new here-need input

[HennyPenny]

I'm inclined to believe that this entire thread is a steaming pile of bull****.

[outofdarkness]

No really, it's happening and I know its so crazy.

MM picked me and my son last night, hung out at their house for a while. It was just kind of a surreal experience. W was there, but she really didn't hang out with us except to eat dinner. MM and I were mostly in the kitchen making dinner, watching football.

did you read my post??? Does it make a difference to you to know what others think you're doing? Is this some sort of sick game your're playing? If so, why? Do you have a life? Do you have friends? This is a very unlikely and strange situation. You and your MM are being cruel to the W for no reason but to know what it going on in her head. What is this W doing hanging out w/ you two...What have you all told her? Strange....,.

[crazy_grl]

Assuming that you're for real (and I have my doubts about that since some of the new people seem to be having a creative writing competition), you're crazier than the wife. She's married to the guy and has kids with him. She's got a lot invested in him and doesn't know for sure that he's a cheating, lying *sshole who's making a fool of her. You know all of this and you're waiting around for him to leave her hoping he'll treat you better. Good luck with that.

 

If my husband was flaunting his OW, spending so much of his time with her, and expecting me to believe they were just friends, I think it's drive me crazy too. It's a really sh*tty situation to have the person you love lying to your face, knowing that they're lying and not being able to prove it.

[outofdarkness]

Assuming that you're for real (and I have my doubts about that since some of the new people seem to be having a creative writing competition), you're crazier than the wife. She's married to the guy and has kids with him. She's got a lot invested in him and doesn't know for sure that he's a cheating, lying *sshole who's making a fool of her. You know all of this and you're waiting around for him to leave her hoping he'll treat you better. Good luck with that.

 

If my husband was flaunting his OW, spending so much of his time with her, and expecting me to believe they were just friends, I think it's drive me crazy too. It's a really sh*tty situation to have the person you love lying to your face, knowing that they're lying and not being able to prove it.

yeah...well said!

[meinmke]

Yes, I do realize this is crazy and this madness has got to stop soon!

I'm writing this for me- a chance to vent and a chance for me to get a perspective on reality.

 

Seven people are involved-4 of them are children and as the adults we have to keep their best interest in mind.

 

MM and W, their marriage has been broken-well before I came along.

 

MM is having an A with me, but she is also not innocent, she has had several throughout the years and one of her A just dumped her-he has evidence from emails, but she denies anything happened.

 

MM tried to leave her this week but W had a mental breakdown in front of her children. Someone mentioned the FMLA inregards to taking her to the mental institution-it's UNPAID leave-financially he can't take care of the mortgage, child care and all the other bills.

 

I don't call W-the only time I've called her was to ask her to quit calling me at 2 in the morning. She continued to call me-she talks about things that are wrong in their marrige-I keep on telling her that she needs to talk to her H, not me. she is asking me if she should get a divorce-that's up to those two, not me.

 

I will not say anything about the A, it's not my responsibility to fess up, I'm not in that marriage.

 

I talked to MM, about me needing to step out of the picture so he can take care of his family-after Saturday's episode. That was just yesterday. As I type this MM is once trying to leave her again they are meeting someplace right now.

 

 

 

Yes, I admit I am guilty of dating a MM. Because there are kids involved, this does have to stop soon.

 

Yes, I have read everyone post and I do consider what everyone is saying. I'm not a heartless woman, I'm not gloating.

 

Walk away, yes I could do that, but why can't I have some hope for being happy with this man.

 

Does everyone realize that all the post-they are all have occured in the past 10 days? Things are still new, but I know things have to get fix soon!

[vanilla chai]

I can't wrap my mind around this crap. You go to this guys house while the wife and kids are there,you eat their food,grin in the wifes face all the while sleeping with her husband?

 

Lady your one sick puppy. you better pray that the bw won't snap her lid and your neck at the same time.

 

If this was me I'd probably be in jail. why in gods name would you intentionally go over there to rub the affair in the bw's face?

[whichwayisup]

Walk away, yes I could do that, but why can't I have some hope for being happy with this man.

 

Doesn't SHE, his WIFE deserve that happiness? He is NOT yours for taking! Hello!!! YOu're an adult, and what's best for those kids right now is BOTH OF THEIR PARENTS.

 

You can change the situation right NOW if you wanted to. Walk away. Let THEM work on the marriage and give it a chance to work. With YOU in the picture, that can NEVER happen.

 

YOu're not gloating, yet your actions say otherwise.

 

I can't post anymore on your thread, it's pissing me off and making me feel sick to my stomach. I'm sorry that's harsh, but YOU need a big reality check.

[outofdarkness]

Yes, I do realize this is crazy and this madness has got to stop soon!

I'm writing this for me- a chance to vent and a chance for me to get a perspective on reality.

 

Seven people are involved-4 of them are children and as the adults we have to keep their best interest in mind.

 

MM and W, their marriage has been broken-well before I came along.

 

MM is having an A with me, but she is also not innocent, she has had several throughout the years and one of her A just dumped her-he has evidence from emails, but she denies anything happened.

 

MM tried to leave her this week but W had a mental breakdown in front of her children. Someone mentioned the FMLA inregards to taking her to the mental institution-it's UNPAID leave-financially he can't take care of the mortgage, child care and all the other bills.

 

I don't call W-the only time I've called her was to ask her to quit calling me at 2 in the morning. She continued to call me-she talks about things that are wrong in their marrige-I keep on telling her that she needs to talk to her H, not me. she is asking me if she should get a divorce-that's up to those two, not me.

 

I will not say anything about the A, it's not my responsibility to fess up, I'm not in that marriage.

 

I talked to MM, about me needing to step out of the picture so he can take care of his family-after Saturday's episode. That was just yesterday. As I type this MM is once trying to leave her again they are meeting someplace right now.

 

 

 

Yes, I admit I am guilty of dating a MM. Because there are kids involved, this does have to stop soon.

 

Yes, I have read everyone post and I do consider what everyone is saying. I'm not a heartless woman, I'm not gloating.

 

Walk away, yes I could do that, but why can't I have some hope for being happy with this man.

 

Does everyone realize that all the post-they are all have occured in the past 10 days? Things are still new, but I know things have to get fix soon!

Committing her to a mental institution? In most states, this is VERY difficult. Of course she had a breakdown! Her H is involved with OW! I can tell you from experience that if you weren't crazy before, you will be for a time when you find out your H has been cheating and lying to you! This DRIVES you insane, not to mention making you feel worthless, stupid and humiliated. I don't know why she keeps calling u at 2 in the morn, but I also don't know whether or not to believe you! I made calls to my H's MM's on two occasions at odd hours only because those were the times requested by the OW's to reach them. It is tempting to let your guard down, behave childishly and irrationally and actually become a different person. You become paranoid, afraid and feel very naive and degraded. You DO get over these feelings, but it doesn't sound like you are giving her the chance to! When she calls at 2 in the morn, don't answer it..Do you have caller ID? I have an answering machine that actually announces the incoming number, so I don't even have to look at the phone. They cell them at Walgrees or Target! Please stop all contact with her and let she and her H work out the nitty griitty..As I said in an earlier post, if he loves you and it's meant to be, it will work out. You certainly don't want her or anyone else to have anything bad to say about you if things DO work out with you all. Don't give the W any chance to say anything derogatory about you..Stay out of it. Let your MM do the dirty work...And PLEASE remember what the kids are going through and will continue to go thru before they rebound when all of this is over, and they WILL rebound, kids always do...Even if you all think it's not or hasn't effected them, it HAS..Kids know everything and keep it inside. I had mine in therapy with during all of our trauma so that they could vent with a disinterested third party and not have to worry about being nicer to one parent then the other, or taking sides. I hope the W will consider this...All you can do is sit back and pray that the two of them as parent's will be able to calm down and do what's best for their kids. They are innocent victims. You son needs stability too! Think of him as well. Mabey you two should go NC for a short time. Most good divorce attorneys will tell you to play it cool shortly before and during proceedings. As long as the papers have not been signed, he is still legally married, and this means he is NOT suppose to be sleeping/seeing you. If you really want to be with this MM, play it cool and wait this tough period out. Concentrate on you son, work, etc. If things do work out, you will want to have your own life it good order and feel strong and independent.

 

I hope I've helped. I never meant to seem too harsh with you, I am really trying to help...I will pray for all involved for a quick resolution.

[meinmke]

whichway-yes, W deserves happiness too, MM is telling her they are getting a divorce, their marriage is not working and there is no way it can be resolved-according to MM-this is the only way they can be both happy.

 

outofdarkness-the calls from W at night has stopped ever since I told her I couldn't help her, she needed to talk to her husband. Sorry, I didn't mean mental institution-mean Psychiatric Hospital. I am sure she is hurt about the A, but she had affairs too-recently. I think her breakdown is also due to MM telling her he wants a divorce. It's happening and she doesn't want to accept it.

And of course-all children involved are top priority-including mine. Prior me, they were already experiencing in an ongoing highly conflicted environment-and yes they know something is going on with their parents and this has added even more to their stress.

[outofdarkness]

whichway-yes, W deserves happiness too, MM is telling her they are getting a divorce, their marriage is not working and there is no way it can be resolved-according to MM-this is the only way they can be both happy.

 

outofdarkness-the calls from W at night has stopped ever since I told her I couldn't help her, she needed to talk to her husband. Sorry, I didn't mean mental institution-mean Psychiatric Hospital. I am sure she is hurt about the A, but she had affairs too-recently. I think her breakdown is also due to MM telling her he wants a divorce. It's happening and she doesn't want to accept it.

And of course-all children involved are top priority-including mine. Prior me, they were already experiencing in an ongoing highly conflicted environment-and yes they know something is going on with their parents and this has added even more to their stress.

Just try to stay out of the situation w/ his children...It's between your MM and his W. I understand what you're saying about problems being there pre-A. bit the A unto itself is hard to deal w/...Psychiatric hosp. is same things as mental institution..just called that now days. PLEASE don't think automatically that the W needs to be in a psych. hosp. She is traumatized by the whole thing, as are you. These things typically pass with time..I would encourage you to DIScourage our MM from trying to get her admitted without her consent to a pshyc hosp. You DON'T want her to come back in the future and blame either one of you for this. This is between your MM and his W. Try to stay out of it. That way, if things do indeed work out for the two of you, you can go into a new M/relationship w/ a clean conscience and a clear perspective. The responsibility is w/ your MM and the W. You want a relationship w/ your MM, I understand this, but the best thing you can do at this point is to stand back, observe, and see how this whole thing pans out...You don't want anyone to look back and blame you for anything. It is your MM's responsibility to tie up loose ends and leave things w/ his W and family in a reasonably calm and positive outlook. If the M had problems before you came into the picture, it should be to your advantage to step back a bit and let things play out as they would if you were not in the picture.

 

I realize the above is hard for you, but she already feels betrayed and most likely angry about your relationship w/ her H...Don't give her any more reason to lash out at you. I can't say enough times that if he truly loves you and wants a future w/ you, he will step up to the plate and make sure that his family is relatively calm and rational before leaving them...

 

As I said before, try to concentrate on you son, and how you can prepare him for a future full of love, compassion and a positive outlook on life. Just as the W wants to protect her kids, you need to be doing the same for your son. He is not too young to "feel" the vibes, whether good or bad with you. Kids pick up on the slightest little thing...We THINK they are clueless, but they instinctively know that "something" is going on. Keep him away from your MM and his family for a time, and give yourself a sort of "time out" so that YOU can sort thru your feelings and know what is best for you and your son...Only YOU know what is right for the two of you. I was asked time and again after D day, what I thought I needed to do for myself and our kids..I responded at first, with a very defensive attitude regarding my H...After a time, I responded to what really IS best for us...That inevitably included finding my own way and gaining some much needed independence and self respect. I can use these qualities whether I stay w/ my H for the rest of my life or not. We ALL need to be self sufficient and feel good about ourselves. After all, when all is said and done, it's just us..and family. My so called "friends" deserted me, or many of them at least, but my family was and still is there for me.

 

You can make a difference and possibly break this vicious cycle that is going round and round w/ your MM and his OW and his kids and your son. Think and pray about how you might go about making a difference and breaking the dysfunctional cycle. You seem like a good person, who really is confused and wants to be w/ the person you love..This is natural, but it's so good if you can think outside the box and make a difference in other's lives as well. Hope I've helped, and I'm sorry I doubted you validity...

[cbl]

you need to get back to the basics.... what are you getting out of being with your MM? what kind of happiness do you want in your life, from your MM? if there are NO drama like this in your life, will you be happy? you know, those repeat offenders, they have their ways to get away from situations. they "lie". chances are, your MM is lying about getting divorced, and BW is lying about things that you don't know. are you happy living in lies? if you end up being with your MM, not having to deal with his "mentally illed" BW (is she really?), their kids, and those drama, will you still be happy? if yes, then go for it. if not, then get out asap. take the job offer and move away.

[meinmke]

outofdarkness and cbl-thanks

She is bipolar-her father is in a psychiatric center for the rest of his life. And chances are his children may also suffer from either unipolar or bipolar. This is something I and my son will have to deal with for the rest of my life-her, her children-

Getting her to go to the hosital was actually some she wanted that night, not MM. He wants to keep her focused for their children-financially, emotionally-him and his children can't afford her out. Although I think it might not be a bad thing for her-to be in a secured environment-focus on her needs. But she is talking to her Dr.

I believe that that is MM is trying to handle divorce in a proper way-so W doesn't fall apart. The kids need her healthy. MM is trying to get her to understand that.

I know my son is starting to get effected by everything-going to there house, me not at my best. I believe children are barometers to parents. He's had two really bad mornings and I know he was really happy to go to daycare this morning-comfort zone right now for him.

Yes, he does need stability-we both do. As a mentioned in the previous post, his sperm donor is currently in federal prison for child pornography. That was hard-going through that was hard. I decided to move to a new city-to start our lives over and really think about the best interest for my child. Long, long story, but I need to protect my son and after considerable thought-the best for my son was to move to a city where my husband does not have any networks. Going through that was the most challenging thing I have faced in my life. My husband of 12 years was only going through a self destructive mode and when everything finally came to an end-all I had to start my life over was my son, $1000 in cash, a car and lots of hope and determiniation for my sons future.

I've made friends here and although my real network is so far away, they are only a phone call or email away. I have the self confidence and self respect to make it through any challenge.

This is hard too, and that is what I am trying to answer. Why am I with him? Emotion check. Exactly cbl-trying to get back to the basics. Looking at actions more than MM words-if he does love me, if we were meant to be it will all work out-I know this is something between MM and W. I have a few days before I have to make a decision about moving-but moving it not exactly so easy for our stability needs. Just need to think about it more.

[crazy_grl]

I know my son is starting to get effected by everything-going to there house, me not at my best.

 

You took your son to their house???? How was that in his best interest?

 

It seems like you did what was best for your son as far as his father is concerned, but I just can't see how taking him to your MM's house would be a good choice.

[whichwayisup]

Getting her to go to the hosital was actually some she wanted that night, not MM. He wants to keep her focused for their children-financially, emotionally-him and his children can't afford her out.

 

I have to say, that is ABUSE! If their child needed medical attention like that, and he denied access to the mental health facilities, HE would be charged!!!!! HELLO!!! THIS WOMAN NEEDED MEDICAL ATTENTION and HE DID NOT HELP HER AT ALL! WTF! Instead he wants her to focus on their children and money issues?? DO you NOT see how damaging that is to HER?

 

As for their son, they have family, the kid SHOULD have gone to an Aunt or an Uncles place, or the grandparents house...NOT your house. THAT in SO wrong and inappropriate. If you can't see that, then you're in deeper trouble than you think.

[meinmke]

She is communicating with her Dr now so her emotional well being is being taken care of.

 

I can't do anything about taking my son to their house-it already happened. But I know it was a stressed out environment for him and I know I can't help them right now if they need help. I know I can't watch their kids if they need help.

 

As for their children-they didn't come to my house. I went over there with my son to help them with their kids. Only happened once. I can't change the past, only do things right for the future.

[whichwayisup]

You can change the future - BY not involving yourself into their life. When it comes to THEIR children, say NO and tell him to ask a family member to help with the kids. Don't let it happen again, for the childs sake.

[meinmke]

Didn't I say " I know I can't watch their kids if they need help."

[vanilla chai]

She is communicating with her Dr now so her emotional well being is being taken care of.

 

I can't do anything about taking my son to their house-it already happened. But I know it was a stressed out environment for him and I know I can't help them right now if they need help. I know I can't watch their kids if they need help.

 

As for their children-they didn't come to my house. I went over there with my son to help them with their kids. Only happened once. I can't change the past, only do things right for the future.

 

Meinmke I really have to wonder who needs the doctor more you or this bw.

 

What a sad woman you are to put yourself into the womans marriage. Then to add insult to injury you go to this womans house,sit at her table,eat her food and screw her husband.

 

Have you ever heard the term "crime of passion"? When this bw goes off the deep end which she will because of your and her husband cruelty.

 

Whats next or your list to make the children call you mom. God im sick reading this crap. You should be ashamed of yourself if this story is true.

I'll say it again,what a looser your mm is and you actually think your getting a prize? the laugh will be on you in the end.

[herenow]

meinmke, your are an icky person!

[meinmke]

I don't think it's very helpful to ridicule a person, especially when they are trying to fix a problem.

[herenow]

I don't think it's very helpful to ridicule a person, especially when they are trying to fix a problem.

 

There is no way for me to help you, so I will take my opinion and leave. I still think you're icky!

[whichwayisup]

especially when they are trying to fix a problem.

 

You ARE part of the problem. Her life would be less stressful and easier if you ended your affair with her husband. I don't understand WHY you can't see that. Instead of thinking of what's best for YOU, think of what's best for HER. Let go of her husband, let him work things out with her, so he can FOCUS on HER completely without having you on the sidelines, waiting to move in and take her place.

[meinmke]

I am not sure why I am writing with an update. I wrote to get some serious words of advice to consider but have mostly come across people mocking me. However, in between all the evil comments, I have heard a few good points that have helped me make my decision and thank you very much to those people.

I had lunch with MM and although I will still be ridiculed for our plans-here it is.

I have decided to move. I've accepted a contract in another town for 6 months. This will be sufficent time for him to focus on his W, so she can

can be emotionally strong enough to go through the divorce. Focus on his kids so they can be prepared for the change. That is well enough time for him to get the divorce papers finalized. We are not in NC. We will continue to communicate via email, phone and he will be in the same town as me a few times during those 6 months on business. We will see if we are meant to be. I also told him, I'm going to date-try to move on with my life and if he should really consider trying to make his marriage work if he thinks there is any possibility. Thats all, end of Drama. I leave in a few weeks. I'm not a horrible person, neither is he or W. The past 10 days have just been crazy.

[whichwayisup]

I am sorry my words have been harsh, and I'm sure this situation isn't easy on any of you...It's just that you DO have control over how your life can be. This isn't about loving the MM, this is about the RIGHT thing to do, for you, for him and most of all, his depressed/bipolar wife.

 

Be prepared for this to drag out for a very long time - He may change his mind about divorcing his wife, and then what? Are you prepared to stay the OW in his life forever?

 

You're not a horrible person, you're just making bad mistakes and choices right now, due to your emotions for the MM. HE, on the otherhand is big selfish jerk. I feel absolutely horrible for his wife, she deserves better. Hopefully one day SHE WILL get strong enough and kick his selfish butt to the curb.

[vanilla chai]

I don't think it's very helpful to ridicule a person, especially when they are trying to fix a problem.

 

 

you have got to be kidding? Fix? what exactly have you done to fix this? I see you fixed it by going to the marital home and sitting up at this womans table.

 

You fixed it by sleeping with this woman's husband. What kind of demented person does this?