spiritualpsb Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 [COLOR=#950000] [/COLOR] Hello, I am unsure if my b/f is cheating or not but my gut instinct says he may be. About 2 months ago we had an arguement over his ex, who keeps calling and telling him she wants him back. Sometimes she asks him to come and meet her somewhere, or so he says that she is telling him this stuff. He told me on 12/20/2006 that she called him that day, and said she was in town and that she would like him to come and see her. He told me that he told her no and that was that. Well 2 days later she was calling him again. He looked at the number and put the phone on silent. I asked him who was calling and he said "Someone I don‘t want to talk to." I knew he meant his ex, and asked him if he has been contacting her and he said no. I asked to look through his phone because I did not trust him to be honest. I know I shouldn‘t have asked to look through his phone, but he has done thing‘s before which questioned whether he was faithful or not. So he was upset and threw the phone at me. I went through it and saw that she did not call him on 12/20/2006, but he called her on 12/21/2006. I asked why did he call her and his response was "I didn‘t call her, maybe she called me and I lost signal and I called her back...I don‘t know." I reminded him that he called her at 10am and that she did not call him on the day he told me 2 days prior. He said "You know when I get alot of new calls, the old ones start getting kicked out of the phone." I told him that I understood that, but he still had calls in his phone from 12/19/2006 and if he could explain that. He couldn‘t and started getting more upset. He started bringing up thing‘s that we have gone through in the past (that was my fault) and I told him to stick to the issue at hand, and leave the past out of it (but of course to him all past issues are relevant). He said "If you care anything at all about this relationship you will just let this go, just like I had to let hurts you‘ve caused me go." Just to point out I‘ve never cheated on him. I have hurt him emotionally(over something so dumb), we talked about it and I asked for his forgiveness, but he keeps bringing it up. He has done and said some thing‘s to me to hurt me as well, but I have forgiven him and left it in the past. I then asked him how come he is still answering her calls knowing full well she wants a relationship with him, and she is disrespecting me in the process? I told him that I would appreciate it if he would call her immediately and tell her not to phone him anymore, he said "No." I asked why not and he could not give me an answer. I only wanted him to do this because I felt it was very rude and disrespectful on both their parts to me. He doesn‘t want me talking to any of my ex‘s or any male friend‘s of mine. This ex wants him back knowing (as far as what he says) that he has a girlfriend. All that happened 2 months ago, and last night I checked his phone messages. Yea, yea I know call me a snoop. I felt he was up to no good. I kept getting that gut wrenching feeling he was cheating, so I had to find out some way. So I called his cell phone and checked his messages. He had one on there from the same ex who kept calling before. She said "Hey you, I was wondering if you have checked your email yet. You have been bugging me to send you pictures of my breasts. Well talk at you later." I couldn‘t believe it. I thought he meant it when he said he wouldn‘t converse with her anymore. I must look like a big fool in his eyes at this point. At this point I‘m hurt even more, and sickened to even rethink the message. So I told him last night I know he has been talking with her, and he said she called 2 weeks ago and he didn't tell me about it because it was a brief conversation. He didn't want to discuss it further, he got upset when I said I want to know what is going on. He claims she is a b****, a c***, that he has no feeling's for her, than why is he taking her calls? He wouldn't answer me either when I asked why he is answering her calls. I'm so hurt I don't know what to do or think. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 but he has done thing‘s before which questioned whether he was faithful or not. Like what? So he was upset and threw the phone at me. Red flag #1 I went through it and saw that she did not call him on 12/20/2006, but he called her on 12/21/2006. I asked why did he call her and his response was "I didn‘t call her, maybe she called me and I lost signal and I called her back...I don‘t know." Red flag #2 He said "If you care anything at all about this relationship you will just let this go, He doesn't want to talk about it, it seems. I told him that I would appreciate it if he would call her immediately and tell her not to phone him anymore, he said "No." I asked why not and he could not give me an answer. Red flag #3 So I called his cell phone and checked his messages. He had one on there from the same ex who kept calling before. She said "Hey you, I was wondering if you have checked your email yet. You have been bugging me to send you pictures of my breasts. Well talk at you later." I couldn‘t believe it. I thought he meant it when he said he wouldn‘t converse with her anymore. I'm sorry I know that hurt to hear that message. If you have had doubts before, and now know they truth about this, why are you still with him? I must look like a big fool in his eyes at this point. No, you look like someone who knew he was up to no good, and he knows it. He is guilty, maybe you need to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
emmaUK Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 DUMP HIM ASAP!!!!!! i have been with guys who come out with all the lines to try n make themselves look innocent and it sounds exactly the same as this guy u r talking about. he is never gonna stop talkin to her and the more u go on at him about it .. the further u r gonna push him away n the more he will want to talk to this girl... so u cant win. he is ringing her asking for pictures of her breasts!!!!! get the hell out of there n dont look back. or if u realyl cant manage that then at least dissapear for a couple of weeks and see if he makes the effort to contact you Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 He said "If you care anything at all about this relationship you will just let this go, He doesn't want to talk about it, it seems. Not only that but saying that is an admission of guilt. By saying she should let it go he's implicitly acknowledging that he knows he's doing something wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Starman Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 DUMP HIM ASAP!!!!!! Ditto what emma said. If I were you I'd dump this guy TODAY! Total lack of respect for you, he wants his cake and eat it too. Dump him, move on and you'll be thankful you did. No reason to waste another second with a guy like this, he's so full of BS I can smell it from here. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 This post was really long, so I didn't read anything but the title, but that seems to be enough info. If your bf was asking any girl for pics of her breasts (especially his ex) and you don't have some prearranged understanding that it's ok, then it's time to dump him. And skimming over other people's replies, it seems like it goes beyond that, so it's definitely time to let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiritualpsb Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 I suspected he was cheating before because he kept talking to her repeatedly, he was on escort sites looking in our area, searching yahoo personnals, checking out sex chat rooms. all that he blamed me for . i have decided to leave him, i don't trust him. i will not be with someone like that, i just can't; it disgusts me thinking about it. btw, sorry the original post was soooo long; had to tell full story. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 all that he blamed me for . i have decided to leave him, i don't trust him. i will not be with someone like that, i just can't; it disgusts me thinking about it. btw, sorry the original post was soooo long; had to tell full story. How did he blame you when HE was the one searching through the personals? I think you made the right choice. Link to post Share on other sites
marcusabrownus Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 I agree. He is up to something.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiritualpsb Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 he blamed me for him doing those thing's by saying if i was there for him more (mentally, emotionally, not physically) than he wouldn't have done that, but then changed it to he was just curious . i told him i did try my hardest to be there for him in every way possible, but i felt like it wasn't good enough so i tried harder. he always told me that i didn't do thing's good enough or it was just half assed:( . nothing ever seems good enough for him. i realized that he couldn't have really loved me, and the reason why he wasn't affectionate was because he was too busy with maybe his mind on her most of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 btw, sorry the original post was soooo long; had to tell full story. It's no problem. Sometimes it helps just to get it all out. Make your posts as long as you need. I've been known for some quite lengthy posts myself. I just didn't read it before I posted because I felt like the title already said it all. I just skimmed over your original post, and I've gotta say I'm not a bit surprised by what you described. I think you're making the right choice by dumping him. He's most likely cheating, but whether he is or not, this isn't a healthy situation for you. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 I suspected he was cheating before because he kept talking to her repeatedly, he was on escort sites looking in our area, searching yahoo personnals, checking out sex chat rooms. all that he blamed me for . i have decided to leave him, i don't trust him. i will not be with someone like that, i just can't; it disgusts me thinking about it. btw, sorry the original post was soooo long; had to tell full story. Don't worry about the long post. We didn't have to try and pump info out of you. I'm glad you were able to solve your own problem. It's time to move on and without him. There were to many red flags and he obviously doesn't care about you. Link to post Share on other sites
IaminLove Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Definately dump him, he doesn't respect you at all and he keeps trying to bring up things that you did in the past and not owning up to what he has done... you definately don't need to mess with that... It sounds like him and his ex deserve each other.. she doesn;t have respect for your relationship with him either... I know sometimes its hard to let go of someone depending on how serious you are with them.. but trust me.. it would be worth your while to dumo him and find someone who is more respectful and faithful and deserving of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiritualpsb Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 what started to throw me off, and maybe it was just me, but the last time we were intimate he asked if he could c*m inside me. i thought that was a weird question to ask since we were together for 2 1/2 years and he has never asked that question before. would that be a red flag of a cheater? Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 would that be a red flag of a cheater? Not always. I have always heard if someone starts asking weird requests or wanting to do new things sex wise it can be a sign, but thats not always the case either. Just because someone wants to try something different doesn't mean they are cheating. Most of the time if someone is cheating there are other signs as well, not just the request of something different in the bedroom. Link to post Share on other sites
lilbo Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Kick him to the curb! Link to post Share on other sites
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