new here-need input

[vanilla chai]

I am sorry my words have been harsh, and I'm sure this situation isn't easy on any of you...It's just that you DO have control over how your life can be. This isn't about loving the MM, this is about the RIGHT thing to do, for you, for him and most of all, his depressed/bipolar wife.

 

Be prepared for this to drag out for a very long time - He may change his mind about divorcing his wife, and then what? Are you prepared to stay the OW in his life forever?

 

You're not a horrible person, you're just making bad mistakes and choices right now, due to your emotions for the MM. HE, on the otherhand is big selfish jerk. I feel absolutely horrible for his wife, she deserves better. Hopefully one day SHE WILL get strong enough and kick his selfish butt to the curb.

I totally agree WWIU.

[puddleofmud]

I feel you have made the best decision in removing yourself and your child from this "Drama" which has gone more than "over-board".

I have been getting the sense that one would be eventually confessing to the police (w/ the consistent escalation) whether one previously confessed to any one else.

Factually, persons w/ bi-polar disorder are not under a "death sentence" re: their mental illness. Fortunately most do extremely well with the disease being undetectable/ well-managed with meds. Frankly, I doubt the drama is caused by the W soley being "bi-polar".

I wish you the very best w/ your re-location and your desire to take care of yourself! Give yourself some space and some time to see how YOU feel, firstly.

AND dating is a good thing to consider as you are very very single and deserve peace in your life...

[meinmke]

whichway-actually you were one of the few people that were helpful, once I got over the tone in your email. This is the OW/M forum-so everyone here is sleeping with or having an emotional attachment to someone married.

As to being his OW and dragging it out for a long time-no I won't do that. One of the reasons this became a big mess is because of the timeline I gave him. And I know most MM will give the talk of leaving their wife, but that is what he was trying to do and that is why she was freaking out. Yes, probably because he was having an A too. So either they will work on their marriage or we'll be together. Anyway, my timeline hasn't change-I told him I wasn't going to move in with him until late summer/early fall. But this gives him a real opportunity to get his W strong enough-thats what he wants for her too. He wants her to be strong enough to say they weren't right for each other.

[LilDarlin]

LOL you give her a few months to heal.

 

I know a man that it has been 5 years since he was cheated on and financially ruined that still hasn't healed. He will never get married or close to someone again ( a dear friend).

 

You OW are pathetic. You devestate another family, then give them a timeline to get it all together.

 

How long will you need to "get it together" when this happens to you? Don't think it will? Think again.

 

You are NEXT.

[brownsugah]

Wow, your story is very interesting, almost as good (but sad) as a movie. But yeah, its really sad what that man is doing. Obviously he doesn't love his wife and doesn't care about his wife either. I want to ask if you have any close family, because its seems as if someone should be telling you that if this man is willing to do this to his wife and family he is definitely not above doing this to you one day. I'm sure people preach at you all the time, but take a look at the statistics second marriages rarely last. In the future you maybe that woman curled up on the floor in agony, a sad thought, but just being real with you. Plus how can a relationship built on lies really move forward in any kind of a positive way? Now you have to live with the knowledge that infidelity is a trait your man has.

[meinmke]

Lildarlin

I've already experienced something similar-my husband is currently in federal prison for child pornography, prior to going to prison, he depleted all our savings, maxed out all the credit cards, etc.

I moved to a new city last year-where I knew no one, had no job, only $1000, my car, a suitcase full of clothes and a few toys for my child. The only place I knew I could afford until I could find another job and move to a more appropriate place was a "crack" motel.

I got a job right away, save enough to afford afford rent and security deposit for an apartment in one of the nicest neighborhoods in this city. Yeah, there are plenty of single moms out there, but most have some type of network-close family or friends. When I first got here-realized that I had no milk or diapers at 2 am. I had to make a decision to get my baby up and walk by lowlifes to get to my car or figure something else out.

I rebuilt my life, yeah, I got involved with a MM but I also made other friends-I rebuilt my life here!

How about learning that your husband of many years is sexually attracted to children, especially one child that you known all her life? Life is full of challenges-get over it and do something about whatever in your life makes you miserable!

[meinmke]

brownsugah

I am aware of the statistics on 2nd marriages and the high possibilities of future infidelity with him or even with me, if it does work out between us. We've had serious discussion on infidelity. You never know. People walk down that aisle first time, second time, 3rd time. You go into a marriage hoping, hoping for many things. But there are only 2 things in life the we know for sure-we are born and we die. That's it-the rest is up to you.

As far as close family/friends-yes, I have many but due my other problem I can't live close to them at this time. A few of them know about my current situation with A. I actually haven't gotten any "WTF" are you doing responses from them. -mostly the response from them has been that they have never heard me so happy in a long time so go for it. And one of them was a BW too.

 

LOL about the movie part, I'd like to see the movie in 3 view points. We all have our own story tell and I think if people saw MM viewpoint he wouldn't come across as being such a jerk.