actually, I just changed my mind. Weeks sounds more like it. C'mon mishy... don't be waiting on the end of the phone, now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 I'm really confused i thought I put an end to this relationship. I was so sure of myself. I'll wait a couple of weeks and reassess my feelings Link to post Share on other sites
icebreaker Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 MIshy, This is what I don't understand. You gave serious thought into giving this guy the boot. Followed through and now you want him back? Why? Is it for your own ego? You have a seven year friendship, which is more valuable than the few months you two spent together as a couple. You should try to salvage that at a minimum. Stop the guessing games and waiting him out stuff. Be mature about it and give him a call. It's obvious you want some kind of relationship with him either as friends or lovers. But figure it out first and then openly discuss it with him as you two try to rebuild your relationship whatever it may be. Take Care! Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Here's my guess as to what is going on. You gave careful thought to breaking up, even considering the friendship. You broke up with him. He wanted you back desperately. You stood firm. He accepted that you meant it. Now you aren't so sure about the breakup. That was the course of events from the original post. I think your ego is hurt more than anything. You liked that he was upset and desperate to have you back and while that was his mindset you were firm in your belief that breaking up was right and permanent. Now that he has accepted the breakup as permanent you have nothing to feed your ego. As long as he was pining, you were fine, but now that he is moving on you are not. I don't want to come across as mean, because I'm not. I'm just stating everything that was in your original post in a non-emotional way. What is it that is confusing you exactly? The answer to the question as to how long should you wait before you can be sure it is genuine (his silence) is forever. Are you trying to retain the friendship yet ditch the relationship? That will take time too. At least until you have both moved on to other partners and are happy in those relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 The answer to the question as to how long should you wait before you can be sure it is genuine (his silence) is forever. In my defence: in certain circumstances, 72 hours can seem like forever. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 In my defence: in certain circumstances, 72 hours can seem like forever. I couldn't agree more, my magic handed man. (That got me hot! The magic handed part, that is) Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 I couldn't agree more, my magic handed man. (That got me hot! The magic handed part, that is) One can only get so far whilst you keep your legs crossed. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 One can only get so far whilst you keep your legs crossed. That's my incredible thigh muscles trying to achieve an orgasm without help. I've been trying for a long time. Are we threadjacking again? Maybe we should just get a room and stop this perpetually "jacking" thing. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Are we threadjacking again? Maybe we should just get a room and stop this perpetually "jacking" thing. Good idea. Do you think we'll be able to find a way to get all this jacking out of our system? Maybe we were meant to be perpetual. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Good idea. Do you think we'll be able to find a way to get all this jacking out of our system? Maybe we were meant to be perpetual. Maybe we were. No argument here. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 thanks caliguy. Its just that our friendship went for 7 years, the relationship only a few months. It is just that I am thinking that the whole time i was saying No no no i don't want to see you anymore - I think that he might have subconsciously been thinking it was the right thing also, or just maybe realised fairly quickly that it wasthe right choice as soon as he was given the final closure. I do miss ringing and talking Once a friendship progresses past that and into a relationship the friendship can not go back to the way it was. Link to post Share on other sites
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