crazy_grl Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Woah, magichands, you're makin a whole lota sense in this thread. You feeling ok, buddy? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Woah, magichands, you're makin a whole lota sense in this thread. You feeling ok, buddy? It's not like I have the monopoly on crazy, is it. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 It's not like I have the monopoly on crazy, is it. who you callin crazy? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 who you callin crazy? I can't believe you picked the snowman over me. Oh well... I hope that carrot satisfies you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 I think your ego is hurt more than anything. You liked that he was upset and desperate to have you back and while that was his mindset you were firm in your belief that breaking up was right and permanent. Now that he has accepted the breakup as permanent you have nothing to feed your ego. As long as he was pining, you were fine, but now that he is moving on you are not. Yep, you've hit the nail on the head and I'm not afraid to admit it. He was pining soo much - all i got was pining. Cring on my answering machine, a sentimental letter; and before i ended it completely - begging. I suppose he suffocated me with it. I didn't have a chance to really know how i felt. i just ran away from it - and his begging kind of repulsed me. It was unhealthy, and desperate. I dunno. I suppose if he is now happy with my decision then i deserve this confusion. I saw a streaker today at the pub running across the park withan australian flag around his neck. It was halarious. Totally made my day Link to post Share on other sites
brisman Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Your confusion is natural. You should expect to go through it. His reaction is also natural. Many men will think being sensitive and showing you their pain is the right thing to do to show girls how much they care. Don't hold that against him. It's also natural that if that doesn't work, that they realise they've given away their power and harden up. This is what he's done. It's more than likely that he still wants you, but won't be showing it and will wait for you to initiate contact. 3 days is nothing though. I'd be thinking more like 3 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 Brisman i think that yes i will just wait. I think that he will actually end up calling me very soon though because i don't think he can be really ok with it. i think its just an act - a ploy to get me back Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny B Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 mishy - Your original post looks nearly identical to mine. Read "i dumped her, now regret it b/c she's moved on" thread. You and I are in the same boat in the sense that we want someone back after deciding to leave them, mainly driven by the fact that they don't desire us anymore romantically. It's hard and I don't feel recovered as it's only been about 2 months but, you must move on and forward. I think that you will still pine for him and that is natural given that you had a friendship before the intimacy. I think you should leave things as they are for the two of you to experience things on your own. Then after some time, you (or him) may find that you are ready to rekindle the friendship part of the relationship. That's my 2 cents. Good Luck. Johnny B Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Brisman i think that yes i will just wait. I think that he will actually end up calling me very soon though because i don't think he can be really ok with it. i think its just an act - a ploy to get me back I wouldn't always bet on that. If it makes you feel better, OK. But having been both a dumper and dumpee that has "begged" I can tell you at one point once you've gotten your act back together and been treated to the point you don't feel loved or respected, you don't use it as a ploy to get someone back. You just finally get your self respect back and walk away. Yes, his actions did and should have repulsed you. Especially the begging. However, sometimes we need to fall flat on our faces and hit rock bottom before we realize something had to change. Not trying to rain on your parade, I'm just saying that it's not always used as a ploy. Sometimes, it is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 I can't believe you picked the snowman over me. Oh well... I hope that carrot satisfies you. Oh, it's QUITE satisifying. Pretty cold... but that can be nice too once in awhile. Mishy, the important thing here isn't whether he's really moved on or not. It's whether the reason you want him back is because you want to be with him or because of your ego. If he were still trying to get you back now, would you want him? If the answer is no, it's probably an ego thing and you'll both be better off if you go NC for now. Once some time has passed, you might be able to try to be friends again. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Mishy, the important thing here isn't whether he's really moved on or not. It's whether the reason you want him back is because you want to be with him or because of your ego. I'm with crazy_grl. Well, I agree with her - I'm not with her. Because it seems she's into cold, firm loving... and not the warm, supple, and pulsating kind. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Because it seems she's into cold, firm loving... and not the warm, supple, and pulsating kind. I never said I was against that kind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 thankyou for all your wonderful advice. I love Loveshack. If i think back as to what i said to him in the final conversation: I miss you , i think about things i want to tell you (chit chat) all the time....I'm thinking maybe that really means more than i thought - and then in the same breath I'm saying NO we can't see each other ever again. Its over. How does what I said really make any sense?? Link to post Share on other sites
brisman Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Golly. Confused woman sends mixed signals. That's never happened before Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 Golly. Confused woman sends mixed signals. That's never happened before How about this humidity brisman? thanks for your comment- so you think that i really have sent out mixed signals- that maybe when i was saying i missed him and think of things i want to tell him that REALLy that is an indication of how I really feel and that maybe a break up was the wrong decision? Like if you never wanted to see a person again- there would be no way you'd be missing them right??? I'm so confused:( Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 I'm so confused:( How about this: if it rains in the next week, then contact him. That must be a sign. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 thanks for that:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
jusified Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 LOL, Brisban this time of the year?? Rain??? Miracle!! Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 LOL, Brisban this time of the year?? Rain??? Miracle!! That's what I was thinking. thanks for that:confused: Has it rained, yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 No, but i'm swimming in sweat. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 No, but i'm swimming in sweat. That sounds pretty hot. Maybe you should call him, and tell him that. Link to post Share on other sites
victoria3001 Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 stick to your guns girlfriend!!! stay with your initial thoughts on this one. I was in a long term relationship with a guy who was very jealous. When I broke up with him he did the same exact thing. When I decided to take him back he started the whole jealous thing right up again. Please don't waste your time on someone like this. I wasted over 6 years with someone like this who I would break up with and keep taking back just because he would get into this self pitty thing. He would say stuff like he was so stupid for acting that way and that he can't live without me. He sent me flowers and gave me those really mushy blue mountain art cards. The relationship finally exhausted me and I got strong and ended it forever! Don't make the mistake that I made. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Mishy, I think you miss the friendship and since the relationship was short and the friendship was long that may be overcome once he has had enough time to heal a bit. Or you miss him pining over you. Humans are ego filled beings. One of those two must be right! Link to post Share on other sites
brisman Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 I've only just flown back into the country last night. Even India wasn't this humid. Mishy, just give it a few weeks to see you feel. This board is of mostly people giving advice to dumpees to not contact their exs to give the exs time to see if they really miss them. It applies to dumpers too. Take the time to get over the ego bruising and see if you still miss him. If you do miss him, make sure you let him you know clearly whether you miss him as a friend or lover. (Men need to be told in plain English). Then see what he does. As long you as you are true to your own feelings, you've done all you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 uote,Brisman i think that yes i will just wait. I think that he will actually end up calling me very soon though because i don't think he can be really ok with it. i think its just an act - a ploy to get me back Not necesserily.Its possible that after all the hurt/pleading etc hes given up on getting you back after all theres only so much hurt a person can take.I was in a 4 1/2 year r/ship and truly thought we were 1 of the happiest couples compared to alot of our friends. Within 5 weeks of going on a placement for a year it was all over.I cried,begged him to rethink that we had too much going to throw it all away but he said for now he had made his decision. I kept in contact for a while but after hearing him say he still loved missed me and saying he hoped he had made the right decision each time i was given a little hope of getting back together. Eventually i gave up contacting him because i realised that if he had any intentions of getting back with me he would be on his hands and knees practically begging so to speak.It never happened and even though i still miss what we had i dont want him.I want a 100% of a man not some1 who can throw away a 4 1/2 year r/ship within 5 weeks of going away. Maybe your ex is feeling the same way and realised that if you truly wanted him you would be the 1 doing the begging.Just my opinion,good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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