Nanachu Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 This is an interesting topic. I was actually thinking about that as I am kind of dating a nice guy right now and am feeling a bit bored. When we say "you know, he is a nice guy, but..." "she is sweet and nice, but...," who are they really? I feel like we describe them "nice" when BEING NICE is the only thing going on for the person. We feel not much sexual attraction, intellectual challenge, etc.. If he is sexy, interesting, funny, and nice, we don't call him simply a nice guy. We say "wow, he is hot, so smart, god makes me laugh, and you know he is so sweet!" So, being bitch or jerk is not a solution. Staying nice but really thinking about what else we are offering to your partner is a real question, I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 If he is sexy, interesting, funny, and nice, we don't call him simply a nice guy. We say "wow, he is hot, so smart, god makes me laugh, and you know he is so sweet!" but you'll never find a guy like that NANACHU....any guy who is "sexy, interesting and funny" most likely will have many women running after him and he won't be too "nice" to women. He will use and abuse them to his hearts content. Women will be like play-things to him. Basically the equation is the nicer someone is the fewer potential partners they have. Link to post Share on other sites
Nanachu Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Hmmm, Porn guy, you made a good point. I agree half. It is true to say that guys who have great looks and brains so on may not be nice as he does not have to try to be nice to get women. Now, if it is true, then what is happening to a nice guy? It sounds like being nice is the only thing he can do as he does not have other things to provide. But, it is also true to say that if you are overly nice, nice side may overshadow the other things you actually have. So, being overly nice is not a great way to keep women's attention. However, when men try to act jerk or play games to get my attention on purpose, I can see it and they are a huge turn off. The idea of "I need to be a jerk to get her" is probably coming from a NICE guy. A real jerk may be thinking he is a nice guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 However, when men try to act jerk or play games to get my attention on purpose, I can see it and they are a huge turn off. . ha ha ha but you have already noticed the jerk due to his behaviour even if its in a negative way....you have not even noticed the "nice guy". Remember that there is no such thing as bad publicity. Link to post Share on other sites
Nanachu Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Additionally, I have dated guys I felt he is sexy, smart, exciting, funny, and NICE. Of-course, they were not in equal balance, but I feel that there are tons of guys who have all. "I am sexy and exciting, so I can be a jerk" guy is SO not attractive. I am not the type of women who believe that women are better off being with guys who love you more than you love them. Yet, there is absolutely nothing wrong with nice guys, "only nice" is the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Still, I like to look but but not buy. So does that mean whoever you "buy" is playing 2nd fiddle to what you'd really want? Link to post Share on other sites
Lovestoomuch Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 I know some guys who treat women like crap, and the women still hang around them (for whatever reason). These guys do not respect these women at all and will never pursue anything more with them other than an occasional piece of @$$. If you want to attract a quality woman in your life, you have to treat them as such. On the flipside, expect the same treatment in return. You and your partner should compliment each other. If it's not in your heart to be a jerk to women, are you really going to be happy forcing yourself to do so with some girl that accepts that? Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 If you want to attract a quality woman in your life, you have to treat them as such. what if a man just wants quantity and variety? Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Then porn dude....Don't be upset if you are considered in kind. Just someone to ...slum with, until that nice guy comes along. Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 So does that mean whoever you "buy" is playing 2nd fiddle to what you'd really want? No, I was just being flipant. I have read some of the other great posts on here by Cali & others and I just only want a good well balanced guy. I've actually never been dumb enough to get involved with one of those bad guys or ever wanted to. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovestoomuch Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Porn Guy, I have a guy friend that tell girls from the get go that he doesn't want a relationship, he only wants to hang out and have sex. He won't even spend the money on a dinner for them. I don't see anything wrong with that as long as you are truthful from the beginning so the other person can decide if that's acceptable or not. He's not even a good looking guy, and he has a 9 month old baby with a girl whom he didn't even know her last name until after she gave birth. But, he gets alot of women. Keep in mind, these aren't blue ribbon girls either. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Amen to that. Nice guy and bad boy should be rolled into one total package who knows when to be each side of his personality. CaliGuy, I would date you (if I weren't in a relationship, and no, I'm not a stalker;)) If you have drop dead legs, you're in Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 How come you guys are such oracles of good advice? You're both always exactly right with whatever you say Basically everything you two described as the wrong type of nice guy, is me lol. Good news is, I can see it now thanks to LS and the ex, so its definately something im gonna work on! Cali - is this the book you mean: http://www.amazon.co.uk/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/sr=8-5/qid=1169902344/ref=sr_1_5/026-2317610-0436469?ie=UTF8&s=books Yes, Robert Glover. Not sure why I never get his first name correct. I don't think I am always right. I can only speak my from own experiences. If they relate to yours and you learn something, great. If not, that's fine too. I am just giving back to LS what I have learned over my time here and from my own mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 haha ah aha ha The only logical reason someone much like you would take cheap shots at others, Alpha, is because they are deeply inscure. You prove that, every single day. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Yet, there is absolutely nothing wrong with nice guys, "only nice" is the problem. When they are nice to the point they are being door mats and lack any sense of confidence and self-esteem that is a big problem. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 I know some guys who treat women like crap, and the women still hang around them (for whatever reason). These guys do not respect these women at all and will never pursue anything more with them other than an occasional piece of @$$. If you want to attract a quality woman in your life, you have to treat them as such. On the flipside, expect the same treatment in return. You and your partner should compliment each other. If it's not in your heart to be a jerk to women, are you really going to be happy forcing yourself to do so with some girl that accepts that? Nope, that's absolutely wrong. They attract women due to a false sense of confidence. Much like "door mats" they both lack self-esteem. Women may intially be attracted to "jerks" but they won't stay with them if they have any self-respect. Jerks tend to attract women with little confidence and self-esteem. They can do that because the woman feels "hey this guy treats me like crap and I deserve it so he must really know and understand me." They place a false sense of confidence on the guy. When reality finally rears it's head, they realize they have been duped. Women reluctantly stay with bad boys. Women reluctantly leave nice guys. What they really seek is a well balanced man. Rare to find, but that is the man they say end up marrying -- if they themselves are well balanced, confidenct and have healthy levels of self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Porn Guy, I have a guy friend that tell girls from the get go that he doesn't want a relationship, he only wants to hang out and have sex. He won't even spend the money on a dinner for them. I don't see anything wrong with that as long as you are truthful from the beginning so the other person can decide if that's acceptable or not. He's not even a good looking guy, and he has a 9 month old baby with a girl whom he didn't even know her last name until after she gave birth. But, he gets alot of women. Keep in mind, these aren't blue ribbon girls either. Of course not. Any woman with an ounce of self-respect would tell your friend to take a hike. Link to post Share on other sites
DyingHeart Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Of course not. Any woman with an ounce of self-respect would tell your friend to take a hike. Took the words right out of my mouth. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Its like most girls today want the "bad boy" type of guy and like the drama and excitement. If you are just plain nice and good to them, they become bored with you and look elsewhere for the excitement. nice and good men are totally boring...and most women hate boring. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Davis Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 Its like most girls today want the "bad boy" type of guy and like the drama and excitement. If you are just plain nice and good to them, they become bored with you and look elsewhere for the excitement. CK: maybe that's what happened with my ex .... I was too normal. I think maybe she was bored and looking for more "excitement". She hooked up with a guy that's a player. Oh she likes drama because she has lots of childhood issues to work through. Hope they have lots of fun together working through her drama when their honeymoon wears off. Whether I had been nice or a jerk, she was still going to lie to me, go out binge drinking and cheating. I would like to think if I'd been a bit more of an as* it would have worked out ... for a while. Then I have to remind myself that she has major character flaws. Maybe if women like jerks and abuse that should tell us they're fcked up and we should stay away anyway?? Cali: you were prolific yesterday! It's hard to keep your confidence and self-esteem up when you're with a b**tch like my ex that was cheating on me and playing the field. She did some "suspicious" things after the first few weeks we were dating. Over the months I confirmed my suspicions; she was playing a lot of guys. And she wondered why I was insecure and lacked confidence when I basically knew she was out fcking around. Ha. And she used that as one reason she wanted to start going out with this other guy. What a joke. I should have followed my intuition and kicked her a** to the curb much, much sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
cityboy Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Cali: you were prolific yesterday! It's hard to keep your confidence and self-esteem up when you're with a b**tch like my ex that was cheating on me and playing the field. She did some "suspicious" things after the first few weeks we were dating. Over the months I confirmed my suspicions; she was playing a lot of guys. And she wondered why I was insecure and lacked confidence when I basically knew she was out fcking around. Ha. And she used that as one reason she wanted to start going out with this other guy. What a joke. I should have followed my intuition and kicked her a** to the curb much, much sooner. You are my hero. Thanks dude. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Cali: you were prolific yesterday! It's hard to keep your confidence and self-esteem up when you're with a b**tch like my ex that was cheating on me and playing the field. She did some "suspicious" things after the first few weeks we were dating. Over the months I confirmed my suspicions; she was playing a lot of guys. And she wondered why I was insecure and lacked confidence when I basically knew she was out fcking around. Ha. And she used that as one reason she wanted to start going out with this other guy. What a joke. I should have followed my intuition and kicked her a** to the curb much, much sooner. It comes down to self-worth. If you believe you deserve better you'll have the intestinal fortitude to walk away when you know you should. Nothing would have told her you are better than that BS than walking away from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 I just came across your comment on a thread to The Count. My ex had no integrity and cheated on me. I always wondered if I should have treated her like sh**t. I could have played her, dated behind her back, lied to her and all of that. It would have drove her crazy. It would have made for A LOT of drama that I didn't want to deal with. WHY would I want to have to act like that? To work through her emotional dysfunctions? I would like to think I have grown up past all the game playing. All the dating sites tell guys to be cockey and never too nice. Never tell them how much you like them or that you love them. Will I have to be a jerk and player to get and keep a girl? Do the games ever stop in a relationship? It's not me anymore, but maybe I have to go back to my old ways. - from a girl who has cheated on her boyfriend of 2 and a half years with his best friend. take it from me..she is suffering just as much as you are. She feels horrible for what happened between you too. she prolly thinks about it everyday and thinks about how she messed up. She will never do that to another guy ever again...in fact i bet she is out there meeting lots of guys but comparing them to you because she misses you so much. Dont ever become a player or a jerk your nice sweet caring ways will work when you find the right girl who isnt going to take advantage of you or stomp all over your heart again...there is hope out there. The games are always being played from high school. That is just how women are we love to see how far we can push you with out puching you away...then once you get a little jealous or a little pissed off at something we do..we know that you are totally into us..so not teling a girl you like them or love them isnt going to work. Just tell us be truthful with us...we play games but we dont like games to be played on us...its a huge turn off! just some advice for you hope it makes sense and helps you out kinda <3 goood luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Davis Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 Caki: It comes down to self-worth. If you believe you deserve better you'll have the intestinal fortitude to walk away when you know you should. Nothing would have told her you are better than that BS than walking away from her. Cali: When I first confirmed she was screwing around with a guy around Thanksgiving I think it really shook my confidence and self-worth. He fell out of the picture, I stuck it out and things were pretty good for a while (i know, i should have bailed then and i kick myself for not doing it). When it was clear from reading her emails that she hooked up with a different guy a few nights before when "out with the girls" (about a month ago) I decided her pattern of cheating / drinking behavior was clear, I would not have someone like that in my life or tolerate that behavior. I wanted to text her and say "I know what you were doing with Jay on Friday night and I'm done with you". But I followed my female friend's advice and just walked without saying anything. I suppose my unspoken message to her was "fck u bi**tch you aren't even worth a text, a call, a conversation or an email cause you're a piece of sh**t". I never responded to hear "dear john" email a few days later. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Caki: Cali: When I first confirmed she was screwing around with a guy around Thanksgiving I think it really shook my confidence and self-worth. He fell out of the picture, I stuck it out and things were pretty good for a while (i know, i should have bailed then and i kick myself for not doing it). When it was clear from reading her emails that she hooked up with a different guy a few nights before when "out with the girls" (about a month ago) I decided her pattern of cheating / drinking behavior was clear, I would not have someone like that in my life or tolerate that behavior. I wanted to text her and say "I know what you were doing with Jay on Friday night and I'm done with you". But I followed my female friend's advice and just walked without saying anything. I suppose my unspoken message to her was "fck u bi**tch you aren't even worth a text, a call, a conversation or an email cause you're a piece of sh**t". I never responded to hear "dear john" email a few days later. Did you actually break up with her or did you just disappear? The fact she sent a "Dear John" letter leads me to believe she thought you were still together at the time. What I mean is flat out saying "Hey, we're done" as soon as you had all your ducks in a row and knew it was fact and not fiction. It's amazingly powerful to be able to end it first. Trust me on that. For women who think you're a door mat, that's a very, very powerful statement and sort of wakes them up. It makes you feel good too because in essense you have rejected them. I know it may be semantics to some but I think it does build your confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
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