Emotional breakdown..

[MotherGooze]

Last night I had a gig, and it was really great! Everyone was enthousiastic and I got so many nice compliments. I felt my adrenaline pumping throughout the gig. But when it was over, and everyone was just having a drink, I ran outside and started crying. I just felt awful that he wasn't there.

I tried a pull myself back together and went inside again. Tried to pretend that I felt great. So, then a guy walks up to me. He was really very handsome. Normally I would have been flattered you know. But I was just like, leave me alone, went to the bathroom and started crying again...

 

I just woke up...and I still feel terrible...just like day 1.

I really try the NC thing, but it's just so hard.

The last two weeks so many good things are happening in my life. I found a job, which I really LOVE! This monday I found an appartment, which is great because I'm currently living with my mom who has been depressed for I think whole of her life and I take care of her, my little 6 year old brother and my son. So finding an appartment meant so much to me. Finally I'll be able to have my own home with my son. When I signed the contract the first thing that came to mind was calling him to celebrate

 

Instead of that I celebrated with my friends, but I felt awful not being able to show him my joy. Telling him that my life is finally comming to pieces. I really had a rough time the last few months, and I worked it out on him. Pulling him back and forward, whenever I wanted. I scared him away by being too clingy one time and ignoring him the other time. But now I know that I really want him to be part of my life...now I can't have contact with him....

 

And even if I tell him I have changed....would he believe me? Like he always says: actions speak louder then words...now how can I show him then?

[dropdeadlegs]

Congratulations on a great gig, a job you love, and a new apartment!!! There is nothing like a home of your own, no matter how small, how expensive, or anything else.

 

I didn't look up past threads so I don't know your story. If you have decided that NC is the way to go I do not want to sway you in any other direction.

 

Share your happiness with those you can. Shout it from a rooftop if you need to.

 

I am always amazed with posters from other countries that use the English language so well. I was never required to learn another language, yet many in the world can speak mine fluently. Somehow I feel like a lesser person for not speaking anything but English.

[MotherGooze]

I don't know if NC is the best option. But I know that he needs some space now. Ijust wish I could show him that I really have changed. But I can't really do that when he isn't around. I just miss him terribly and I know he misses me too. I wish there was another option.

[shockandawed]

MG,

 

Unfortunately I don't know all your story, or how your N/C is working. Is he in the same town? Internet access? etc...?

 

It really sounds like you have some positive changes happening for you. They seem to be able to sense that and will pick up on the tiniest things.

 

I went almost 2 weeks of N/C with my ex-fiance after she gave me the diamond back and admitted she had a new relationship. One night on Yahoo IM, I was chatting with a friend who had made a cartoon resembling her for her avatar. I thought it was pretty cool and made one of myself. Well the next day, my ex notices that change on her buddy list. The next day, she begins e-mailing over silly stuff and eventually asks about that picture. She assumed I was now chatting with a bunch of new girls...My point is even if they are the one wanting space, they will notice just about any change you make, especially if they sense you are moving on.

 

Sounds like you are making plenty of good ones on your own. Figure out a way to get any of this out there.

 

Good Luck!!

[MotherGooze]

pfff... he told me that he doesn't know if he wants to give me another chance.

 

yeah... I called him...I couldn't stand it.

 

He said, that he didn't know if I was really changed and that he didn't want to go through all that mess all over again, so he doesn't want to take the risk of trying another relationship with me. He says he's having a really hard time with it, but that he doesn't see another option. He doesn't want to see me, because then he would be afraid that he would change his mind.

 

Pfff... i don't know how I should feel about this.... How can I show him that I have changed, without him wanting to see me. And we will see each other anyway because we have mutual friends, is he just gonna ignore me. I feel terrible about this

[DyingHeart]

pfff... he told me that he doesn't know if he wants to give me another chance.

 

yeah... I called him...I couldn't stand it.

 

He said, that he didn't know if I was really changed and that he didn't want to go through all that mess all over again, so he doesn't want to take the risk of trying another relationship with me. He says he's having a really hard time with it, but that he doesn't see another option. He doesn't want to see me, because then he would be afraid that he would change his mind.

 

Pfff... i don't know how I should feel about this.... How can I show him that I have changed, without him wanting to see me. And we will see each other anyway because we have mutual friends, is he just gonna ignore me. I feel terrible about this

What did he want to see a change in, your personality or your actions? From what I've read, you seem to have your act together and are doing well for yourself. What bothers me is that he said that he doesn't want to see you but if he would, he might change his mind. I think he has some sort of issues to work out for himself. I'm pretty sure he still has feelings for you. I don't know your whole story but what he said, just doesn't sound right. I wouldn't press him any further about it right now. Let him be for a while. I know how you feel. Everytime I accomplish something, I want to call my ex to let him know how great things are going, but I refrain. I don't want to come across as too eager. I know, letting him alone is easier said than done. Maybe you could just tell him where you are living and maybe he'll pop up one day. Ya never know. I guess what's bothering me as well as you is that he said he's afraid of having feelings for you again. Kind of boggles the mind Hang in there.

 

Hugs,

Chrissi

[D-Lish]

Getting back together might require a lot of patience.

If you'll see each other through mutual friends- you'll have the opportunity to show him the changes you have made- but it might take a while for him to believe it.

 

We often look back and in retrospect wish we could have acted differently. I too learned that lesson the hard way. I went through some personal crap in the last few months of my relationship with my ex- and I didn't treat him as wonderfully as I should have...which caused him to leave me. I regretted my behaviour afterwards, and still do to this day. I'd love the opportunity to show him how back on track I am- that I am once again the happy, confident girl he fell in love with. That can never happen for us though- he lives too far away and our friends aren't mutual.

 

It sounds as if you're really pulling your life together and feeling good about it. Don't worry- he'll recognize the change.

 

And don't beat yourself up too about what you did or didn't do during the relationship. What's important is that you are concentrating on doing what you need to do to make yourself happy again.

 

So be patient- it may take time for him to see the progress and acknowledge the changes.

Cheers,

D

[MotherGooze]

We often look back and in retrospect wish we could have acted differently. I too learned that lesson the hard way. I went through some personal crap in the last few months of my relationship with my ex- and I didn't treat him as wonderfully as I should have...which caused him to leave me. I regretted my behaviour afterwards, and still do to this day. I'd love the opportunity to show him how back on track I am- that I am once again the happy, confident girl he fell in love with. That can never happen for us though- he lives too far away and our friends aren't mutual.

 

 

Yep, I guess we went through the same thing. When we first got together, I already was having a hard time,but I was coping it pretty well. I live at home with my mom who is very depressed and my little brother who is autistic and of course my wonderful son. I have been taking care of all of them, while doing the household and trying to find a job. But I could cope, even though it was hard. But after a few months when we were together I got pregnant. We were save, but I guess nothing is 100%

We decided to do an abortion, because we were just together and it would be too risky. But the abortion was the last drop for me.

 

I just couldn't cope it any more. He was there for me all the time, but I pushed him away. He took days off his work just to help me out, but I still treated him badly. When he first broke up with me it was a slap in the face for me. I realised that I was doing all those things, and decided to go into therapy, because I really couldn't handle the abortion. It's been better ever since, but for him, he was till doubting. And he made me feel insecure because of his doubting, so I got really clingy, way too clingy, and maybe obsessive with him. When he went out without me I got jealous, when he had to work I missed him. I checked his mails and msn messages. I started to control him.

i realised that too late...again....and tried to make it right again, but it was too late.

 

You know, I finally have a job now, therapy is really helping me, and the appartment is my chance of freedom. I know why he doesn't want to give me another chance, after all that I've done to him. First pulling him away, then controlling him. But he must understand that the first few months we were together I was the real me. The happy positive me. The independent woman.

 

Why is it that when you learn from your mistakes it is already too late.

[MotherGooze]

what should I do now...I know he still has feelings for me, even though he doesn't want to admit it, but he doesn't say the opposite either. sayong: 'I don't want to see you because then I'll change my mind' is enough for me to believe there are still a lot of feelings.

We have mutaul friends, so I know what's going on. Last week he didn't go to work, and when friends came over he was lying there in his bed, being depressed. I wish I could be there for him... did I really make him feel this bad, that he even doesn't want to go to work. Our friends say he's very easely upset and he's even more quiet then he used to be. He doesn't want to talk about us, and even when he does, he tries and be as short about it as possible. I'm really worried about him, and I want to give him some space, but not when he's feeling like this. I want to be there for him now, and let him know that I really have changed. Did I really bring him down like this....

[D-Lish]

Don't take responsibility for his depressive state.

That will only make you feel worse.

 

You've been through a lot...an abortion is a big deal for a woman- and not easily dismissed emotionally. I suspect it affected you in ways you aren't even aware of...understandable.

 

Right now, you are in the process of getting back on your feet.

You know, it might be best for you to wait until you get settled into your new place and concentrate on your new job for a while longer before putting so much energy into your ex. You are still in the process of getting your life in order- it's probably important to actually get into the new place- and live an independant lifestyle for a bit before trying to get back together with him.

 

What do you think about that?

D

[MotherGooze]

You're right, that's actually what I wanted to hear. thank you D.

 

It'll be a hard road though. I really care for him a lot, and I think about him every hour of the day. But I guess I should keep myself busy....I got a lot of tips on how to work out the NC deal on this site. Thank you all who has been down the same road as I'm going now. You all give me inspiration and courage. I'm happy to know I'm not alone.