anxiety/agoraphobia

[Crystal]

i do not know what to do anymore...

recently my dr. switched me from celexa to lexapro

because of side effects still from celexa.

 

so this past few days or so i have been having alot of

agoraphobia and have been unable to go to my jobs because

they are so far away.

 

if only they had been closer to home i would of had no

problem going.

 

instead i have been hiding at home, or just driving around the

neighborhood until enough time has passed that i can go home.

 

home is the only place lately that i feel comfortable anymor.

i have my boundaries but i can pretty much go anywhere with him driving.

 

i am just waiting for this new med to kick in and in the mean time am really going through alot of weird feelings.

 

this a.m. while he was in the shower and i was still laying in bed with my eyes closed, i had this picture pop into my head about my hand going around his throat or punching him in the face.

 

these scare'd me because i am not a violet person what so ever, and i would never hurt/hit someone either, so these images today were very disturbing.

 

i dont know what to do..

the main thing i need the meds for is the anxiety stuff, but this med and the old one seem to give me more anxiety just because i feel angry for needing it and i hate taking meds too.

 

bad enough i have to take thyroid meds the rest of my life now...but better to have it then to not have it i guess.

 

i dont know what to do....i am at such a loss here...

 

sometimes it seems so easy to blame all of this on him.......

[Tony T]

Crystal, I don't know how many times I have given you the winning combination of medications to control your agoraphobia. You apparently didn't mention these to your doctor or you would be just fine now.

 

Now, what you need to do is engage in an ongoing program of systematic desensitization. Each day, go just a little bit further from your home...stay there a while until you are totally convinced you will not pass out or die or have a heart attack or get taken by aliens...then return home.

 

Eventually, go to areas where you have never been. Once you convince your mind that nothing terrible is going to happen to you, you won't have this agoraphobia problem. Simple as that. I know it is horrifying and debilitating but if you will just start going out each day...take baby steps...and extend your boundaries of comfort little by little...you will be cured.

 

The trick is to teach your mind that going to far away places will not be harmful to you and, actually, enrich your life and make it a lot more pleasant.

 

 

Also, as I've told you many times before, get some relaxation tapes at a bookstore and use them everyday to relax and build confidence.

 

Take control over your mind and stop the violent and fearful thoughts. Whenever you feel fear coming on, think of a peaceful, relaxing place and go there in your mind. You're going to be just fine.

 

I hate to see you totally ruin your life by being ruled by these irrational, crazy thoughts that have no basis whatsoever in reality.

[Crystal]

i remembered one was klonopin but i cannot take klonopin as back in 1995 i had a horrible addiction problem with it and was tryng for three months with various other ssri's to get off the klonopin.

 

today the lexapro has seemed to quiet my mind down but that does nothing for the anxiety i feel..

 

i had two jobs last week that i blew off and lied to my b'f about because he sees me as perfectly capable of going to work and doing what i need to do.

 

he does not see the fears in me as i hide them quite well.

he sees me sitting on the computer or wondering around the house or tooling around everywhere with him and thinks that i am just fine.

 

i took some inderal today just to get past the effects of the lexapro.

 

i called the mental health clinic friday and am waiting for them to call me back for some counseling help with all this.

 

i dont know when it got so bad again....it jsut really snuck up on me and it just really sucks too.

 

i stare out the window and feel so secure from here..

i think about a little town in mason city iowa that i use to live in, (population 29,000) and how i worked parttime and went to school part time.

 

i did well out there and cant seem to do crap where i am now...

or do you think someone can stiffle your independence?

 

i sometimes think that just moving away from my b'f that i could somehow get my freedom back...i dont know why i cant accomplish nothing here and now.

 

i thought the other day that i am in the exact same place i was 10 years ago when i moved out here, i have nothing to show for all those years of my life, NOTHING!

 

that is so sad and pathetic...here i sit whilst my life slips away, stuck in a rut again and again...and hating it yet knowing there is a way out, like you said, but feeling paralyzed to do it.

 

i hope the counselor will call soon so i can talk to someone about this and hopefully they can help me...too.....i am in need of help for this!

 

thanks for your help..you always point me in the right direction....and i appreciate it very much!

[Crystal]

i think klonopin was one but what was the other?

[Ally Boo]

Originally posted by Crystal

if only they had been closer to home i would of had no

problem going.

 

That's not true, otherwise you would have "Felt like" running those errands for him.

[Crystal]

the errands that i did not feel like running at the time were close to home..i was just tired and did not want to go at the time...he just took it that i did not want to go at all, even tho i had asked if it could wait until tomorrow.

 

the JOBS, those were my regular house cleaning jobs that were quite a ways away from home that i did not want to go to because of how far they were/are.

 

two different things here...i'm confused enough as it is..

he has been in the stupid contest at his job, trying to sell the most mortgage loans, he is tied 16 to 16 with someone else.

 

the winner gets a two week vacation of their choice for two, whereever on earth they want to go!

 

secretly i hope he dont win because it stresses me out now thinkig that we have to go on another vacation...i cant handle it.

 

he gives me crap about it cause i wont fly, so we will have to drive where ever we go..

 

this is not a good attitude for your b'f now is it? better to set him free to find someone more compatiable..sigh..