vanilla chai Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 What a total looser this man is. He wants out of the marriage so bad then why won't he let her change the locks. I have to say you got some nerve,where is your compassion for this poor lady? What a cocky gesture by introducing yourself. please do this woman a favor and take this piece of crap off her hands. Heck im not even a bw and im pissed at this weasles behavior. This is the man you want? Link to post Share on other sites
Author meinmke Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 Thursday Pretty dull during the day-communicated over the phone and emails throughout the day, but we were both busy with things. I get a call that evening-got an offer to move to Vegas, not an ideal opportunity actually not a good option for me at all only good thing is it would help me start anew and get over MM. Told the person to give me a week to consider. He called me immediately afterwards and I told him I have a week to decide. He called me several times that night but we really didn't have a good chance to connect and talk about things. Friday Same thing during the morning-phone calls and email exchanges. Around mid-morning he called and asked if I said anything to W. "something is up" he said and told me he was going to meet later that afternoon. He came by after he met with her. Basically their conversation earlier, she said she knew everything about us. She was trying to call his bluff. He also hacked into her email. Found out she has been having several casual sex affairs with different men for longer than we had been together. Apparently, none are available after 5pm because they are all married. She also hired a private investigator but he couldn't find any evidence about us having sex. Oh and the kicker about the PI, in one of the email, she said didn't know how she was going to pay and it was agreed services could be paid by sex. I told him you really can't blame her, after all it's no difference than what we were doing. He said he promised that he would put the kids to bed, but he would come back Link to post Share on other sites
Author meinmke Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 Now I'm up to Friday night...he came back after kids went to sleep. I wouldn't have been surprise if he came back with his 5 year old but he didn't. He kept saying to me, I'm going through with this, so please don't move...I told him I'm thinking it over in the next week. I've notice small things in the past few days. He might be really ready to leave her now. I let him know that words are meaningless without action. But little things-he doesn't call her his Wife anymore, calls her by her first name. Admitted to me that it's hard to not have a wedding band on, somethings missing and then went on to tell me that at one time they had a great marriage-lots of good times, but things are different now. I can relate, deciding to get a divorce isn't so easy. Oh and he doesn't walk out of the room for privacy when they talk. He admitted to me that he told her he can't be friends with me and be married to her at the same time and he was choosing to be friends with me. So it's Friday night-His phone rings at 2 am, he ignores it. Of course my rings next and I pick it up. She is crying to me, telling me the stuff with sex with other guys, she was just trying to make him jeleous. She was trying to explain her side...I told her that maybe it's a little inappropriate for us to talk. She keeps talking, telling me about how he was saying he can't be friends with me because he is married to her-a little twist of what MM told her. She said she didn't understand because he's over my place. Again, I told her you need to get another support person besides me, I'm sorry, I can't be there for you. She said it wasn't fair bc MM had me and she didn't have anyone. I spoke to MM afterwards-I feel bad for her but I can't be her friend. MM and I know we have to figure out a way to help her through this-push her towards other people....MM thought it would be a good idea to take the 3 kids overnight to see his parents-that way she'd have the rest of the weekend to go out of town-hang out with friends Link to post Share on other sites
Author meinmke Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 I'm just writing away-but I'm finally to today MM left in the morning with plans to tell W about taking kids to see grandparents. She didn't like that idea. She wanted to hang out as a family. He was telling me this on the phone-he told me he'd be back in a few hours. Yeah, hang out with your kids-I encourage that, but not being with W-it'll be just where we started from So I'm getting a bit annoyed this morning. He apprears back at my place everyone once in a while throughout the day, calling me very frequently. Trying to update me on the day-keep me in the loop or hooked, or whatever A few hours ago I get a call from MM, told me wife wants to go to a psychiatric hospital. She suffers from some mental illnesses. She tried to take the rest of one of her mediations-not enough to do anything. She told MM that perhaps I can come by and help with the kids while he and her figure out if she should go to the hospital. 5 year old is causing fit, throwing things, trying to break things- I suggested to MM that he gets his kids out of there-they do not need to see their mother like that. Told him I could come over if he really needed me. Last time MM called, he was driving daughter to grandmothers-daughter was excited now, having slumberparty at Grandma's. Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla chai Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 What a sad piece of crap this man is,and the fact that your posts sound like your gloating. I sure hope he doesn't do to you what he is doing to his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 "...Again in my case telling W about the A will not speed up the process-there is still a house/kids involved..." Not true. I have a house and kids and I assure you that's not a hinderance to leaving. In fact, having another women makes it easier to split. Presumably the issue is money. He can't afford to keep up the mortgage and pay rent on his own apartment, right? He can't afford a retainer for a lawyer. He can't afford child support. Except if he has a sweetie, he can move in temporarily with her and file papers. Within a week to month or so there will be temporary support orders. The Judge will look at all the bills, all the income and decide how much he has to pay for mortgage, child care etc... There are state formulas for this; chances are he'll pay about 1/2 his salary. Yes, I know there are 'stories' of judges ordering men to pay more than they earn for support. These are almost always lies designed by the men involved to garner sympathy for themselves and dislikes for their exes. Sometimes it happens because the judge has reasonable cause to believe he has more money that he's admitting to (such as business owners who juggle the books are get paid in cash; or men who get money from parents/friends/lovers); or he's in contempt of court (he was supposed to pay for years and got behind. Now he has his regular payment plus an additional catch-up payment). Pretty much a judge will have him pay most of what he's paying now, and he'll have to live on discretionary income. The house will go up for sale and be sold and the divorce will be final in about six months, depending on state and how much fighting goes on (his wife will fight more if she thinks she's been played a fool--so you ARE playing with fire when you gaslight her and pretend to be her friend and pump her for info about her marriage to your lover). So in fact it is easier to leave a spouse when you can move in temporarily with a lover because you have fewer expenses and can afford a lawyer and can afford to continue paying the bills until the final dissolution. And even if you can't have him live with you for some reason--if he really wants a divorce and really wants to be with you and it's only money holding him back, then why doesn't he get a second job for a couple months to pay for a lawyer or an apartment or to clear up the bills. He doesn't want to even be in the same room as her and he's motivated to get started in a life with you, so why isn't he actually doing it? Nobody LOSES their kids anymore unless they are unfit. My exhusband admitted in court he choked my kids and he still got visitation. At the time they went to court, my current husband's exwife had been Baker Acted (involuntary mental hospital) 26 times AND had fled with the children and endangered them so that one was put in the hospital and one was put in foster care--and STILL she has visitation. If he says his wife will take the kids away from him, he's either lying or ignorant. In America the only way one parent does not have contact with their children after divorce is if he doesn't want it. Men who ask for and show up for their visitation, get visitation. Once he's divorced about one third of his salary will go to his exwife for support. And he'll be able to pocket 2/3's for himself--I bet that's more than he's pocketing now. He'll have half the equity in the house, if there is any after the debts (and if there isn't, you might want to look at how fiscally responsible he is). Financially he'll be in better shape. So what exactly is preventing him from moving out tonight and filing papers tomorrow down at the courthouse (he doesn't even need a lawyer to file the papers--download them from the internet). What is the hold up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author meinmke Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 No, I don't think MM a piece of crap. He is trying to leave his wife, but because of her unstable condition, he just can't leave. Got more info today-W was on the floor last night curled up in a fetal position unable to move and speak intelligently. She kept saying she needed to go into the hospital. But not too easy when 3 kids are involved. And how exactly would letting this w know about the A at this time help her? She is not well, not getting support on her own with her own friends. She doesn't realy seem to have friends or else her friends would say to her the exact thing-Your marraige isn't working, be willing to fix your problesm or leave. And yes, Sane Woman would ask her husband not to be friends with me. I might sound like I am gloating, but it's not how I feel. Especially with 3 kids involve (4 including mine) His kids don't know how to explain it but they are so young, but I already see problems with their well being-and it's not because of the A. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Got more info today-W was on the floor last night curled up in a fetal position unable to move and speak intelligently. She kept saying she needed to go into the hospital. But not too easy when 3 kids are involved./quote] OMFG!!! Wake up!!! She already knows...if the woman needs to go to the hospital, she should be there...it sounds like she is having a nervous breakdown... Why can't DADDY take care of the kids while she's in the hospital? Cuz he sucks as a dad as much as he does as a H?!...there's FMLA leave...her HEALTH is the most important thing here, not freaking child care... Sorry if that's harsh, but the amount of selfishness I am reading here is completely unbelievable... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Bottomline, right now he has a responsibility to his wife - And that IS getting her the help she needs. If she has to go into the hospital and get on meds, or stay in the mental institution, he has to be involved in that. Her husband IS her support system, as it should be when two people are married. Your MM MUST decide to help his wife or end it. He can't keep cheating on her, making the situation worse. And hate to say it, but you're not helping the situation by being involved with him. My cousin's wife is mentally ill, she was in and out of hospitals for years - Somehow he managed with 4 kids on his own, with help from family. His wife got the help she needed and is now on meds, doing alot better. I tell ya, it was a LIVING HELL for him at times, their marriage DID suffer, alot - But, he chose to stick with it and support her through the rough times...This is why many see your MM as a jerk...he's making it worse by dicking around. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 She needs to hear the harshness and yes, WAKE UP. This situation is out of control, his wife NEEDS help. Back off, leave him alone and let him take care of her. Nothing is going to change for you - He is NOT going to leave her now. Even if you want him to, he just CAN'T. Link to post Share on other sites
Author meinmke Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 Digesting what everyone is saying-maybe I'll take the offer to vegas-may be easier to leave MM if I'm not in the same city. But do you really think I should be the one who tells her about the affair-if I don't think he'll do it? Do you think her mental health will suffer more if she knows about the affair-let everything really come crashing down at her at once. MM wants to come over in a few hours-I told him I was busy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author meinmke Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 and no, she doesn't know about the A. I know I'll get bashed by this but W called me this morning to see if I could watch the kids while MM took care of her-she was still not functioning, I called MM up to make sure he was good with that-he said he didn't have any options. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 and no, she doesn't know about the A. I know I'll get bashed by this but W called me this morning to see if I could watch the kids while MM took care of her-she was still not functioning, I called MM up to make sure he was good with that-he said he didn't have any options. She knows, or she wouldn't have asked you about it in the first place... Link to post Share on other sites
Author meinmke Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 So I need help with a next step-realizing that I can't function very well right now. I put my baby in his crib-couldn't handle his crying. MM called-suggested we come hang out at his house so I could decompress. OK, I think I starting to feel really depressed. Maybe she knows-maybe she wants me to admit it. She did say today that they are working on their marriage now, but she would divorce him if she knew about infildelity. While I was at their house I was talking to MM about them having to go to counseling. I've suggested it before and I know he hates the idea. I was laughing at him and he had a really sad look on his face. W walked in and kind of questioned it and wanted to know if we needed to be alone. Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla chai Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 and no, she doesn't know about the A. I know I'll get bashed by this but W called me this morning to see if I could watch the kids while MM took care of her-she was still not functioning, I called MM up to make sure he was good with that-he said he didn't have any options. something is rotten n denmark. why would this woman ask you to watch her kids? your the ow for gods sake. If my husband was having an affair I sure as h*ll wouldn't call his ow to watch my kids Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 something is rotten n denmark. why would this woman ask you to watch her kids? your the ow for gods sake. If my husband was having an affair I sure as h*ll wouldn't call his ow to watch my kids Because OW is trying to control things in a sense and pull OW even more into the madness Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Because OW is trying to control things in a sense and pull OW even more into the madness Agreed to a point because all is "madness" and every one seems to be somewhat manipulating EVERY ONE. This has become quite a "game" so it would be best if SOMEONE come clean ASAP. Suspect the W always "knew" and certainly am sure she must know at this juncture, so why continue? W is having some pretty bad emotional problems and that is up to MM to "handle", but at this point all three are not being honest. A "house of cards" is destined to fall...and from what I am reading it really doesn't matter WHO at this point finally does it. It just needs to happen for all to settle in to what must be honestly dealt. Forget walking on egg-shells and and start walking on level ground, or whatever grounded reality there is left... Best of luck to you and hope things don't get worse, because that is what I am most worried about w/ the W's emotionaly state--so be cautious but do end the drama for everyone's sake. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Because OW is trying to control things in a sense and pull OW even more into the madness ahhh I meant to say that BS is trying to control things and pull OW... Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 First time posting here-but been reading for a bit. Comforting to know other people are in the same situation I've been seeing MM for 7 months, started as just a casual sex thing-but that didn't last for long. Anyway a few weeks ago, W got my cell phone # from searching through his and started calling me late and night blocking her number. MM confirmed that it was her calling me and asked her to stop calling me. He didn't admit anything about his relationship with me-just that we are friends. The calls didn't stop-w would call me, not say anything and hang up. Today I got another call from her. Told MM that I was going to confront her myself unless he gave me a reason not too. Basically he said that it seemed to not work on his end and he never told me not to… So we talked-for a long time. I didn't reveal anything about our relationship-told her we were just friends. BTW, I'm married too-but separated. She opened up pretty easier about problems with their marriage. She told me that at first she thought we were having an affair, but doesn’t think that any more…Said that they have problems but they are working it out. May meet this weekend to talk more-I think she needs a friend, but not really sure her motivation-maybe she’s thinking if she becomes my friend, I’ll spill the beans… After I spoke to her, told MM and we met for drinks. Told him she’s wants their marriage to work and if that is what he wants, I’ll step aside. He told me that he loves me-blah, blah blah. We were planning on getting a place together soon; he says that is still the plan. I joked around with him and told him that when I meet with her this weekend, I could tell her everything about us and well-he didn’t look frightened or anything, actually more relaxed about the situation than I thought he be. We didn’t have much time, but I told him he needs to meet me tonight so we could talk more… Just wanted anyone’s perspective on this-either what MM is thinking, or what W is thinking or even me, not really sure what I am thinking-kind of feel that the ball is in my court… This is the craziest damn thread I've ever read, and I did read every post. I am normally not one to be harsh or judgmental on LS forums, but I think I have to be now. You are an extremely cruel and selfish person who seems to get your jollies out of making a fool out of this MM's W. Also, you have degraded, humilated and embarrased her. The thing that hurt me the most when D day came was the amount of time and energy that had been focused on our children, ages 1 and 2 whe the main 10 year A started. They too, were taken on outings, ball games, zoo, etc., and told she was a "friend" and not to tell Mommy because it would upset her and cause her to get "sick"...Can you for one second imagine what holding this information in for ANY length of time, does to a child??? Anyone who has children, and you said you have a son, but he sounds like an infant?, knows that kids just know what is going on. We like to THINK that they are clueless, but the KNOW!!! And..it eats them alive. PLEASE stop doing this to this W and kids!!! If you really love this man, let HIM do what is appropriate at this point for the better of his family. If he really loves you, things will work out...It really doesn't sound to me like he's planning to leave his W. And I will be brutally honest and say that I believe after reading your posts, that your motives for pretending to be the W's friend, were prurely selfish on your part so that you could stay in the loop and know what's going on and check up on his to see if he's telling you the truth. Also, DON'T buy into the "she's got mental problems"...Many MM's and OW's say this, but most of the time there's no truth to it. Also, she may know every detail about you two. I think after reading all of your posts, she knows now? If so, WHY are you still talking to her? WHY are you having ANYTHING to do with his kids? How would YOU feel if the W and your MM picked up your son and took him to lunch and the zoo one day? Not so good, I believe. You can read more of my story on some of the Infidelity and this forum...I've been around for awhile...I think you could really benefit from reading some of the threads on infidelity forum... Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 This is the craziest damn thread I've ever read, and I did read every post. I am normally not one to be harsh or judgmental on LS forums, but I think I have to be now. You are an extremely cruel and selfish person who seems to get your jollies out of making a fool out of this MM's W. Also, you have degraded, humilated and embarrased her. I've been thinking the same damn thing since I started reading this. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 I've been thinking the same damn thing since I started reading this. THANK YOU!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Meredith63 Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 THIS THREAD CANNOT BE REAL. Me thinks this is all being made up.... who calls an OW they they don't even know to watch their kids? If this is true, someone needs to get on the phone with DCFS asap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author meinmke Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 No really, it's happening and I know its so crazy. MM picked me and my son last night, hung out at their house for a while. It was just kind of a surreal experience. W was there, but she really didn't hang out with us except to eat dinner. MM and I were mostly in the kitchen making dinner, watching football. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 God forbid this ever happens, but imagine YOUR guilt if his wife really does something "awful" to herself...And I think you know what I mean by that... Are you ready for the fallout of what COULD happen? Your MM is a complete loser and cruel hearted as well. How he can do this to his OWN f**k'n wife, mother of HIS children is beyond me. And, fact that you're sitting there, waiting - Is just really wrong and cruel too. Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 No really, it's happening and I know its so crazy. MM picked me and my son last night, hung out at their house for a while. It was just kind of a surreal experience. W was there, but she really didn't hang out with us except to eat dinner. MM and I were mostly in the kitchen making dinner, watching football. What you are your MM boyfriend are doing is just nuts! If I were you I'd watch out...she might just be setting YOU up, so don't play her for a fool just yet. :sick: :sick: :sick: Link to post Share on other sites
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