How can I choose between my family and my boyfriend?

[Kaoru7]

I'm 22 years old and yes still live at home with my parents, who for the most part are great, they just drive me crazy, but then again I know its cause of the age gap. But my boyfriend of 2 years has been asking me if I would ever consider living with him and his family until he moves out in a few months, and I told him yes I would love to, but how can I tell my parents that? I mean, I know my boyfriends entire family and we all get along well, it's just that at his house with his family I feel more comfortable and happy than I am with my parents, just cause they let you do what you like and don't pressure you into doing anything. And for that I love them, cause I can just say what I think and they listen. At my home, if I say something, they try to listen but still in the end they believe in their way and are less easy to change their ways. But how can I just tell them I want to leave and live with the man I love with all my heart, who has told me that once we're done with college he would marry me? How do I talk to them without losing them? I don't want to choose one or another but I just know that it will come down to that and I know that I won't like the results! So any advice?

[Sarah12385]

Well - I'm 22 also, STILL live with my parents, and pretty much in your same boat as well

I'm actually engaged at the moment, getting married in May.

Just my own personal advice to you - do not rush a thing. I'm sure you get along with his family great 'n all, but, does he get along well with yours? Why don't you try bringing him over your house to hang out w/you and the rents. I try involving my parents in activities my fiance and I do together, even if it's just watching a movie. It may sound corny, but, we're not little kids anymore. Involving your family is somethig that makes you all feel closer. My fiance is sooooo so so so much closer with my parents now, especially my father, now that we've all been hanging out together.

As for moving in with him - why don't you stick it out with your parents for a bit if you still can. Bring the boyfriend over and hang out with 'em

[Touche]

I wouldn't do it. Why not wait until you're both through with school and self-supporting? What's the big rush?

[hazelle]

I agree with Touche.

 

Also, you may want to first experience living on your own or with some roommates instead of moving directly from your parents home to your boyfriends home. Living on your own can change you a lot and moving in with your boyfriend is a big step.

 

Just my two cents.

[Kaoru7]

I do try and get my boyfriend involved with my parents, we go to dinner, or even make it together, and try and watch movies together, but its funny, cause I'm willing to have everyone get involved to get to know one another, but most of the time my parents are like, go out do something, leave us old folk in peace. But I will keep trying to get both sides to do things together! thanks for all the great advice!

[CardPlay3r]

Uhmm just go live where you're more comfortable, I don't see why moving out would be 'losing' your parents...

[MoonGirl]

When I was younger, I would have agreed with CardPlay3r. Now that I have experienced life more, I would give you the advice to move out on your own with some roomates. That will give you distance from your parents that you need and also allow you more time to date your boyfriend before moving in with him.

 

I no longer believe in living together before marriage even though I did it. Here is why:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025_qa.html

 

Good luck!

[MJTig]

Don't rush. I know it's hard to wait and the idea of living together sounds so cozy and romantic. But slow down a little- I am only 28 but can already tell you that if you were my little sister i would be telling you the same thing as your parents.

 

My mom always said she wished she had gotten her own place and lived alone before she married my dad. They got married when they were 20 and 21 (in '67) and are still very happily married but she says she wanted to be sure my brother, sister and I learned to live on our own (or with roommates) and independant before jumping in with a boyfriend. I am glad I did!

 

I am not saying that you and he will not end up together, I married my college sweetheart after we both finished both our undergraduate and graduate studies, but at 22 so many things change that you owe it to yourself to sort yourself out first.

[onelove484]

I totally agree. I am 22 years old and my boyfriend just turned 23. We both just graduated from undergrad and have found good jobs, however, he still lives with his parents and I live out on my own. He doesn't understand it when I tell him that he needs to move out and be on his own b/c it will help him to come in to his own and give him the distance that he needs from his family (whom he is very close to and sometimes annoys me a good bit).

 

I am close to my family, however, we don't have to go every where together and do everything together. My family used to be like that when I was younger, but now that my older sister is married and has moved out of state and now that I am also out of the house, our family structure has changed somewhat.

 

I love my family tremendously and he doesn't understand that just b/c you might not get to see your family every day, that the closeness isn't there. But, my advice to you is to definitely experience living out on your own just so you'll know what it's like to pay your own bills, manage your own money, cook for yourself after you get off work and don't really feel like doing it, and developing yourself as an adult.

 

2 is a young age and my boyfriend always talks about getting married in a couple of years and he's depending on me to move closer to him and use that as an excuse for hm to move out of his parent's house. I am afraid that I will have to turn into his mother and do everything for him. I really like him a lot. I just want him to be much more self-sufficient like I am myself....but, anyway...don't rush into anything and try living on your own for a while.