Well this is not good

[swtwc]

Hi all,

Found this site through google. Been reading a whole bunch of these posts. I guess here is my story and any responce would be great.

 

This girl and I have been friends for 17yrs. We have always had a close personal bond that many could not understand. We did and it always seemed right. We would fall out of contact and always back in. Picking up right where we left off and always loved each other. I went off and got married. Had a wonderful daughter. Wife ended up having a affair. Which I never saw coming. Now I do but that is another story. Somehow out of the blue while I am going through this she sends me an email to catch up. She had no idea. Was that a sign or what? She started hanging out and we were great. The divorce finally took it's toll and I snapped one night. She took care of me for the next several weeks. I was in a real bad way. Eventually somehow we ended up being together everyday. Then she got feelings for me. I had chased her for 10 yrs and just accepeted that it would never happen. Well it did and I was hesitant but went with it. We got a place together and couldn't ask for a more amazing person for my daughter. From my childhood I developed [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]disassociative disorder. I tend to shut down and not remember things and my feelings are shut off. I broke up with her recently (not really knowing what I truly did) and now this is where I am stuck.[/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Arial]We live together and have another 7 months on the lease. She still loves my daughter. I NOW see the error of my ways and know I still have a long way to go to make myself better. Everyone says "NC" in here but how do I do that? We see each other everyday. This is the woman of my dreams and I messed up. I never wanted this. If I didn't say that we would still be together. I am responsible for my own actions. I know this but don't want it to end. We've been friends for 17 yrs and we are still friends. I still want her back. She says if and when I get the help to not shut down anymore and control it we can talk. I think she's walked and it's done. Don't know how or why but it is. Wish this was all a nightmare but it's not. What to do? We are staying in the lease and will live together. She is "the one" and I know this. I just don't know how to handle such a person who loves me so much and is so good to my daughter?[/FONT]

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[FONT=Arial]Sorry this is so long and if you made it this far thank you very much.[/FONT]

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[FONT=Arial]Swtwc[/FONT]

[horn4thor]

But, I feel for ya. I think many of us here have been through something similar, so take comfort in knowing you're not alone. Hang in there.

[swtwc]

Well things have got allot better. Hopefully things will look up. We've known each other for 17 years. I've been told I need to work on "letting her in". Hard for me when the one person I trusted in the world destroyed me. Tough lesson to learn. Maybe I can get over that....someday?

[loveratud]

You need to get the help that you need so that you can not randomly hurt her again in the future. That's what she's afraid of. You should be afraid of it too.

[notmakingsense]

Well things have got allot better. Hopefully things will look up. We've known each other for 17 years. I've been told I need to work on "letting her in". Hard for me when the one person I trusted in the world destroyed me. Tough lesson to learn. Maybe I can get over that....someday?

 

Of course you can get over it. Try therapy if you haven't yet. You should feel secure in letting her in -- she's been there for you as a friend for 17 years -- so don't blow it.