lonelygirl Posted September 30, 2002 Share Posted September 30, 2002 please help me, i am really depressed and have no friends to talk to about this. i will start at the beginning. 2 years ago after being dumped by my ex, i figured the best way to get over him would be by going out and hooking up with whoever i wanted. During this time, a good guy friend of mine and I started hooking up. I really liked him and he says he was in love with me, but i didnt know how much he really loved me and I continued to sleep with other guys. Eventually I ended up getting back together with my ex, and this guy friend seemed totally supportive of it. I didn't think it bothered him at all. A year ago I realized that getting back together with my ex was a huge mistake, and we broke up again, for good this time. I soon realized that I really was in love with my guy friend the whole time, and I wanted to turn our friendship into a real relationship this time. So, we started hooking up again and I told him i loved him and wanted to be exclusive, and he told me the same. Well, little did i know that the entire past year he had been completely depressed and upset over me and the way i "treated him"...meaning how i slept with him and dated other guys at the same time. Meanwhile i had never realized that he ever wanted anything like a serious relationship, and had no idea i hurt him so badly. So, for the past year we were together as boyfriend and girlfriend (as opposed to good friends who sleep together). However i could tell that things were never really the same with him. even though he told me he was in love with me, he didnt act the same as he had when we were "just friends". For this entire past year he would tell me that i was insecure and that he is a busy guy and has a lot of friends (unlike me). Finally about 3 weeks ago he dumped me. I have been completely depressed and miserable ever since, and have cried myself to sleep every night, because i know that he was once in love with me, but that i hurt him and now i will never get that love back. When he broke it off he said that we still have to be friends, since all of my roommates are his friends too. I said i wasnt sure and need time to heal. Now, here's the part where i need advice. He told me yesterday that he missed me so much and really cares for me and hates the way things are between us right now. He said he made a huge mistake and wants me again, and wants us to startover. I love this guy so much but we just can never seem to get it right. What do i do? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 30, 2002 Share Posted September 30, 2002 Yes, you should take him back but you have to understand there's going to have to be a lot of talking, a lot of real serious communication. None of this superficial BS. You're also going to have to wipe the slate entirely clean. That is, you're both going to have to forget ALL aspects of the past and never, ever, ever, ever, ever bring up that crap again. The ONLY way the two of you will work is to just put the past in the garbage can and let it be hauled away. Start your relationship anew, fresh...and devoid of the garbage and the clutter. I think the two of you can work it out. But you both are going to have to be very mature and very flexible in your thinking. If you don't think you're up to the task, then don't even go there. It sounds like this would have been a great time for the two of you to have gotten together for the first time...all the ex stuff is cleared away and you can get something truly meaningful going between the two of you. Remember, clear out all the drama...and don't look back. It's a bright new day!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted September 30, 2002 Share Posted September 30, 2002 Now is the time to see what you two are made of. GOOD LUCK!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelygirl Posted September 30, 2002 Author Share Posted September 30, 2002 i am so upset. today, he was over to visit my roommate. well, when i came home i noticed his notebook on the table and decided to look through it to see whose it was. inside the notebook were a bunch of pics and i found one of him blatantly making out with another girl!!! the pic was dated august of last month. i am so upset, because he of all people has done to me everything he stands against. i dont know what to to now. its bad enough that he broke up with me last month, but now to find out he probably cheated on me too is just too much to take. i am so upset. as much as i love him i dont know if i can forgive for lying and cheating, even though he wants me back now. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 30, 2002 Share Posted September 30, 2002 Confront him about your discovery in a very calm way and see what sort of explanation he offers. Were the two of you seeing each other at the time or had you broken up when the picture was made? Give me a break, for Pete's sake, if I'm making out with a chick in front of a camera...there's got to be something wrong with that picture. Get the answers before you jump to conclusions. But if you can't get some good answers real quick, then just move on. Life is way too short to be screwing your mind up over any one human being. You two are a real trip! Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted October 1, 2002 Share Posted October 1, 2002 What does she do if the answers aren't truthful, even if they are "logical?" Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted October 2, 2002 Share Posted October 2, 2002 they are: 1) lay things out on the line - tell him how you feel and what you want from a relationship (no lies, cheating, etc.) - let him know what you will and will not accept. tell him how you feel for him. no games, no b/s - and see if what you both want matches. then go for it. 2) see if he is really what you want - give yourself time. sometimes people get a knee-jerk reaction to people because they are feeling pain, or feel bad that the other person found someone else. but if they closely look at the situation and the person, they realize that they really don't want the person, but what the person represents (love, security, etc.) Link to post Share on other sites
just_a_girl Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 you got another chance with this guy again, try your hardest to make it work. Both of you have to try. Be thankful that you got another chance, trust me alot of ppl would love to get a second chance at situations like this... I'm one of them. Lots of communication is in order to try again. Sure start a fresh, but if problems arise, talk them out at that exact moment. Goodluck. Link to post Share on other sites
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